Five things friday (does anybody really know?)

Well, here it is, another Friday. I was going to say "we made it to another one," but... you know... not everyone did. Can you imagine your child's first day of school and... they don't come home???

What a messed up world we live in right now. Here are a few things on my mind:

1. Does Anybody Know 25 or 6 to 4

I have a confession to make. I'm not sure I ever really knew the Chicago songs 'Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?' and '25 or 6 to 4' were not the same song (my wife is probably so embarrassed). These were both really early songs for the band. In fact, 'Does Anybody Really Know...' was supposedly the first song recorded for their first album, released in 1969. '25 or 6 to 4' was on their second album - yet it was released as a single before the aforementioned. Either way, lots of stuff about time right there... And who'd have thunk then that the times would be even crazier now...

2. Maybe David Knew

Here's a lengthy piece I borrowed from Tim Ferriss (8.1.25), which he borrowed from 'Means and Meaning.' This is from an interview between David Foster Wallace and Rolling Stone's David Lipsky during a 5-day road trip in 1996 (come back and read the date '1996' again after you've read below!):

David Foster Wallace: As the Internet grows, and as our ability to be linked up, like— I mean, you and I coulda done this through e-mail, and I never woulda had to meet you, and that woulda been easier for me. Right?

Like, at a certain point we’re gonna have to build up some machinery, inside our guts, to help us deal with this. Because the technology is just gonna get better and better and better and better. And it’s gonna get easier and easier, and more and more convenient, and more and more pleasurable, to be alone with images on a screen, given to us by people who do not love us but want our money. Which is all right. In low doses, right? but if that’s the basic main staple of your diet, you’re gonna die. In a meaningful way, you’re going to die.

David Lipsky: But you developed some defenses?

David Foster Wallace: No. This is the great thing about it is that probably each generation has different things that force the generation to grow up.

Maybe for our grandparents it was World War II. You know? For us, it’s gonna be that, at a certain point, that we’re either gonna have to put away childish things and discipline ourselves about how much time do I spend being passively entertained? And how much time do I spend doing stuff that actually isn’t all that much fun minute by minute but that builds certain muscles in me as a grown-up and a human being?

And if we don’t do that, then (a) as individuals, we’re gonna die, and (b) the culture’s gonna grind to a halt.

He said that in nineteen ninety six. 1996! And here we are...

3. Meanwhile, in Canada

I first read about Canada's euthanasia "situation" via Scot McKnight's weekly Meanderings on 8.23.25. I simply can't stop thinking about it. Up until then, I was probably more inclined to think 'assisted death' was not such a bad option for certain people. After reading Katelyn Beaty's searing (if not endearing) 'Let's Agree to Be Burdens to One Another,' as well as the article she linked from The Atlantic, man-oh-man... I am re-thinking that notion! 

I was maybe only vaguely aware Canada passed the MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying) law in 2016 which legalized euthanasia. I was NOT aware that, today, it is responsible for 1 in 20 deaths there - more than Alzheimer's and diabetes combined!

MAID began as a practice limited to gravely ill patients who were already at the end of life (which I can understand from a compassion standpoint). The law was then expanded to include people who were suffering from serious medical conditions but not facing imminent death. In two years, MAID will be made available to those suffering only from mental illness. Parliament has also recommended granting access to minors...

This is what got me... Beaty wrote,

"Critics say that what MAID touts as an empowering, even beautiful option — now supported through a government-created and -funded bureaucracy — may in fact be the result of a society turning its back on its most vulnerable members. That includes people who have disabilities, who have chronic illness, who are poor, and/or frail and aging. The people who are seen as “burdens” in a culture terrified of suffering and dependence.

Is it really a choice when a society who has failed you “compassionately” suggests you might take one for the team?"

Whew, that's a lot. A whole lot. Something, something... "the least of these"...

4. A Funny Story

Okay, how about something a little on the lighter side... (a true story): This morning I drove the wrong way down a one-way street. It wasn't entirely my fault. I was driving up Lafayette Street, minding my own business and maybe spacing out a little... I knew there were a couple one-way streets going west, and I wanted to turn right onto Main Street right after. Well, the car in front of me turned right, so I just followed... I guess we were BOTH wrong! Ha, you know how people waive fingers at you and give you dirty looks when something like this happens... Of course, I immediately start wondering "What's wrong with all these idiots! They're driving on the wrong side of the road!" Fortunately it didn't take long for me to realize my mistake, and I knew I had a choice to make: I could either defiantly continue on, cussing my way along; or I could swallow hard, admit my error, and TURN MY ASS AROUND! Funny thing: once I did that (turned around), everyone was much nicer - even smiling and laughing - because we all do stupid stuff now and then, and it's good when we stop. ;)

5. A Poem 

America Is A Gun

England is a cup of tea.

France, a wheel of ripened brie.

Greece, a short, squat olive tree.

America is a gun.

 

Brazil is football in the sand.

Argentina, Maradona's hand.

Germany, an oompah band.

America is a gun.

 

Holland is a wooden shoe.

Hungary, a goulash stew.

Australia, a kangaroo.

America is a gun.

 

Japan is a thermal spring.

Scotland is a highland fling.

Oh, better to be anything

than America as a gun.

 

- Brian Bilston

* * * * *

Yeah, there's a lot going on in the world right now. It seems to be coming from all sides, all at once, everywhere... 

I was talking with a pastor this morning about how to have more of a "village" mentality in the church. You know, a place where we all matter, where we come face to face with one another, talk, share, cry together, etc.... Anyway, this verse kept rolling through my mind: "Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on..." (Hebrews 10:24-25 MSG). 

I don't know how to do that - I'm pretty much just trying to survive nowadays - but I think we could all use some encouragement, eh?

