The irony of being rookies of the year at church

So.... we get to church yesterday morning and the guy who heads up the 'First Impressions' ministry greets us as we're making our way through the lobby. He asks us to stop by the Connection Center after the service (since we were late arriving and things had already begun). I said, "sure," and didn't think much about it.

After the service was over I saw him and he gave me a card - for both Jane and I. A few weeks ago the church leaders had an appreciation banquet for the First Impressions Ministry people, and I guess we were awarded the 'Rookies of the Year.' It was for people who were new to the church who had gotten involved and shown an interest in leadership and were supposedly a good example for other newcomers (or something like that). Anyway, it was a gift card. All we really do is open the door for people maybe one Sunday a month.

I was pretty stunned because it was totally ironic. For one thing, we didn't attend the banquet because we don't really feel a part of anything at the church. Secondly, we hadn't even been there the past two weeks. We have also been planning to start looking for another church. We really like the Sunday mornings at Grace, but that's about it. No one talks to us - other than Tom (the FI leader), we've tried to get involved in things and it's like no one wants us to be, we've tried asking if there is something we can do and we've been told to "just be patient." It's just been very frustrating, and we've grown tired of trying to fit in. It seems like there ought to be someplace that could use our gifts and talents and where we could contribute more than as occasional greeters.

So, I don't know. I/we do appreciate the gift. To be honest, though, I don't feel at all connected - not only with this particular church group - but, really, even with God. It's like we're on the outside looking in.

Another irony is that a friend from seminary asked me a very pointed question last week. I had posted something on Facebook about not wanting to go to church. He asked why. I told him sort of what I just wrote, plus that sometimes I don't even know if I'm a Christian or not anymore. He seemed to relate, and noted how many people we went to school with who felt the same way. It's a sad, sad thing.

Anyway, I guess we will accept our major award and.... see what happens.