This is the end

I should probably write something about the end of the year... the end of the 00's... or something. Just can't think of anything.

It's been a busy week. I thought it was going to be an easy week, but... that's usually when something happens that makes it a busy week.

All in all 2009 was a good year. January started a little rough. But it ended quite well. Lots of stuff happened. There was a nice vacation through Minnesota, South Dakota, Colorado, and back. It's Isaac's last year of college, and Jane's too. And, of course, Carrie moved back to Fort Wayne and there was that little wedding thing.

Can't really think of anything else to write about. I've been thinking lately that I would like to write posts that had more substance to them; that were maybe a little better written. Eh... probably not going to happen. That's kind of what I would 'like' to do, but reality just doesn't allow it so much. It's a time thing.

Anyway... it's New Year's Eve. I worked a regular day. Jane got off at 4. Drew brought Lady over for Jane and I to dog-sit tonight. We're going out for supper with some friends to the Casa on Fairfield. Probably won't be out too late. Maybe watch an episode of season 1 of Sons of Anarchy. Tomorrow I think we're heading back to Buda to have Christmas with my folks. It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment trip.

Yep. Just nothin much to say. Nothin' bad; nothin good. It just is. :)

Peace out; and in.

Managing feelings

I am reading Reggie McNeal's book Practicing Greatness: 7 Disciplines of Extraordinary Spiritual Leaders. Chapter 2 is on 'The Discipline of Self-Management.' In it he talks about a few emotions that can be problematic, such as: depression, anger, hostility, grief and loss, fear, and bitterness.

Of depression he says there are two basic types: endogenous and exogenous. Endogenous is biological in nature and requires medication (usually antidepressants) for treatment. People suffering with this typically feel worse in the morning, and better at night. Therapy is not a cure, but is helpful. As for exogenous, he says this is a psychological and emotional condition that is usually a response to some loss. The loss can be anything, from the death of a loved one to a crushed expectation. And the severity can be mild or significant. Medication may be a partial answer, but over time no medication will help exogenous depression. The best treatment is at the emotional and psychological level.

McNeal says both types of depression evidence some classic symptoms: confused thinking, a loss of interest in work or hobbies, inertia, fear of losing one's mind, feelings of impotence, appetite shifts in either direction, sleep-pattern shifts, guilt, and stomach discomfort.

What I thought was interesting in reading through this chapter... certainly there are times when I've struggled with depression (exogenous), but I don't really think that is my main nemesis. I think what I often mistake for depression is actually more related to anger, hostility, and bitterness, and a struggle to properly deal with them. According to McNeal, anger is "a psychological response of readiness, usually caused by hurt, fear, or frustration... Feeling irritated, misunderstood, violated, maligned -- all these emotions can produce anger for spiritual leaders." As well as disappointment with life station, blocked goals, or unrealistic expectations. Along the same lines, there are several factors known to feed hostility: unresolved anger, personal self-esteem issues, and unrealistic expectations. And he says, "Bitterness that takes the form of disappointment, resentment, or cynicism is one of the most pernicious negative emotions that spiritual leaders have to confront." Depression or mismanaged anger may actually lay the foundation for hostility and bitterness.

Though it seems rather simple laid out in black and white, this was quite helpful for me.

There were also a few quotes that especially caught my eye...

• "...surviving the ministry is a matter of surviving depression." (so says Archibald Hart) 37
  
• "One's level of faith affects the outcome of the grief process but neither the need to grieve nor the time required to do it." 40
• "Suffering in silence is a Stoic, not Christian, notion." 41
• "Time alone does not heal. God heals." 41
  

Books of 2009

The books I read this past year were:

• The Divine Conspiracy, by Dallas Willard (started but didn't finish)
• The Shack, by William Paul Young
• The Blue Parakeet: Rethinking How You Read the Bible, by Scot McKnight
• The Furious Longing of God, by Brennan Manning
• Practicing His Presence, by Brother Lawrence & Frank Lauback
• Missional Renaissance, by Reggie McNeal
• The Most Loving Place in Town, by Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges
• A Grief Observed, by C.S. Lewis
• ReJesus: A Wild Messiah for a Missional Church, by Michael Frost & Alan Hirsch
• Fearless, by Max Lucado
• The Only Necessary Thing (writings of Henri Nouwen), compiled by Wendy Wilson Greer
  

I'm still in the midst of reading 'The Only Necessary Thing', and just started reading Reggie McNeals' 'Practicing Greatness: 7 Disciplines of Extraordinary Spiritual Leaders'.

Boy, as I look back over these, I couldn't even begin to say which were the best. I didn't read a lot of books this year, but they were all pretty darn good.

Up in the air

I saw a couple of good movies last week. Avatar was incredible in 3D, and had a pretty good story even. But I actually think "Up In The Air" was more to my liking. It didn't have the great effects and whatnot, but a really good story (and good acting). Son Isaac has a quite nice review of it HERE as well. I would recommend both of them.

A new vacuum

We bought a new vacuum cleaner last night. We got a Dyson DC17 (all floors). It has kind of a burnt orange top (like the pic), and it is awesome! At first I was bummed because I wanted to get the yellow Dyson. I had been in Best Buy the other day and they were on sale for $319. But when we went in last night they were back up to $399. I didn't really want one that bad. But we gave our old vacuum to Isaac when he left the other day - because his bit the dust - so we needed something. And, actually, the DC17's were on sale for even cheaper than the yellow Dyson (DC14) had been before (299). So we bought it and daughter Carrie checked us out. I went right home and vacuumed the entire house. It was smoooth. And I could not believe the amount of dirt it sucked up.

Lately we've had Hoover vacuums, and I've liked them. But I think I will soon get over it. I do miss the fact that the Dyson doesn't have a headlight, or the red/green light that lets me know when it has sucked up all it's going to get. Those seem to be unnecessary accessories though.