Keep the faith, friends. Hang on.

Try softer - pt. 4 (final chapters and summary)

Okay... we've been through Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of Aundi Kolber's fine book 'Try Softer,' and today I think we can finally wrap up with my personal highlights from chapters 9 & 10.

"The Lord is gracious and compassionate,

slow to anger and rich in love.

The Lord is good to all;

he has compassion on all he has made."

Psalm 145:8-9 seems an appropriate way to begin chapter 9 on 'Trying Softer With Our Inner Critic.' 

P.191 - There is a big difference between healthy guilt and shame. Guilt = I did something bad; Shame = I am bad.

P.192 - Powerful quote from Peggy O'Mara: ***"The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice."*** (Wowza!)

P.193 - "Trying softer isn't about knowing or doing the right thing; it's about being gentle with ourselves in the face of pain that is keeping us stuck. Because no matter how hard we try, we can't hate or shame ourselves into change. Only love can move us toward growth."

P. 194 - "...compassion is different from empathy in that empathy is feeling with someone else, whereas compassion means to suffer with someone and then allow ourselves to be moved by that pain so we are motivated into action" (this may be from Kristin Neff).

P. 201- (after the section on 'undoing self-hate,' and 'a kind, good God') "Perhaps this will be your faith walk throughout your lifetime -- to gently step toward the truth of who you are in Him."

I found the first exercise at the end of this chapter on p. 204, Speak Compassionately to Yourself, to be helpful:

1. Place your hand on your heart, allow yourself to inhale and exhale, and simply notice what this feels like.
2. Next say these words to yourself:
1. I am experiencing pain (observe your emotion mindfully without judging it)
2. I am not alone (Remember that we are all surrounded by many others who have suffered or who are suffering)
3. May I be gentle with myself (God is deeply kind and compassionate with us, so we can be the same with ourselves too)  

 

The final chapter, 10, is on Trying Softer with Resilience; and begins with Jesus's words in John 10:10: 

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." 

P. 213-214 - "Trying softer is not a destination but a way to journey through life. And it's in the trying, in the moving forward -- sometimes slowly and haltingly -- that we develop resilience. Brokenness and disappointment are inevitable; resilience is a way to pick ourselves up and fight another day."

P.214 - I love the list of "Try Softer Language": -What is the gentlest thing I could do today? -What words or affirmations remind me of my true self? -I wonder if I could take this in smaller steps? -What would help me stay in my WOT (window of tolerance)? -What kind of support do I need to make this happen? -Whom could I reach out to if I'm feeling overwhelmed? -How could I help my body feel safe right now? -What part of myself needs support right now? -What activity would be soothing for me when I'm feeling triggered? -Is there a way I could move my body to help me feel more connected to myself?

P.217 - a few practices that can improve our vagal tone (the vagus nerve is the longest cranial nerve in the body that runs from our brains down to major organs like the heart, lungs, intestines, and stomach; and is part of our physiology that enables us to stay in our WOT... A healthy vagal tone is the physiological reason behind learning to tolerate - or even enjoy - experiences that were once overwhelming to our bodies... this is how our WOT expands...): 

• Humming or singing
• Shaking out any part of the body that feels tense or needs additional activation
• Mind/body exercises such as yoga or loving-kindness meditation (p.206)
• Mind/body therapy (see practices on pp.137-139)
• Driver's Response: You can replicate this by splashing cold water on your face while holding your breath. There is strong evidence to show that this practice stimulates the vagus nerve.
• Conscious Breathing: See the breath prayer on p.88

 

* * * * *

 This ends my personal highlights from reading therapist and author Aundi Kolber's book 'Try Softer.' I found it a fairly easy read for those wanting to escape the "try harder" approach to getting through life, and towards a more compassionate way of being ... "human" ... in this crazy, mixed up world we now live in. And, to be honest, I actually appreciated this ai summary of the book:

"In Try Softer, counselor Aundi Kolber invites readers to release the pressure of striving and embrace a gentler path toward healing. Drawing on faith, psychology, and practical tools, she shows how paying compassionate attention to our bodies and emotions can free us from cycles of overwhelm and help us live with greater wholeness, resilience, and connection to God and others."

 

And... that's all for that. I got this book as part of our church's Mental Health Initiative this year, and appreciate what it offered in that regard.

Coming up I hope to share some thoughts on 'What I Talk About When I Talk About Running' by Haruki Murakami (which I read after Try Softer), as well as the book I'm currently reading, 'The Shape of Joy,' by Richard Beck... among other things. :)

Try softer - pt. 3 (emotions)

Back to my highlights from Aundi Kolber's fabulous book 'Try Softer.'  In Part 1 of this series I shared from the first section of the book on the Process of Becoming; Part 2 started in on the second section detailing Practices for trying softer. Today I want to continue with that, and my focus is strictly chapter 8: Try Softer With Your Emotions.

I found this particularly helpful for me, beginning with the opening quote from Brené Brown (p.163):

"Most of us were not taught how to recognize pain, name it, and be with it. But what we know now is that when we deny our emotion, it owns us. When we own our emotion, we can rebuild and find our way through the pain."

This was true for me, and, likely, so many who grew up in the same culture I did where the "stiff upper lip" was expected. Emotion of any kind was bad, unless it was the faux elation of social gatherings. Just look "proper," you know...

Also helpful is being aware of the clinical distinction between our emotions and our feelings: "The sensations and nervous system states that we experience in our bodies = Emotions; The names we give those expressions = Feelings." (p.170)

On. p.172 Kolber shares the above chart. Psychologist Paul Ekman identified six emotions he said are shared by people in every culture (some say seven, but, whatever). This list starts with those basic emotions and then provides many more gradations. Though it is not complete, she says referring to this chart can help us identify our emotions; and this is important because: "Research shows that naming your emotion may calm your limbic system and support the integration of your brain" (my interpretation of that is: it helps us think more clearly/maturely with ALL of our brain, rather than just the reactionary part).

