Church invitation

Ha! I love this shirt. Yes, I know it's not entirely something I would want to convey - I mean, Christians don't have to be idiots and we shouldn't be confused about everything. But I like what they're trying to say: we also don't have all the answers. It's a journey, and we all have plenty to learn... from God and one another. As far as I'm concerned, anybody that tells you they don't have a disfunctional church is either lying, uninformed, stupid, or they're in heaven (and, no, I don't mean Iowa). I don't know if Bill Allison created this shirt or not, but that's apparently where it came from.

ht: Randy

Thinking about: worship music

Last week I had the order of service all planned out for our Sunday gathering, and then completely changed it all. We sang all hymns, and used the hymnal instead of slides projected on the screen like usual. There were a couple of reasons, but mostly I decided on all hymnal hymns because I wanted a marked contrast to what we did the previous week. I wanted to stress that the reason we sing songs at our gatherings is to worship God - not the style or mode of worship we use. I mean, what better way to tell someone you love and adore them than to sing to them? Sometimes I think people can tend to worship the mode more than God, and I just wanted to try to make a point that HE should be the focus of it, not what type of music we play, or how we play it, or what instruments we use.

I've also been thinking a lot lately about how many new songs we should do, or how many *different* songs to use. I mean... we haven't done a new song in quite a while. In fact, we've kind of been picking from the same, maybe, 20-30 songs. We usually do between 3 and 5 songs per week, and we have closed with "Amazing Grace" every Sunday for almost 2 years now. I guess what I don't know is: would people rather sing basically the same songs every week, or do they like learning new ones? Our group of people aren't real big singers. We actually have a lot of people that really just stand there and don't even mouth the words or anything. So I don't know if they're bored, or if maybe we just need to sing the same basic songs over and over so people begin to think of them as second nature. I don't know.

I remember when we did used to learn new songs on a regular basis. I would try to introduce a new one about every month or so. When we did a new song, first I would play it on cd a few Sundays in a row in the music that plays before the gathering starts. Then we would sing it for 3 or 4 Sundays in a row so people could get the hang of it. Then we would sing it with less and less regularity, until it got old.

We never really had "worship wars" here. When I came here - almost 9 years ago - they used an organ and piano (when they would show up). I kinda had a rough plan to switch over to something more "contemporary" (I hate that word) within like a 3 year period. But I don't think it was a year before we had a drum set, guitar and bass added. And just like *that* we had a band. I don't really even remember any grumbling or questioning or anything. Maybe I was just naive. The only time people ever seemed to complain was when the band wasn't there. But I've also tried to be very careful to not do away with some of the really good old songs. There have been few Sundays where we haven't sung at least one song that's in the old hymnal. But we don't use the organ (actually we don't have an organ anymore anyway). I never understood places that use a band for some songs, then they drag out the old organ for some... I mean... just play the music!

I dunno... I've heard about some people that have planted new churches and they just get some old hymnals that someone has discarded, and they have a good ole' time. Sometimes that sounds really appealing to me. But sometimes I really like to rock out too. So... whatever. I'm just thinking out loud.

Supper with hilary

Me-lady and I had an unusual guest with us for our weekly date-night last night. None other than Hilary Clinton himself. She was in Fort Wayne pretending to understand what it's like to be a middle-class working stiff, and we thought, "What the heck, how often does a presidential candidate come into your backyard." So we went to see.

For some odd reason she held the meeting at the ever-popular (and small) Sarah's Family Restaurant. We have never been there (and still haven't - you didn't really think we had supper with her, do you?), though we had been there when it was a Captain D's several years ago. At any rate, we parked north of the Tavern at Coventry and walked over to where the crowd of people were gathered. They reported she was to be there at 5:45, but I knew we'd be early if we got there at 6 pm. It was a little chilly. The lady who was standing next to us arrived at 4 pm. That's what I thought. Anyway, the place was crawling with cops and security guards. Someone wanted us to sign some of Hilary's propaganda when we entered the roped off area, but after finding out we didn't *have* to sign it, we smiled and walked on.

I was a little disappointed because I wished I'd have thought of something to protest before we arrived. The only protesters there looked like a church youth group or something that all stood by the road holding signs "Abortion kills children." You know, I can respect there sentiment, but... Really. What's the point in that? One guy did have a sign that said "Free Guam." And after we left we saw a guy that had a sign something to the effect that the Dems need to be fighting the Reps, rather than each other. Jane made a good comment that the Democrats are really just like Christians: spend all their time fighting with one another and forget who the real "enemy" is (and I am not a Dem or a Rep, so I'm only using the word "enemy" as it might be used by someone who gives a rip about party politics - which I do not).

Anyway, so we stood between the little podium with the flag background and the tv reporters... and stood... and stood. We did get a gift certificate for some free fries and ice tea at McDonalds. After 45 minutes I was too cold. And I wasn't about to participate in the "Madame... President..." chant. And the Hilary-worker who got up and talked made me think she was more interested in a 'woman' president than Hilary in particular, and I didn't really care about any of it anyway but just thought it would be something to do.... so we decided to go into the restaurant next door and get some supper. Sure enough, we had no longer sat down and within 5 minutes she had arrived. But we were warm, and had a tv set not 10 feet from us which gave the same exact view we had outside 20 yards away. After she was done talking I even noticed that I could have seen her out the window from my seat if I'da looked. Oh well.

I guess it was a productive night though. I mean, other than being with the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth... I at least actually listened to a politician rather than tuning them out (well, I guess I did tune her out). And, in case you haven't noticed, Hilary is not my pick to be president of the usa. Nothing against women... it's entirely personal. But seeing her, and knowing she was *right there* actually made her seem more like a person (not a middle-class working person, but someone with real blood and skin nonetheless). A mom, a wife, a human being. So even though I would still not vote for her, I do have some respect for what she's trying to do. Now, if Barach Obama had been here, I probably would have stood out in the cold a little longer to hear him speak. And maybe even John McMann (or is it McCain?).

I had the chopped steak with a baked potato and caesar salad. Natasha was our waitress. It was a nice night.

Hmm...

I have been directed to Eugene Echo's blog many many times in the past. I finally added him to my sidebar after reading his post: my pastor is a janitor. We seem to share a similar twisted sense of humor, and he's not near as mad at the world as me. I need to read more people who are less mad.

This also helped me in an area I often wonder about: exactly what does a pastor do if he/she decides to leave pastoring? For people like me - I'm only trained in one area, and not particularly good at it. So this wasn't too encouraging in that regard. But I wish seeing someone act on their faith wasn't so out of the ordinary for me (I'm pointing the finger at myself for those of you who think I'm picking on my church again).