For starters, Mike was super easy to assemble (I've named it Mike - Mike Dyson). There were no screws or forcing of objects. Just slide the handle into place and you're set. And even though we didn't get one that rolls on a ball, it pushes/glides so easily. It is much quieter than the other vacuums we've had, and I also really like the quick-draw telescoping wand. It allows you to get into corners and under cupboards and such without having to bend over. The best thing is the emptying of the dirt canister. As I said, I couldn't believe how much it picked up from our what-appeared-to-be already-clean carpet. To empty you just pull the canister out, press the button over the garbage pail, and everything falls out the bottom. There are no filters to tap dirt out of, no parts to separate, no screens to dust off. There is only one filter and it only needs rinsed with water about every 6 months or so.

Overall, this seems like a really nice vacuum and I am happy with it. It helps that it was $150 off the regular price; and for someone like me who really likes a clean carpet, it appears to be worth every penny. Thank you, Santa.

Peace out; and in.

Midi music

Ha! I just remembered something I'd forgotten. There is a chance I might be gone this weekend, and I was wondering what to do about music (if Jane is gone we have no keyboardist). I was dinking around in the back hallway and found the discs that go with our keyboard. We have a Yamaha Clavinova that plays 3 1/2" midi discs, and I forgot that we have a disc from Worship Solutions that is the "Best of '96: 10 of the Top 10 CCLI Songs." It has: Lord, I Lift Your Name On High; Majesty; I Love You, Lord; Give Thanks; As The Deer; He Has Made Me Glad; Glorify Thy Name; We Bring The Sacrifice of Praise; This is The Day; and He Is Exalted on it. What it does is, you slide the 3 1/2" floppy disc into the keyboard and it plays the song, then the congregation can sing along. This should work out great for when Jane is gone and we have no piano player. All you need is someone who can push a "play" button.

Then, like that wasn't a neat enough discovery, I googled to see if this place has anymore... and apparently Worship Solutions is no longer in existance, but I found a place called "Christian Computer Concepts" that has some old midi discs for sale really, really cheap. So I bought the "Best of '97" disc too... for SEVEN FREAKING DOLLARS!!! I think these things retail for forty-some dollars. It has: All Hail King Jesus; Awesome God; I Exalt Thee; Jesus, Name Above All Names; More Precious Than Silver; Open Our Eyes; I will Call Upon the Lord: Emmanuel: How Majestic Is Your Name; Change My Heart, Oh God; and Shine, Jesus, Shine on it. Between these two that ought to be plenty of songs to choose from when we are gone and don't have a keyboardist.

It was funny though, because I called the number and just got an answering machine. A few minutes later my phone rang and it was Beverly from the place I had called. She says, "You just called me and I am returning your call." I hadn't even left a message. But I went ahead and ordered the disc. She kept saying she would email me the music files. I kept telling her she didn't have to, I just need the disc. She finally asked if I knew what I was ordering, and I told her that I don't want them for my computer (I don't even have a floppy drive on my computer), but they are for the Clavinova. Then she understood. She was super nice on the phone.

So... it's another festivus miracle! Cool.

Christmas day

A nice and quiet day yesterday. Jane made us a big breakfast: bacon, eggs, hash browns, and toast. Lounged around. I made a spacer for the back of Isaac's truck to keep the sandbags from sliding around. I walked for a mere 20 minutes on the treadmill, because we were leaving for a 1:30 pm movie. Me, Jane and Isaac all went to see "Up In the Air". It was great. Better than I expected. And, yes, I probably have a man-crush on George Clooney. Not because I think he's particularly good looking, but more because I like the way his clothes look on him. Jane was all excited because Sam Elliot was in the movie - but it was only a small part, so she was probably a little disappointed about that. She's always had a thing for Sam. Anyway, after the movie we came home and kind of grazed on food the rest of the evening. We watched part of "Christmas Vacation" on tv. Then a little bit of "Arthur". Then the football game (Chargers vs. Titans). Drew, Carrie and Chandler came over after awhile and we did more tv watching and grazing. I ate some more of Carrie's chicken dip with crackers, and Jane made these ham rollup things, and I had some leftover cheesy potatoes and pulled pork, and Jane made my grandma's red velvet cake so I had some of that. I was stuffed. It rained most of the day, and was 44 f when we came home from the movie. We went to bed early - about 10:20. Now it's back to the grind. Jane and I are both getting ready to go to work. It is colder today (maybe 25). Back to reality.

Christmas eve and christmas morn

We had a nice Christmas Eve. I headed over to the church around 5:40 or so to pour the grape juice in the little communion cups and get everything ready. I prepared 77 cups - not knowing if there would be 10 or 100 people show up, because it was a little icy and windy - but we ended up using 63. Jane came over shortly after me and cut up the Hawaiian bread and put it in Carrie's baskets from the wedding reception. Then we ran through the songs real quick. Good thing, because, while I always 'think' I know the old Christmas carols, when you get into some of the latter stanzas there are some phrasings that can be a little tricky. Drew showed up just as we were getting done so he and Jane could go through the special they were doing ("O Holy Night" - done very nicely, I might add). I started lighting all the many candles throughout the sanctuary and entryway, then waited for people to arrive.

It was about 6:40 before the first people came (the couple across the street). I think the next ones arrived about 6:50, and everybody else showed up in the next 10 minutes. We began about 7:03, and I was totally surprised that basically everyone sat up front - filling the front section, and just a few of the front pews in the back.

The service consisted of me welcoming everyone; we sang three hymns ("O Come, O Come, Emmanuel," "God, Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen," and "O Little Town of Bethlehem"); Scott read the Christmas story from Luke 2:1-20; we sang "Away In A Manger"; then I read the story "Why Jesus?" (Or "The Man and the Birds" - I don't know if it's from Paul Harvey, or where); then we took communion. Drew sang "O Holy Night" while the bread and cups were passed out. We had people take the bread and eat it on their own, then hold the cup so we could all drink together. When it was time for the juice I had something really profound I was planning to say, but when the time came, I drew a blank. So we just drank it. After communion we all gathered in a circle in the sanctuary, turned out the lights, lit our little candles, and sang "Silent Night." It was actually kind of neat even though we do the same thing every year. Then we said, "Merry Christmas" and it was over. People hung around in the hallway for a bit, we blew out candles and shut off heaters, and were out of there within a half hour probably. I think the service maybe took about 45 minutes. I like this service.

