Presence of the Lord

I am grieving for and with a friend today. One of those things where I don't have any idea what to say, but I feel like I've been exactly where they are. When this happens I will often pick up the guitar, and this was the first song that came to mind. I've played it for years and years, but until looking it up today didn't realize I was singing slightly different words. Anyway, I like this version by Clapton and Winwood from 2007 - even though it was originally done by Blind Faith in 1969. Supposedly this was the first complete song Eric Clapton wrote. My favorite version is actually done by Glenn Kaiser, Darryl Mansfield, and Larry Howard - but I can't remember what album and can't seem to find it now.

Did you know...

I just stumbled across Jason Boyett's Pocket Guide To The Bible on my shelf and decided to turn a page in it again. It's a funky, and funny, little book. On the back it proclaims itself as "A handy, hip reference to the world's all-time best seller."

In the introduction to some biblical characters he writes on p. 31:

On the sixth day, according to Genesis, God created human beings in his image. Which, on one hand, is pretty encouraging for us humans. We look in the mirror, and somewhere behind our sleep-deprived eyebags and Botoxed foreheads and zit-creamed complexions are teeny traces of the Almighty. Granted, some of us have more of these traces than others, but there's definitely a difference between the common homo sapiens and the common duck.

Then again, the fact that we're made in God's image is often not the most effective PR move the Heavenly Father's ever put together. Because people can be all kinds of awful: ugly, selfish, arrogant, whiny, irritating, violent, crude, and occasionally unpleasant. And those are the people you love.

The Bible is the story of the same kinds of people. Some are spiritually attractive. Others are piles of crap dressed in itchy Old Testament garb. And over the next two chapters, we meet them - the famous ones, the infamous ones, and a few you've never heard of - in all their biblical glory.

Hehe... yep, it's an innaresting book. For example, I also learned today that the longest name in the Bible is Mahershalalhashbaz (Isaiah 8:3).

One of those days

This was one of those mornings, for sure. I stayed up too late last night hoping the Patriots would lose. Woke up with a slight stomach ache this morning. Came to the office and had a phone message from the sound guy that he may or may not be here today. He “just wanted me to know.” Then I realized I forgot to buy French Vanilla coffee – which I’m sure I’ll hear about. Then… when I went to tune my acoustic/electric it wouldn’t work. At first I thought it was the tuner battery, then maybe a cable. I had just changed the battery for the internal electronics a few weeks ago, and was sure I’d used it since then. But after not finding the problem elsewhere I took out the equalizer – checked that both jacks were plugged in; unplugged and replugged them in, and… presto! It worked. I hate it when things like that happen. Then… after I put it all back together I realized I put the eq box in upside down. I thought about leaving it, but decided I didn’t need one more thing to think about while standing in front of everyone. Simply having the volume knob on the wrong side might not seem like a big deal, but it’s amazing how things are magnified when standing in front of an audience. So……… I’m tired already.

You know, I don’t know how to get across to the sound guy that it’s important for him to be here. I mean, as far as I’m concerned, it would be just like ME being gone. I know some people might not think it’s the same thing, but you just never know what might come up. Just like with a football team – the quarterback may be more visible, but it can be just as crucial to be missing an offensive lineman or the kicker or holder or something. Sometimes one “play” can make all the difference in the world.

And it’s not because this guy doesn’t care. He is a great guy, but I just don’t think people think it matters at all when they are gone – or when preparations can’t be made for someone to fill in. Sometimes it doesn’t matter, but sometimes it does.

It’s the same with teachers. We seem to be having a problem with them not getting to class on time. I “thought” I had told them all they need to be here by 8:45 or 8:50 at least. Apparently not. And again, I don’t think they don’t care… I just don’t think they think it matters. And most Sundays it doesn’t, because they know who will be in their class. But it only takes ONE Sunday for a new person to show up… and you never get another chance to make that first impression, and an opportunity may be lost. A person’s life may even be at stake.

It probably seems like I’m complaining, but I’m not. I’m just saying… I don’t know how to address these things – especially when I think I have already addressed them. I dunno. Maybe it doesn’t matter. But I happen to think Sundays ARE important. I know they were important when I was first thinking of trying church. It was important in my spiritual journey; it was important to my salvation; it was important to me even being alive at the time. And I’m grateful for the people who went out of their way to help me find my way. I just wish…..

Whatever. We’re all too self-centered. I dunno….

I.... forgot

We went out to eat last night and as we were being led to our table I felt someone looking at me. I glanced at the woman, and she looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place her. This seems to happen more and more - I will see someone that looks familiar, and then I can't decide if it's someone I actually know, it's someone that *looks* like someone I know from here, or from one of the other places we've lived, or... whatever. Anyway, we were seated just down from their table and I had to look past her husband to see the tv. He looked really familiar, but again, I just couldn't place him. I wondered if he'd been in a wedding I had done, or maybe been to church, or was a friend of a friend...

Well, FINALLY, just after they left (and they both looked my way when leaving) it hit me: I had done the funeral for the woman's mother last year. Dang! I hate it when that happens. I really wish I had remembered them. I just recently stumbled across the groom from the very first wedding I did. It was the same sorta deal. I hope this isn't a sign of things to come. What.......

And for some reason... that reminded me that we bought the kids each a book for Christmas. We got Isaac Steve Martin's "Born Standing Up." He said it was really good - he read it Christmas Eve day. We got Carrie Stephen Colbert's "I Am America (And So Can You!)." She said it was really good too, and shared many funny quotes from it with us. We were also very happy to receive a gift card from the kids to our favorite eating establishment for Christmas. :)

Well, I should probably help Jane clean the house. Her brother is coming for an overnight visit to bring some thing he made to put on top of another thing we already have (yeah, it has a name, but... you guessed it... I can't remember what it is).