Hmm...

Serenity (not necessarily now)

That 'serenity now' thing doesn't work (who said this?), but there are some things I do find relaxing.

One thing that I used to hate, but now find very calming is: getting a haircut. That is unless I'm also doing counseling at the same time. But something about hearing the scissors go "clip, clip, clip" and whatnot... It's hard for me to stay awake.

I also get all warm and fuzzy every year when the piano tuner comes to the church. I can hear him from my office. He's such a mellow guy anyway, always smiling, really quiet. And just something about how he hits the notes, the repetition, the sequencing... It almost puts me in a trance.

Prayer has always relaxed me. So much so that I often fall asleep while praying. I used to feel guilty about this, but now I pretty much accept that it is what it is: I probably need more sleep. And I can almost always start right back up when I wake up.

And finally, and I almost hate to admit this, but I think I've become addicted to the tanning bed. I always wondered why people used these things over and over. Man... I don't know if it's the heat, the hum, or what, but I've been thinking of making this a once-a-week ritual - maybe even leaving my clothes on - just for the relaxation benefit. I probably won't, but... it's a thought.

So what about you - what calms you, or what do you do to relax?

The weight: crosses, calls, and kindred spirits

For those of you aware of my most recent meltdown last week, I feel somewhat obligated to try to offer a bit of explanation if I may.

I suppose, in a way, it's kinda like one of my all-time favorite songs: The Band's classic "The Weight." If you're not familiar, HERE is a clip of it from the movie The Last Waltz. According to the wiki site, "The Weight" takes the folk music motif of a traveler, who arrives in Nazareth in the Lehigh Valley region of Pennsylvania. Once there, he encounters various residents of the town, the song being a story of these encounters."

Although, according to Robbie Robertson (the song's composer), "The Weight" was somewhat inspired by the films of Luis Buñuel, about which Robertson once said:

He did so many films on the impossibility of sainthood, people trying to do good in Viridiana and Nazarín, and it's impossible to do good. In "The Weight" it's the same thing. Someone says, "Listen, will you do me this favor? When you get there will you say 'hello' to somebody or will you pick up one of these for me?" "Oh, you're going to Nazareth, do me a favor when you're there." So the guy goes and one thing leads to another and it's like, "Holy shit, what has this turned into? I've only come here to say 'hello' for somebody and I've got myself in this incredible predicament." It was very Buñuelish to me at the time.

That's the part that connects with me. See, being a pastor was not my idea. Especially being a pastor in a small traditional-looking country church. Not that I don't think it's where I'm supposed to be, but... let's just say that following Jesus almost always results in some incredible "predicament's." I guess that's why it requires a child-like faith, otherwise we would never go there. I'm not sure how you can read the Bible and think that surrendering yourself to God is ever going to be easy. Whether it's as a pastor, or living up to whatever "calling" you have received in life. I think at some point every Jesus-follower finds themselves thinking, "Holy shit, what has this turned into?"

I thought it interesting that while thinking about all this I happened across the program from my ordination service (July 23, 2000). On the back I printed this quote from Frederick Buechner's, The Alphabet of Grace (109):

The most crucial thing is always the thing that is not said. They are simply getting on with their lives, and it is not so simple. Maybe that is the most crucial thing.

"I hear you are entering the ministry," the woman said down the long table, meaning no real harm. "Was it your own idea or were you poorly advised?"

And the answer that she could not have heard even if I had given it was that it was not an idea at all, neither my own nor anyone else's. It was a lump in the throat. It was an itching in the feet. It was a stirring in the blood at the sound of rain. It was a sickening of the heart at the sight of misery. It was a clamoring of ghosts. It was a name which, when I wrote it out in a dream, I knew was a name worth dying for even if I was not brave enough to do the dying myself and could not even name the name for sure.

"Come unto me, all ye who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you a high and driving peace..."

Buechner became one of my favorite writers during seminary. That piece, along with "The Weight," seem to unexplainably put everything into perspective for me.

Sometimes I think we think the "rest" that Jesus talked about, and the "peace" he gives, is something that will come easily, or that it means a life without predicament. But filtered through the cross and our call... it would seem it's rarely if ever a swift journey. And just like with this latest fall o' mine, maybe the "come unto me," isn't some sort of prayer we don't vocalize... it could very well be something like a public blog post (that opens us up to our kindred spirits). For, even though I am still fairly weak, it is those of you who offered prayers, and emails, and comments, and hugs and looks and shaky-voiced calls who have helped get me through. Maybe you meant to, maybe you didn't. But I think it's things like that that make the church the church. It's when we hum, "Take a load off Fanny"; we say some "hello's"; we pick up a few things here and there... and it's not at all found in thinking about ourselves, but simply following, and serving, and being mindful of others. And the risk is that sometimes we will find ourselves in a quandary and we need to share our load... and that's what we do, until we can get up again.

I don't know... this probably doesn't make much sense. It wasn't my idea anyway. But I think it's why this walk we call faith isn't meant to be done alone. I appreciate those of you who have allowed me to join the journey with you, or you with me. Mmmm... whatever. I dunno.

Peace out, peace in.

Today #341

There's always this point when I have read and studied, and *kinda* know what I want to say, but I just can't seem to get started on the sermon... Sometimes it's hard to explain when someone asks, "So what did you do this afternoon?"

"Um... I sat with my fingers on the keyboard and.... Yeah."

So, some things running through my head...

• Jane started back to work today. She's actually been doing the paperwork from home since having her gallbladder removed, but today she starts making food and dealing with customers and employees again. Hopefully someone else is making the dough for this week though. She's not ready to be lifting 50+ pounds of dough out of the mixer yet.
• Not only did Jane have to go to the doctor again yesterday, but Bogey had to go back for his check-up (they use different doctors). The leg medicine is working, but the sore is not completely healed yet. So he still needs to wear the cone on his head and twice daily dopings. And... we saw a new vet while there, and Bogey liked her much better than the guy vet. So I did too. It had previously been suggested that the old dog simply needed to learn new tricks - maybe with the help of a pet psychologist. Um... nothing against counselors and all, but.... Nada. But this new lady vet said we might want to consider putting the little guy on Prozac. I kinda chuckled, wondering if she read my blog and was talking about me; but she said they do this with lots of dogs now. Apparently they get depressed just like people. Well if anybody's gonna have a depressed dog, it's certainly going to be mine!
• Somehow we managed to get both our cars back this past weekend. I wasn't even planning on it, but when the kiddles went off in their own directions, they were each driving their respective cars. Huh.
• I've been reading some interesting "church leadership" crud the past couple days. Today At The Mission talks about Thomas Blackaby's provocative article on pastors being shepherds and not sheep; and the amazing Brant Hanson has an awesome post "Awesomely Awesome Non-Satire Here." I think there's probably a lot of truth spilt between these posts and the respective writings they're dealing with. Low-lifes like me read these things with a salt shaker though.
• I'm ready to skip right to summer. It was supposed to be in the upper forties today and this morning it was snowing and blowing and downright cold. Jane could tell you how many days left until we're leaving the country. Average daily temps there are high of 83 and low of 72. Ahhh. If we just didn't have to drive north to Detroit, and then get in that metal tube to cross the ocean....