So, for example, say you find yourself in a bad mood. The idea is to pause and think about that. Not only what has caused you to be in a bad mood, but what are you really feeling? Let's say you determine you're angry. What kind of anger? Well (looks down list under "anger")... actually you're feeling "frustrated." As you sit with that awhile and address the source of your frustration, you can begin to process and work through it, rather than letting your foul mood simply ruin the rest of your afternoon.

I don't know about you, but I have done this several times since reading the book (and there were likely other times I should have), and I found it amazing the insight I gained and the RELIEF it provided. Kolber quotes Peter Scazzero in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (p.169),

"To feel is to be human. To minimize or deny what we feel is a distortion of what it means to be image bearers of our personal God. To the degree that we are unable to express our emotions, we remain impaired in our ability to love God, others, and ourselves well."

Also in this chapter (p. 176-178) she discusses how those who have had difficulty living from a place of emotional health typically experience either hyperarousal (overwhelm) or hypoarousal (disconnect).

Towards the end she includes practices to help us strengthen our emotional muscles by incorporating these principles for better emotional health:

1. Name the experience (see the chart)
2. Ride the wave (emotions are like waves - they form, rise to a peak, then decrease)
3. Practice containment (grounding and containment exercises from pp. 111 & 87)
4. Employ curiosity ("Hmm... I wonder why I had such a big reaction to that..." - or whatever)
5. Speak grounding statements: I am safe. I can make choices. I am capable. I am lovable. I am valuable. I am in process. I can set boundaries. (in other words, we have feelings, but we are not our feelings)
   

 And, like that's not enough, at the very end of the chapter are exercises for addressing an overwhelmed rhythm (for those who overidentify with emotions), and addressing a disconnect (for those who feel disconnected from their emotions). 

Like I said, this was an important chapter for me in that I found it quite helpful. This was stuff I needed! 

Hopefully tomorrow we can wrap up the last two chapters and move on. :)

New running shoes (ghost 17)

 

I got a new pair of running shoes. The Brooks Ghost 17. This is only the second pair of shoes I've bought this year, so I feel a little out of step...

 

After running in Brook Glycerin's the past couple years, I went back to the Ghost for some reason. I haven't worn them since version 14 (I think). I absolutely loved the first two pair of Glycerin 20s I had, but the third one I bought earlier this year didn't seem to fit quite as well; and I wasn't overly sold on the newest version (22) from the reviews I'd read.

 

Theses Ghosts are not like the other Ghosts I'd had though! There is less of a heel-toe drop, with way more mid-foot cushion. I like the cushion feel... which is very similar to the Glycerin in stack height...

 

However, part of the reason I moved away from Ghosts was because of the narrow toe box... And that hasn't changed! Grr. I would love these if my feet didn't feel so cramped (and it's not like I have wide feet). I originally bought a pair of 8 1/2 - which is what my Glycerins are - but they were so tight (though not necessarily too short). So I also ordered a pair of size 9 (my last few pair of Ghosts were 9s). However, other than being longer, they are just as tight, and don't feel any better.

 

I've run in the 8 1/2 twice, and am debating whether to try running in the 9 just for kicks. The nice thing about Brooks is they have a great return policy (you can return for full money back even after wearing them outside, for up to 90 days). I hate to get the 9 dirty, though, if it doesn't feel any better than the 8 1/2. I will definitely return one or the other of them (likely the 9).

 

I hate that they make the toe box so narrow. It's the same with Hoka. I suppose I could try getting a wide, but, again, I don't necessarily have wide feet, and I don't really want my foot swimming around in the shoe. I may have to try a different brand next time. Until then... 

 

I will likely be wearing these Ghost 17s for the remainder of half marathons this year and into next. I will find a wider toe box shoe before the next full marathon.

Five things friday (undercover reading)

Well, here we are again. I'm running a bit behind because I took in a Kenny Wayne Shepherd concert last night. He has 91-year-old Bobby Rush on this tour, singing and blowing a mean harp! Anyway, I got home late, slept a little later than usual, and then decided to run 10 miles (instead of 9) this morning. That's my first double-digit run since May when I was doing them regularly. I'm a bit whooped right now. But... here's the stuff you've been waiting for:

1. UNDER THE COVERS

Yes, I'm goin' there. But first, I do not understand why people don't sleep between the sheets! I mean, just, why?? It kinda grosses me out a little bit. You can call me old, but I LIKE sleeping between the fitted sheet and the flat sheet -- with a bedspread ON TOP OF that! I also like washing the sheets now and then. This week, however, I did something totally crazy... I ironed our sheets after washing them!! Yep, that was me, downstairs ironing the sheets and pillow cases fresh outta the dryer. Why? I kinda wanted to see if anyone noticed (and by "anyone," I mean Jane). It was an experiment of sorts. Does it make a difference? Well, I don't know. She didn't say anything; and I don't know if I'd have noticed if I hadn't been the one to do it. They may have been a little more crisp... but I'm not sure if that's all that good or not. Still, it happened, and you read about it here!

2. WHY AREN'T WE READING?

According to this article, fewer Americans are reading, and spend less time reading. Reading for pleasure is down 40% over the past 20 years... dropping about 3% per year. What I find absolutely disheartening is the fact they say only 2% of adults reported reading with their children! Here are some bits directly from the story:

"...reading declined more sharply among Black Americans, those with less education or lower incomes, and people in rural areas, with gaps widening over the 20-year study period."