Afterward we had our family Christmas at our house. Lady the dog stayed at our house while we were at the church. She was happy to see us all. First we ate supper: pulled pork sandwiches, cheesy potatoes, carrots, and chicken dip with crackers. Jane also made her mothers eggnog (and it was fantastico).

After eating, and a potty break for Lady, we opened presents. I got a flannel shirt from Jane, a pocket knife from Isaac, and Drew Carrie got me season 1 of 'Sons of Anarchy.' I got Jane some chocolates and her annual Ansel Adams calendar. We got each of the kids a small fire/waterproof safe, and a mini-swiss pocketknife. We also got Isaac a Kerouac book, and his stocking had white t-shirts, beef jerky, and money. We got Carrie season 4 of 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia' on dvd, some gloves, lotions and money. Drew got a shirt, heavy socks, a big bag of pistachios and money. All in all it was a pretty good haul.

We lounged for a bit, then Drew, Carrie and Lady left, and the rest of us fell asleep during different parts of 'A Christmas Story' on tv.

I finally got out of bed at 7 this morning, and so far am the only one up. It is 40 degrees f outside and raining. The white Christmas is melting away fast. No real plans for the rest of the day.

Peace out, folks; and in.

Christmas eve eve and eve

It's been an interesting Christmas Eve so far. It started on Christmas Eve eve (the day before Christmas Eve; or Dec. 23rd). Just before leaving work something popped up on the bottom of my laptop screen and I didn't think much of it. I clicked the "x" to get rid of it, and it opened a scan screen and showed that something was scanning my computer. I immediately stopped the scan and closed it - thinking something was trying to break into my space. Nothing happened. I was running late, so I just shut down my computer and left for home.

Last night we had our annual family Christmas supper outing. Drew had to work, but Jane, Carrie, Isaac and I had reservations at Baker Street on N. Clinton for 7:15. Isaac and I picked Jane up from work and went to Carrie's and picked her up. None of us had ever been here (and I had never even heard of it). It is in the old UNO's. Wow... a very nice place. Too swanky for me any time other than Christmas Eve. It was hard to find something on the menu under $20. We were led to our table in a back room - which might not have been too bad, but I was stuck looking into a corner of the wall; plus there were only a couple of other tables, and the one right beside us had a really loud-mouthed lady at it. All I could hear was her talking in one ear, and the music blaring too loud in my other ear. But... the food was good, and it was nice to be together with both kids. I do think this was the most I've ever spent on a meal in my life. But it was worth it.

After we ate and dropped Carrie off at her place we headed home. The Illini were playing Missouri in basketball and we got home right about at the 9:30 start time. I wish I hadn't have made it home in time though, as Illinois looked terrible and lost badly.

Last night was the first time in a week that I didn't take any mucinex before going to bed, and I slept great.

When I got up the weather didn't look bad, and I stopped at the office before I went to Tom's to pray with he and Steve. I started up the laptop, but once it was running, every time I tried to open a program it told me the "application could not be executed." I had a dang virus. Merry Christmas Eve. So I shut it down and drove to Toms.

We had a nice prayer time, but while praying we heard someone spinning their wheels outside Tom's office. When we were done we looked and saw a van, just sitting right in the middle of the street and unable to move because of the ice. At some point it had started to rain and there was a sheet of ice on everything. I scraped off my windows and crept homeward. I think I might have gotten up to 30 mph at one point, but made it ok. Eventually it warmed up, and by the time Jane came home at noon it wasn't too bad.

Since then I've been working on zapping this virus from my computer. I was finally able to open the task manager before the virus opened and stop it from the process window. I couldn't get Sypware Doctor to open, but Spy Sweeper did, and it has quarentined 3 viruses. I am hoping that will take care of it, but I'm trying to get Spyware Doctor to work first. We'll see how it goes.

Now the wait is on to see what the roads are like for our Christmas Eve service at 7 pm. I imagine it will be ok, as it's supposed to be somewhat warm (above freezing), and a lady just called and said her son has a salt truck and he will salt the church parking lot. So... we'll see.

Peace out, folks; and in.

Bible reading and contemplation

On p. 100 of 'The Only Necessary Thing' Henri Nouwen writes...

To take the Holy Scriptures and read them is the first thing we have to do to open ourselves to God's call. Reading the Scriptures is not as easy as it seems since in our academic world we tend to make anything and everything we read subject to analysis and discussion. But the word of God should lead us first of all to contemplation and meditation. Instead of taking the words apart, we should bring them together in our innermost being; instead of wondering if we agree or disagree, we should wonder which words are directly spoken to us and connect directly with our most personal story. Instead of thinking about the words as potential subjects for an interesting dialogue or paper, we should be willing to let them penetrate into the most hidden corners of our heart, even to those places where no other word has yet found entrance. Then and only then can the word bear fruit as seed sown in rich soil. Only then can we really "hear and understand" (Matt. 13:23).

...It is often helpful to take one sentence or word that offers special comfort and repeat it a few times so that, with that one sentence or word, the whole content can be brought to mind and allowed slowly to descend from the mind into the heart.

Web guitar lessons

Stumbled across Riffeo's free guitar (and other) lessons on the web: http://www.riffeo.com/.

This 'n that

It's been a calm snowy dreary day today. Rather Christmasy with snow on the ground, flurries all day long; but it's warm enough that the roads are fine and it's not blowing or drifting. Kind of serene, and has me pondering life in the middle of everywhere...

Son Isaac came home for Christmas break last night. Seems that it's been awhile since he's been here overnight when we were also here.

Drew and Carrie brought their dog, Lady, to our house for the first time Sunday night. We had a good time. She snooped around everywhere, but didn't feel the need to "mark any spots." She sometimes has quite the gas problem though. Then Carrie brought her over again last night. She's a very nice grandpuppy (pics below).

I got my boots out Saturday and cleaned them with saddle soap, then gave them a gooping of mink oil.