God is pretty amazing. Just thinking of Psalm 147:3-5

He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars
and calls them each by name.
Great is our Lord and mighty in power;
his understanding has no limit.

Yep. Carry on.

Random

Just seems to be one of those weird times. I now know three people who have lost loved ones this Christmas. Lewis and Tammie both lost their mother, and a friend I went through seminary with lost his wife on Christmas Eve. My heart is heavy for these people, even though I'm fairly certain in all cases that their loss is their loved one's gain.

Having the kids around the house is also a little different. Not bad, but different. I mean, we were just starting to get used to the whole empty-nest thing... and now it seems we never quite know who is going to be here when we wake up. Usually the one is just getting home as I'm getting up (sleeps all day and stays out all night), and we're never sure if the other one will be here, or elsewhere, or will be here with extras. This morning I was pretty sure one was in a bedroom, and there were two people in the living room. And I think my toothbrush was in the garbage at some point last night! Oh well, I'm still lounging in the robe and nothin' much matters yet.

I exchanged my Christmas presents last night. My parents bought me gloves (wrong color), Hanes Perfect Tee's (wrong color), and another shirt (wrong color and size). I was unable to exchange the last one because I don't know where it's from and don't have a receipt. Oh well. Jane got me two boxes of chocolate (nice job, dear!).

I had a dream last night that Illinois beat USC in the Rose Bowl 37-7. That would just be way too cool. Go Illini!

Here are some pics from Christmas. Nice lookin' bunch in that bottom photo. :)

Top photo: me and the lovely lady
Bottom photo: Drew, Carrie, Laura & Isaac

Thinking of feasting

I've been trying to think of ideas to get the people of our church together not only for fellowship, but to have some kind of point to it also. Something I'm considering this year is celebrating the Great Feasts of the Church. I admit that I don't know a lot about this, but apparently there are twelve great feasts of the Orthodox Church. My thinking is... we can celebrate these in different ways throughout the year. I mean, we already celebrate Easter with a breakfast; we can celebrate Epiphany with communion during our worship gathering; but I was hoping some of the other ones we could maybe have a meal on Sunday night or something. We could try to connect the food with whatever that particular feast is about. And it would be cool if we could get people to maybe make a presentation about the holiday as well.

I dunno. I'm not feeling very adventurous at the moment. In fact, the more I think about trying to make plans for the coming year the more depressed I get. I've about run dry. So what's new.

Holiday happenings

Back to reality today. But I had a nice time this past week.

Saturday night Jane and I took the kids and their significant others to Takaoka of Japan - one of those restaurants where they cook your food on your table. It was good, and I ate almost my entire meal with chopsticks. That's a first for me.

Sunday morning we were actually able to have our worship gathering - and the weather was pretty nice. There was no sermon because we used that time to decorate our church Christmas tree. Everyone was supposed to bring an ornament, come up and share why it was special to them or why they chose it, and then hang it on the tree. The significance of each of us bringing an ornament and decorating the tree *together* is to show that God has a place for each of us in His church. It's not about committee's or paid staff, it's about everyone pitching in and being a part. I think it went well. There were even a few people who forgot their ornaments, but they came up and talked anyway. I was glad.

We left right after the service and drove back home to Illinois. I made good time - 5 hours and 10 minutes. The roads weren't bad until about 20 miles from home when we ran into some blowing snow, but the wind was blowing like crazy the whole way. I couldn't let go of the steering wheel at all. After dropping our stuff off at my parents we headed out to Jane's brother's house and did Christmas with three of her brothers families, their kids, and grandkids. It was a houseful, but it was nice having almost everyone together. I believe this was the first Christmas gathering for all of them since their mother passed away. It helped having lots of new babies and little kids running around, but wasn't quite the same. Jane was very popular with the kiddles with her new camera. :)

Christmas Eve we hung around my parents house. My sister and her boys were supposed to have been there Sunday, then they weren't going to come at all, then right after lunch Christmas Eve they called and said they were on their way (from Minneapolis). I was glad they finally decided to come - though they didn't arrive until 9:30 pm, so we didn't open presents until after 10. It was still a good time.

We attended our old church on Christmas Eve. There were probably over 200 people there. It's in a different building than when we were there, and we don't know many of the people. But there's still something nice about being "home" on Christmas Eve. We did see many old friends, sang carols, lit candles. I don't think I could ever pastor a church like this, but I sure do enjoy just participating sometimes.

We left to come back to Indiana on Christmas morning. It was sunny and in the 40's, so it didn't look much like Christmas, but it was a beautiful day for a drive. Almost all the gas stations and fast food places were open for the first part of the trip, but about halfway we noticed most of the fast food places were closed. Good thing we ate in Gillman, IL. I had chicken nuggets and fries for Christmas dinner.

All in all this was one of the least stressful Christmases I can remember in awhile. The weather was good, there wasn't a lot of commotion, no one was sick... it was just a nice time. It made a big difference too that Carrie's boyfriend stayed at our house and kept Bogey. He's a nice dog and all, but he adds a whole new dimension to traveling. Now it's time to wrap up this year. I don't feel to much like doin' anything today for some reason though.

Peace.

Buechner's christmas

One of my favorite books of all time is Frederick Buechner's Whistling in the Dark: A Doubter's Dictionary. I especially like this piece about Christmas. I don't know if it's because I'm a clergyman; or because I spent many a morning and evening feeding hay to my dad's horses; or... if it's just Christmas itself. Here it is:

The lovely old carols played and replayed till their effect is like a dentist's drill or a jack hammer, the bathetic banalities of the pulpit and the chilling commercialism of almost everything else, people spending money they can't afford on presents you neither need nor want, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," the plastic tree, the cornball creche, the Hallmark Virgin. Yet for all our efforts, we've never quite managed to ruin it. That in itself is part of the miracle, a part you can see. Most of the miracle you can't see, or don't.

