Five things friday (f*cked)

I wasn't going to write today. What's the point? I mean... what is the point? The whole world is crazy...

Yet, I already had most of this written, and while on my 12-mile run this morning... I was reminded of something...

So, in these bat-shit crazy times... here are five things:

1. REMEMBER WHEN

Remember earlier this year - just before trump was to begin his second term - and Facebook/Instagram/Threads took the step of no longer fact-checking? Do you suppose that plays into anything going on in the world, or at least USA, right now? (Not to mention that Tiktok ban that was supposed to take place).

Personally, I've been trying to severely limit even looking at any of them (actually, I'm not on Threads; rarely even look at Insta; so mostly it's just ever-briefer glimpses of FB). 

Yet, when I do look at it, so much of it isn't even true! It can be anything from sports, to politics, to... basically everything the current fascist administration says!

I think it's all connected; and all designed to create further and further divide among us. I've been thinking this for awhile, and I think it more and more. So why aren't Zuckerberg and all the other 'tech bros' held accountable for what they're doing to the world??

2. ANTIFA VS. FASCISM

Ironically, I posted this on FB yesterday - in light of the president calling for antifa to be declared a terrorist organization:

From Google's AI Overview:

"Antifa is a portmanteau, or shortened form, of the term "anti-fascist"...

Key Aspects of Antifa:

"At its core, antifa is about opposing fascism, racism, and authoritarianism."

FYI: Fascism (according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary) = "a populist political philosophy, movement, or regime that exalts nation and often race above the individual, that is associated with a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, and that is characterized by severe economic and social regimentation and by forcible suppression of opposition."

 

I mean, antifa isn't an organization, so you can't really ban such a thing. But it will be interesting to see if they try to name certain acts or demonstrations as part of "antifa" in order to justify the use of force.

 

As the meme says, though, "World War II veterans are Antifa because they fought fascism." 

 

Who'd have ever thought there would be people in this country supporting a fascist regime? I suppose the people of Italy and Germany can understand...

 

3. THINGS ARE DIFFERENT

 

I read THIS POST from Kristin Du Mez with sadness the other day. She drew largely from THIS PIECE by Jeffrey C. Isaac. Change is happening. The world is not the same as it once was. People are afraid.

 

What really stood out to me was this blurb by Kristin:

“…it is crucial that all of us find ways to tell the truth—to others, and to ourselves. To be as courageous as we can. To remind ourselves who we are, and what we value. Because another thing that history teaches us is that entire populations can forget these things with alarming speed, given the right circumstances.”

We need this. We need the truth! Even if no one else speaks it, we need to speak it to ourselves.

 

4. HOLD ME, JESUS

 

This is what I was reminded of on my run...

"Let people see your struggles, and don't ever fake it." -Rich Mullins

He died in a car crash twenty eight years ago today. His words and music impacted me in a powerful way. Still do. He spoke in a way I'd like to think Jesus spoke. 

 

As I think about this in light of those worshiping trump today and thinking Charlie Kirk was some kind of martyr and... It seems so hopeless.

 

I just don't understand how almost every scholar, theologian, pastor, and thinker I know and know of... can be wrong about trump, christian nationalism, and the selling out of the church...

 

While taking a shower after my run... I just completely broke down, bawling like a baby. I don't understand...

 

I'm glad Rich is no longer alive. I don't know if he could take it. In fact, I doubt he'd have anything at all to do with what people are trying to pass off as "christianity" these days. Although... who knows.

 

Anyway...

 

I never could listen to this song without crying. It's even worse now:

 

Well, sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

 

So hold me, Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't you be my Prince of Peace?

 

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

 

So hold me, Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't you be my Prince of Peace?

 

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what you give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

 

And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

 

I'm singing hold me, Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't you be my Prince of Peace?

 

5. A QUOTE/POEM

What if the conflict was never

real but carefully planted?