"The authors cautioned that less reading could affect health, well-being and literacy. Reading has been linked to stronger language skills, reasoning and empathy..."

"I think it's important for people to understand that reading for pleasure is actually a health promoting activity," Sonke said. "We know that participating in the arts is a healthy behavior because it statistically results in improved health outcomes including well-being, social cohesion, mental health..."

This path we're on doesn't seem too great, does it?

3. YOU KEEP USING THAT WORD

Speaking of books, hows about some bookish words? Thoughtco.com posted this article, and these are, apparently, actual real words:

ABIBLIOPHOBIA: The the fear of running out of things to read.
BALLYCUMBER: Coined by writer Douglas Adams, "One of the six half-read books lying somewhere in your bed."
BIBLIOBIBULI: "The sort of people who read too much," created in 1957 by H. L. Mencken.
BIBLIOGNOST: One who has comprehensive knowledge of books.
BIBLIOKLEPT: One who steals books.
BIBLIOLATER: One overly devoted to books.
BIBLIOPHAGIST: An avid or voracious reader.
BIBLIOPOLE: A dealer especially in rare or curious books
BIBLIOSMIA: An unofficial term for the aroma of a book.
BIBLIOTHERAPY: The practice of using books to aid people in solving the issues they are facing.
BOOKARAZZI: Slang for someone who takes photos of their books and posts them online.
BOOK-BOSOMED: Attributed to Sir Walter Scott, meaning someone who carries a book all the time.
BOOK SHELFIE (and library shelfie): A self-portrait with books that is shared on social media.
EPEOLATRY: The worship of words.
HAMARTIA: Aristotle introduced the word in Poetics to describe the error of judgment which brings about a tragic hero's downfall.
LIBROCUBICULARIST: A person who reads books in bed.
LOGOMACHIST: One given to disputes over or about words; one given to logomachy.
LOGOPHILE: If you're a logophile, you already know this means a lover of words.
OMNILEGENT: Reading or having read everything, characterized by encyclopedic reading
PANAGRAM: A short sentence that contains all 26 letters of the English language, as in: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
SCRIPTURIENT: Having a strong urge to write.
TSUNDOKU: And our favorite, a Japanese word describes piling up books to save for later ... even if you'll never actually read them. 

4. WHAT AM I READING?

I'm glad you asked... This week I started Richard Beck's 'The Shape of Joy.' Richard is one of those people whose writing style I seem to connect with, and so far this short (165-page) read has been really good. It's based on a simple premise, but that doesn't mean it's not important, or easy. I like it, and will likely have more to say about it later!

5. A QUOTE

"You are richer than 93 percent of people. Not in money, but in time. Over 108 billion people have lived throughout history. 93 percent of them are dead. You have what every king and queen, every pharaoh and ruler, ever CEO and celebrity of the past would give all their wealth and power for: Today." - James Clear

 

And... there ya have it. Now it's time for me to get to my daily reading (see #4). What about you? What are you currently reading?

Peace out; and in

Try softer - pt. 2

Yesterday I shared some of my highlights (and thoughts) on the first section of Aundi Kolber's helpful book 'Try Softer.' Today I will share some of the same from section two, which she titled, 'Practices To Try Softer.'  

 * * *

P.120 - "Mindfulness includes awareness of both external and internal things. This is one reason there is overlap in the meaning of contemplative Christian practices and secular/non-Christian practices. Practitioners of Westernized/secular mindfulness are simply looking to accept what is. But as Christians, we need not be afraid of this observing exercise, for we know that God holds it all: 'Everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen' (Romans 11:36, NLT)."

I understand the hesitance of some in the "Christian" world to embrace anything connected to mindfulness. I've been there myself. However, I now believe God's sovereignty over all things allows us to utilize whatever works for us. I am a big fan of contemplative/mindfulness practices. They help me recognize His presence perhaps as much as anything.

PP. 126-132 - Under the heading "Learning to Live With Attention" are the practices of: Pendulation (focus on something that feels soothing or empowering to help us delve into more disturbing feelings), Beauty Hunting ("When we hunt for beauty, we learn to pay attention;" also the poem by John O'Donohue), and Tracking (learning to intentionally notice your sensations and emotions as they change). See also the exercises on pp.137-139.

Yeah, that bolded quote on beauty hunting is good. That is something I need to be much more intentional about in general (and shouldn't we all)!  

PP. 132-136 - She calls this section "Love Your Neighbor As Yourself," and it is good as well. A few quotes:

"Mindful attention toward our internal experiences is a step toward practicing self-compassion; in turn, it can lead to attunement - a responsiveness to our own needs. Attunement is built on attention, but it's not attention alone." ... 

"The process of learning to attune to myself has taught me that the greatest gift I can give my clients, family, and friends is not my knowledge or even what I can do for them. Instead, when I'm connected to my embodied self, I can more deeply connect to them too." ...

"Doing our own work allows us to feel with others, and it is the framework that allows us to 'hold space' for others."

In other words: working on ourselves is not 'for ourselves' alone. When I am better, I can help others be better, and so on; thereby making the world around us better. 

Chapter 7 - PP.141-161 - deals with attending to our bodies sensations (embodiment). She notes Schwartz and Maiberger's feedback systems of Exteroception, Proprioception, and Interoception. I also enjoyed p.156ff and the idea of developing our 'felt sense.' 

 

* * *

I like this second part of the book because each chapter contains actual and practical things we can do... to try softer (rather than merely trying harder).

