Jamaica or Cancun?

I think part of my problem lately has been trying to find a vacation destination for next year. I've looked at too many resort websites.... and I'm starting to wish I were there already. Especially after spending the last 2 1/2 hours sitting on the lawn mower (which is much better than the 3 1/2 it used to take).

Right now I think we're trying to decide between Jamaica - maybe Montego Bay; and Cancun. Probably something in the "all-inclusive" variety, and either a "couples only" or at least "adult only." No offense to kids, but... we're looking for a relaxing time. And this is a 'once-in-a-lifetime' sorta thing.

We need to get to work on getting passports, though Florida is still an option. Still open for suggestions... (but, no, you cannot go with us). :)

Could be an oversimplification..... or not

via

Should I stay or should I go

PLEASE NOTE: There isn't a question mark here. I'm not asking... simply 'thinkin' out loud.' Any guesses as to who did the song with this title?

I am still reading Warren Wiersbe’s On Being A Servant of God. This is such a timely book for me. It’s like meeting each morning with an old sage who is speaking to me exactly what I need to hear. I find myself wanting to keep reading, but I limit myself to one chapter a morning – partly so I will “want” more, and partly so I will not get ahead of myself. Some things are meant to be chewed and savored.

Today he talks about staying in a ministry vs. moving on. I have to admit, this is something that’s been on my mind lately. I’ve been wondering if God is trying to tell me it’s time to leave, or if I’m supposed to stay because there is something He’s trying to teach me. It’s a bit of a rough time, and I certainly don’t blame the people of the church. I don’t know that it’s anyone’s fault; it’s just the way it is.

On p. 64 Warren says, “The Lord is the only One who can accurately measure both us and our work, BUT HE DOESN’T ALWAYS TELL US WHAT HE THINKS. Languishing in Herod’s dungeon, John the Baptist was sure he’d been a failure (Mt. 11:1-19); and more than once, Moses wanted to quit because he was sure he couldn’t stand another day of listening to the people complain.”

That was pretty comforting to me. Because I feel like I’ve been wondering and wondering, and it’s nice to know there is precedent for the fact that “He doesn’t always tell us what He thinks” (or what He wants us to do).

It’s weird, because in the first year or two of being a pastor, I used to get inquiries on a regular basis about moving on to another church. At the time I had no interest whatsoever. But it’s been a long time since someone has contacted me. Hmm. Could it be that I am no longer seen as a good option, or could it be that God knows I might be tempted to do the wrong thing? He has a knack for looking out for me when I need it most.

I always thought it odd too, because people used to suggest I needed to move on to “bigger and better things.” And that is something I still don’t feel led to. If I ever went to a bigger church, it would probably be as an associate, rather than as a senior pastor. Actually, I usually envisioned moving to a smaller church – like 30-40 people. But… probably the most appealing to me at the moment would be a non-church job. Not that I would never want to do it again, but I have to admit, if someone offered me a job right now, it would be awfully tempting not to look into it on most days. But I know the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence.

So, I guess I say all this to say… at the moment I am feeling okay with not knowing. I remember listening to Bob Roberts speak this summer, and one of the keys I took from him was his pointed question: “What has God put in front of your face?” I am where I am, and I think that’s what I need to concentrate on. So be it.

Not my will, but Yours be done, Lord.

Just thinking...

RIDING
In the past week we've had two different bicyclists stop by the church. Sunday night a guy came in just when we were finishing up our bingo night. He asked if he could pitch his tent out by the pavilion. We gave him some food and water, and I left the restrooms open for him. He had biked from Youngstown, OH out to California and up to Washington, then came back through Utah, Colorado and such. He left on May 18, and said he goes about 100 miles a day. He looked pretty weather-worn.

Yesterday we had a couple - a young guy and girl - stopped during the afternoon and asked to use our restroom. There were 3 of us out front putting new carpet down on the step (well, I was watching them do it). This couple had started with their rear wheels in the ocean in New Jersey, and were going to stop at the river between Wisconsin and Minnesota. They said they were doing it to raise money for a missions trip to Guatamala. I didn't ask how they were raising the money. At any rate, they left NJ two weeks ago. Said they could only do about 60 miles a day through Pennsylvania, but things were leveling out now.

LISTENING
I have also had a couple of conversations this past week with new people to our church. The one couple said they just decided to go to church one day because it was their wedding anniversary. They hadn't gone anywhere for a long, long time. They picked ours because we have a big "Welcome" sign above the door. The other person I talked to hadn't attended church since moving to this area - maybe 10 years ago or so. She attends with her in-laws and children. Apparently they picked ours because of a postcard we had sent out about our pavilion over a year ago.