 

Triangulation is a tactic to

turn you against people who

were never your enemy,

because division keeps you

easier to control while the

truth gets buried under

manufactured chaos.

     

                    - Robert Wilkinson

Oof. Sorry. That's all I've got...
 

Trip to buda: wedding, work, wall-to-wall

We made a quick trip to the old hometown this past weekend. We had a concert at the venue where we volunteer on Friday night (Fleetwood Gold band), so we headed that way Saturday morning and returned Monday. 

The trips there and back were both uneventful - about 4 3/4 hours each. For some reason traffic wasn't bad on Saturday or Monday morning.

WEDDING

Once we arrived at my mom's house we only had a couple hours before we had to be in Kewanee for a wedding. Jane's nephew's daughter (apparently that's a grandniece or great-niece) was getting married. It was a smallish wedding in a Methodist church. Fortunately the air conditioning was working well (it was perhaps low 90s outside), and it was a very upbeat ceremony that lasted a mere 20 minutes from start to finish. I actually don't mind attending weddings like this! Though, you know me, I didn't escape without tearing up just a bit. But in a good way!

The reception was a block over and started in the upstairs of a reception hall. Unfortunately, the air conditioner was not working so well. Apparently everything was all set up for the meal already though, so we had hors de'oeuvres and drinks until the wedding party arrived, then ate the meal, and THEN everyone headed downstairs to a quite nice - and cool - party room for the dancing and debauchery.

All in all it was a nice time. We got to visit with several members of Jane's family - including three of her four brothers, and some of their kids and grand kids. It was neat seeing the younger kids (from grade school age up to college) having so much fun together!

WORK

Sunday was what a typical Saturday would normally be like at my mom's. Jane went to see her brother who is home bound, and I had a list of chores. I went for a run when mom went to church, then started in on weed trimming, lawn edging, picking up walnuts, tearing out a flower bed, and whatnot. I couldn't believe I actually got her old push mower to start! It was soooooo hot though, so I only lasted until mid-afternoon and then I was cooked. I spent the rest of the day watching football (except my mom HAS TO watch the Indiana Fever whenever they're on TV), and also took care of a few things indoors. 

WALLS

I just can't shake this feeling I had at the wedding reception...

It was so neat seeing all the nieces, nephews and grands having so much fun together. I really miss that our kids lost out on that, and that our grand kids have too...

Yet, there was one point in the evening where the DJ played this song, and all the teens/20-somethings (who were mostly already all on the dance floor) really got into it and were all joining together singing the chorus of this song. It was a heavy rock song, but I wasn't at all familiar with it. Yet I was intrigued by the line they were all singing: "Wall to wall and I still ain't sold out!"

Well, turns out I wasn't familiar with the song 'Sold Out,' because it's by the country artist Hardy. It took me a little digging to even discover all this. Ah... now it makes sense.

You can find the lyrics via the above youtube link. It's about small-town, redneck pride. And... I get it. There was a time in my life I very much owned that. Actually, I didn't know any other way. And... honestly, there's a part of me that does wonder if I have "sold out." Or, maybe more appropriately, wonders if things wouldn't be better if I'd stayed there...

There's another part that knows that was just not possible. It was time to move, and if I tried to recreate that, it would not be like what it was. 

At any rate, it left me a bit torn. I am totally against the idea of "selling out" for money: from athletes to actors to working people. I'd like to think I haven't sold out on my ideals and the values I hold most dear. There is still a part of me that appreciates where I'm from, the people who helped form me, and the place my life started and developed. I hope to never lose that.

I also hope to not be narrowed by nostalgia. It's a great thing to ponder from time to time... But it's a terrible way to make a life.

So, I pray for the wisdom to appreciate those things worth appreciating, the courage to move forward in ways that warrant, and the humility to never thing I know what's best for anyone else.