Yeah... that didn't work. I still got nothin'. Um, a song anyone? How 'bout "Baby Won't You Follow Me Down"?

Best tracks and side tracks - revue

The Rev. Keith A. Gordon has a really nice review HERE of my friend Jason Ringenberg's latest cd. Jason really is one of the worlds' truly good guys. We got him hooked on The Daily Bread devotional when he played here last year. The Rev. says...

Best Tracks And Side Tracks, [is]a collection of Ringenberg solo material, outtakes, collaborations, and rarities from 1979 to 2007. This double-CD compilation is divided into two parts: "Best Tracks," featuring 20 songs culled from Jason's three solo and two Farmer Jason albums, including a trio of new recordings; and "Side Tracks," offering 10 rare, obscure songs and a couple of surprises that'll have the hardcore fans running down to their local music vendor to procure a copy, pronto.

Sounds good to me. I hear there's a release party in Nashvegas this weekend. Sure wish it wasn't so far away; and that I didn't have to work weekends. You should read the article: Still Mr. Nice Guy.

Easter Sunday

Turned out to be a good day. And just let me say... it was great playing with the band again.

We had a nice breakfast, an okay crowd, the music sounded awesome (to me), and I am sooooo glad to have Easter week in the can. Whew. It was also nice to see some of the newer people to church all excited as they brought friends and family for the first time. Kinda funny how it's always the newest people who get the most excited. I guess I haven't had a chance to rub off on them yet.

And it occurred to me... I think part of why I am scared to put another band together is because I don't think there's any way we could ever recreate what we had. I mean, these guys all showed up on a minimum of sleep, they probably hadn't played any of these songs (or maybe even heard them) for well over a year - maybe two, we just ran through them one time before breakfast, and it was like... they'd never been gone. We even had a new sound guy! And believe me, I freaking know church isn't about the Sunday morning thing (though I believe it is part of it), but when gathered in community to worship God, some times are just better than others. And this Easter morning was nice. Really nice.

We also had a nice lunch with the fam. It was a good day.

Just preaching - good friday

I gave the message at the community Good Friday service this year. Wow, it's kinda nice being able to just get up and preach... and nothing else.

It was at another church, and I was able to sit with Jane (and Drew and Carrie - not to be confused with Drew Carey) until it was time to preach. The sermon title was "It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Dying)," which is a play off the Bob Dylan song, "It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)." My main point was kinda that sometimes we only want the Jesus of Easter Sunday, and we overlook the importance of Good Friday - all he went through on our behalf, and how that can help us when we go through rotten, stinky times ourselves. Jesus gives people dignity. That is good news. It's also a call to us to seek to give others dignity too.

Anyway, it was a small crowd - probably less than 100. I liked their sanctuary. It was wiiiiide, and not very long. That way I could see everyone good when speaking. I like to be able to see the people I'm speaking to. Our sanctuary is not good for this. I really can't even see the people that sit in the back section - which is where the majority of the people sit. And I could really dig just having to preach. It makes it so much easier to remember things, not having so much to be thinking about all at once. But every time I say that then I really get into leading worship, so... nevermind anything I say. Whatever.

Afterwards me-lady and I went to pizza hut for a supreme. I really like that hymn "Were You There." We sang that to close with. Nice.

Silence...

Thursday becomes friday

I couldn't sleep. Went to bed around eleven-thirty and I think I woke up a little before three. Heard Isaac come in around four. I finally got up at five. Went over and worked in the office a bit. I was hoping no one would come in since I just had my bathrobe and slippers on, and a stocking cap.

Last night we had our Maundy Thursday service. There were six people besides me, Jane and Carrie. We started with a meal. Vegetable and Chicken noodle soup, bread, water, and grape juice. After reading Luke 22:14-23, and sharing about what communion meant to us, we broke bread and drank ...juice. Then I read John 13:1-17, and a piece on footwashing out of a magazine. Someone gave it to me. It was actually out of Oprah's magazine (I have never been a big Oprah fan). Then those who wanted to wash feet did that. There were three of us guys. I washed the feet of the oldest guy there, then he washed the other guys, then that guy washed mine. We had all talked about how it's often harder to have your feet washed than to do the washing. After that everyone walked through the Stations of the Cross set up in the sanctuary. I got the pictures off a website, and I use a devotion and prayer from Tony Joneses book 'The Sacred Way.' I asked everyone to leave in silence. Jane and I then spent another hour or two putting everything away. I would guess I probably spent over eight hours getting ready and tearing down. For six people. Which doesn't include the fact that I already had the boards and tables for the Stations, I had already made the pics and wordings, already had black tablecloths for each of the fourteen areas, Jane had made black curtains to cover the sanctuary windows, and that doesn't include her time preparing food and whatnot also. I'm not sure what this means for next year.

We talked a little about how to make it so more people might come. But it kind of seems that most people don't come because it's just too ...uncomfortable. And to make it more comfortable would kind of defeat the purpose of what it's all about. I mean, taking up your cross and following Jesus isn't supposed to be comfortable. Sacrifice isn't supposed to be *nice.* And that seems to be the great dilemma. We all want served, we want things done how *we* want them, and few seem willing to bend down and do for others.

All night I kept thinking about an old friend. Perhaps the best friend I've ever had. He was quite a lot older than me. He epitomized servanthood more than anyone I have ever known. He passed away several years ago. He used to get everything ready for the feetwashing time. I really miss him. Especially now. I can't even type this without...

The journey through the Stations really didn't have any meaning to me... until I got to number eleven. Where they were nailing Jesus to the cross.

Basically this night left me with a whole lotta questions; some serious heartache; and not much in the way of answers of any kind.