It was odd, because both of them referred to things that I had said on Sunday mornings. I have to admit, sometimes I forget that people are actually listening. I think I occasionally get in a frame of mind where I think people are "over the influence." You know, people have listened to me for so long that I no longer have any influence in their lives. Not that "I" should, but that the Good News I talk about should. I'm ashamed to admit that it was almost a jolt back into reality of the gravity of what I do and say. The implications could be great - in either a negative or positive way.

PRAYING
People are fragile beings, you know. I feel bad about the times I have forgotten that, or been abusive with my words. I recall Max Lucado said something about trying to remember that there is a hurting person in every pew. On my bulletin board above my desk I have a note from our former denominational director - he titled it "When I Stand Before The Flock to Preach." He said:

I was asked last evening what it was like to stand in the pulpit and look over the congregation... what would go through my mind? I shared that when I was pastoring, I would look at the sea of faces and remember situations individuals were going through, those whose children were far from the Kingdom, those whose marriages were about to break apart, those who grieved over the loss of a friend or loved one, those who were new believers and taking their first steps in the faith, those whose faith was being challenged from every angle and on and on. How can one message by one person meet all of those needs? It can't... but praise the Lord, the Holy Spirit can... and knew the situations when He met with me during the week as I poured over the Word. When the benediction concluded the service there was a sense of our having met with our God and a renewed passion to Proclaim the Name!

He concluded by saying he would be praying for those of us who stand in the pulpit Sunday after Sunday. I used to love receiving emails from him.

The other night someone found out I played guitar and asked what kind of music I played. I said my "fall-back song" is usually "Knockin' On Heaven's Door" by Dylan.

Knockin'.

Christian education idea

Our church is getting ready to restart our "Sunday School" classes in September. Unfortunately I believe we will be starting right where we left off this spring: low turnout, low morale, not much impact. I can't say that we really accomplished what "I" had hoped we would by taking some time off. I wonder if what we need is to actually do away with the concept entirely. Because I really think we have too many people who do it "just because we're supposed to." Therefore we don't see it as a disciple-making or disciple-maturing venture.

What I would like to do is just completely do away with Sunday School as a 'program' (and I'm speaking about our church only - all churches are unique). Instead, I would like to operate more with Small Groups. We wouldn't start with classes, and try to find people to be teachers and students. We would begin with someone who said, "I think I would like to lead a small group." They would either need to already have a small group of people in mind (or that God had laid upon their heart), or they would need to find several people who would agree to be in their group. They would also need to agree to receive regular training as a small group leader (be in a small group themselves).

I believe God will provide what a local church needs. Therefore I trust He will provide leaders. And hopefully they would step forward and there would be enough of a variety to take care of the needs of everyone wanting to be involved.

I would also like to trust God to raise up youth and children's leaders in the same way. For the young children we might have a "Children's Church" during the regular worship time on Sundays, so they could receive more age-appropriate lessons. Or they could possibly do something during the week.

I think this would eliminate people from simply trying to fill "roles" and would free people to use their spiritual gifts. It would also (hopefully) allow teachers to see themselves more as "shepherds" of their group, rather than just someone who prepared a lesson.

Anyway, this is just what I'm thinking. I don't foresee it ever coming about, but... you know.

Preaching & coffee

Two nice sites I stumbled across:

Milton pointed me towards the Biblical Preaching website. Looks great if you’re a preacher. I especially liked the post by Peter Mead “Tell Me Why I Don’t Like Mondays.” Yep, I have a baby weekly (no offense to those who have suffered through the real thing).

And Randy pointed out the Coffee Drinks Illustrated post (with pronunciation keys and how your favorite coffee drinks are made). Hmm, maybe it's not so confusing after all. And, yes, my preaching requires lots of coffee (both for me and the listener).

Caffé Latte
(caf-ay lah-tey)

Worship renewal

This morning I looked through Robert Webber's "The Renewal of Sunday Worship," which is volume III in 'The Complete Library of Christian Worship.' It's the only volume I have out of at least seven in the series. I had to buy it for a class when I attended seminary.

The reason I picked it off the shelf today is because our Sunday worship gathering has been a chore for me lately. I feel like I am basically just going through the motions for the most part. Some of what I say and do - I'm not sure how much I really believe at the moment. Not necessarily because it's not true, but honestly, I don't "feel" like it's all that true right now. And to make matters worse... Normally I am not able to look out at the congregation a lot when I lead singing, because to both play and sing is difficult for me without looking at the music. But lately I have caught some glances, and... it is depressing. I never realized so many people don't participate in the singing part of our worship gatherings. I mean, I figured some people just mouthed the words, but I couldn't believe how many aren't even doing that! They were just standing there with blank stares. I know it's not their job to pump me up, but... man... if they lack passion, and I lack passion... somethin's gotta give. And soon.