 

And... I gotta run, so I'm leaving this one here as is without re-reading. Hopefully it makes some sense and doesn't have too many typos. :)

 

Five things friday

Hey... I think it's Friday. Long week. And here I am procrastinating going for my 11-mile run this morning. I don't know why, but I seem to be getting more and more nervous about going out for a run. Especially the long ones. So, here are five things on my mind (amid a whole lotta other things):

1. Work Party Ideas

Do you need some distraction? Here is an article with 15 Great Office Traditions You've Never Heard of. They have: PB&J Parties, Formal Fridays, Attack of the Clones, The Goat Shrine, Wacky Fruit Wednesdays, Adult Bibs, The Rubber Ducks, The Talking Shrimp, Elaborate Pranks, Vegetable-Themed Showers, Handmade Blankets, Made-Up Holidays, Wall of Same, and Intern Nathan.

I bet you can probably think of an even better one... but for sure I'd say, if you work somewhere, people could certainly use a reason to laugh or smile right about now. Or maybe not. I dunno...

2. Meditative Silent Films

Perhaps a better idea is to check out this awesome website belonging to Harmen Hoek, who is a former physicist from the Netherlands and now makes meditative silent hiking films that transport viewers into some of the most beautiful hiking trails in the world. These silent films are paired with ambient sounds to enhance the emphasis on slowing down and quiet reflection. Go to his Youtube Channel to see some of his work, and enjoy yourself! (H/t to the people at The Eugene Peterson Center at Western Theological Seminary,  and their “Arcs of Light” newsletter on 9.10.25)

3. Beam Me Up, Scotty

Okay, I guess I gotta go there. I suppose I had maybe heard of Charlie Kirk before this week - maybe - but I didn't know a thing about him. Here's what I do know, though: we have gone total bat-shit crazy in this country!!! Or at least that's what the news and social medias would like us to think!

What the hell is wrong with us though? Why is it always "the other side" at fault? How many people have to die? How many have to cry and mourn those who've not only been killed, but the lost-ness of those who've done the killing?

Man, I am just so tired of this. All of it! You'd think we would all be hanging our heads at what we have become as a society... (if you can even call it that anymore).

[Added Later: Btw, just to be clear, this rant isn't about CK. Regardless of how we each believe and act, I don’t think ANYONE should be killed in this way. The problem is… he’s just the latest. And then there are the responses, the scapegoating, lying, and all the usual… When will we say ‘enough!’?]

4. And Just When You Thought...

I intended to bring up the story here about Albania appointing an AI bot to a cabinet position. Seriously. It is to be the new minister to tackle corruption. It will review government contracts and flag suspicious spending. I mean, what could go wrong, right? Ha! Apparently they've never heard of hackers, or AI issues or...

However, this story from the NYT seems equally crazy: A false report of a shooter at the Naval Academy prompted an actual shooting. A midshipman mistook a law enforcement officer for the shooter and struck him with a parade rifle. The officer then fired back and wounded the midshipman. Like, what the what!?! So, which one was the "good guy with a gun?" Yeesh!

5. A Mere Quote Won't Do

FB reminded me that I apparently started sharing this song on this day every year back in 2012. I've no idea why, and don't know anything about The Swirling Eddies... but this sad little song seems appropriate. So, take four minutes and let The Tired Eyes of Faith swirl in your heart and mind for a bit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRJ4J5ovt1A

* * * * * 

 And... that's all I've got for now.

Sometimes…

Sometimes I take pictures with my phone of random things like this weed growing in the Meijer parking lot.

Sometimes I don't have my phone with me (most of my running) and I really wish I'd had it.

Sometimes I see things and don't think I have time to stop.

Sometimes I fail to notice things I should.

Sometimes I wish I'd never gotten a smartphone at all.

Sometimes I think technology is evil.

Sometimes I wonder what the world is going to be like in 5, 10, or 100 years.

Sometimes I wonder if it will even last.

Sometimes I worry about the world we're leaving our kids and grand kids.

Sometimes I can barely make it through the day.