I found where the dead-mouse-smell was coming from in Jane's Sunday School room (which is also the ladies Bible Study room). It was under the couch cushion, right on a cushion seam. It was all sprawled out, spread eagle, like someone had just sat on it and squished it. I've been smelling it for a couple of weeks but couldn't locate the source. I'm glad I finally found it because mouse smell reeks.

Our first real snowfall was this past Friday and Saturday. Just a few inches, and it was a "nice" snow. The roads weren't bad or anything. It is still hanging around. I'm good with that until spring when it melts.

I finally got back on the treadmill again last night after taking a week off. I'd had a sore throat and just felt kinda crappy. I never did get real sick, but Jane had to finally get antibiotics for a sinus infection. I've just been gargling several times a day with salt water, sleeping with a humidifier, and taking some of that "mucus" medicine a couple times per day (plus the regular allergy meds). I've never felt "terrible," but I'm getting kind of tired of feeling like this even.

We aren't able to go anywhere for Christmas. Jane and Carrie both work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. So I guess I will too. Jane and I may have to try to make a quick trip home some weekend in January. We'll see. At least we got to see everyone at Thanksgiving, for the wedding.

We don't have too many Christmas decorations up this year around the house. What with the wedding and then Jane getting sick... We just have the one tree, and a couple of nativity scenes. Jane feels bad about it, but that is fine with me. It's not that I don't like decorations, I just don't like when people go overboard. We haven't really ever done lights or anything.

I actually have been feeling fairly "Christmasy" this year for some odd reason. Maybe it's because we don't have so many decorations. :)

We have the Christmas Eve service Thursday at 7 pm. Then just the regular Sunday Service. Nothing much planned for Christmas Day even. Isaac will be here. Drew Carrie will come over after the Christmas Eve service, and again Christmas evening. Maybe we'll see if there's a movie playing Christmas afternoon.

I don't know what reminded me the other day, but I completely forgot that I used to sign all my posts with, "Peace out; and in." I don't know why I stopped.

Some pics of the grandpuppy...

Lady likes to walk on the back of the furniture. I think she saw the pics of Bogie boy by the lamp (click the pic to enlarge and see them)

She is a bit weird in that she likes to sit on her butt and have you scratch under her chin. Then she puts her head all the way back, almost until she tips over.

She is quite the moocher too. But pretty cute.

peace out; and in.

The christmas quandary

I get one of those quote-of-the-day things, and today they quoted Robert MacColl Adams, from a letter he wrote in 1982. He says...

I have this running quandary about Christmas. I get upset about it, because I feel that we American Christians make too much of it, and too little. Too little of it, because we pile all sorts of other things onto it, including some that have only the feeblest connection with the Event it is supposed to commemorate. If God did become a man, in any real sense, it is the most important thing that ever happened. Surely we, who believe it, could well devote one day a year to uninterrupted contemplation of the fact and let Saturnalia fall on the winter solstice, where it belongs.

On the other hand, we make so much of the actual birth, and forget the things that make it more than just the birth of a baby (though even that is, in Walt Whitman's phrase, "miracle enough to stagger sextillions of infidels") -- more, even, than the birth of the greatest man who ever lived. We forget the promise to Eve of a descendant who will solve the problem of Evil; the promise to Abraham of one by whom all mankind will be blessed; the promise to Moses of a greater prophet than he, to arise from his people; and the promise to David of a Son who would be his Master. We forget about the eternal Purpose behind it all: it's like telling a story and leaving out the point. Yes, it is true that God gave us His Son, and so maybe we ought also to give gifts -- but what, and to whom? It is also true that God gave us Himself, and the only sensible response to that is to give ourselves to Him. There is nothing else that He wants from us, or, if there is something, He can take it. Only I, my ego, my heart, is truly mine to give or to withhold -- and is therefore the appropriate gift to Him.

An old prayer list

I found a little piece of paper hiding behind a pile of stuff in my office the other day. It is one of my old prayer lists from several years ago. It kind of seems like this was something I prayed through personally, but that I also may have published and asked others to pray as well. Or maybe we used it during what we called the "Prayer Thing" we used to have on Monday nights. Not sure. Anyway, I thought it was kind of interesting - how I was thinking at the time, ways I've changed, ways I haven't, etc.

• Pray that God would speak to the hearts of people in our area who do not attend church, so they might start.
• Pray that God would melt the hearts of those who don't know him as their personal Savior, that they would seek a relationship with him through Jesus.
• Pray that our church would develop a passionate heart for lost and hurting people.
• Pray for God's power to energize our church for ministry that makes a difference.
• Pray for a spirit of love and unity in our church that glorifies God.
• Pray for our people to mature in their faith: getting involved in ministries, showing the fruit of the Spirit, becoming generous givers, spending more time in Scripture and prayer, and living a daily lifestyle that reflects our faith.
• Pray that God would give our church a specific mission and vision for ministry.
• Pray for 5 people from Fairview to become missionaries or pastors by 2010.
• Pray for our building plans - that we would do what God wants, when he wants it, and how he wants it done.
• Pray for the leadership of our church to be Godly leaders.
  

Finding our true selves

In The Only Necessary Thing, the writings of Henri Nouwen, he writes on pp. 71-72 on the subject of 'Experiencing The First Love':

Prayer means entering into communion with the One who loved us before we could love. It is this "first love" (1 John 4:19) that is revealed to us in prayer. The more deeply we enter into the house of God, the house whose language is prayer, the less dependent we are on the blame or praise of those who surround us, and the freer we are to let our whole being be filled with that first love. As long as we are still wondering what other people say or think about us and trying to act in ways that will elicit a positive response, we are still victimized and imprisoned by the dark world in which we live. In that dark world we have to let our surroundings tell us what we are worth... As long as we are in the clutches of that world, we live in darkness, since we do not know our true self. We cling to our false self in the hope that maybe more success, more praise, more satisfaction will give us the experience of being loved, which we crave. That is the fertile ground of bitterness, greed, violence, and war.