In chapter two of this book, titled "What Is Worship Renewal?," Webber lists these:
SIGNS OF A WORSHIP IN NEED OF RENEWAL
The fourteen signs listed below are symptomatic of an apathetic worship and a passive congregation

1. The congregation is passive and lacking in enthusiasm and a spirit of joy.
2. Visitors do not feel welcome or drawn into the community and its worship.
3. Worship is cerebral and oriented almost exclusively toward teaching.
4. Worship is evangelistic and oriented almost exclusively toward conversion.
5. Communication skills in preaching and leading worship are weak.
6. Sermons tend to be long, didactic, and lacking in application.
7. Communion is celebrated infrequently and when celebrated seems to be tacked on to the end of the service, often bearing the characteristics of a funeral.
8. People sit in a typical classroom formation with the back of another person's head as a major obstacle of sight.
9. Singing lacks life, and the range of music is limited.
10. There is no sense in which the order of worship moves the congregation in a pattern that rehearses their faith and thus establishes, maintains, or repairs a relationship with God.
11. The Christian year is not practiced, or if it is practiced, it is not characterized by a sense of its gospel nature or used effectively as a means of ordering congregational spirituality.
12. The use of arts is shunned except on special occasions such as Christmas or Easter.
13. The people are not involved in responses, antiphons, prayer, ministry to each other, or the passing of the peace.
14. The senses are not adequately engaged in touch, smell, sight, or hearing.

Hmm. Yip. We don't fit all fourteen of those signs, but enough of them. Webber says "...a key to renewal is the awareness of worship as both a divine action and a human response." He then lists several definitions of worship, but the one I like best is Jack Hayford's. He says:

A Bible-centered approach to worship clearly reveals that worship is definitely not a God-built device to somehow get man to stroke a heavenly Ego. Neither is it a summons to a weekly reaffirmation of one's expertise in precision-cut declarations of doctrinaire posturing. Instead, the Scriptures consistently show God calling His creatures to worship in His presence that He might release, redeem, renew, and restore them.

I like the thought of that. I don't really know what I can do at this point, but I know this... we need some of that divine action.... and some serious releasin', redeemin', renewin', and restorin'. Come, Lord Jesus, Come.

Watch it

I am bummed. My watch seems to be weirding out on me. Every now and then it will be like 5 minutes slow. After I reset it, it may run fine for a week, then all of a sudden it's off again. This makes no sense to me. And I LIKE this watch. It has the date, and it's an 'indiglo'. I've probably had it for over 10 years. Just last year I had to replace the battery in it. I don't want to have to replace the whole thing, but I just can't handle the thought that I might be off kilter with the rest of the world. BTW, if you ever need to know exactly what time it is, there is a link on my sidebar (under News & Info) to the official U.S. time clock. I usually try to check it every Sunday morning - you know - just to be sure. Although... how does that go... "does anybody really know what time it is?" (song reference???).

Stormtrooper

Man, we had another couple of storms come through again last night. Jane and I went to Outback for supper and it looked stormy off to the north, but we didn't think anything would be coming our way. On our way home though we started seeing debri in the road and limbs down, and even a couple of whole trees on their side. The house just to the west of us had about a 16" trunked tree just snapped off about a foot above the ground. Just south of us there was a tall pine that was completely uprooted. We couldn't get the garage door opener to work, as we had no electricity, and wondered how poor Bogey was doing, since he freaks out pretty bad just from rain and thunder. This isn't a pic of our dog, but that's what he was doing. Jane found him laying in our bed - which he NEVER gets in if we're not in it - and it was completely SOAKED from drool. We slept in the spare bed. Power came back on a little after nine. I was worried the church basement might have flooded since the sump usually runs constantly in weather like this, but it was okay. We also watched 'Black Snake Moan.' The girl at the counter said "This is a weird movie"... and she was right about that.

Earth's mightiest alternative christian link portal

Neither my blog or church are listed, but there are a boat-load of sites here. Just wanted to keep it around for further checking out.

Where to go for anniversary/vacation

So... Jane and I are trying to decide where to go for our 25th wedding anniversary next May. I am terrible at stuff like this, and we are both kinda stumped. At first we talked about one of those "all-inclusive" vacations, but they are all out of the country. We don't have passports, and, you know, they're out.of.the.country. A cruise has come up, but I'm claustrophobic and leery of seasickness (I'm just a whiner, aren't I?). Thought about a resort near Epcott Center in Florida; or Las Vegas. But... I dunno.

Does anyone have any ideas for a place to go for a week, that wouldn't require a car, and where you don't have to do anything but you could if you wanted to? Any input would be more than welcome. And you don't have to be a "usual" commenter to comment. Help!!!