...and, yet...

Sometimes I see a random weed growing up in a parking lot and stop to look at it.

Sometimes things like this give me hope.

Sometimes I wonder if God really is at work still today, among us.

Sometimes I wonder if there hasn't always been "new" technology, and somehow we make it through. 

Sometimes I marvel at how much my kids and grand kids are just like we were.

Sometimes I smile when I recognize just how incredible they really are.

Sometimes I pray they will soon learn to relax and slow down.

Sometimes I walk through the valley of doubts.

Sometimes I rest in green-tea pastures.

Sometimes I'm stopped in my tracks by a simple beauty.

I take a picture of it on my phone,

and am at peace.

Five things friday (schooling, transcending, and colbert-ing)

Happy Friday, friends! Somehow I had an oddly busy week - though some of that was simply recovery work from a half marathon I wasn't properly prepared for - but, here we are, still plodding along...

What are five things that've been on my mind???

1. BACK TO SCHOOL

The picture above is where we began our day today. Our school-age grandchildren attend private schools. One is in high school, and the boys attend the school associated with this church. Today was "grandparents day"! We began with a chapel service here, then took an underground tunnel across the street to their classrooms (yes, there is an underground tunnel in downtown Fort Wayne!). We each spent half the morning in each of the boys' classes. It was interesting getting to interact with their friends and teachers. The oldest has 11 kids in his class (he is one of only three caucasian students), and the younger has 18 in his class. I am always a little nervous going to grandparents day because 1) it feels just like 'going-back-to-school'... and I'm still afraid of getting in trouble; and 2) the principal here freaks me out (but the pastor of the church is always super nice!). Anyway, it went fine and I enjoyed it!

Also, I believe our son started teaching at his new school this week. It's a small liberal arts college in St. Peter, Minnesota. He is still finishing up with some work at the seminary he has been teaching at the past couple years, but will eventually solely be teaching here. According to his sister, liberal arts college students are an entirely different animal than seminary students! :)

2. LEARNING AI

Yes, it's true... I have dabbed my toes in Ai world (I am hanging my head). I have SO MANY ethical reservations about all things Ai: what it will do to our world environmentally, emotionally, and intellectually. Yet, I don't know if I had a moment of panic over being left behind, or I simply decided maybe I should look into it a bit. At any rate, I started reading The Neuron newsletter, and they offer this Intro to ChatGPT course for free (supposedly it is normally $199). The 47 modules took me over three hours to get through... But it was really pretty interesting! So, I've been messing around a bit with not only ChatGPT, but some other apps (are they bots?) as well. I still feel weird about it, so please don't tell anyone...

3. TRANSCENDING TO JOY

Maybe I can blame it on Richard Beck! ;) I've just a few pages left in his fantastic little book The Shape of Joy: The Transformative Power of Moving Beyond Yourself. The way he blends psychology and spirituality - without it seeming too psychological or spiritual - really drew me in. The stories are great, but the big idea is even better! The other day he posted this as his new "elevator pitch" for the book:

"Our mental health has become self-referential. We're trapped within ourselves. And left alone, the mind poisons itself. Freud was wrong. The research on mindfulness, gratitude, awe, and humility all tell the same story: We need to get out of our heads."

That's what transcendence is: getting out of our heads (moving beyond ourselves). Honestly, I wouldn't even call it a "mental health" book, but more a "how-the-hell-do-we-survive" book. I like it! 

4. COLBERT'S FAITH STORY

"A skinny twenty-two-year-old was freezing in Chicago one November day in 1986. It was 10^o. A recent college graduate, he was depressed and had lost fifty pounds. A few years earlier his father and brother had died in a crash. He kept going to Mass for a while, but he had become an atheist. He was angry and certain God didn’t exist..."