My ear is bothering me again. My head feels lopsided. It's early Friday morning and I'm going to be eating leftover soup for several days.

Seeking wisdom: a mind for God (1)

I'm just going to drop some quotes from James Emery White's good little book A Mind For God. These are all from chapter four: "The Lost Tools of Learning."

• "In our world, knowledge is on the decline, with wisdom on an even more rapid descent. What is taking its place is information, virtually unlimited amounts coupled with immediate access. The founders of Google, one of the leading Internet search engines, took their name from googol (the numeral 1 followed by 100 zeros), signifying how much information they initially hoped to catalog. So one can "Google" God and come up with millions of "hits" -- but what does this deliver? How do we wade through such vast amounts of information? What is right, what is wrong, what is reputable, what is without merit? (51)
  
• "The highly lauded personalization of information protects us from exposure to anything that might challenge our thinking or make us uncomfortable. Unchecked, we begin to follow the sound of nothing more than the echo of our own voice. At the very least, knowledge becomes trivialized. So as laudable as Google's project may be, the most popular Google searches of 2005 included Janet Jackson, Xbox 360, Brad Pitt, Michael Jackson, American Idol, and Angelina Jolie. This is why education matters. (52)
  
• "And having it matter is, of course, quite Christian. The very foundation of liberal arts education can be traced back to the monastic education developed during the Middle Ages. There was sacred learning through the Bible and secular learning through the seven liberal arts of the trivium (grammar, rhetoric, and logic) and quadrivium (arithmetic, geometry, astronomy and music). The idea was that the whole of human learning could be gathered into these "arts." (53)
• "I may have read the works of Shakespeare, but to study under someone who has devoted his or her life to Shakespeare is well worth the investment and holds far more than reading alone ever could. Otherwise I may fall prey to narrow thinking, limited opinion and often shallow conclusions.
• "But there is more for the Christian. The Bible speaks clearly of the spiritual gift of teaching (Romans 12:7; 1 Cor. 12:29; Eph. 4:11). Spiritual gifts are given by the Holy Spirit because they are needed by the body of Christ. The gift of teaching implies that there are students... We must be learners, and one of the primary ways we are to learn is through teachers - this is so important the Holy Spirit actually distributes the gift of teaching for this very purpose. Failing to take advantage of this entails refusing the work of the Holy Spirit in our life. (54)
• "As Williams concludes, "attending school is not just a means of preparing for a good life. It is a good life." (55)
  

1000 posts

The point of my 'It's just the normal noises' post was actually going to be that the post prior to that was my 1000th post. Somehow I guess I forgot while I was writing it.

Anyway, so this is post number 1002. I can still kinda remember when I started this blog. I had no idea what I was doing, or the importance of picking a url that people might actually remember (what the heck is 12ddm?) or anything like that. And I just started by writing stupid stuff that was on my mind. Pretty much like now. Tom was probably the first one to get me thinking about having a blog, and then Brian gave me a nudge and helped me set things up through several emails. Andrew Jones was a big influence as well (unbeknownst to him).

Hmm... time flies, doesn't it.

It's just the normal noises

So... I was driving into Fort Wayne... driving Isaac's '97 Lumina... turned on the radio (I so seldom listen to the radio, or any kind of music, anymore)... first was Jimi Hendrix, then AC/DC, Tom Petty, ZZ Top... and so on. It was like... yesterday... and I smiled. I was all alone. A big grin on a bench seat with a cross hanging from the rear view mirror. Two pop cans crammed under the side of the passenger seat. A pipe cleaner heart is wedged in the dash near the speedometer. I don't know how fast I was going. I almost thought I saw a box of cornpuffs on the golf course.

Anyway, I forgot that we got tickets to see Tom Petty in July. I am pumped. I'm also pumped to see who's opening for him, (Steve Winwood) but I can't for the life of me think who it is right now. I just heard tonight that it's sold out. Yeahhhh.

A line I use a lot is "It's just the normal noises..." It comes from Tom's Damn The Torpedoes album; right before one of my favorite songs, "Even the Losers" (even the losers get lucky sometime). I don't really know what it means, but some girl says, "It's just the normal noises in here." I usually use it to describe something that's, I don't know... not out of the ordinary. Kinda like my latest little fallout. It's stuff that happens. Don't worry. It'll get better. "Even the Losers" had a lot to do with my general makeup, I think. Not like rouge or lipstick, but... how I thought. What I'm like. Passion.

Right now I'm listening to Radio Paradise - eclectic online rock radio on the computer. So far the songs have been pretty good. I don't know why I never listen to music. I love music. But I sit in silence almost all day long. Every day. I like silence too. Maybe because I usually hear music anyway.

It's just the normal noises, and I don't think I'm making any sense. Yeah.

A little clarification

In my post from yesterday it could appear that I was displeased with the church I am a part of. I just wanted to clarify that that is not the case. I was venting frustrations I am having with myself. As I stated, I am not opposed to people going on vacations - I do; I know people have things that come up; I know there will be times in life when the 'Sunday morning thing' just doesn't work out; I know not everyone feels the same way about gathering in community as I do. I know that no one is perfect anymore than I am. I know, I know, I know...

My frustration is with me as a leader. My frustration is with the way I have chosen to "do" church. And my blog posts are usually real to a fault. But there is also a lot of sarcasm, tongue-in-cheek, innuendo, Seinfeld-ish stuff too. If you're the type of person who takes everything very literally... you're a gonna have problems with me.

The fact is, I like my particular church very much. But every church has problems. I don't care how big or how small. The only difference is which kind of problems you have. So I'm not complaining about the problems. I'm just venting some frustration. I have always tried to be very intentional about seeing to it that our church is a place where someone who is unfamiliar or uncomfortable with "regular" church can come and feel this is a safe place to explore a relationship with God. In fact, I have had people tell me we are not a "real" church - and I think they meant that in the best of ways. We are not big on institutionalism or protocol, but simply regular people doing our best to follow Jesus. I LOVE that about our church. And we have some great people here. That doesn't mean we don't have problems though. One of our big ones is that we are short on leaders. The few of us who do so work and try very hard, and sometimes it causes us to think and do some stupid things (like my post yesterday). I don't fault anyone for that, but that doesn't mean I don't get frustrated. I actually wish people would fail more often. At least that means they're trying. I even remember giving a prize once for the person who had the biggest blunder.