UPDATE: We ended up going to the Dreams Resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. We had a travel agent book it through Apple Vacations - which I am glad we did since we had never been out of the country before (we did need to get passports). Apple was very helpful in getting us from the airport and in telling us things to do and things to avoid. You can read a bit about our vacation HERE. It was by far the nicest place we have been, and the best vacation we have ever had.

Up a creek (or a street)

Another pic from Findlay, OH - where daughter Carrie is holding ground in an upstairs apartment (story here). Haven't heard if she's able to get out and about yet. Hopefully the rains will hold off, or at least taper. The sun is shining here in NE Indiana. And this is the greenest our grass has been all summer.

UPDATE: Just talked to Carrie and she made it to work. She had to take a roundabout way, but made it.

Rain, rain, go away

I can't believe I'm saying it, but we need a break from the rain. This is a pic from where daughter Carrie lives. There is a video on this news piece. She tells on her blog about being unable to get to work. And, of course, this was not a good weekend to leave her phone charger at our house. I mailed it yesterday morning, but apparently there is no mail delivery there. So... no work, no phone, no going anywhere, and what - one t.v. channel?? Hopefully she has some good books laying around. Stay safe, sweetie!

Rainy day funeral

So we had a funeral today. It poured down rain all night; We had a bit of a pond in the front yard this morning; It looked like it was going to rain all day; But so far it's been dry. A big crowd in the church building. Apparently all his football buddies were pall bearers. Several of them shared during the service. All in all it went okay. The wife even got up and spoke quite awhile. I think there was some relief, as the deceased first began having seizures 6 years ago, and it's been a long ride of surgeries and hope and regressing again.

I don't know how the person felt about God. I tried not to insinuate either which way. No one knows how the journey goes - especially towards the end. We can hope; we can pray; we do what we can, but... it's a mystery. Always is.

There was about a 20 mile drive from the church to the cemetery. Usually I ride with the funeral director. Today I drove myself for some reason. Just felt like being alone. I sang "It Is Well With My Soul" about 15 times. We had a long line of cars. I was second in line - right in front of the hearse. A lot of people don't stop anymore; some don't even slow down or pull over. I noticed several people though - some young guys in a big 4x4 pulled over and took their hats off. A young teenage girl just stopped in the middle of the road and put her flashers on. A guy was out mowing his yard, he stopped, turned and looked at all the cars driving by, and placed his hand on his heart.

It is 2:59 and I think most everyone is now gone. They're just cleaning up after the meal now. That's one thing - when we have a funeral dinner - people just take care of it without having to consult me or involve me in any way. Good thing. Jane was a huge help - playing the keyboard, running the sound board, and just generally keeping me going.

Last night I was over here trying to find the dead mouse smell. It was in one of the rooms off the main hallway - the high school room. I finally located a glue trap behind one of the couches. I couldn't tell for sure, but there were at least two mice decomposing on it. Glad I found it before today.

I'm tired.

Love is not natural

I'm enjoying Wiersbe's 'On Being A Servant.' I never would have picked this book up had it not been sent to me for free (no offense, Warren), so I consider it a "God-send." I am really trying to pace myself too. I don't want to rush through just to get it read, but it's more one of those books that I need to let seep into my skin. Today there were two items that struck me:

(25) "The love that we need for ministry is not a natural ability: it's a supernatural quality that only God can provide. When the people we serve irritate us or disappoint us, the first thing we usually do is pray for them and tell the Lord to change them. What we ought to do first is pray for ourselves and ask God to increase our love. Otherwise, we may give the devil a foothold in our own hearts, which will create problems the next time we try to minister to those people..."

Hmm. Yep. True that.

On the same page he points out a truth about Christian service he says we often overlook: "God is as concerned about the servant as He is the service." Yeah... if all God wanted was to get the work done, he could send his angels and they'd do it better and faster. He wants to do something "in" us and "through" us though. Good points for me to remember.

peace.

Weddings & funerals

It is amazing how many times I have had a wedding and a funeral on the same day or week. What's up with that? I just met with a family to plan a funeral for Tuesday, and have a wedding this afternoon. Truth be told - funerals are a lot less work, and sad to say, there seems to be more meaning. But maybe it's just me.

Benevolence vs. grace

From Warren Wersbe's "On Being A Servant" (20-21):

The people God calls us to serve have all kinds of needs -- physical, emotional, relational, financial -- but at rock bottom their greatest need is to be rightly related to God and His will.

That doesn't mean the Word of God and prayer will pay their bills or feed their stomachs. We don't quote a Bible promise to hungry people, pray for them, smile, and say, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled" (James 2:16). We do what we can to put food on the table. But unless we help people grow into a right relationship with God, whatever help we give will be only a stopgap measure, a quick fix until the next time they have a need; and then the cycle is repeated.