I'm going to stop here for today, though, and make this a three-part series (at least)... Because the chapters on trying softer with Emotions, the Internal Critic, and Resilience are A LOT (again, I mean this in a good way - there's a lot to take in; and it's all good!). Hopefully I can get to that first thing next week. :) 

Peace

Try softer - pt. 1

I read Aundi Kolber's helpful book 'Try Softer' a couple weeks ago. It was good. It's one of those that I want to re-visit, and I'm going to start by just listing some of the parts I highlighted and maybe offer a bit of expression with them underneath.

Pt. 1 covers the first section of the book "The Process of Becoming" (chapters 1-5) 

P.6 - "What's happened in your life matters."

She wanted this emphasized at the beginning, and I think it's important. Regardless of how you or I may feel, our lives DO matter! I know I need to say that to myself from time to time. Maybe you need to hear it too: What has happened in your life matters; and you matter!

P.16 - Psalm 56:8 (NLT) "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."

Such a beautiful picture.

 P.28ff - Understanding how the three parts of the brain work: Brain Stem - asks "Am I safe?" and connects brain to information provided by the body; Limbic System - asks "Am I loved? Is this good or bad? and assigns meaning to emotions... coordinates with brain stem to assess danger; Prefrontal Cortex - asks "Can I learn? Can I problem-solve? Can I regulate? Can I empathize?" and facilitates higher-level learning. 

This is important, and helps us understand why we do what we do sometimes (Why we reacted well, or poorly, at different times).

P.32ff - "Big T and little t trauma... Hyperarousal vs hypoarousal... fight/flight/fawn/freeze, etc.

The previous two sections in chapter 2 were quite enlightening. I was vaguely familiar with some of the terms, and she does a good job explaining them.

Chapter 3 has quite a bit... P.51ff - The Strange Situation Experiment... Classifications for attachment (secure, anxious-ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized... **P.61 "I didn't realize then that our wounds often surface only when at last we feel physically or emotionally safe."**

Yeah, this was a lot for me. Not as in "too much to take in," but more "Aha! So that's why..." Good and helpful stuff.

P.72ff - Window of Tolerance (WOT)... I need to go over this again because it comes up a lot.

P.80 - "If you grew up without a secure attachment, you may not feel you can reach out for help when scared -- this is a clue that your experiences have made your WOT smaller."

P.84 - Psalm 139:3-5 (TPT) "You are so intimately aware of me, Lord. You read my heart like an open book and you know all the words I'm about to speak before I even start a sentence! You know every step I will take before my journey even begins. You've gone into my future to prepare the way, and in kindness you follow behind me to spare me from the harm of my past. With your hand of love upon my life, you impart a blessing to me."

P.88 - "Research shows that taking longer to exhale than to inhale signals to our nervous systems that we are safe, stimulating the vagus nerve. Both help us stay in our WOT."

I loved that version of Psalm 139. And the quote from p.88 on 'Breath Prayer' is actually something I use when running. I always breathe out more than in (either 3 out and 2 in, or 4 and 3). And... this chapter along with the previous really helped me become aware of some issues I've had back to my birth (and time in the hospital as a newborn) and resulting lack of security. It was pretty helpful.

 P.91 - "You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm." (unknown author)***

P.106-112 on Attentional Control, Grounding Exercises, and Boundaries Script...  

---

There is so much good stuff in this first section, and I really should read the whole thing again. It's almost like reading the bible in that, even though I was somewhat familiar with most of it, there was still so much I learned going through it again. Even since I've been done reading the book, I've forgotten just how much I uncovered about myself from clear back in early childhood and how that still frames my behavior. 

Next up I will at least start on Section 2 of the book: "Practices to Try Softer"...

New roof and gutters

 It's not only a roof over our head... now it's new!!!

We got a new roof and new guttering last week. I just signed the agreement Monday and was told it would be a couple weeks before they got to us. Apparently they had a scheduling conflict elsewhere and he called Wednesday and asked if they could do our roof on Thursday. Absolutely!

The materials were delivered Wednesday afternoon, and the roofers arrived Thursday around 6:30AM and started tearing off the old. That was the noisiest part, and lasted maybe a couple hours. They did have to replace three sections of damaged decking, so it's a good thing we went with a new roof instead of a second layer of shingles. The rest of the day was spent doing that, changing our roof vents to a ridge cap, installing leak barrier, underlayment, Timberline HDZ shingles (app. 26sq), new drip edge and gutter apron, pipe boots, and then clean-up. I believe they were done by 4:15PM. So that was a pretty full day of work for them - although they did take like a 1 1/2 hour lunch break.

We went with the Shakewood color (I think). It's lighter than what was on there, and a little lighter than I was hoping for in real life, but it doesn't look terrible.

As for gutters, they came Saturday morning around 8AM and were done by noon (if not before). Our old gutters looked terrible and sat so low that the rain basically just poured over the tops of them. I went ahead and splurged for the larger 6" seamless gutters, and we kept the basic white. They now sit where they're supposed to, and if it ever rains again this summer I'm assuming they will work quite nicely. They came with gutter guards installed.

The son-in-law recommended this company, and we were happy with the results. Andrew was a great guy to work with, all the workers seemed nice, and I was happy with the ~$13,000 price for everything. Hopefully the 50-year warranty will last us our lifetime (ha!) and all manner of our roofing will be well. :) 

Escape service

I took our 2011 Ford Escape XLT 2.5L 4 cylinder in for an oil change last Wednesday. It had been over a year since the last one.  

I also wanted to see if they could check out why it wouldn't start sometimes. When you turn the ignition key, it will sometimes start right off... or not. It often does nothing - like the key isn't making a connection or something. When it does that I have to try it several times, sometimes jiggling the shifter seems to help, or turning the key around, or rubbing my head and stomach at the same time... Anyway, they said it would cost $175/hour for diagnostic testing... so I passed. I guess I'm going to have to wait until it strands me somewhere.