Maybe the best thing I read all week was this post from Andy Unedited: "We Never Know Who We're Talking To." It's not long, and if you only click one link today, THAT is the one to click. Whether you like Stephen Colbert or not, it is worth a read! And if you have a little more time and want to dive deeper, this Youtube clip has an in-depth interview where he shares the story (if you click the "more" button it breaks down the sections). Good stuff... and, God, bless Colbert!

5. A QUOTE

"Healing requires telling a better story about myself. Given what has happened to me, what new story do I need to tell about my life? Finding this new story is how you make your way back into the light...

...For joy to become a transcendent emotion, our concerns must be found beyond ourselves, and our stories create this possibility."

                - Richard Beck, The Shape of Joy, p.138

 * * * * *

Yeah, sorry-not-sorry, the quote is a bit of a tease to read the book. Or at least move beyond yourself. And, I know, life is already chaotic, full, and we're all tired... But what if that's the problem: all we seem to think about is how chaotic, full, and tired we are? What's a new story you could be a part of?

Maybe start by opening up ChatGPT and simply asking it: "What new story could I be a part of?" If you don't like the options, hit the "try again" button at the bottom until it comes up with something that piques your interest.

Or... maybe your life is great. I hope it is! Even if it's not right now... I hope it gets better!

Peace (out, and in)

Five things friday (does anybody really know?)

Well, here it is, another Friday. I was going to say "we made it to another one," but... you know... not everyone did. Can you imagine your child's first day of school and... they don't come home???

What a messed up world we live in right now. Here are a few things on my mind:

1. Does Anybody Know 25 or 6 to 4

I have a confession to make. I'm not sure I ever really knew the Chicago songs 'Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?' and '25 or 6 to 4' were not the same song (my wife is probably so embarrassed). These were both really early songs for the band. In fact, 'Does Anybody Really Know...' was supposedly the first song recorded for their first album, released in 1969. '25 or 6 to 4' was on their second album - yet it was released as a single before the aforementioned. Either way, lots of stuff about time right there... And who'd have thunk then that the times would be even crazier now...

2. Maybe David Knew

Here's a lengthy piece I borrowed from Tim Ferriss (8.1.25), which he borrowed from 'Means and Meaning.' This is from an interview between David Foster Wallace and Rolling Stone's David Lipsky during a 5-day road trip in 1996 (come back and read the date '1996' again after you've read below!):

David Foster Wallace: As the Internet grows, and as our ability to be linked up, like— I mean, you and I coulda done this through e-mail, and I never woulda had to meet you, and that woulda been easier for me. Right?

Like, at a certain point we’re gonna have to build up some machinery, inside our guts, to help us deal with this. Because the technology is just gonna get better and better and better and better. And it’s gonna get easier and easier, and more and more convenient, and more and more pleasurable, to be alone with images on a screen, given to us by people who do not love us but want our money. Which is all right. In low doses, right? but if that’s the basic main staple of your diet, you’re gonna die. In a meaningful way, you’re going to die.

David Lipsky: But you developed some defenses?

David Foster Wallace: No. This is the great thing about it is that probably each generation has different things that force the generation to grow up.

Maybe for our grandparents it was World War II. You know? For us, it’s gonna be that, at a certain point, that we’re either gonna have to put away childish things and discipline ourselves about how much time do I spend being passively entertained? And how much time do I spend doing stuff that actually isn’t all that much fun minute by minute but that builds certain muscles in me as a grown-up and a human being?

And if we don’t do that, then (a) as individuals, we’re gonna die, and (b) the culture’s gonna grind to a halt.

He said that in nineteen ninety six. 1996! And here we are...

3. Meanwhile, in Canada

I first read about Canada's euthanasia "situation" via Scot McKnight's weekly Meanderings on 8.23.25. I simply can't stop thinking about it. Up until then, I was probably more inclined to think 'assisted death' was not such a bad option for certain people. After reading Katelyn Beaty's searing (if not endearing) 'Let's Agree to Be Burdens to One Another,' as well as the article she linked from The Atlantic, man-oh-man... I am re-thinking that notion! 

