Interestingly enough, a friend of mine titled a post like this... and we are both in somewhat similar circumstances.
I called a friend yesterday morning and he was on his way to our denominations regional conference "convention." I had kind of forgotten all about it. He wondered if I was going to be there... and I was like, "Uh, no, just getting ready to leave for work." I guess I'm even further out of the loop than I used to be - which was pretty far.
At any rate, like my friend who wrote a similar post, I too wish I were there. I am not there because I don't want to be, but there are a couple of reasons. For one, I have a 9 to 5 job now (actually, it's 9:30-5:30). I get no paid vacation time so if I miss a day of work I don't make any money. Plus, I had to take several days off last week for the wedding, and I will have to take several days off at the beginning of July to help son Isaac move. Beyond that, though, I guess I kind of feel like most people would rather not have me there anyway. You know, like, what are they supposed to say to me? Then there is that group of people (usually found at the top of the leadership structure) who have this total disdain for anyone with even a smidgeon of prophet in them. They don't like to be challenged, don't want to hear truth, and mostly they probably just have a giant fear of conflict.
So I doubt that most people will even notice that I'm not there, but those that will, are probably happy I won't be around. Which really just saddens me. Contrary to what many people think, people like me are not really angry at others, and we don't want to be troublemakers. We're actually trying to be helpful! There are things that we feel need to be said. Personally, I really WANT to fit into the group and be a part of discussions and help try to make things better... But it's frustrating. And I can't explain it very well.
Anyway... I was surprised yesterday when my friend said conference was starting. I was surprised when he thought I was going to be there. I am also somewhat surprised that I didn't receive a notice that I had to give a reason why I wasn't going to be there. As an ordained pastor it is required of us, and I usually see something about that. Perhaps it's only my paranoia that thinks maybe someone didn't really want me there.
Whatever. Really. I'm tired of fighting the battle. I'm tired of caring. I'm tired of trying. But it's sad to me.
I need to go rent some storage units so my boss will be happy.
Peace and blessings, ya'all (I haven't said that in a looooong time)