Anyway, just the oil and filter change was $64.50! I don't remember it being quite so much, but it has been awhile.

I took it to the family-owned shop we have mostly used since moving here. When I was pastoring, much of the family went to our church and they were always very nice to us. The son now owns it - and I actually officiated his wedding ceremony. And, when I dropped the car off today, I thought the gentleman at the counter looked vaguely familiar. Turns out he is a nephew of the owner, who also used to attend our church. Although the last time I saw him he was maybe in upper elementary school! Now he is way over 6 feet tall and a hefty man! Crazy.

After dropping the car off at 7:20am I decided to run home. I had to meander a bit and got in 5 miles with a 3/4 mile cooldown walk.

Here is the list of services they recommend (some for the last several times):

• Front Control Arms with alignment ($795.27)
• Fuel Injection Service ($213.61)
• Cooling System Flush ($227.97)
• Rear Shock Absorbers ($467.31)
• Brake Flush ($153.55)
• Transmission Flush ($283.51)
  

Wow, that adds up to $2,141.22!!! Um, we'll see. Oh, and it also needs new tires (the current ones are 9 years old).

So, other than a nice chat with a former church-goer who's now all grown up... that was a pretty depressing little endeavor. Ugh.

Five things friday (running, steps, pot)

Whewee, what a week! School has started (well, not for me, but the grandkids), we had a tree cut down, a new roof put on our house, I wrote several blog posts, got a new pair of running shoes, and I read a book. More on some of these later. For now...

1. RUNNING A 5K

I'm kinda-sorta using a half marathon training program right now, and my "long run" this week was to be a 5k at 5k pace. Last weeks long run was 8 miles, and next week is 9, and those are normally done at a snail's pace in training. I don't even remember the last time I tried to see how fast I could run a 5k. Anyway, even though I did have to wait on one car, I ran 3.11 miles in 26:36 this morning (8:33 pace). I was pretty happy with that, but did wonder for a moment if I was gonna die. I wore my Saucony Endorphin Speed 2 shoes that I bought in 2022 but have only worn a handful of times (there's a story). They didn't feel too bad, and neither did I! :) If I could translate that into a sub-2-hour half marathon I'd be ecstatic right now.

2. WE ARE NOT FINE

I have not read it, but am intrigued by John Ortberg's latest book, Steps, in which he apparently suggests adding a "Step Zero" to 12-step programs. TFU says of it: "Rather than begin by admitting powerlessness over an addiction, participants begin by admitting that - despite appearances to the contrary - we are not fine." Yeah... I'd probably agree with that. 

3. LET'S GET CRAZY

Speaking of not being fine... I've seen quite a few people mention this news that in 2024 the number of Americans who use marijuana daily surpassed the number who drink alcohol daily. While it's probably good that fewer people are drinking everyday (though more do still drink than use marijuana), the rise of cannabis use concerns me (as a former daily user). Per this Smithsonian article, cannabis is psychoactive, meaning it affects how a user's brain works. They note how schizophrenia associated with cannabis use nearly tripled after Canada legalized the drug for nonmedical use in 2018. I mean, I know, even way back when, people were freaking out over kids smoking pot. Maybe that's all I'm doing now, but it had an affect then too, and everyone says it's so much more potent now. I dunno... (did you see my blog posts last week on the new frontier being fantasy instead of reality??).

4. I'M CRAZY ABOUT THIS BOOK

This week I read Haruki Murakami's fantastic 2008 book 'What I Talk About When I Talk About Running.'  I LOVE this book! And it's not really about running. Sure, he talks about it some, but it really is a memoir. I love how, as a Japanese novelist, he says he uses simpler words when he writes and speaks in English. I was also fascinated with his life as an author, when he used to run jazz clubs, and just his unassuming manner in general. Oh, and the running parts too! As you know, I don't like to hurry through books, but I devoured this one in a few days. I found it very interesting, heartwarming, and felt like I'd discovered a kindred of sorts. I was sad when it was done (in a good way).

5. A QUOTE

"To put one's hope in Jesus, then, is to believe, despite all the evidence to the contrary, Jesus' way of peace, justice, mercy and compassion will ultimately prevail over the empire's ways of violence, exploitation, oppression and fear." - Rachel Held Evans (with thanks to Mike Frost for the reminder)

 

Well, it is Friday... I assume you know what to do!

Peace out (and in)

To have humility is to experience reality

I think this may be my last post on Mark Sayers's book 'A Non-Anxious Presence.'

Chapter 12 on Gaining A Heavenly Orientation is so good. I want share a few bits at least, and  a couple others...

Sayers told of John Boyd, and his famous strategy tool 'the OODA loop' (Observe, Orient, Decide, and Act). The key difference from older strategies being Orientation. "Proper orientation connects us with the reality of our environment rather than what we think our environment is." 

Julie Galef calls this the scout mindset, which contrasts the solder mindset. The solder appears on the battlefield ready to fight. The scout, however, appears with an open mind; first observing the lay of the land.

Swedish diplomat Dag Hammarskjold is where the title to this post came from: "...to have humility is to experience reality." Or, as Sayers said, "Orientation is required. Yet orientation requires humility, for when we understand our weakness, it enables us to trust fully in God's strength."

Before the prophet Samuel could gain direction from God's voice, he first had to learn to hear God's voice. THIS, according the Sayers, is the missing component for many leaders today! 

The line in this chapter I absolutely loved - and intended to make the focus today - is this gem:

"Waiting on the Lord, seeking His voice, is an act of revolutionary stillness."