I was maybe only vaguely aware Canada passed the MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying) law in 2016 which legalized euthanasia. I was NOT aware that, today, it is responsible for 1 in 20 deaths there - more than Alzheimer's and diabetes combined!

MAID began as a practice limited to gravely ill patients who were already at the end of life (which I can understand from a compassion standpoint). The law was then expanded to include people who were suffering from serious medical conditions but not facing imminent death. In two years, MAID will be made available to those suffering only from mental illness. Parliament has also recommended granting access to minors...

This is what got me... Beaty wrote,

"Critics say that what MAID touts as an empowering, even beautiful option — now supported through a government-created and -funded bureaucracy — may in fact be the result of a society turning its back on its most vulnerable members. That includes people who have disabilities, who have chronic illness, who are poor, and/or frail and aging. The people who are seen as “burdens” in a culture terrified of suffering and dependence.

Is it really a choice when a society who has failed you “compassionately” suggests you might take one for the team?"

Whew, that's a lot. A whole lot. Something, something... "the least of these"...

4. A Funny Story

Okay, how about something a little on the lighter side... (a true story): This morning I drove the wrong way down a one-way street. It wasn't entirely my fault. I was driving up Lafayette Street, minding my own business and maybe spacing out a little... I knew there were a couple one-way streets going west, and I wanted to turn right onto Main Street right after. Well, the car in front of me turned right, so I just followed... I guess we were BOTH wrong! Ha, you know how people waive fingers at you and give you dirty looks when something like this happens... Of course, I immediately start wondering "What's wrong with all these idiots! They're driving on the wrong side of the road!" Fortunately it didn't take long for me to realize my mistake, and I knew I had a choice to make: I could either defiantly continue on, cussing my way along; or I could swallow hard, admit my error, and TURN MY ASS AROUND! Funny thing: once I did that (turned around), everyone was much nicer - even smiling and laughing - because we all do stupid stuff now and then, and it's good when we stop. ;)

5. A Poem 

America Is A Gun

England is a cup of tea.

France, a wheel of ripened brie.

Greece, a short, squat olive tree.

America is a gun.

 

Brazil is football in the sand.

Argentina, Maradona's hand.

Germany, an oompah band.

America is a gun.

 

Holland is a wooden shoe.

Hungary, a goulash stew.

Australia, a kangaroo.

America is a gun.

 

Japan is a thermal spring.

Scotland is a highland fling.

Oh, better to be anything

than America as a gun.

 

- Brian Bilston

* * * * *

Yeah, there's a lot going on in the world right now. It seems to be coming from all sides, all at once, everywhere... 

I was talking with a pastor this morning about how to have more of a "village" mentality in the church. You know, a place where we all matter, where we come face to face with one another, talk, share, cry together, etc.... Anyway, this verse kept rolling through my mind: "Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on..." (Hebrews 10:24-25 MSG). 

I don't know how to do that - I'm pretty much just trying to survive nowadays - but I think we could all use some encouragement, eh?

Keep the faith, friends. Hang on.

Try softer - pt. 4 (final chapters and summary)

Okay... we've been through Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of Aundi Kolber's fine book 'Try Softer,' and today I think we can finally wrap up with my personal highlights from chapters 9 & 10.

"The Lord is gracious and compassionate,

slow to anger and rich in love.

The Lord is good to all;

he has compassion on all he has made."

Psalm 145:8-9 seems an appropriate way to begin chapter 9 on 'Trying Softer With Our Inner Critic.' 

P.191 - There is a big difference between healthy guilt and shame. Guilt = I did something bad; Shame = I am bad.

P.192 - Powerful quote from Peggy O'Mara: ***"The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice."*** (Wowza!)

P.193 - "Trying softer isn't about knowing or doing the right thing; it's about being gentle with ourselves in the face of pain that is keeping us stuck. Because no matter how hard we try, we can't hate or shame ourselves into change. Only love can move us toward growth."