The young clergyman and his wife do all the things you do on Christmas Eve. They string the lights and hang the ornaments. They supervise the hanging of the stockings. They tuck in the children. They lug the presents down out of hiding and pile them under the tree. Just as they're about to fall exhausted into bed, the husband remembers his neighbor's sheep. The man asked him to feed them for him while he was away, and in the press of other matters that night he forgot all about them. So down the hill he goes through knee-deep snow. He gets two bales of hay from the barn and carries them out to the shed. There's a forty-watt bulb hanging by its cord from the low roof, and he lights it. The sheep huddle in a corner watching as he snaps the baling twine, shakes the squares of hay apart and starts scattering it. Then they come bumbling and shoving to get at it with their foolish, mild faces, the puffs of their breath showing in the air. He is reaching to turn off the bulb and leave when suddenly he realizes where he is. The winter darkness. The glimmer of light. The smell of the hay and the sound of the animals eating. Where he is, of course, is the manger.

He only just saw it. He whose business it is above everything else to have an eye for such things is all but blind in that eye. He who on his best days believes that everything that is most precious anywhere comes from that manger might easily have gone home to bed never knowing that he had himself just been in the manger. The world is the manger. It is only by grace that he happens to see this other part of the miracle.

Christmas itself is by grace. It could never have survived our own blindness and depredations otherwise. It could never have happened otherwise. Perhaps it is the very wildness and strangeness of the grace that has led us to try to tame it. We have tried to make it habitable. We have roofed it in and furnished it. We have reduced it to an occasion we feel at home with, at best a touching and beautiful occasion, at worst a trite and cloying one. But if the Christmas event in itself is indeed - as a matter of cold, hard fact - all it's cracked up to be, then even at best our efforts are misleading.

The Word become flesh. Ultimate Mystery born with a skull you could crush one-handed. Incarnation. It is not tame. It is not touching. It is not beautiful. It is uninhabitable terror. It is unthinkable darkness riven with unbearable light. Agonized laboring led to it, vast upheavals of intergalactic space, time split apart, a wrenching and tearing of the very sinews of reality itself. You can only cover your eyes and shudder before it, before this: "God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God... who for us and for our salvation," as the Nicene Creed puts it, "came down from heaven."

Came down. Only then do we dare uncover our eyes and see what we can see. It is the Resurrection and the Life she holds in her arms. It is the bitterness of death he takes at her breast.

In case I forget to say it before it comes... Merry Christmas everyone. Leave the light on.

Should christians kill

Greg Boyd has another excellent post: Was the Christian Security Guard A Hero? It's in reference to the shooting that took place at New Life Church in Colorado Springs on Dec. 9. One of the church's security guards shot (but didn't kill) the gunman (who ended up killing himself). The pastor of the church called the security guard a hero for shooting the gunman.

I have to admit, I wrestle with the subject much like Greg. I can understand the just-war theory, and police protection, and whatnot.... but I just cannot reconcile it with the Bible. I know to many people it sounds like a copout, but... well, Greg does a good job of laying out the Scripture references in his post. I recommend you read it before jumping to any conclusions. This is kinda what he determines in a nutshell:

Every person who has pledged to live in the way of Jesus, rather than the way of the world, but who nevertheless carries (and is willing to use) a gun, for any reason, has to wrestle with this New Testament teaching. For my two cents, I confess I cannot see how the two are compatible. The use of lethal force may at times be justified and heroic by ordinary kingdom of the world standards. But I cannot see how it's compatible with being a citizen of the Kingdom of God.

Definitely food for thought. May you have a peaceful day.

What does it mean to love Jesus

One of the most potent pages in McKnight's The Jesus Creed is p.181. It's the prologue to his section on "Living the Jesus Creed." I think this is what it all boils down to.

A spiritually formed person loves God by following Jesus and loving others.
A spiritually formed person embraces the stories of others who love Jesus.
A spiritually formed person lives out kingdom values,
and
a spiritually formed person loves Jesus.

What does it mean to love Jesus?

It means to believe in him,
to abide in him,
to surrender to him,
to be restored in him,
to forgive others in him,
and
to reach out with the good news about him.

This is how a disciple of Jesus loves Jesus.

Books of 2007

I finally finished Scot McKnight's book The Jesus Creed. It was odd finishing it up right before Christmas - as it ended with the resurrection. Really good book. I'm glad I went slow.

In fact, this year was a slow reading year for me all around. I only read eight books this year. I think it was fifteen last year. But they were all pretty good books, and a little more diverse than some years.

These are the books I read this year:

- Youthful Desires, Darrell Reimer (aka Whisky Prajer)

- You Don’t Need A Title To Be A Leader, Mark Sanborn

- They Like Jesus But Not The Church, Dan Kimball

- Pilgrim Heart, Darryl Tippens

- The Externally Focused Church, Rick Rusaw & Eric Swanson

- Discover Your Spiritual Gifts, C. Peter Wagner

- On Being A Servant of God, Warren W. Wiersbe

- The Jesus Creed, Scot McKnight

Up next will likely either be Brian McLaren's Everything Must Change, Rainer & Geiger's Simple Church, or Scott Morton's Down To Earth Discipling. Unless something else jumps out at me.