Perhaps that is one of the major differences between Christian ministry and mere humanitarian benevolence, as helpful as it may be. Both can be done in love; both can put food on the table and shoes on the feet; but only true Christian ministry can put grace in the heart so that lives are changed and problems are really solved. The best thing we can do for people is not to solve their problems for them but so relate them to God's grace that they will be enabled to solve their problems and not repeat them.

Ah... good stuff, Warren. There but for the grace of God go I. And even still.... sometimes. A shot of grace all around.

A tipping tip

Ever wonder how much of a tip you're supposed to leave? Here is an article "20% is the new 15%" that spells it out for a variety of different services. I always tip at least 18% at restaurants and when I get my hair cut. Normally I shoot for 20, and sometimes even more, depending on rounding, circumstances, and different things. I've never had much need to know how to tip most of the other occupations listed.

Just thinking...

You may have noticed I removed my apology from yesterday. Perhaps it was my uncertainty/uneasiness with the question in the first place; or maybe it's a seeming inability to even be able to apologize well on my part. I've been thinking about apologies a lot lately. I owe many to many. I'm trying to figure out how to go about it correctly, and maybe the truth is, there isn't supposed to be a correct way. I dunno.

Maybe it has something to do with my personality. One of the descriptions for an INTJ is: "...observer, values solitude, perfectionist, detached, private, hard to impress, analytical, likes esoteric things..." Hmm. I can see that. Stuff like that makes me wonder what the heck I'm good for sometimes. Though I know there are some things I am good for, it still makes me wonder.

Last night I was thinking about a guy I used to work with. I had known him before I worked with him. He was a big guy with long hair, and I never saw him in anything other than a black t-shirt, blue jeans, and boots. He rode a Harley when he had a driver's license. Almost everybody thought he was a jerk, but he was always nice to me for some reason. He was very ADD-like, but it seemed every now and then he would look at me, and it was always this look like... "can't you help me?" But I never really knew what to say to him. I remember one time when he had to go to jail for awhile (I don't remember what for - there were several times), I gave him some pamphlets and articles and easy-to-read books about God and Jesus and stuff. When he got out and came back to work, I can remember-like-yesterday him walking up and leaning beside me on my machine saying, "I read that stuff you gave me." But for the life of me I can't remember what I said to him. I always felt bad about that. Not sure why. I just didn't know what to say. And now, when we drive back to our old hometown we usually drive by his house. He's married to like his fourth or fifth wife now. I don't think he has a job anymore. And every time we go by his house I want to slump down, because I feel like he's looking at me with that "can't-you-help-me" look. I don't know. It's hard to explain, but that's what I was thinking about when I went to bed last night, and what I was thinking about when I got up this morning. I hope he's okay. For someone who's life seemed to always be messed up, for some reason I had a certain admiration for him. We never talked much, but... I dunno.

Well, today is the day off. I need to fix the drain in the central air unit. It is in the top of the garage, and the drain line keeps plugging up and then it drips all over everything on my workbench. For some reason there are a million angles in a drain line that should run straight from the unit to the eave outside. Then I should probably mow. Tonight I have a wedding rehearsal. Fun all around.

And for those of you who might not know... congrats are in order for Lance & Brenda Finley on the birth of their first child - John Carter Finley!!! He will be a great kid, I just know it. I think, judging from the email, they must be going to call him Carter. Maybe he'll be a sargeant. :)

g'day all.

The meth church

I had forgotten about the time Jane and I were driving along rt. 24 somewhere in Indiana or Illinois and we saw a sign that said: "Meth Bake Sale." We had a good laugh. Either those dern meth users are getting really desperate, or perhaps we thought some dear old lady at the local methodist church wasn't aware of all the sudafed abusers out there. It never occurred to me that Methodists might actually be using "meth" (the word) intentionally. Today I stumbled across an article on Monday Morning Insight entitled "Ten Reasons Why The Meth Church Is Growing Faster Than Your Church." While I know meth use and addiction to be a serious, serious, serious thing... these ten reasons are kinda funny. I hope it gives you a good laugh - it did me - but now I am going to pray for those who feel meth is their only hope. I would love to have them in my church.

peace out; peace in.

My personality profile

Here are the results of my personality profile. That's "close," but I would describe myself more like... "Dan has always liked to wear t-shirts and tennis shoes, though the shoes must be tied in such a way that they can be slipped on and off easily. Everything else is just a guess."

Apparently only 1.5% of people score like this. Which is further proof that I am messed up!