P. 194 - "...compassion is different from empathy in that empathy is feeling with someone else, whereas compassion means to suffer with someone and then allow ourselves to be moved by that pain so we are motivated into action" (this may be from Kristin Neff).

P. 201- (after the section on 'undoing self-hate,' and 'a kind, good God') "Perhaps this will be your faith walk throughout your lifetime -- to gently step toward the truth of who you are in Him."

I found the first exercise at the end of this chapter on p. 204, Speak Compassionately to Yourself, to be helpful:

1. Place your hand on your heart, allow yourself to inhale and exhale, and simply notice what this feels like.
2. Next say these words to yourself:
1. I am experiencing pain (observe your emotion mindfully without judging it)
2. I am not alone (Remember that we are all surrounded by many others who have suffered or who are suffering)
3. May I be gentle with myself (God is deeply kind and compassionate with us, so we can be the same with ourselves too)  

 

The final chapter, 10, is on Trying Softer with Resilience; and begins with Jesus's words in John 10:10: 

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." 

P. 213-214 - "Trying softer is not a destination but a way to journey through life. And it's in the trying, in the moving forward -- sometimes slowly and haltingly -- that we develop resilience. Brokenness and disappointment are inevitable; resilience is a way to pick ourselves up and fight another day."

P.214 - I love the list of "Try Softer Language": -What is the gentlest thing I could do today? -What words or affirmations remind me of my true self? -I wonder if I could take this in smaller steps? -What would help me stay in my WOT (window of tolerance)? -What kind of support do I need to make this happen? -Whom could I reach out to if I'm feeling overwhelmed? -How could I help my body feel safe right now? -What part of myself needs support right now? -What activity would be soothing for me when I'm feeling triggered? -Is there a way I could move my body to help me feel more connected to myself?

P.217 - a few practices that can improve our vagal tone (the vagus nerve is the longest cranial nerve in the body that runs from our brains down to major organs like the heart, lungs, intestines, and stomach; and is part of our physiology that enables us to stay in our WOT... A healthy vagal tone is the physiological reason behind learning to tolerate - or even enjoy - experiences that were once overwhelming to our bodies... this is how our WOT expands...): 

• Humming or singing
• Shaking out any part of the body that feels tense or needs additional activation
• Mind/body exercises such as yoga or loving-kindness meditation (p.206)
• Mind/body therapy (see practices on pp.137-139)
• Driver's Response: You can replicate this by splashing cold water on your face while holding your breath. There is strong evidence to show that this practice stimulates the vagus nerve.
• Conscious Breathing: See the breath prayer on p.88

 

* * * * *

 This ends my personal highlights from reading therapist and author Aundi Kolber's book 'Try Softer.' I found it a fairly easy read for those wanting to escape the "try harder" approach to getting through life, and towards a more compassionate way of being ... "human" ... in this crazy, mixed up world we now live in. And, to be honest, I actually appreciated this ai summary of the book:

"In Try Softer, counselor Aundi Kolber invites readers to release the pressure of striving and embrace a gentler path toward healing. Drawing on faith, psychology, and practical tools, she shows how paying compassionate attention to our bodies and emotions can free us from cycles of overwhelm and help us live with greater wholeness, resilience, and connection to God and others."

 

And... that's all for that. I got this book as part of our church's Mental Health Initiative this year, and appreciate what it offered in that regard.

Coming up I hope to share some thoughts on 'What I Talk About When I Talk About Running' by Haruki Murakami (which I read after Try Softer), as well as the book I'm currently reading, 'The Shape of Joy,' by Richard Beck... among other things. :)

Try softer - pt. 3 (emotions)

Back to my highlights from Aundi Kolber's fabulous book 'Try Softer.'  In Part 1 of this series I shared from the first section of the book on the Process of Becoming; Part 2 started in on the second section detailing Practices for trying softer. Today I want to continue with that, and my focus is strictly chapter 8: Try Softer With Your Emotions.