In prayer, however, again and again we discover that the love we are looking for has already been given to us and that we can come to the experience of that love. Prayer is entering into communion with the One who molded our being in our mother's womb with love and only love. There, in the first love, lies our true self, a self not made up of the rejections and acceptances of those with whom we live, but solidly rooted in the One who called us into existence. In the house of God we were created. To that house we are called to return. Prayer is the act of returning.

I think we often fail to see bitterness, greed, violence, and war as the result of having lost our identity. It is such a sad thing to see someone give in to those vices. And so often when we enter into their prison, we feel it should be someone else's responsibility to remove us. The road has been paved; the door has been unlocked... but it is us who must walk out; and walk back to God; to find our own true selves... in his image.

Vacation ideas

We've been trying to think of a vacation spot for next year and this was a helpful post: Affordable Resorts in The US. It's a look at ten places - some coastal and some not. At least it's a start.

We are perhaps "resort" type people. We don't need a lot of touristy things to do or see or activities to keep us busy. Just find a spot, park the car for a week or so, and hang out (with options for things to do at our leisure). That's why the beach seems like a nice place. But there could be other places I'm simply not aware of (and we're not aware of any beach spots either). I do like to be around other people on vacation. I'm not one for isolation - I get enough of that normally. Not that we want to do things 'with' anyone else, but I find a certain sense of security in a crowd. So... a searchin' we will go. If anyone has any recommendations please feel free to comment.

Sometimes I feel like a little... wing

Perhaps one of my all-time favorite songs is 'Little Wing' by Jimi Hendrix. However, in spite of being a Hendrix purist, I actually do like the Stevie Ray Vaughan cover of it even better. And I like this youtube of SRV doing it: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAG-kX_IlUw&feature=related). This is one of those songs that it's hard for me not to get teary-eyed listening to, and I can totally just lose myself.

Sometimes I do like to hear the words though, and this Hendrix version does me good: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R20cCPM0OZc&feature=related

On a side note, I can still remember the day I heard SRV had died. I was working in the chimney factory. I was in shipping at the time. I think I might have been insulating. I heard it on the radio and went and told Dan 3. I don't know why I can remember that so well, because, while I like SRV's music, I wasn't all that big of a fan. I think I had just heard that he had become a Christian though. I actually heard later that when they found his body after the crash he had several pieces of paper in his pocket with Bible verses written on them. He was also an awesome guitar player. I liked what someone wrote in the comments of the youtube: Hendrix was a genius; SRV was a virtuoso.

Chrome

I downloaded Google Chrome on the home computer today. It does seem to be a bit faster, especially with Youtube videos. I still haven't figured out the bells and whistles. I almost always use Mozilla Firefox, but sometimes it seems a bit slow. I used to think it was just the computer, but I began to wonder if it was firefox and it seems a lot of other people have been having trouble with it. We'll see.

My favorite christmas album

One of my all-time favorite Christmas albums is a various-artists compilation put together by Steve Vai called Merry Axemas: A Guitar Christmas. There is also a Merry Axemas, Vol. 2 which looks quite good too.

One of my favorite songs on Vol. 1 is The Drummer Boy by Alex Lifeson. I couldn't find a free sample or youtube of it, but here are some youtube copies I found of some of the others:

• Eric Johnson - The First Nowell
• Richie Sambora - Cantique de Noel (O Holy Night) [nice]
• Robin Trower - O Little Town of Bethlehem
• Jeff Beck - Amazing Grace
• Zakk Wylde - White Christmas
• Joe Satriani - Silent Night Holy Night

Converting loneliness into solitude

It would probably be wrong of me to post the entire book of Henri Nouwen's writings from 'The Only Necessary Thing,' but this section entitled "Converting Loneliness into Solitude" on pp. 43-44 is good stuff. It says...

In discussing [solitude and the need for it], three words are important: aloneness, loneliness, and solitude. You and I and all people are alone. Aloneness is a natural fact. No one else in the world is like me: I am unique. No one else feels and experiences the world the way I do: I am alone.

Now, how do I deal with my aloneness? Many people deal with it through loneliness. That means you experience your aloneness as a wound, as something that hurts you, makes you miserable. It makes you cry out, "Is there anyone who can help me?" Loneliness is one of the greatest sources of suffering today. It is the disease of our time.

But, as Christians, we are called to convert our loneliness into solitude. We are called to experience our aloneness not as a wound but as a gift - as God's gift - so that in our aloneness we might discover how deeply we are loved by God.

It is precisely where we are most alone, most unique, most ourselves, that God is closest to us. That is where we experience God as the divine, loving Father, who knows us better than we know ourselves.

Solitude is the way in which we grow into the realization that where we are most alone, we are most loved by God. It is a quality of heart, an inner quality that helps us to accept our aloneness lovingly, as a gift from God.

In that place our activities become activities done for the other. If we accept our aloneness as a gift from God, and convert it into deep solitude, then out of that solitude we can reach out to other people. We can come together in community, because we don't cling to one another out of loneliness. We don't use or manipulate one another. Rather, we bow to one another's solitude. We recognize one another as people who are called by the same God.

If I find God in my solitude, and you find God in your solitude, then the same God calls us together, and we can become friends. We can form community, we can sustain a marriage, we can be together without destroying each other by clinging to each other.

Ah, there is so much more. I will just add one more tidbit from p. 42 that is related:

A life without a lonely place, a life without a quiet center, easily becomes destructive. When we cling to the results of our actions as our only way of self-identification, then we become possessive and defensive and tend to look at our fellow human beings more as enemies to be kept at a distance than as friends with whom we share the gifts of life.

A message to msn

I have always had MSN as my homepage because it seems to offer a wide variety of news and other info, and it's just something I had grown used to. However, at some point yesterday someone decided to just up and REMOVE the Sports section from the main page. The SPORTS SECTION, I say! And what I want to know is... who did it? And why?

Unfortunately these folks must think they are Facebook or something. They think they can just up and make changes to people's sites without asking or letting us know. And... not only that... but there appears to be no way to contact them either. I went to the "feedback" link, but there is no way to state what my displeasure is about. So...