Meandering... servant

I gave up on Augustines Confessions. Not that it isn't good, this just isn't a good time for me to read it I guess. Another free book I've had laying on the "waiting to be read" shelf is "On Being A Servant" by Warren Wiersbe. It's not exactly cutting edge stuff, but just good, old time religion by a good, old-fashioned, long-time servant of God. I think this is more what I need right now. The basics, in short 2-5 page chapters.

In chapter 1 Warren defines ministry. He says, "Ministry takes place when divine resources meet human needs through loving channels to the glory of God." (p.12). Then he takes you through Acts 3:1-9 and continues: "So, if you and I are going to serve Jesus Christ - the way God wants us to minister and the way the apostles ministered - we must (1) know the divine resources personally, (2) see the human needs compassionately, and (3) become channels of God's mighty resources so that (4) God alone is glorified."

Okay. I'll take one of those.... to go.

So here's to possibilities. And divine resources.

Cheerio.

I like Honey Nut (though I've been on a plain kick recently). Need an s.

Not so much...

I seem to be a really long way from where I started. Even farther from where I'm going.

Yesterday I was cleaning out some old files - because my office is a sty - and I came across a folder from my pre-fairview days. It contained the prospectus I had made for our potential church plant - several versions and the trail of tears. It began as "Crying Stones Church," then "Three Crosses Church," then "The Crossing." I believe the final copy was 9 pages of reasons for, mission, vision, process, plan, etc.. I have to admit, I was a little impressed with the final product. Though it was much better 'form' wise than actual functionality. It's not really even relevant anymore (imho).

I also found a file on the towns we were scouting to plant this church in: Coal City, Yorkville, Effingham, Kewanee, and Macomb - all in Illinois. Jane and I took a week and drove to each of these towns. Hung out, caught a "feel" for them, picked up a newspaper, phonebook, and whatever else we could find. I also had a printout of census info on each. Yeah... the garbage can is filling up.

In a not entirely unrelated thread... Tammie posted THIS video of Winebrenner Seminary. Looks like a great place to work, doesn't it? One of the finest institutions I know of, if I do say so myself.

Other than that... I got nothin'. Peace, peeps.

You converted me

Today I read the introduction of this book (You Converted Me). I forgot I received it for free and was supposed to blog about it. Oops. It is basically the Confessions of St. Augustine, with notes by Tony Jones (also the modernized translation by Robert J. Edmonson). In the intro Tony writes:

I think it has the makings of a great movie, a classic coming-of-age story...

A boy grows into a man, getting into the kind of mischief that a lot of boys do (messing around with girls, stealing, getting in trouble at school). Meanwhile, his overprotective Christian mother prays fervently for the salvation of his soul, and his unspiritual father pays him little interest. The young man joins a weird, vegetarian cult, and he has a son with his girlfriend.

The young man then flees his mother to study in the big city where he's at once enthralled and disgusted by the parties and carousing around him. All the while, he's tortured internally by his conscience as he searches for "The Truth," worrying that he's going to die before he finds it and as a result be banished to hell. He moves to another city where he falls under the sway of two great Christian men who show him great love and patience, even as he dabbles in another religion.

Finally, accompanied by his best friend, he's driven by his own tormented soul, into a garden, where he frantically paces the paths, attacked from all sides by anxiety. He hears the mysterious voice of a child beckoning him, "Take up and read, take up and read," so he returns to the bench where his friend is sitting and opens the biblical book of Romans. He reads one verse, the one that he happens to glance at first, and immediately, calm overcomes his troubled heart, and twenty years worth of doubts suddenly vanish. The young man and his friend run back to his mother. He tells her of his conversion to Christ, and they embrace in joy and weeping.

Quite a story, isn't it? And it's made all the more powerful by the fact that it was written over 1600 years ago by Aurelius Augustinus, better known as Augustine of Hippo, probably the most important theologian in the history of Western Christianity...

I thought that was a pretty good intro. I have to admit, the chapters look a little long, and I'm not much on reading ancient literature - never got into Shakespeare and all that. But I may give it a try. I read another of Tony's books (The Sacred Way) and really, really liked it. He apparently lives in Edina, MN - which is where I spent the first week of my life after graduating from high school. My sister used to live there. So, heck, we're practically friends.

Anyway, that's what I read this morning. Have a nice day. :)

Getting out of Jesus' way

This certainly gave me some food for thought this morning. Ben Arment says "I Won't Be Somebody's Jesus Crutch": (h/t Milton Stanley - again)

Jesus gets in your business. To welcome him is to invite agonizing and self-demolishing life-change. For the average church-goer, the conviction is almost too much to bear. So we look for someone who might take his place in order to construct an easier form of Christianity.

Enter the pastor.