Just sitting here

Okay, so, I've been a bit busy lately. I haven't written a decent blog post in I-don't-know-how-long, but... I just had the strangest conversation. The cleaning lady was here, and she is a really nice lady, but she said something that just about blew my mind. She says to me, "I feel so sorry for you that you have to come and sit here all day. Can't you find anything else to do?" Whehahahahhaha... So I tried to explain to her that I study, and pray, and read, and write sermons, and plan things, and strategize, and whatnot. I'm still not sure she thinks it's anything more than "just sitting here." She actually thought I just came to the office everyday and waited for the phone to ring or for someone to come in. Hmm. I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

Anyway, I actually did have a really good idea for a post last night. It was about 3:30 this morning, and I remember debating whether I should get up and write it down or not. But I thought it was so good that I would surely remember it. Bummer. I cannot for the life of me think what it was now. I need one of those astronaut pens that writes upside down so I can scribble things while I'm lying in bed.

I don't know why I seem so busy lately. Maybe it's just the getting ready for this Sunday, Christmas Eve, and trying to get a jump start on the following Sunday and the Annual Congregational meeting, and the kids coming home, and...

Oh, and I haven't even blogged about Jane's blowout the other night. Monday she wasn't feeling well (cold), but had to go to class after work because they were taking their final. So she's heading to Huntington right before dark and a rear tire blows out on the car. She pulled off on a country road out by GM and it hadn't even been plowed yet. She called me, but before I was even a mile from home someone had already stopped and changed the tire for her. She said she actually had several people stop to make sure she was okay. Very nice.

Someone just came in. Gotta go.

Swimming into view @ columbia st

I meant to post this much earlier, but I'm in one of those chicken-with-no-head modes. At any rate, Carrie's boyfriend's band (Swimming Into View) is having a CD release party tonight at Columbia Street West in Fort Wayne. You can check them out on their myspace site. Drew is the singer. They have a nice alt-rock feel, and their shows are pretty fun.

We were really looking forward to attending, but Jane is fighting a cold, and they don't start until 9-ish. We may have to miss. But... you never know.

A new movie reviewer

Son Isaac is now reviewing movies for Stereo Subversion - Meaningful Music Exists. I think the movies are a new addition to the music info, and Isaac's first review is HERE for the movie Margot at The Wedding.

Pretty cool, if I do say so myself. Not that I'm biased or anything. :)

Hack my life - lifehacker

Many thanks to Alex for pointing out lifehacker.com: tech tricks, tips and downloads for getting things done. One of the first things I noticed was how to embed YouTube clips in a powerpoint presentation. Definitely something I can use. Tons more stuff too. Yep, blogs are great.

Sometimes it works

Just taking a brief pause. You know, sometimes things do work out. I ran to Fort Wayne this morning (well, ok, I drove) and our road wasn't so bad after all - COMPARED TO THE ROADS IN WAYNEDALE. Jeepers. They were worse than our country road. When I came home it was actually opened for two lanes of traffic too.

Anyway, I took the camera back. I wrote about this the other day. After reminding them of the situation, they apologized all over themselves, and even got some on everybody else. They asked if they could just give me a brand new camera, and they would take care of sending the other one in to get it fixed. I said yes, even though the reason it didn't work was because I tried to put the wrong card in it. Which they knew, but they are the one's who gave us the wrong card in the first place. At any rate, they were extremely nice, and apologetic, and alls well that ends well. Now we're looking forward to taking in some camera seminars there. Sunny Schick is the place - the ONLY CAMERA SHOP IN FORT WAYNE! Recommended.

I just got done writing a letter to everyone in the congregation. I wanted to let them know how to find out if our worship gatherings are canceled, let them know that we're going to decorate the tree this Sunday morning (so they need to bring an ornament with them), that they can still make a tax-deductible charitable contribution to the church, and what our main project is going to be next year (storage/recycling building).

What was coolest about the letter is.... I moved my printer about 2 feet, and it saved me oh-so-much time in sticking the envelopes in it. I also figured out that I can open our directory, highlight the names, hit the envelope button, and it will put it all in there by itself. Another time-saver. You know, one of these days I just might make a darn good secretary!

Back to worky, worky, worky (not everyone is on vacation this week!). :)

Our memory awakens our past

On p. 265 of Scot McKnight's The Jesus Creed he writes:

To keep its past as part of its present, God gives to Israel a series of rituals, routines, and rhythms. God bestows such gifts so Israel does not succumb to spiritual dementia, spiritual memory loss. When Israelites listen to the sacred speech of these rituals, routines, and rhythms, Israel detects the gentle beat of God's historic acts of love for her. If they listen, they hear of his creation, of his covenant, of his redemption, and of his promises. The daily repetition of the Shema serves to bring into the present the historic daily creed for every Israelite.

This is a nice little chapter dealing with the Lord's Supper/Communion. Powerful stuff, it is. As Scot says, it's like God saying, "Taste, see, and know my presence."

I can't explain it any further. Wish I could.

Reusing or redoing

After having to cancel our Sunday worship gathering I always wrestle with the question: should I just use last Sunday's stuff for this coming Sunday, or should I start all over? In the few times it has happened, I have usually ended up redoing everything. I don't know if that's a Spirit thing, or if it's just me. I am probably leaning towards redoing right now. But I dunno.

Snowed in

Man... we had to cancel our Sunday morning gathering today. It is nasty outside right now. We actually didn't get as much snow as predicted, because we had mostly rain and sleet last night. But then it cut loose with the snow this morning. Haven't seen a car go by here in awhile.

Of course, I called the tv station to air our cancellation around 7 am. At 8 I had Jane fax it in, because they still hadn't shown it. At 9 I called again, because they STILL hadn't shown it. Then, right away, they had it shown in two places. :) I bet it's nuts in the newsroom on mornings like this. And at least channel 21 & 33 will show your cancellation. Channel 15 must not be into the public service type things.

I also just canceled our already-postponed chili supper and tree decorating service tonight. We're supposed to have heavy winds with lots of drifting this afternoon. I think I'll just have everyone bring their ornaments next Sunday morning and do it then.

It's weird not having "church". And, I know that "the church" isn't what happens on Sunday mornings... but not having "the worship time" makes a difference. At least to me.