IF ANYONE FROM MSN IS READING THIS... BRING BACK THE SPORTS SECTION!!!

[Update: I doubt that this helped, nor the email I sent after finally finding a way to contact them... at any rate, the sports section seems to be back today (Thursday) with no explanation.]

Life as unbearable burden

From p. 34 of the writings of Henri Nouwen in 'The Only Necessary Thing':

Life becomes an unbearable burden whenever we lose touch with the presence of a loving Savior and see only hunger to be alleviated, injustice to be addressed, violence to be overcome, wars to be stopped, and loneliness to be removed. All these are critical issues, and Christians must try to solve them; however, when our concern no longer flows from our personal encounter with the living Christ, we feel oppressive weight.

Ah, so right. And this is one area of concern for me in missional discussions. I think there are some who mistakenly see "missional" as simply the tackling of these issues. Certainly these things need tackled - as Nouwen says - but they are tackled from a life given to God. I fear some overlook that step. And it's a big step to overlook. We must start with God, or life will be an unbearable burden.

Books - introverted missional

A couple of books I would like to get:

1. Introverts In The Church looks like my kind of book. I always cringe when church leaders tell me I "just need to...." And what they usually mean is... I need to be more extroverted. That might work if I WERE an extrovert. But the truth is, there is nothing wrong with being introverted. The book description off Amazon says...

Introverts are called and gifted by God. But many churches tend to be extroverted places where introverts are marginalized. Some Christians end up feeling like it's not as faithful to be an introvert.

Adam McHugh shows how introverts can live and minister in ways consistent with their personalities. He explains how introverts and extroverts process information and approach relationships differently and how introverts can practice Christian spirituality in ways that fit who they are. With practical illustrations from church and parachurch contexts, McHugh offers ways for introverts to serve, lead, worship and even evangelize effectively.

Introverts in the Church is essential reading for any introvert who has ever felt out of place, as well as for church leaders who want to make their churches more welcoming to introverts. Discover God's call and empowering to thrive as an introvert, for the sake of the church and kingdom.

2. Another book I would possibly like to get is Alan Roxburgh and Scott Boren's 'Introducing the Missional Church: What It Is, Why It Matters, and How To Become One.' As stated on their blog...

Boren and Roxburgh offer a series of concrete steps to guide a church through this process in three parts: Part One seeks to ask different questions than we typically do when thinking of church strategy. How can we discover a ‘missional River’ to carry us into our unchartered missionary context? Part Two explains how rather than a list of characteristics, traits or programs there are three missional ‘streams’, or markers, that shape the life of missional people. They are: recognizing that the West is a mission field and we need to change how the church looks in each local community, recognizing that we are rich and blessed and have made the Gospel about us and it isn’t, and recognizing that the first church was a public forum and the local church needs to be it again. Part Three shares key ways to enter the missional river, recognizing that each local church has a unique story and needs to listen to the Spirit to hear their unique pathway into the missional world.

The only necessary thing - pt. 1

I think I'm going to begin reading 'The Only Necessary Thing: Living A Prayerful Life'. It is a collection of writings on prayer from Henri Nouwen, compiled and edited by Wendy Wilson Greer. I loved Henri's books and the few times I heard him preach; and it seems like the thing to do now.

I began today by reading the front and back cover, and everything up to chapter 1. Already there are some great quotes by Henri in the forward and introduction. The highlights...

• p. 12 - "We are called to convert our loneliness into solitude. We are called to experience our aloneness not as a wound but as a gift - as God's gift - so that in our aloneness we might discover how deeply we are loved by God."

• p. 13 - "Jesus walks with us and speaks to us on the road. When we listen carefully we discover that we are already home while on the way."
  

• p. 25 - "The word 'prayer' stands for a radical interruption of the vicious chain of interlocking dependencies leading to violence and war and for an entering into a totally new dwelling place. It points to a new way of speaking, a new way of breathing, a new way of being together, a new way of knowing, yes, a whole new way of living."

• p. 25 - "...when I speak about prayer as the basis for peacemaking, I speak first of all about moving away from the dwelling place of those who hate peace into the house of God.... Prayer is the center of the Christian life. It is the only necessary thing (Luke 10:42). It is living with God here and now."
  

New mic batteries

I put new batteries in the Shure lapel mic today. They went dead yesterday right at the end of the service after the Steve Harvey video where he introduces Jesus. They were last changed August 30. I was actually going to change them before the last wedding and forgot. I guess they just made it. I didn't really even notice it cutting out at all, but the red light came on, so I assume that means the batteries are dead.

Amanda (Lady) the dog

So, I guess Jane and I are grandparents now. Drew Carrie adopted a dog from the pound yesterday. A 2 year-old basset hound named... Amanda. [Added later: Amanda was the name from the dog pound. Apparently it has now been changed to Lady - nice choice]

They are contemplating a name change, but she is pretty darn cute. Drew picked her up in the evening and we dropped in around 7:30. We were greeted by a happy little dog who wagged and hopped all around. I don't know who was more excited, the puppy or the owners... or grandma and grandpa (I know it's not a 'real' grandchild, but granddog just doesn't sound right).

Below are a few pics I took. I don't know if you can tell or not, but her front toenails are actually painted pink. They were like that when they picked her up. I supposed that's what happens when you have a dog named Amanda. :)

Good cracker

One of the better ideas I have seen recently is the repackaging of Ritz crackers. Sure, you can still get them in the tall, skinny box with a big sleeve of crackers, but now Ritz Fresh Stacks offer the convenience of a short stack - a sturdy box of 8 rolls that contain 15 crackers each. So long to a leftover package of stale or broken crackers. Now you only have to open what you need, and you have fresh crackers each time. Much nicer for an on-the-go or late night snack. Good job Nabisco! I love 'em.

Unboxed jesus

I liked this piece in the last chapter of Max Lucado's book 'Fearless.' He says on p. 164, "...when it comes to defining Christ, no box works." He says...