Anyway, this post is going nowhere fast too. I just didn't want anyone to think I was dissing on the people in my church. I love them very much. I hope they know that - although it's probably been awhile since I've told them. However, that doesn't mean I don't wish for better, and that doesn't mean I don't question my place and position here now and then, and that doesn't mean I'm not going to get depressed and feel like a failure sometimes. So... there ya go.

Peace out; peace in.

I just don't know

Yesterday was another one of those 'I don't know how much longer I can do this' days. There seem to be more and more of them. And the thoughts that leap into my head seem to be more and more of long lost friends from another time and place. I'm beginning to wonder if I fit. Anywhere.

It started off right from the beginning yesterday. At 4:52 I woke up and had an anxiety like I haven't had in quite some time. Not an anxiety 'attack', but I just had this panic about me... what if what happened last week happened again this week; what if people I was depending on didn't show again; what if, what if, what if. I didn't really think I was THAT stressed out last Sunday, but I think I was more than I knew it. And I just don't know how much longer I can take it. The feeling that no one gets anything I do. And what's worse is I don't know if I get it anymore.

I actually had to lock myself in my office when people started arriving. I honestly didn't know if I was going to be able to get up in front of people. I've felt this before a time or two, but not quite like this.

Part of the deal is... I am really starting to question whether any of it is worth it. And it's not that I don't believe it's worth it. It is to me. I need a faith community to be a part of. I'm just not sure anyone else sees that. And that maybe the problem is because I'm not able to show it to people.

I don't know.

Of course, to top things off... this week we have a Maundy Thursday service, I'm preaching at the community Good Friday service, there is an Easter Egg Hunt, and Sunday is Easter. Judging from the number of people who told me they will be out of town Easter Sunday, it could be one of our lower attended Sundays of the year. That seems about right anymore. And it's not that I don't understand people going away for spring break and whatnot. But it just seems like nobody cares. And why would they? I don't know if I know anymore.

For Maundy Thursday I had pretty much decided against doing the Stations of the Cross. But this morning I got a wild hair and went ahead and set it up anyhow. We'll start out with a soup and bread meal in the basement. We will take communion using the bread. Then for those who want to practice the ordinance of feetwashing we will have the ladies go to one area and the guys go to another. For those not washing feet, they can go ahead and start walking through the Stations of the Cross in the sanctuary. Everybody else can when they're done, or they can just leave. For the Stations I have a maze of spots weaving through the sanctuary - fourteen of them - and it's dark, except there is a candle beside each picture of the station, along with a brief description and a prayer you can read or say. I will likely have the soundtrack from The Passion of the Christ playing. People seem to like it. I'm only expecting 10 or 12 though. Easter week is pretty meaningless to most people - especially this day.

On Good Friday I will be preaching at the neighboring Methodist church. My sermon title is: 'It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Dying).' You can feel free to guess the song reference (this one's pretty easy). This won't be one of those happy sermons. We need a little more dyin' in the church, ya know.

I don't even want to talk about the Easter Egg Hunt. I have not wanted to do this for the past several years. I mean... where do candy and bunnies fit between Jesus dying and rising? Whatever.

I expect Easter Sunday to be a perfect disaster. We go the simple route - we have a breakfast at 9 am and the regular worship gathering from 10~11. People will be excited about breakfast, then I'm sure I will be depressed because no one will be there for the worship gathering. And I just don't know if I can make myself seem like everything is alright anymore.

I dunno. I'm sure I'll be fine. Somehow it always works out. If anyone is still reading, I'm sorry this is such a downer post. I hate being like this. I hate writing this. I know you hate reading drivel like this. But that's why this is a 'personal' blog. Some people like to see a train wreck, I guess.

Last night Jane and I watched 'Across the Universe.' It wasn't at all like I thought it would be. I don't really know if I even liked it or didn't like it... I just kept thinking about some stuff. Stuff I can't really write about. I feel very unsure. Weird.

It's alright...

Our dog is so bright...

He's gotta wear (a) shade. A lamp shade that is. (bonus points if you can guess the song reference, and band name).

Poor little conehead. Actually it's an e-collar, which he has to wear for the next 2 weeks. You can see the sore he's licked on his left arm in the top photo. I know he hates wearing this, but he's being a sport about it. And he hasn't been licking his paws.

Today #412

Not too much happening. This morning we had a church board meeting. They have been much better lately. There for awhile they were getting to be a real drag again. Anyway, they agreed to let us carpet the kitchen, laundry room and bathrooms in the parsonage. We had asked about new linoleum, but after checking prices and whatnot we felt carpeting everything would be best. That'll be kinda cool. We're also looking into putting a circle drive out front. As it is now, whenever people come over - or even if our kids are home - we don't have enough parking space for everybody, and you can't park along the road. So a circle drive would be really nice for company and the like. We talked about other stuff too, but that's what I was just thinking about.

Yesterday I fixed Carrie's RoadTrip for her ipod. A screw had come out and she pulled a wire off last week. I got out the old soldering iron and soldered a new wire in place. Works like new. It's been a long time since my soldering days. I went to school for a year and a half in electronics repair. Then later yesterday I was cleaning her car out and actually found the original screw that had been in the RoadTrip, so I swapped it with the replacement I'd used. Of course, I'm not sure if that's still Carrie's car, or if it's ours now. Whichever. :)

Today I got the radio in the same car going again. We bought this car off of a repo man. He put a new radio/cd player in it, but when he did, instead of using an adapter where the antennae hooks into the radio, he tried to jerry-rig it and 'make it work.' Well, he did a terrible job. So I had to tighten up the black electrical tape that holds the antennae in place on the back of the radio.

Bogey boy is not liking his funnel-hat collar still. He's getting used to it, but it seems to have thrown his depth perception off or something. He keeps running into things. We take it off when he goes outside to go potty and when he eats. Otherwise he'll start licking his feet, and that's a no-no. Poor guy.

Jane is doing much better. She's still sore, but she slept in bed last night, and I think she's going to cook again tonight. Whew... I'm glad of that. Just something about cooking that I can't do. I think I've blogged about the time I ruined two pans trying to make tomato soup. Yep.

Hey... and did you catch the Illini beating Purdue!?! And Minnesota beat IU. Yesterday was a GREAT day for college basketball. :) I know it's still not likely, but it would just be too cool if Illinois could actually win the Big Ten tournament. Jane and I were thinking about going down to Indy to see them this past Thursday. Unfortunately something else came up. Oh well. I would just as soon they be winning as get to see them live. One of these days though....