Time to hibernate. We might never get outta here!

Date night and a day with no pictures

Jane and I always go on a date every Friday night. We have for as long as I can remember. I think it's important for married couples to do so. I think too many people make their kids the priority in their marriage, and then kids grow up thinking the world is forever supposed to revolve around them (entitlement), and they don't know how you're supposed to love the one you're with. Not that kids aren't important - they are. But they are not the focal point of marriages. They are an *offshoot* (offspring). Anyway, that isn't the point. The point is... we had our usual Friday night date-night, and I hope we always do.

We went out to eat and then took in our first Fort Wayne Mad Ants game. The Mad Ants are the new Development League professional basketball team. It was fun. Cheaper than a movie. However... they don't call it D-league for nothin'. :) But still a good time. We didn't get home until pretty late though, and had several messages on the secretary (answering machine). I made a judgment call that it would probably be best if I waited and went to the hospital in the morning.

Today did not go at all as planned. We headed up to the hospital first thing. An elderly lady had a seizure and broke BOTH her arms - right below the shoulder. Wow. I'd never heard of that. She was in some major pain. So we were there for a few hours.

After that we decided - what the heck - we went to Sunny Schick to purchase our Christmas present. We were going to get the Canon Rebel XT. Of course, we go in - and it was packed - and they are all out of the XT. The guy really tried to get us to go with the XTi the last time, but we thought it was a bit too much money. So we told him to order us an XT - even though they were on back-order already. Darnit - we wanted it before Christmas. So we drove to our next destination, and.... ended up talking ourselves into the XTi. As it happened, about a month ago I found some money I had stashed away and forgot about. Turns out this was almost exactly what the XTi would cost us - including the lens cover and memory card. So we figured it was a divine sign. So we drove back to SS and bought the XTi. THEN, we get home... I went to the office and Jane started unwrapping the new toy. Pretty soon here she comes. The memory card didn't seem to work. She called SS and they admitted that they'd given us the wrong one. So ANOTHER trip back to the Fort, and we got the right one. Then, we get home and try it, and it won't work. So she calls them back. They said to bring it back in. Well, yeah... on Monday I'll be doing that. Three trips to Fort Wayne in one day is too many. And I'll be okay with everything if they give us a new camera. I mean, we haven't even taken a picture yet and already it doesn't work!!! I will say though, it was kind of a mad house in that little store. So, like I said, no hard feelings... AS LONG AS WE GET A NEW CAMERA. :)

The rest of the day has kind of been like that. And, of course, since it's Saturday night, it's snowing and raining and freezing and blowing. Is this some kind of sign???

Going back

• Sometimes I spend so much time and energy trying to not be like certain people, that I lose sight of the One I am trying to be like (Jesus). I want to give up the notion of trying to compensate for those I feel misrepresent Jesus, and concentrate more on simply following Him.
• I've been making a few minor changes to my blog - removing some things from the sidebar and whatnot. I don't want to have a "fancy" blog or anything. I want to go back to just writing down my thoughts and questions and things as I journey though life as a follower of Jesus. There are some things I can't really say due to my occupation, but I'm usually fairly open and honest. Which is probably where the dangerous (title) part comes in the most. Baring one's soul can be messy sometimes, and you might not always like what you see. I don't ever mean to be offensive, but I'm working on watching what I say for the sake of others.
  
• I want to go back to a simple faith. Sometimes it's easy for me to get so wrapped up in the questions that I forget that I know the One that knows the answer. Sometimes I think I spend so much time thinking about things that I'm unable to hear the still small voice. There is no mistaking that I am a simpleton, but I want to make sure it's as a fool for Christ and not just as a fool.
• I want to go back to trying to see everyone as God sees them. Seeing the potential in people; seeing people as fellow strugglers just trying to find our way; one beggar helping another... that sorta thing.
• I want to be a child again. Not in my thinking, but in my faith. Living up to the calling I've received, but with wonder and awe and a possibility outlook.
• I would like to change the title of my blog again. I have never really liked "Danno's Dangerous Mind." And I don't even remember all the different one's I've had: peace revolution, broken whiskey glass... I know there were more. But I will stick with this because it really doesn't matter, and... well... it doesn't really matter.
  

Yep.

Record-keeping and preparing

I have to say, the end of the year is coming along quite nicely (in spite of my moods and delusions). One thing I would like to improve though is to spend more time preparing rather than just keeping records.

You can read about my record-keeping method HERE. And it does make this time of year so much better. By jotting down a brief account of what I do each day, or what happens, it makes the annual report a simpler procedure; and it's also a nice way to reflect back on the year. It's amazing how much I forget - the good as well as the bad. It's also a very biblical thing too. I mean, how much of the Bible is nothing but people's accounts of their life? So I am glad I do it.

I have spent some time lately working on next year too though. I haven't done so well at this recently. When I first started pastoring I remember planning out a preaching schedule, and planning for different areas I wanted to concentrate on in the church (worship, discipleship, fellowship, etc.). It didn't seem to last though, and maybe it was because plans almost always go astray at some point. So, rather than *planning* I think a better way to look at it is *preparing.* It's little more than a change of words, and a slight alteration of expectations. For instance, I prepared a rough preaching schedule from January into May. I don't know exactly what I'm going to preach each Sunday, or that I won't stray here and there if something else comes up, but I did write some things down. I'm going to begin the year with the framework of a message I preached before. It's about "What We Expect." A basic look at why we do what we do; why we have "church", what we expect to happen, what we want from you or for you. Then I decided that I'm going to try and finish the book of Matthew. I started preaching through Matthew a couple years ago. I had to look back to see where I stopped. We're up to chapter 24 (I think. Maybe it was 22. I don't have my notes). So I did a rough breakdown of the rest of the book, and it will take us up into May. At least I have something prepared to get us into May, but it is not all planned out, so if it doesn't happen it's not going to throw off the entire year.