 That right there, my friends, is where I'm hanging my hat. I think that is IT. While not a part of this book, one thing I thing I always admired about George Bush II, which he took a load of crap for, was his initial response to the events of 9/11. People have roasted him over coals for years because he... paused. Rather than an immediate reaction, he first asked to have a moment to himself. Now, I don't know exactly what he did with that moment - probably only he does - but I always saw it as an act of humility. Whether he prayed, called his dad, or whatever... it was acknowledging that this was something too big for him alone to answer in a flash. I have always respected that. I think we need more of that.

Anyway, back to the book... Jumping into the final chapter (14), Sayers presents King David as an example for leadership. Beginning on p.175:

"David is not in the wilderness taking ground. Nor is he trying to find himself as he expands the frontiers of civilization in a heroic quest. David is not an explorer. David is a shepherd. In the shepherd, we find a biblical model of leadership, a non-anxious presence, which is not dependent on reserves of personal power but on the presence of God - encountered in the wild places."

 Again, this book seems a perfect fit in these current crazy times. Everyone seems intent on kissing the ring and/or grabbing for power... Yet, as Sayers says on the last page...

"As we move into the gray zone, it is the weak to whom the eyes of the Western church must look to learn."

So, I guess the ultimate question is: who will you align yourself with?

Worldly power and Godly power look quite different.

High school and a lilac tree

Our oldest grandchild started high school yesterday. I know, right?!? How in the world...

Her parents took the traditional 'first-day-of-school' picture, and it's crazy how old she looks. She goes to a private school and therefore must wear a uniform, but my first thought upon seeing the pic was "I swear her mom wore something almost like that when she was in high school!" :)

Anyway, she has changed so much over the years and has grown into a nice looking young lady, as well as maturing socially and emotionally. I guess ... gulp ... she is basically another ... adult. Gahhhhhhh.

---

Okay, on to less important matters... We had a lilac bush/tree cut down today. 

I'm pretty sure they're supposed to be bushes. However, if you don't tend to things, they can age and grow a little out of control. That's what happened here. It just got too big. 

I've been going to cut it down myself ...one of these days. I just never really knew where to start or how to go about it, and I wouldn't know what to do with it after it was down.

So, I learned my lesson by paying $250 to have someone cut it down and hall it away, and another $200 to have the stump removed (at a later date).

Gulp.

We will allow the ground to settle a bit, then hope to plant an arborvitae or some such small tree/bush-thing in it's place some day (or maybe a single fence panel). 

 

Growing up is a good; it's supposed to happen. We must tend to things and take good care so we age and grow into proper maturation though. Otherwise we can get a bit out of control. 

Independence vs. independency

Today brings another tidbit from Mark Sayers's tremendous book 'A Non-Anxious Presence.'

Chapter 11 is on The Anxious Frontier, which seems to be the flavor of the day in Washington (the idea that the world is falling apart, and it needs "ME/US" to come in and save the day because no one else is capable). 

Sayers says the root of our anxiety is our disconnection from God. Without grasping or understanding our need for redemption and reconnection to God we fall back into a term used by Donald Mostrom called Independency. Mostrom uses it to delineate from the term independence, "noting that independence can be positive when it is freedom of unhealthy dependence on others. Independency is harmful, according to Mostrom. It emerges from 'the human drive for personal sovereignty, the desire to be without accountability to any other person.'" 

This stems from the initial human rebellion in the garden, and the resulting anxiety impacts not only our human relationships, but social systems as a whole. As Sayers notes, 

"Fear, anger, jealousy, envy, bitterness, revenge, flattery, accusation, and many other injurious conditions develop from the sickness of human nature estranged from God and trying unsuccessfully to defend its own 'god-status' against all comers."

So, in a nutshell, it sounds to me like: We need to be independent creatures in being able to disconnect from those things which are wrong or evil (for instance, standing against peer pressure, mob mentality, and the like); but when we fail to stay connected to God, we tend to think we don't need anyone - which becomes independency. 

The key idea: "We can only be non-anxious presences with God's presence." 

Why is this important right now? Holy sh*t! Have you seen the news?!? I mean, the face-full of christian nationalism on display just yesterday should have been enough to cause even the most stable among us a crazy-queasy stomach! From Doug Wilson's demented diatribe against women and non-whites, to trump's military uprising on DC... Sh*t is hitting the fan at a rate I don't believe I've seen in my lifetime.

So, just like yesterday, I find this perspective from Sayers helpful not only in reminding us of our need to stay connected to God right now, but firming up relationships with others who see through the lie of "christian nationalism" also. And, just to be clear, THERE IS NOTHING CHRISTIAN (or even American) ABOUT CHRISTIAN NATIONALISM! Nothing, nada, not one thing!!!

I believe this 'independence vs. independency' distinction is seriously needed in the church today - if not the world.

Keep the faith, friends!

Fantasy vs. reality

I've been wanting to share some nuggets from Mark Sayers's fantastic little book 'A Non-Anxious Presence' (which I need to read again already!)...

One key idea he raises (ch. 9) is the danger of churches allowing culture to pull us into a comfort zone mentality instead of a growth mindset. As he notes, we create comfort zones to keep the anxiety out, as well as to protect our autonomy (we don't want anyone telling us what to do). And, as he says on p.115, "At some point, the endless quest for freedom will run up against the boundaries of reality." Just look at how much money is spent in the modern cosmetic industry, even though reality says we're all going to age?!?

Sayers introduces us to Portuguese writer Bruno Macaes, who "argues that faced with the limitations of reality, the new American frontier is the frontier between reality and fantasy. For when our freedom runs into reality, fantasy promises us the possibility of expanding our freedom beyond its natural boundaries."