Well, the treadmill is calling. I have some miles to make up for this week. And who knows what next week will be like with Easter happenings and all. Btw... if you don't have any Easter Sunday plans - feel free to stop into our church for breakfast at 9 am and the worship gathering at 10. No sunrise stuff, just the usual good times.

Peace out; peace in.

Loving the church

I have to admit... while I completely (well, near as I am able) understand where many are coming from when they do it, I struggle reading/hearing about people who don't like the church. And I'm specifically talking about "Christians" who bitch about the church. Much the same way I get real uncomfortable talking to someone ripping on their spouse. That rarely makes me think poorly of the person they are ripping, but moreso of the one speaking. And if someone were to speak poorly of MY spouse to me.... well, I don't know that a punch in the face would be out of the question.

So I want to tip my hat to Milton and Jared (Jared has a nice post about it entitled "Church-Laxity") for pointing me to Roy Ortlund's fine post "What Are We Teaching Our Children?" I like this line:

"If we honor the Groom, we will love the Bride."

To be clear... the Groom is Christ; the Bride is the Church. And I'm not saying that there aren't things *in* the church that need to be changed or questioned. My wife is not perfect either. But I love her, and the truth is... usually there are things about myself that need changed when I get rankled with her about something.

I love my wife, friends. Everything about her. I dearly love the church too. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And I love and want to honor Jesus. I'm not telling anyone what to do, but the truth is... sometimes we lose our way and forget what we're talking about. I wanted to clarify things for myself here.

Peace & blessings.

Oh man...

Jane got home from the hospital last night. The longest part of the ordeal for me was the time between when the doctor said she would 'probably' be released today (at noon), and when he finally came back at 5 pm to say she could go. Of course our supper had just arrived. It was after 6 before we could go anyway. She didn't much care for when he pulled out her drain tube either. Ouch. I thought it was like an IV, instead of something the size of my pinky finger! At any rate, she is still pretty sore, but doing well.

I was able to do quite a bit at the hospital and at night when I was home. Today I just needed to finish up the sermon, tweak the powerpoint stuff, put the music out for Sunday, do the bulletins, and a few other minor things. Of course I didn't even realize it until I had done all those things that this Sunday is Palm Sunday! What?!? How did I miss that. So, I changed one song (We have to sing "Hosanna" on Palm Sunday), and we're just going to have to kind of 'go with it' this year.

To top things off, I had to take Bogey to the vet this afternoon for a sore he's had on his front leg. This is always a pretty traumatic event for the little guy, and today he didn't have 'mom' to go along. Man, oh, man. First the vet told me he needs to lose about 10 pounds; and he gave me this medicine to put on his leg that we can't touch; and he told me Bogey's problems all stem from SEPARATION ANXIETY. I thought, "Well, duh, the dog has ALWAYS had separation anxiety. If you read up on this breed that's a common character trait. Anyway, he gave me this like 10-page paper to read on it, AND.... he's supposed to wear one of those stupid cone collars FOR TWO WEEKS!!! Night and day. All the time.

I put it on when I got home, and he can't even walk around. Now he's going to be nothing but depressed. I cut off about 3 inches all the way around, but he still just can't hardly move about. And I'm not sure if he's going to be able to eat. It's pretty pathetic. I don't know if this is going to work.

So... it's time to go home... and I still have lots to do... and I'm feeling a little fried out. But, there has been a lot of good things this week too. I have to say, the hospital stay, and everyone who worked there, were way better than expected. No complaints whatsoever. I really liked the doctor. I'm glad we went where we went.

That's all I've got for now.

My celebrity soulmate

I was a little worried yesterday that I might need to find another soulmate, so I took this little quiz. Oh I'm just kidding! I actually did this weeks ago and have had it stored in my rainy day file. Besides, I would have thought this was a good thing until I saw Eva on Leno one night. Umm... She's nice lookin' and all, but... wowza. Anyway, I already have the best. I kinda thought Diane Lane or Michelle Pfeiffer might show up on this quiz though. ;)

So what about you? I'm curious as to who the other celebrities are.

Take the Quiz

The stones

Well the gallbladder is gone. Jane's that is - mine was already gone. They took her for surgery at noon and told me it would be about an hour, and that they would come and tell me if they had to take it the old-fashioned way. I went to eat with the kids and was back in about an hour. I sat their for another hour and a half and still hadn't heard anything. I finally called the surgery desk, and after two hours and thirty five minutes the doctor came and told me he got it out laparascopically. But he said it took some work because it was pretty bad, and he estimated she had about 100 stones. He said she wins the prize for ugliest gallbladder of the month.

She was in recovery another hour and a half and then back to her room. She looked pretty good, and even ate a cup of jello - the first thing other than a piece of toast since Saturday. Hopefully she'll be home tomorrow, or maybe the next day.

Thanks for the prayers and concern. Peace and out.

Jane update

Well Jane is finally getting some rest. After being in pain all day and night yesterday... then greeting Isaac when he walked in the door at 3 am by throwing up... I finally took her to the emergency room in Bluffton this morning. We got there around 8 am.

We chose Bluffton because it's a smaller hospital, plus her regular doctor practices there. And it was worth it. She was the only one in ER when we arrived, and everyone there was super, super nice. It wasn't long before they were full though.

They determined early on that it was her gallbladder, and started her on demerol. It worked better than what she had been taking, and she was able to get some rest in our nice ER room. I think a guy died while we were there though. :(

The surgeon finally came and saw her around 11 and determined the gallbladder needed to come out soon, so they checked her into the hospital. Around 1 pm she finally got a regular room. And - get this - they put her in the pediatrics department, and she's the only person in the whole ped's area. It is really nice. Not only a private room, but a private stinkin' wing of the hospital!

Once in the room they started her on morphine. Yep, that did the trick. She was out like a light all afternoon. She finally came to in the evening and we visited some. Isaac came and we got something to eat, then I left around 8 pm.

Surgery is scheduled for around noon tomorrow (Tuesday). They hope to remove the gallbladder laparascopically (which works 90% of the time). They said there is a possibility they may need to do an endoscopy if there are any blockages. But they can do that later.

This was a kinda long day, but it was actually quite peaceful (for me). Even though the nurses kept telling me to turn on the tv, I didn't. I either napped myself, or I read. I was able to read James Emery White's great little book "A Mind for God." I will be blogging about it later, but the basic idea is that Christians need to learn to THINK. We need to seek wisdom rather than merely acquiring information. Anyway, there's lot's to think on for a book of only 114 pages. I wish more people would write shorter books like this too.