His Palestinian contemporaries tried, mind you. They designed an assortment of boxes. But he never fit one. They called him a revolutionary; then he paid his taxes. They labeled him as a country carpenter; but he confounded scholars. They came to see his miracles, but he refused to cater. He defied easy definitions. He was a Jew who attracted Gentiles. A rabbi who gave up on synagogues. A holy man who hung out with streetwalkers and turncoats. In a male-dominated society, he recruited females. In an anti-Roman culture, he opted not to denounce Rome. He talked like a king yet lived like a pilgrim. People tried to designate him. They couldn't. We still try.

He goes on to point out how he's also not a "do-me-a-favor" Jesus... or a "make-me-a-buck" Jesus... or a "Jesus-of-my-making"... or "Jesus-of-my-politics"... In fact, he is not box-sized at all. That's what makes him so great, isn't it? We can't define him, but hopefully he will come to define us. That's what I want.

As far as this book overall... I know it probably makes me rather uncool in most circles, but I really enjoyed it, as I have enjoyed all of Max's books. I'm glad I read it.

Farsighted courage - don't die of a broken heart

In Max Lucado's book Fearless, he talks about the need to have 'farsighted courage' vs. simple optimism. I like what he says here, because I think it describes me to some extent (not that I've gone through anything like the person here). But perhaps optimism is over-rated. And just because someone is not a rah-rah type doesn't mean they're necessarily a pessimist either. Check this out from p. 157:

Author Jim Collins makes reference to this outlook in his book Good to Great. Collins tells the story of Admiral James Stockdale, who was a prisoner of war for eight years during the Vietnam War.

After Stockdale's release Collins asked him how in the world he survived eight years in a prisoner-of-war camp.

He replied, "I never lost faith in the end of the story. I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade."

Collins then asked, "Who didn't make it out?" Admiral Stockdale replied, "Oh, that's easy. The optimists... they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanskgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart."

Real courage embraces the twin realities of current difficulty and ultimate triumph. Yes, life stinks. But it won't forever. As one of my friends likes to say, "Everything will work out in the end. If it's not working out, it's not the end."

Though the church is winnowed down like Gideon's army, though God's earth is buffeted by climate changes and bloodied by misfortune, though creation itself seems stranded on the Arctic seas, don't over-react. "Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes" (Ps. 37:7).

Good stuff. Not that optimism is bad or anything... but purely pollyanna stuff is. As Max says later, "We gain nothing by glossing over the brutality of human existence." But there's something to be said for hanging in there. We're all going to go through those phases where it seems nothing is working out... That just means it's still being worked out. Max quotes Dorothy Bernard, who says, "Courage is fear that has said its prayers." I know some good people who need a dose of courage right now. I hope they will continue saying their prayers.

Mononucleosis and a cold

Son Isaac called yesterday and informed his mother he's been diagnosed with mono. He's been sick off and on for some time, and the lymph nodes in his neck have been real swollen. Hopefully he will get the rest he needs and be able to finish out his classes. Good thing the semester ends next week.

I remember having mono when I was a teenager. I think it was the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of high school. My lymph nodes were swollen and my throat was sore with white splotches all over it. I remember at one point I had to spit all the time because it hurt too bad to swallow. I was also really, really tired. Not so much sleepy as just a rundown feeling. I really didn't know just how rundown I was until I got over it and knew what it was like to feel normal again. I pretty much laid on the couch for a couple of weeks and that was the end of it. Having had it kind of put into perspective the importance of simple things like getting enough sleep, general cleanliness, good hygiene, and basically just taking care of oneself.

There is some good info on mono at Google Health and Web MD. The wikipedia entry confused the heck out of me and was not helpful at all.

Jane happened to be home when Isaac called because she left work early with a bad cold herself. She actually called in sick today too. She has hardly ever called in sick. Hopefully a couple of days of bed rest will help her cough, sore throat, runny nose, and sinus headache. I think part of it was brought on by exhaustion from hosting Thanksgiving, the wedding, and working with idiots. Right after the wedding - when she should have been recovering - she actually had to work overtime because of issues with her co-workers. Then, on Monday when it snowed, and she's coughing, sneezing, and wheezing, SHE had to go out and shovel snow at the bank. I mean, how can a guy sit in his office and watch a woman in a skirt go out and shovel snow (a woman with a cold, no less)? Anyway, I hope she feels better soon.

Missional learning commons

Filed under "I don't know what the heck I was thinking"...

The 3rd annual Missional Learning Commons is planned for January 8-9 in Fort Wayne, and as I stated HERE, I thought I was going to be out of town that weekend. I guess I had my dates mixed up, because my weekend in Ohio isn't until the 29-31. So... unless it was something else I was thinking of... it looks like I will be attending this event after all.

Now it bugs me wondering why I thought it was that weekend, because I had arranged a bunch of other stuff around being gone then too. I almost had a guest speaker booked already. Hmm.

Decorating the church tree 2009

This is a nice shot of the group that showed up for our church supper, tree-decorating, and 'craziest Christmas outfit' night this past Sunday. I was pleasantly surprised with almost 50 in attendance, and the number of people who actually dressed up. We sang a couple of Christmas Carols, everyone came up front and shared something about the ornament they chose to bring this year, then we had a baked-potato-bar supper (and also watched the Cowboys get humiliated by the Giants). A pretty good time, I thought. Outfit winners were: Most Colorful - Mary H.; Funniest - Robin D.; Most Angelic - (tie) Emma, Bella, and RieAnn; Most Wintery - Joan B.; and Most Energetic - Brandie D. Some very creative outfits, if I do say so myself.

The lovely Lady Jane is on the left front with the red sweater and Santa hat, right next to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Christmas Turtles (otherwise known as Drew Carrie).

Grieving during the holidays

I know it's hard for some people to believe, but Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's do not bring out the same emotions in everyone. While many people see this as a most joyous time of year, many also grieve more now than during the rest of the year.

I had been thinking about having a "Service of Solitude" (or "Blue Christmas") this year. This is a service for those who are in mourning, or who want to remember lost loved ones during the holiday season. It allows a time to gather without having to put on a celebratory face; and also gives people a chance to recognize those they miss. I kind of like this idea, because contrary to what some people think, grief isn't something you can just "get over"... but it's something one has to "work through."