Whenever people come into our church, I'm aware that some of them already have a job description for me in their heads. My teaching is expected to supplant their time in the word. My prayers are expected to sustain them. My pastoral care is expected to comfort them. And my personal interaction is expected to please them.

I quit that job.

My job is to decrease so that Jesus can increase.

Lessons learned about church

Cindy Bryan has a great post here about some things she learned about church (and is still learning). I can really appreciate what she says, and the fact that she didn't just give up altogether. I think that is the great temptation. Wouldn't we all like for everyone else to be perfect. But learning that this journey we're on is a journey for everyone else too... that can be freeing.

Here's a snippet of the full post: (h/t to Randy)

Some things i learned from church that didn't prove true:

1. at church (and with church members) I can be myself because those folks love Christ and will exemplify that love in relation to me
2. i can trust the church with my heart
3. the church will be honest with me
4. i become who i was meant to be when i'm with the church and involved in church activities
5. the more i surround myself with church people, the better

What I have learned since:

1. It isn't safe to be myself with the church
2. Church folks can be some of the most viscious, unforgiving people around.
3. never, ever expect to be given the benefit of the doubt by the church
4. the church will not be honest with me
5. i can't fully be who i was meant to be within the church walls, because fear changes me
6. it is quite detrimetal to surround ones' self only with church people. when they abandon you, they do it in mass

What i'm currently learning:

1. i can be guardedly myself, on rare occasions, with carefully chosen church folks
2. not all church folks are viscious and unforgiving
3. sometimes some church folks are sincere in their dealings with me
4. as long as i guard my heart, i don't have to always be afraid at church
5. when i tell my non-church friends how involved i am with church, they immediately become guarded and a little suspicious of me.
6. in spite of all this, God seems to still want me to be part of church.
   (now I'm crying and it's time to stop.)

Qualifier, disclaimer, warning...

...and just so you know:

I've been meaning to write this for some time now but for whatever reason keep forgetting or putting it off. Anyway, I do hope everyone realizes that this blog is not the totality of my life. It's just a small part. Believe it or not, I don't tell you EVERYTHING. So please be wary of coming to any conclusions about me based on this. I am not a professional here.

I mean... I meeeeeeeeeannnnn (I like how Arlo Guthrie says that in that one song)... you have to read here with a certain sense of sarcastic indifference sometimes. Occasionally I drown in my own dry humor, and just because I may seem to be wallowing in a puddle of pity - it may just be my Rodney Dangerfield side trying to make a point that's really not trying to stick to anything.

Of course, I say all that, and my next ten posts might be entirely serious. Yes, sometimes I am serious, and more times than I wish I get down. But there seem to have been a few occasions over the past many months where, if you're reading here without the "danno lense," I just might come across in a way that I'm not meaning to. If you feel that has happened to you, please accept my apologies. Perhaps that, more than anything, is the reason for the "dangerous" in the title of this blog. There is personal stuff, but much of it is nothing but random fragments of thought spilling out into the universe. Not always pretty. Not always completely telling the story. Rarely pastoral. Just little bits of me.

I'm sure this knowledge will bless your life today. :)

peace in; peace out.

118/80

That was my blood pressure yesterday. I was amazed! (picture me smiling - if you can).

I had to go to the doctor because my bp prescription had run out. They don't like to give me those without seeing my face every now and then. I actually hadn't been keeping tabs on it for awhile. I won't mention the number I tipped on the scale. Not like I'm obese, but there's about 20 pounds I need to shed. Ugh. I hadn't checked that in awhile either.

And... just when I thought everything was going relatively well... doc mentioned that I probably ought to have my cholesterol checked again. Dernit. I hate going to the doctor.

Well mow me down

Our church bought a new mower (on the right). Quite an upgrade size-wise from the old one. Went from a 34" cut to a 54" cut. And this new "conquest" model is f-i-n-e. We bought it used, but I am sooooo glad we got it. I mowed last night (and even had to use the headlights), and I'm not sure, but it will probably take 45 minutes to an hour off my mowing time. Both mowers are Simplicities, which I like for the rollers (I like the stripes it makes when you mow back and forth).

See... I can actually write a positive post! :)

Emerging posters

Awhile ago I ran across a set of posters someone made that were making fun of the emerging church. Whatever. I didn't really get it, and don't really care. But I see Mike C. wrote a nice post comparing them to another set that have now been made in response (two examples above). He asks "Which Set Best Represents Your Faith?" I have to say, you should click HERE to see the entire set of posters on Grace's blog. They are stunning. That IS the kind of faith I want to be associated with - I don't care what it's called.

Measuring the church

I finished reading 'The Externally Focused Church' yesterday. It had quite a bit of good stuff in it - if you're a pastor/church leader. A lot was geared more towards urban or suburban, but some of it had universal appeal. For instance, on p. 214 there is a section "Change the Conversation," which I found particularly good. It says...