For me the hardest part of preaching is sometimes just deciding WHAT to talk about. So it always helps to have that decided in advance. And I realize this doesn't really help those listening to me - like how some preachers will plan out their year and give you message titles and whatnot so you know what's coming up. That would be nice, and I wish I could operate like that, but... a problem I often have whenever I try series preaching is - I'll get part-way into it and either decide I don't like the series, or I get all constricted-feeling and lose my creative edge (which doesn't take much to lose). So that's why I just *prepare* instead of *plan.*

Well, there's more, but this is getting to be a long rambling post. So I will stop.

Peace.

Islamification of american evangelicalism

Hmm. Interesting little piece by Keith Drury he calls the Islamification of American Evangelicalism.

I don't know...

You would think I'd be jumping for joy. We doubled the number of people at our Wednesday night bible study. We had one person show up two weeks ago (weather canceled it last week), and a whopping TWO people came last night! We're going to run out of room if this keeps up.

Man... I just don't know what to do anymore. I have always maintained that spiritual growth happens best in small groups. I believe they are necessary. And that the leaders in the church especially need to be learners (involved in some type of learning group). At one point I actually expected anyone who wanted to teach to be involved in a group outside of the one they were teaching. But the same thing happens every time I try to have one: start out with a handful, and after a few weeks it dwindles to nothing.

What is especially frustrating is that people SAY they want to grow spiritually; they SAY they want to be in a small group; they SAY they wish we had mid-week opportunities. So I try to do something. And I've tried teaching relevant topics, I've tried standard Bible studies, I've tried video series's, I've tried sitting around talking, I've tried spiritual practices, I've tried having them in homes, having them at church, I've even tried prayer... I've tried everything I can think of. And nothing. Oh, sure, there are all kinds of excuses. So I try again. And... yeah... thanks.

I have to confess... I am depressed about it. Not just bummed out. DE-pressed. I mean, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that maybe it's ME that is the problem. Heck, I wouldn't want to be in a group with me.

So... if anyone has any suggestions other than the obvious, please let me know.

Weird hospital visit

Oops. I stopped at the hospital today to visit a guy who's wife is there. I don't know her, but he attends our church (she's been institutionalized with severe alzheimer's for ten years or so). So, I'm standing there talking with him while he's feeding his wife - and into the room walk some other people I know. Which then reminded me: Doh! I meant to call them yesterday to find out how their mother was. She had some tests done, and I was going to call in the afternoon, but it must have just completely slipped my mind. I guess now I know though, since they brought her into the very room I was already in!

Man... I hate it when I forget stuff like that. Dang.

Holy bottled water, batman

If you buy your water in bottles, why not bottled Holy Water?

What do you think - good idea or sacrilegious?

Pedestal personalities

This is one of the things that's been weighing on my mind lately. I probably won't go into great detail, but... it bothers me. "Pedestal Personalities" is apparently a term some people use to describe pastors. Hrmpf.

I saw it on another person's blog. And I don't think they meant any harm. They seem to be a very kind and reasonable person. In fact, they were quoting from an article I had actually read myself, but I failed to notice it the first time through.

Pedestal personalities.

I don't know. I don't usually feel like that describes me. Not when I think about standing on my tiptoes on a ladder adhering plastic over our sanctuary windows. Not when I recall the time I had to clean shit off the floor and walls of the bathroom during VBS. Not when I think about having an 80-some year old man sobbing on my shoulder because his family put him in a nursing home against his will. Not when I... Oh, never mind.

You know, maybe what irritates me the most is that I wonder if it's true myself.

I went to church when I was a child. I was friends with the preacher's kids. Once they moved away, and I got into middle school - I don't ever remember going. Not until after I'd gotten married and we had kids. Then I started going on Sunday mornings with Jane - to the church she grew up attending. I was 26 years old when I finally figured out that I did not control life; that there was, in fact, a God; and that Jesus could make a difference in my life. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was in the parking lot of Perry Memorial Hospital in Princeton, Illinois. I was smoking a camel light while leaning against the side of our '73 Ford Torino (with a 351 Cleveland motor). Not only was I glad that Jesus saved me from my cigarette addiction, but he also saved me from my sin, and myself.

My life changed. What was important to me changed. What I thought about changed. I saw things from a different perspective. I got involved in church. Pretty soon I was in a discipleship class. Later I taught a middle school Sunday School class; I taught adult classes; led home Bible Studies; served on the church council; became a deacon; did this, did that, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Eventually I had visions of starting a "different" sort of church - for people who were a little "different" like me. I got a seminary degree. Worked in a couple of churches. Now I am a full-time pastor.

I cringed when I saw it: pedestal personality. I can't stop thinking about it. Is that what I am? It's a very derogatory term. I don't like it. I resent it. I hate it. I don't know what to do about it.

I am debating whether to leave comments on or not. I don't need "cheered up." It's not about that. I'm just... I dunno.

A personal relationship with Jesus

I haven't read Robert Webber's book The Divine Embrace, but Scot McKnight has been blogging about it. Scot posted this quote from the book and it hit exactly where my mind was being taken this morning.

When asked if he has a personal relationship with Jesus, Webber said:

“You’re asking the wrong question. What is important here is not that I in and of myself achieve or create a personal relationship with God, but that God has a personal relationship with me through Jesus Christ, which I affirm and nourish” (89).

Random...

I've had a lot on my mind lately. Unfortunately, I'm either unable to talk about it, or I probably shouldn't. Nothing serious - It's not like I know how to solve world hunger or fix a motorcycle or anything. So... here's some random stuff just to keep my fingers limber.