I also started in on Bill Hull's "The Complete Book of Discipleship," but didn't get too far. And I did about 6 pages of handwritten blogging/journaling.

Welp, I am beat. Tomorrow could be a long day too. Peace, peeps.

Bad day

I wish this day would get over with. It has not been good. In fact, it started off bad last night. My parents called and said our dog, Charlie, had died yesterday. He was a lab/mutt that my parents adopted from us when we moved to Ohio (before moving to Indiana). He was too big to live in our apartment. We knew he had cancer for several months now. He was 13 - which is 91 in dog years (according to the vet).

Then, like losing an hour due to the time change wasn't enough, I knew this morning would be awkward anyhow. Jane and Robin (keys & singer) weren't due back from the women's retreat in Ohio until right before the worship service, so we were going to go without a practice or sound check. It's not *real* necessary, and we *can* get by without one, but I just like everyone knowing what's going to happen with transitions and making sure monitors are set and whatnot.

What I wasn't expecting was the text message at 5 am to call Jane IMMEDIATELY. I naturally thought it must be about Carrie, since she got sick at the retreat yesterday. Instead Jane said SHE had been up since 3:30 with a serious pain under her ribs on the right side. She finally woke Robin up and had her take her to the emergency room in Findlay. I didn't like not being there and not knowing what was going on.

Then the drummer calls and says he has a sore throat and won't be there. He is also the high school sunday school teacher, and the backup sound board guy.

As people started to show up, there was a little "misunderstanding" with someone whom I've been having a lot of "misunderstandings" with lately.

Then the greeter shows up and says she doesn't want to greet today because she has a cough.

Then it's time for the service to start... and no sound guy.

So today we had me leading on acoustic guitar and vocals... and that was it. And I don't know that there's anything wrong with that necessarily, but unless you've ever led worship, and done it by yourself... it's a little unnerving in and of itself, let alone when you've not done a sound check, and there is no one to check it anyhow, and you WEREN'T FREAKING EXPECTING TO DO IT. But... it went okay. I dropped one song, moved some things around, and we just did "There's Power In The Blood", "Nothing But The Blood", and "I Surrender All." Actually, these are all very guitar-friendly anyway, and I like the way we do them.

I finally heard that they'd done an ultrasound on Jane and found she had gall stones. They gave her some pain meds and discharged her. Luckily she already had a doctors appointment for tomorrow. She finally arrived home a little after noon, and is still in some pretty serious pain.

I headed to Bluffton to get her prescriptions filled, and I had switched cars with Isaac on Friday because he said his was acting up. Of course it hadn't acted up on me... UNTIL I went to get the meds. I bought some STP and made it there and back. And the pharmacy didn't have either kind of meds prescribed, so it took over an hour before they called the Findlay hospital and found suitable replacements.

And we were supposed to go to Muncie tonight to hear son Isaac's band play, but we won't be going anywhere at this point. And... son Isaac has been in the snowstorm in Cincinnati all weekend, and isn't answering his phone, so I'm not sure where he is anyway.

Yep, this is a sucky day. At least the sun is shining. And my ear feels almost normal. And the Illini won yesterday. And... ahhhh, it's still sucky.

New mic batteries

Changed batteries today in the Sure lapel mic. 3/9/08

Buzzword bingo

Ha! Jim has created a Buzzword Bingo card for Christians - based on Tom's post HERE.

It says:

Need something to do at that next pastors conference or mission meeting or while reading yet another Christian blog [Hey, how about Sunday worship service]? Play Christian buzzword bingo! Simply match words as they come up in presentations, articles or posts and if you get five in a row either horizontally, vertically or diagonally call out "Bingo!" If you are the first to shout "Bingo!", you win! Prizes vary, but typically include cold stares and shunning. Play with all your friends!

Go HERE for your CHRISTIAN BUZZWORD BINGO playing card.

Thanks Tom & Jim!

Turn your clock ahead tonight

I hope you remembered that Daylight Saving Time will begin during the night tonight (at least for most of us in the USA). Since we're approaching Spring, that means we will "spring ahead" and set our clocks AHEAD one hour. It's supposed to take place at 2 am, but the easy thing to do is: If you go to bed at say, 11 pm, just set your clocks for midnight. Then when you get up in the morning all will be right with the world. Or do like me and go ahead and change them all in the middle of the afternoon today.

I'll tell you this... I don't like doing it this early in the year. I want to go back to when we used to change it - three weeks later. It stays dark too late in the morning.

And it goes without saying that attendance will probably be low at our worship gathering in the morning. Whatever, you know.

I gotta go change all the clocks in the church now. I think there's eight of them. And here I thought I was being nice and sent a postcard to everyone in the church reminding them of the time change... But I was told this morning that I typed 4/8 instead of 3/8 on the card. Sometimes you can't win for losin'.

Just me

Well it was just me and the dog last night... and tonight. Jane is off to a women's conference in Ohio. At least Carrie gets to go too (it's actually held at her workplace). Isaac is on spring break this coming week, but headed straight to Cincinnati for some reason. :) He'll be home Sunday night after his band plays a show in Muncie. The dog is laying under my feet as I type.

And to top things off, I tried to leave a comment on the previous post - and it won't let me! Are comments broken? I'll know they aren't if you leave one. ;) [Yes, it finally worked. But you can still leave a comment. Say 'hello.']

Peace out; peace in.

Six sermon questions

Milton pointed me to Jared Wilson's blog where he lists Mark Driscoll's Six Framing Questions For Preaching the Word. They are:

1. What does Scripture say? - The Biblical Question
2. What does the Scripture Mean? - The Theological Question
3. What is my Hook? - The Memorable Question
4. Why do people resist this truth? - The Apologetic Question
5. Why does this matter? - The Missional Question
6. How is Jesus the Hero/Savior? - The Christological Question

DLE adds a seventh question HERE.

I like this. I need to change my preaching style anyhow (and maybe someday I will). I also realize a lot of people don't care for Driscoll. I happen to like him though. I admit I'm not as reformed as he is, but I don't think that's why many people don't like him. As I've said before - we tend to 'speak the same language' so-to-speak, and I realize a lot of people just don't. I also don't try to go out of my way to piss people off, like he sometimes seems to do. But his preaching does move me.

Ragged

Too much to do and not enough time. Plus I finally broke down and went to the doctor today. I have a stinking ear infection. I have felt progressively worse each day this week, and after telling myself I was finally going to see the doctor yesterday - and regretting not doing it again last night - I called them first thing this morning. Fortunately I was able to get in and get some antibiotics. It even has steroids in it - so you're likely to see my face plastered all over the news pretty soon. Oh wait - I don't play baseball. Never mind.