Put two pastors in a room together, and you can bet that within the first five minutes someone will ask, "What are you runnin' these days?" That's pastor talk for "How large is your attendance?" or "What size is your church?" Maybe the conversation needs to change to "Tell me about the difference your church is making in your community." If the other pastor starts mentioning numbers of people attending Sunday school or worship services, respond by saying something such as "Oh, I'm sure people love listening to your teaching, but what's happening in the community because of your church?"

It's not about size; it's about impact. Can you imagine the difference it would make if the more than 340,000 churches in North America all measured their effectiveness by external measures (impact on communities) rather than internal measures (attendance)? Can you imagine the difference it would make if every church around the world did the same?

Yeah, good stuff. I like that - and not just because our attendance sucks. But what good is a church if it has no impact on the surrounding community/world? What good is being 'tranformed into the image of Jesus' if you're not becoming more Christ-like? Can you even do that?

I've lately been thinking of just completely stopping all record-keeping, other than financial. I don't know, it sounds nice - sounds real "missional" and all - but historically speaking it would probably be a big disservice to those who follow.

At any rate, I am all for this "measuring impact, rather than attendance." So... I'ma wonderin' what impact my church is having....

8th anniversary

I have now been pastor at my church for eight years. I started August 1, 1999. This is the first church I have ever pastored, and I really can't believe I am still here. Honestly, when I came here, I was hoping I could somehow survive for seven years - so my kids wouldn't have to change schools again. I never really thought it would happen, and the funny thing is... now neither one of them lives around here. Hmm.

This little journey started in 1994 when I quit my job as a welder/machine operater/sheet metal worker, we sold our house and many of our possessions, and the four of us moved from a huge house in Buda, IL to a tiny apartment in Findlay, OH so I could attend seminary. I went full-time for three years and picked up a pastoral studies degree, while also getting a bachelors degree from the University of Findlay. Jane supported us by cleaning houses and we also lived off of the money we sold our house for. We had no insurance and in '97 I had to have my gall bladder removed. Somehow we survived.

My plan had always been to plant a church. I made up a prospectus and whatnot, but apparently God had other plans. I still don't feel up to sharing what happened exactly. I guess it was all for the best. At any rate, the first church that called me (you know, on the phone) apparently sent a letter with the date they wanted me to come and give a trial sermon. I never received the letter. In the meantime, the church I am presently at called and asked me to come preach. I declined because I wasn't really interested in a little country church with an organ. They guy kept calling so I finally agreed to just come and preach. Then he kept calling after that, so I came again. Finally I said I would apply.... and I guess the rest is history. I agreed to be their pastor and never even asked how much it paid or anything. The only thing I remember asking was whether I had to mow the yard or not. It's a big yard. I started out for $15,000 a year. My previous job paid $24,000+, with full benefits. Yep, that made all the schooling worthwhile. :)

This is actually the longest Jane and I have ever lived in one house/apt. It's also the longest I have worked at one place full-time. I have no idea how much longer it will last. It kinda depends on the day as to how I feel about it. And I'm sure the process of finding a new pastor just isn't worth the hassle to most people.

I hate to even think about some of the things that have happened over the years. I've had nasty conversations, nasty phone calls, nasty letters, nasty emails. I've had people speak up during sermons; people walk out. It used to be a regular occurance where people would come for Sunday School and a big group of them would leave before the worship service. There have been flaps over flags, fights about fish fries, gaggles about garage sales, and perturbations over peanut brittle. If you put all the people who have left my church in the last 8 years together, we wouldn't all fit into our building. Quite frankly it has taken its toll on me. I still think about many of those people quite often. What do you do?

I suppose there are some positives too. But you know me, I don't see the filled side of the glass. The playground and pavilion were a nice thing. We have made some technological advances: website, projectors, keyboard, sound system, wireless internet, etc. We're just beginning to redo the basement with the cafe tables. The decor has been updated a little. I'm not so sure about life change though... positive life change. I'm sure there has been some, but honestly, I don't feel it has been satisfactory. Maybe in comparison to all the negatives it's just hard to see. I don't know... I feel like we're losing ground though. And this is what it should be all about (IMHO).

Well, this isn't a real good assessment. If you're from my church, don't read too much into this. This is just off the top of my head. I'm merely rambling. I dunno.......... as far as what I would like... I would really like to grow closer to God. I think that's the most important thing I can do - spend more time in prayer, study, and getting to know people; exercise my faith; change the world; that sorta thing. Holiness... that's what I want. For myself and for others. Finding direction by following Jesus.

Yeah. Whatever.........