• Our Christmas shopping is done (and has been for awhile), and it feels really good to go "shopping" and know that we don't need to do any buying. I know it's strange for a guy, but I actually do enjoy just walking around stores looking at stuff.
  
• We haven't bought a camera yet, but after visiting Sunny Schick - the only REAL camera store in Fort Wayne - we've pretty much narrowed it down to the Canon Rebel. Now we're just trying to weigh $150 between the 8 mp XT and the 10 mp XTi.
• Last week I was able to cross off a few miscellaneous items on my list of things to do at work. I updated the greeters schedule, acolyte schedule, nursery schedule, and Jr. Worship schedule. Now I just need to stuff and mail. I put the plastic on four of the big windows in the sanctuary (they let in a lot of cold air during the winter; plus they actually look better with plastic on them. But it's a real pain to do - mostly because I'm not good on a tall ladder). I got quite a bit done on the Annual Report. Pretty much just need to plug in the real numbers at the end of the year, get the finance reports, and copy and staple.
  
• I wish I could find some people interested in going on a spiritual journey together.
• There is a LOT on my mind right now.
• It's really hard to find a good t-shirt (undershirt). I think it's best to just spend the money and get them at GAP or Banana Republic. I mean, good t-shirts are pretty important. At least to me.
• I have never been able to deal with having my shirt tucked in for very long. I don't know why. I just can't stand it. I'm glad I only have to do it one day a week, and then only until noon.
• I don't like ice storms. But it is kinda pretty.

Free stuff

26 fantastic freebies

Blogger is bein' a bugger

Just last week I was going to write a post about how much I liked blogger.... And guess what? Now it's deciding to be stupid. How? Well, normally when someone leaves a comment it is emailed to me (so I know someone left a comment, and where), and it also shows up in the "Recent Comments" on the sidebar. But for some reason, this week it decided to only pick up certain random comments here and there. And it's not just this blog, but both blogs I use. I've also read where countless numbers of others are having the same issue. And, as always with blogger, they never tell you anything and there is no way to get in touch with them (Can you say, "Their customer service sucks"). I guess their motto is: You get what you pay for. And I do like the price, so... yeah.

I say all this just to let you know that if you happen to leave a comment here - especially on an older post - and I don't respond to it, it's likely because I didn't notice it. Sorry. Hopefully the fine folks at blogger will get this straightened out shortly. If not.... I guess they won't.

Two dimensions of forgiveness

The Bible is pretty clear that we are to forgive one another. There are plenty of verses, such as, "...if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

So... what happens when a child is molested by a relative, or a wife is abused by her husband, or a "friend" continues to stab you in the back? Are we just supposed to keep forgiving them and put ourselves right back in the same vulnerable position?

Granted, as followers of Jesus, we need to turn the other cheek in a number of cases and to serious degrees... But in my reading today in Scot McKnight's The Jesus Creed, he addresses the question: What exactly is forgiveness? He says there are two fundamental dimensions of forgiveness that need to be distinguished: OBJECTIVE forgiveness and SUBJECTIVE forgiveness.

He says (p. 224), "'Objective forgiveness' refers to the elimination of the offense in the relationship, that is, it refers to *reconciliation.* The 'subjective' includes both a *disposition* to forgive and an *experience* of forgiving: release of anger, hatred, and resentment - ending the internal recycling of the offense." He then states, "Because a disciple of Jesus loves God and loves others, the disciple develops a disposition to forgive that is ready to release the negative emotions caused by offenses (subjective) but reconciliation is not always possible (objective)."

This makes great sense. Yes, we need to forgive - so we are not forever trapped in anger, hatred and resentment towards someone. But that doesn't mean we are necessarily to put ourselves right back into the situation with the person. Sometimes the best thing one can do is to actually LEAVE the situation. Perhaps the abused spouse leaving the husband; or telling someone who has deeply hurt you in the past to quit calling. However there is no blueprint that covers any and all issues. For instance, just because you've been abused doesn't necessarily mean you should never reconcile. It depends. And it may likely take a loooong time.

This was actually a good reminder for me today, as I am facing a situation where someone is currently seeking my forgiveness, and wants things to just "go back to normal," as they say. I believe I HAVE forgiven them, but I don't think it is in anyone's best interest that reconciliation take place - at least not yet. Mostly because the offense was against a group of people, and some in the group have not yet experienced subjective forgiveness even. It's complicated; but this was helpful.

At any rate, I hope this might be something that blesses your day today... At least more than knowing that I did, in fact, brush my teeth this morning. :)

Peace.

Reminder

Brush teeth. Take off bathrobe. Put on clothes. Go.... somewhere.

Surrender

A disciple of Jesus holds aloft the white flag of surrender.

The white flag is actually a prayer. Here's the simple white-flag prayer a disciple carries each day: "May your will be done."

...Scot McKnight, The Jesus Creed, p. 201

Most popular posts

Yesterday I had an unusually high number of visitors to my blog. I had hoped it wasn't over something controversial because, believe it or not, I don't really like controversy. And it wasn't. By far the most-read posts on my blog - with most of them coming from google searches - are:

• Unsatisfied vs. Dissatisfied, and
• What's Wrong With Dolly

I'm not sure what it is with U vs. D. I just wrote that on a whim, and I still don't know if there's a difference between them. But I can understand why everyone is wondering about Dolly at this time of year. I just hope they're not too disappointed when they get here and find out that I don't know.

I think it's funny how this happens. Two posts that I really didn't even think about when I wrote them, and there are more people in the world who know me because of them than anything else. Then there are those posts which *I* think are pretty dern near genius, and I've spent time and research on (well... a little), and they don't even get a comment or a click (I'm being sarcastic about the genius part).

Hmm... whatever, you know.