I have books and papers all over my desks still. I finally had to walk away though. That's partly why I take my day off on Friday - in case I get in a bind. And Jane is going to be gone this weekend anyway, so I won't have much else to do (at least I hope not).

I spent a bunch of time today trying to find a video clip to show while we're passing out the communion elements on Sunday. There was one I faintly remembered from years ago, but could never place it. It's funny how much time one can spend trying to be creative. I'm sure some people think it's wasted time, but I appreciate those who do it for the sake of people like me who can appreciate it.

I think that's one thing many people don't understand about artists, musicians, teachers, and people like that. You're not just paying for finished products - people need to be paid for what goes into their work. Like, I know a lot of people complain about how much it costs for a singer to do an hour long show. But you're not just paying for that one hour. You've got to consider all the practicing and preparing and maybe traveling. Creativity ain't cheap, you know.

Anyway... I still feel pretty crappy. I'm gonna try and go out to eat with me-lady tonight - since she won't be here for date-night tomorrow night. And hopefully I'll be able to stay up and watch the Fighting Illini get hammered by Michigan State later on.

Peace....

I keep using that word...

I seem to be involved in several conversations right now about discipleship, and I feel like I'm misusing some words. And to be honest, it troubles me to see so many people (in general) who are so negative against the church. I think we often forget that the church is the body of Christ; the church is nothing more than Christians, or disciples. At least that's what I see and hear when I use the word "church." I think some people only see it as an institution, and they can't see the real church because of some of the structure that has been put in place in certain "local churches." Now, granted, there are plenty of churches that have become too institutionalized. And I think that's where some of the problem comes in: we all view it through a different lens. And I want to view the church through the lens Jesus looks through. And I forget that not everyone is used to seeing it that way (not that I have some special ability or anything, but I have just never been involved in a large church or overly-institutional type church).

Also, when I use the word "program," I think this only compounds the problem. Everyone wants to badmouth programs. And in some cases it is with good reason, because there are some programs that are downright rotten, and there are some churches that take it to an unhealthy extreme. But, for instance, in my previous post I shared a question we use with our church leaders which said, "How do the programs and things our church does contribute to (making disciples)"? I think this is something every church should be asking itself. Why? Because we don't want to be using programs that don't lead to discipleship taking place - whether it's helping people become disciples or grow as disciples. So I hope to use that question to weed some stuff out. But by the same token, we have to take everyone into account. For instance, someone might say "All Sunday School is is a stupid program, and it doesn't help us make disciples." Well, that might be true for you, but what about for our 5-year olds? What about some of our senior citizens who never get out of the house the rest of the week and they completely look forward to coming and sharing and praying together with their friends? For some people it does "work." So in this respect I think we need to not throw out the entire "program" just because some people don't see it as something that works for them.

Also, there are lots of people who only want to do something one-on-one. I agree that individual mentoring is a great way to disciple someone. But... part of being a disciple is learning to live in a society; learning to love others; learning that the world doesn't revolve around us. And at some point I think our discipleship needs to involve a wider group of people. Which doesn't mean there isn't a place for one-on-one, but again... we've got to consider others too. I think there are plenty of examples in the Bible where teaching took place in groups - some quite large.

Anyway, I guess by "program" what I really mean is... what things is our church (our community of disciples) going to do or concentrate on, in order to help one another (and others) learn to love God and others better? I believe we need to have a gathering where we worship God; I believe we need to have small groups where people can develop relationships and learn spiritual practices; I believe we need to encourage disciples to disciple individuals; I believe we need to teach our families to disciple one another; I believe we need to have fellowship opportunities where people can connect socially; I believe we need to try to create opportunities where people can learn the spiritual disciplines. And there's more. I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud.

I think the key is - we need to understand that we can't just do what "we" want. Society and the church are way too self-centered. What I want from my leaders are people who can empathize with others - can put yourself in other people's shoes and situations.

I dunno... this is a ramble and I'm not saying what I wanted to say. Maybe that's why things are the way they are. "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Who said that?

Discipleship questions

I'm not sure if these were in the book, or if the book Simple Church just inspired me to ask them (I think 3 of them are in the book), but I just stumbled across a piece of paper with these four questions.

1. What is a disciple? ("A disciple is someone who ____, ____, ____, etc.")
2. How do we, as a church, get this to happen? (How did it happen in your life - how did you become a disciple?)
3. How do the programs and things our church does contribute to these things taking place?
4. Changes we might need to consider?

Jane asked these at the last Christian Ed. meeting. I think these should be asked at all of our church council meetings as well. What do you think?

I wish we had a band again

I really miss not having a band for our worship gatherings. And more than that... I wish we had a band that I didn't have to be in. I mean, nothing against our current lineup (Jane on keys, me on acoustic guitar and vocals, a guy on bongo's and another singer), but... I really think this is one of the changes we need to make at our church. It's one of the changes *I* need to make.

What I would like is to find a worship leader who would form the band themselves. Someone who was in love with Jesus, who knew something about music, who was a real upbeat person and could lead others. I think some people are just naturals at leading worship. And it's not that I want to have clappy-happy music all the time, but... I dunno. I'm just not that good at it, and it feels really forced, and I think it would help me be a better pastor if I wasn't also the worship leader. Plus I was spoiled playing with our old band - and it's hard to find good drummers, bass players, and guitarists.

I was taught that what one should do when trying to find a worship leader/band was to contact the local Christian colleges, and surrounding large churches to see if they had anyone interested in doing it who wasn't able to do it where they were. I just don't know how to go about doing that. I've tried a time or two, and it seems people either look at me like I'm from Mars, or they ask how much it's going to pay or something.

What I'm looking for is someone who can bring a Rich Mullins/Michael W. Smith/Chris Tomlin type of sound and aura. Oh, and it doesn't pay (but the benefits would be great). :)

So... if you know of anybody that would be interested, or have any advice... please leave a comment or have them shoot me an email.

Nothin'

I just don't have anything to say. There's actually a lot I would LIKE to say, but... I'm learning that sometimes it's better to not always say what I'm thinking. I used to think it was my duty to tell people exactly what I thought; you know, like I was doing everyone a favor. Sometimes what you don't say is a lot more meaningful than what you do say.

Of course that doesn't make for very exciting blog posts.

This was a roller coaster week - and here I am back at the beginning again.