Friday, January 24, 2014

I miss my life

So...... while it's true that I like my new job, and our new church, and it's nice to 'have' to be somewhere everyday and talk to people at work, and all those things..... I miss my old life too. And I still feel like somebody just 'took it' from me. I miss being alone; I miss reading; I miss studying; I miss writing; I miss extended times of prayer; I miss thinking; I miss dreaming; I miss planning and strategizing; I miss my conversations with Tom; I miss Thursday breakfasts; I miss the Sunday adrenaline rush; I miss seeing my family use their spiritual gifts; I miss smiling faces; I miss Anna running around the sanctuary; I miss all the kids playing in the church basement; I miss being a part of a small community of faith; I miss being in a small group; I................ I dunno...... I miss a lot of things. Again, not that I hate my life now..... it's just not the same.

My new routine is: get up, check messages, Facebook, and read the news; eat breakfast; run or walk on the treadmill; shower; leave for work around 9 am; get home from work around 6 pm; maybe check messages/fb again; eat supper; then either veg or maybe go do something; go to bed at 10 or 11. I'm hoping things will be a little different when I'm no longer in training, and when it's not below zero temps. It's just a very different day for me. Different is good for awhile, but sometimes I think maybe my mind/body is just waiting to go back to my old life. Or maybe it's just adjusting to the new.

What I do find kind of odd is that for all the things I miss and for as much as I used to enjoy doing it, I can't really say that I miss preaching or leading worship. I thought that's what I would miss the most - and I may still yet someday. I suppose part of that comes from being made to feel so useless and worthless. The creative juices are still pretty dry.

So, I guess it's Friday. That used to mean something entirely different too. That reminds me that I miss going to movies by myself in the middle of the day.

Life is a funny thing sometimes.