Or, as Science Fiction author Philip K. Dick sensed in the 1970s, how fantasy would shape the future of society and warned, "...fake realities will create fake humans... fake humans will generate fake reality and then sell them to other humans, turning them, eventually, into forgeries themselves."

Sayers says the endgame of such a process is the transformation of society into "a very large version of Disneyland." And...

"Furnished with fantasies, the contemporary comfort zone has become a different kind of stronghold, built not just to keep out anxiety but also to protect us from reality. Why? Because reality makes us anxious. We cannot shape our reality to our wishes. As a result, our faith in freedom and the power of our autonomy is shattered.

Fantasy has spawned false visions of life and leadership. Comfort zones furnished with fantasy develop fragile individuals, leaders, and organizations, as their fantasies are continually shattered by reality. A lack of connection with reality creates a lack of resilience..."

 

Think about it... "fake news" (which is controlled by a handful of people?), "social media" (which is anything but social), "Reality TV" - which brought us not one, but two presidents of this country (albeit the same person), "Artificial Intelligence" (which no one seems to want, but the powers-that-be are cramming down our throats), and so on, and so on, and so on...

Is there any hope?

Sayers says we need to embrace the "wilderness" -- the "gray zone" of the present time -- and look to God within it. "Wilderness" is a recurring theme in the Bible - seen as a terrible place without God, but the place of spiritual growth in His hands. As he says on 116, "The painful encounter with reality we experience in our gray zone moment opens up the possibility of encountering the deeper work God wishes to do within us."

While the days may look dark at present for followers of Jesus, and, really, society as a whole, Sayers urges us to "step outside of our comfort zones and break away from the grip of the myth that life is going wrong when we are not feeling good... (122)... "Comfort zones insulate us against growth; gray zones activate us into spiritual growth when we say yes to God's invitation to grow with Him."

 

I confess, it's easy for me to lose hope when so much of the world seems bent on this fantasy-island-life and makes so little sense... but it's all the more reason to lean into God (Father, Son, Spirit) and stay in the game with others trying to do the same. Because... fantasy life ain't real; and we are!

Five things friday (how can school be starting already?)

Geez-o-petes... some of us have yet to turn the page on July and schools are already starting again! Time sure seems to be flyin' for no more fun than I'm havin'. Anyway...

1. PLAYING UP

Our first grandchild is entering high school this year. She had volleyball tryouts this week. We weren't worried about her making the team (though not everyone did), but are more interested in *which* team she's will be on. It sounds like she would rather be on the freshman team with her friends. That is the safe space. However, during summer workouts, she was moved up to the JV and sometimes even Varsity teams. Moving her up could be great in terms of the experience she will gain, as well as the fact there won't be quite as much pressure placed on her (as a freshman). Anything she provides will be a positive, as opposed to being depended on to be one of the top freshman on the freshman team. Regardless, my main hope is that it's not too much for her. She can be fairly fragile (like yours truly), and I don't want to see her lose her love for sports, because they have had such a positive impact on her life! She has a real innate sense as an athlete, and she could be really, really good... if she sticks with it. Either way, we are and will be super proud of her! She's the best in my book!!

2. WHAT DOES PLAY EVEN MEAN?

Speaking of pressure... Ted Gioia (The Honest Broker) has a nice piece: 'Why Do Children Hate Music Lessons,' which delves into this a bit (btw, it's a substack read, but you don't have to subscribe to read it). As he says, "An athlete plays a sport. An actor plays a role. And a musician plays an instrument. Everybody else goes to work." At least those are the WORDS we use, but is that what's really ...ahem... at play? Why do we tend to make even those endeavors seem like work (especially for children)? He definitely offers something to think about... as always.

3. A NEW GAME TO PLAY

Sticking to the 'play' theme... I subscribe to Tim Ferriss's weekly newsletter (just one place I stole this 'five things' idea from), and he has actually created a new card game: Coyote. It seems simple enough, and looks like a bit of fun for kids and adults! You can order it HERE, and there's a video of how to play it HERE. Although, the grandsons did teach us how to play UNO ATTACK last week, and it was unexpectedly exciting as well. :)

4. SCHOOL

Enough with the child's play, eh... Let's talk about the start of school. Man, what a downer... at least for me. I absolutely hated school - and it wasn't just because my dad was the high school principal! I never liked it, and it's weird how - even to this day - I get real sad at this time of year. I see kids getting school supplies, waiting at the bus stop, wearing uniforms, and all the other signs of the time and... it just breaks my heart. Sure, I know some kids love it. I also know it's a necessary rite we all must endure. And, hey, I'm not even an advocate for home schooling... But let's face it, school for kids is not all that different from adults stuck in a nine-to-five. Well, maybe a little... there is the idea of learning, developing as social creatures, crushes, and all that... But it's also a place where so much innocence is destroyed. That's what saddens me. Again, I know it's necessary, and not everyone feels the same, but my heart is pretty tender right now thinking about all this. Kids need our help. Dammit! Let me say that again!!! Kids need all the help they can get! So lets us adults quit being assholes for a minute, okay?!? Be kind to kids. (sorry for the rant at the end... Not really)

5. A QUOTE

"To love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be. The people they're too exhausted to be any longer. The people they don't recognize inside themselves anymore. The people they grew out of, the people they never ended up growing into. We so badly want the people we love to get their spark back when it burns out; to become speedily found when they are lost. But it is not our job to hold anyone accountable to the people they used to be. It is our job to travel with them between each version and to honor what emerges along the way." - Heidi Priebe, from her book This Is Me Letting You Go (ht to James Clear)

 

Well, alrighty then... Enough with all that. There actually are lots of good things about school, sports, game-playing, and life in general... I bet you know someone who could use a reminder today about the good they bring to the world. ...Go!!!