Unfortunately a Service of Solitude isn't going to work for us right now, so instead I will be recommending that people read this American Cancer Society article 'With The Holidays Can Come Renewed Grieving.' It gives insights about those who are grieving, and offers help for finding your way through the grief process. As they say...

Many people think of grief as a single instance or very short period of pain or sadness in reaction to a loss. However, the term grieving refers to the entire emotional process of coping with a loss. And at the holidays, grief over the loss of a family member or a friend can be especially pronounced.

I hope and pray we can empathize with those who struggle at this time of year. Just because they're grieving doesn't mean they want to be alone - or should be alone. They may need some space, but they also need to know that they are loved and cared for; and that their pain is real. So if the holidays are not necessarily happy for you, may they still be special. A special time of remembering, rethinking, and rekindling your hope that the One who came to save us can do so still.

It's easy to be alone

Joel Levi has a new video out for his song "It's Easy To Be Alone." This is one of the guys who did the music for daughter Carrie's wedding. Very nicely done. I like this song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9X2ga54m30E

Where does the gospel start

Ben has a nice post "Where Does The Gospel Start?" I think he maybe actually got this from someone else, but anyway... I agree with the idea that 'sin' is not the proper starting place. Like Ben said here:

It starts with the Trinity, and it starts with creation. Before sin entered the picture, The Triune God created the entire universe out of the sheer overflowing of his self-giving love. Then sin enters the picture, and not just as individuals breaking God’s laws, but also as human brokenness, oppression and war, earthquakes and tsunamis, depression and despair. What God has come to do in Christ, then, is renew all things, dealing with sin in all its complexity, and restoring creation to its original intended purpose.

I recommend clicking the above link and reading the entire thing.

Wildest christmas outfit

This Sunday we are having our annual church supper and Christmas tree decorating night. For the past several years we've just put up a plain tree with lights in the sanctuary, then we ask everyone in the church to bring an ornament (that they bought, made, or brought from home) to put on the tree, so it is "ours" and not just one that some committee decorates. We also ask that people share something about their ornament before they put it up - why they chose it, what it means to them, or something. Then we go downstairs and have supper together. This year it's a baked potato bar.

We've also added a 'Wildest Christmas Outfit' contest this year. I really don't know what a "wild Christmas outfit" is, but I thought it might be fun. As a church we've had a rough year. Several of our people have lost loved ones and had other tragic events occur, and I thought - not only do we need to get together with one another, but we could also maybe use a good laugh. So I'm hoping lots of people participate, and that we can have some good fun.

Now my problem is trying to figure out what a wild Christmas outfit is, and what I should wear. Does anyone have any ideas???

A prayer for tiger

Tiger Woods has certainly had his fair share of press lately. I know some think his personal life is none of our business; while others think this is part of what making all those millions of dollars (and being a celebrity) is about. Whatever the case, I saw this prayer by David Mains yesterday, and I think I would rather join him with this approach to the situation:

I pray for Tiger and Elin Woods during this difficult week for them. It must be hard to have a whole nation gossiping about your marriage. Let this be a week when a Christian leader with spiritual wisdom is able to give them good advice. I pray that whatever has happened will work for their betterment as people.

I know this is only one couple, and it's not like their lives have anything to do with me, but I appreciated David's perspective. How different would our world be if more of us took this approach to situations like this?

Christmas gift ideas

Some Christmas gift ideas. Numbers 1, 2, and 3 are things I would like (though #3 would be a good combo gift for Jane and I together). I'm still pondering #4. The rest are things I think would make good gifts for just about anyone, and I'm wondering if anyone on my shopping list would be interested in any of them(??). If you see something you like, or have any suggestions, please let us know soon. :) (ht to jordon cooper for some of these suggestions)

1. Frisbee: The Life & Death of A Hippie Preacher dvd
2. Your Love Broke Through: The Keith Green Story dvd
3. Sons of Anarchy - Season One dvd
4. It Might Get Loud dvd (saw it in theater)
5. Kodak Zi8 HD Pocket Video Camera
6. Cornhole game
7. Sony Noise Canceling on-ear headphones
8. Swiss army knife (or perhaps the smaller pocket knife)
9. Retro CBC Mobile Reporting Bag
10. Maglite flashlight (large or small)
11. A fathead anyone? (perhaps as a computer skin or auto glass decal?)

The exodus house - anderson, in

Son Isaac is involved with some people trying to start a non-profit transitional living home for men in Anderson, Indiana (and hoping to be employed there after graduation this coming Spring). The Exodus House will be a transitional community home for people coming out of homelessness, prison, addictions and other rough spots in life. They are in the fund-raising stage right now, so if you are interested in contributing financially, or know of someone who could, or have any advice or suggestions, please feel free to drop me an email and I will pass it on or put you in touch with them.

There are a couple of good videos they've made about the dire need for this:

• Exodus I video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-odLP4rcAw&feature=related)
• Exodus II video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h63g3iLMnFU)

Here are the rough drafts of the vision and purpose statements:

THE HOUSE VISION -
The Exodus House recognizes the cycles of addiction, generational poverty, unemployment, apathy, and criminality at work in our city. We believe these cycles are perpetuated by inequalities, unattainable resources, and personal choices made out of a sense of hopelessness. Our commitment is to create a home where residents can come and find self-worth and the resources to live out the fullness of their worth. We believe that an environment which fosters equality and mutual respect, thus fostering individual as well as communal responsibility, is the best way to break these debilitating cycles.

PURPOSE -
The purpose of The Exodus House is to establish a community that provides opportunities for residents to meet their physical, emotional and social needs through shared responsibility and active engagement in the available resources of our city. We believe that community in this context means staff residing with residents and sharing in this holistic healing process. The shared responsibility and close proximity offers accountability, trust, encouragement, self-worth, and ultimately a sustainable life outside of the house.

If you would like more information feel free to leave a comment, send me an email, or contact me in whatever way you prefer.