Kind of similar to my preaching, I guess. It never fails that those times when I think I have a really good sermon... it seems like no one else thinks so. Yet, sometimes I will have what I think is an "I just need to say something" sort of sermon - whether I didn't have enough time to prepare, or my brain just wasn't functioning properly, or whatever - and those always seem to be the one's people resonate with. Something about that worries me. Like... maybe I really have no clue about what is good or not. Or maybe it's just God's way of keeping me humble.

Anyway... It snowed last night, and is still snowing, and the ground is covered with at least a couple inches. I guess school is canceled today. And I just remembered that I forgot to brush my teeth. Oops.

Sharing the warmth

This is a picture from our church hallway. No, we don't just come in and throw our coats on the floor. We're collecting coats, hats, gloves, blankets, and things for the homeless of Fort Wayne. We call it 'Sharing the warmth of God's love.' A couple people started doing this several years ago, where we collect these items, then they just drive around and try to find where people who live on the street are either sleeping or gathering. In the summer we do an 'Undy Sundy' where we collect t-shirts, underwear, socks, hats, and more summery items. They probably do it two or three times during the winter though. And I'm sure when they get ready to leave Saturday the pile will be even larger.

What got me to thinking about this was a great quote I saw on Tammie's blog yesterday from David Crowder. Here's the quote:

“It’s important to remember that there is a big difference between compassion and justice. Compassion would be like seeing someone drowning in a river and automatically you grab that person and save him. But as you stand there, you see more and more people coming down the river drowning and you just keep pulling them out. Justice is when a person goes up the river to find the source of problem, to find out why these people are in the river in the first place. They take what they see in front of them—people drowning in the river—and their feet start moving. They acquire knowledge in process, and move from compassion to justice. We still need people downstream pulling people out, but we also need someone to get to the source of things too.”

— David Crowder in this Christianity Today interview

Sharing the warmth is definitely a ministry of compassion. We won't clothe all the homeless, we won't stop poverty, it may not change anything for anyone... But it is getting darn cold outside, and for quite a few people, it will be a little warmer. Plus these forgotten folks will meet some fine Christian people who don't want anything from them, aren't inviting them to church, and won't be preaching at them. They just want to share the warmth of God's love. It's not everything that can be done... but it's something.

I thank God for people concerned with issues of justice; but I am also thankful for the people who humbly pack this stuff into their cars and drive around FW until it's gone. God, bless them please. All of them.

Sex & masturbation

Greg Boyd has a couple of good posts up. One is "Why Sex Is A Big Deal," and the other "The Question of Masturbation." I admit that I have trouble tackling subjects like these in a small-church setting, so you should click the links and read what he has to say. Good stuff (unless you came here looking for porn).

A missionary goes public

I can't really think of anything to say right now, but I've been meaning to share this piece from Scot McKnight's book The Jesus Creed (p.99):

In the annals of world history of the twentieth century, the most famous missionary in the mind of most was Albert Schweitzer. But many think the missionary with the most complete impact on the world was a man of much less fame: Frank C. Laubach (1884-1970).

Reared in the comforts of the farming communities of Pennsylvania at the hands of a Presbyterian father and a Baptist mother, Frank found faith with another group, the Methodists. But while serving as a Congregationalist missionary in the Philippines, Laubach had an experience while praying on Signal Hill behind his home in Lanao, where he was ministering to the Moros people. Experiencing total failure at the hands of a people who had no place for the gospel, he cried to the Father, "What can I do for hateful people like these: murderers, thieves, dirty filthy betel nut chewers - our enemies?" God answered him. (Laubach wrote):

My lips began to move and it seemed to me that God was speaking. "My child," my lips said, "you have failed because you do not really love these Moros. You feel superior to them because you are white. If you can forget you are an American and think only how I love them, they will respond."

Laubach's life was gradually but dramatically transformed in his understanding of the "others" he was called to love, and his work grew from a private to a public mission. The Jesus Creed formed the center of Laubach's life. Thus, he later confesses: "I choose to look at people through God, using God as my glasses, colored with His love for them."

His little book Letters by a Modern Mystic has sold nearly a million copies. Partly to his credit go the practice of "breath prayers" and the decision to live in the continual presence of God, which he had learned in seminary from Brother Lawrence. He went down from that Signal Hill experience with a mission "to respond to God as a violin responds to the bow of the master," and he believed that such "oneness with God is the most normal condition one can have." He found such oneness, for he confesses in April 1930 that "God was so close and so amazingly lovely that I felt like melting all over with a strange blissful contentment." One of his most potent statements about private, personal conversion is this: "Now I like God's presence so much that when for a half hour or so He slips out of mind - as He does many times a day - I feel as though I had deserted Him, and as though I had lost something very precious in my life."

...I like that.

Church spending guide / budget

Just got done with our annual church budget meeting. It actually went pretty smooth this year. You never know how it's going to go. Funny thing - we tallied it up and it was exactly $70 more than last year.

We have started referring to it as a "Proposed Spending Guide" instead of a "budget." The idea is to try to think of what we believe God wants us to do in the coming year; rather than how much money do we think we can milk out of people. It's all a guess anyhow. You never know what people will give. So we just try to guesstimate how much things are going to cost, and we trust God to provide. Our budget (I mean 'spending guide') is a little over $100,000.00 a year.

We break the spending guide down into seven categories: Administrative, Building & Grounds, Discipleship, Evangelism & Outreach, Fellowship, Ministry & Missions, and Worship. I actually like how it functions. And I can fit it all onto an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper (sure the font is small, but...). It's set up in Excel with one column for the 'Per Year', a column of subtotals for each category, and a column of 'Per Week' spending.

I am just glad it's done. This is one of those things I don't really like doing, but it has to be done. So... the numbers are put in, Excel has broken it all down, and all we have to do now is approve it at the annual congregational meeting in January. Whew.