I found this particularly helpful for me, beginning with the opening quote from Brené Brown (p.163):

"Most of us were not taught how to recognize pain, name it, and be with it. But what we know now is that when we deny our emotion, it owns us. When we own our emotion, we can rebuild and find our way through the pain."

This was true for me, and, likely, so many who grew up in the same culture I did where the "stiff upper lip" was expected. Emotion of any kind was bad, unless it was the faux elation of social gatherings. Just look "proper," you know...

Also helpful is being aware of the clinical distinction between our emotions and our feelings: "The sensations and nervous system states that we experience in our bodies = Emotions; The names we give those expressions = Feelings." (p.170)

On. p.172 Kolber shares the above chart. Psychologist Paul Ekman identified six emotions he said are shared by people in every culture (some say seven, but, whatever). This list starts with those basic emotions and then provides many more gradations. Though it is not complete, she says referring to this chart can help us identify our emotions; and this is important because: "Research shows that naming your emotion may calm your limbic system and support the integration of your brain" (my interpretation of that is: it helps us think more clearly/maturely with ALL of our brain, rather than just the reactionary part).

So, for example, say you find yourself in a bad mood. The idea is to pause and think about that. Not only what has caused you to be in a bad mood, but what are you really feeling? Let's say you determine you're angry. What kind of anger? Well (looks down list under "anger")... actually you're feeling "frustrated." As you sit with that awhile and address the source of your frustration, you can begin to process and work through it, rather than letting your foul mood simply ruin the rest of your afternoon.

I don't know about you, but I have done this several times since reading the book (and there were likely other times I should have), and I found it amazing the insight I gained and the RELIEF it provided. Kolber quotes Peter Scazzero in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (p.169),

"To feel is to be human. To minimize or deny what we feel is a distortion of what it means to be image bearers of our personal God. To the degree that we are unable to express our emotions, we remain impaired in our ability to love God, others, and ourselves well."

Also in this chapter (p. 176-178) she discusses how those who have had difficulty living from a place of emotional health typically experience either hyperarousal (overwhelm) or hypoarousal (disconnect).

Towards the end she includes practices to help us strengthen our emotional muscles by incorporating these principles for better emotional health:

1. Name the experience (see the chart)
2. Ride the wave (emotions are like waves - they form, rise to a peak, then decrease)
3. Practice containment (grounding and containment exercises from pp. 111 & 87)
4. Employ curiosity ("Hmm... I wonder why I had such a big reaction to that..." - or whatever)
5. Speak grounding statements: I am safe. I can make choices. I am capable. I am lovable. I am valuable. I am in process. I can set boundaries. (in other words, we have feelings, but we are not our feelings)
   

 And, like that's not enough, at the very end of the chapter are exercises for addressing an overwhelmed rhythm (for those who overidentify with emotions), and addressing a disconnect (for those who feel disconnected from their emotions). 

Like I said, this was an important chapter for me in that I found it quite helpful. This was stuff I needed! 

Hopefully tomorrow we can wrap up the last two chapters and move on. :)

New running shoes (ghost 17)

 

I got a new pair of running shoes. The Brooks Ghost 17. This is only the second pair of shoes I've bought this year, so I feel a little out of step...

 

After running in Brook Glycerin's the past couple years, I went back to the Ghost for some reason. I haven't worn them since version 14 (I think). I absolutely loved the first two pair of Glycerin 20s I had, but the third one I bought earlier this year didn't seem to fit quite as well; and I wasn't overly sold on the newest version (22) from the reviews I'd read.

 

Theses Ghosts are not like the other Ghosts I'd had though! There is less of a heel-toe drop, with way more mid-foot cushion. I like the cushion feel... which is very similar to the Glycerin in stack height...

 

However, part of the reason I moved away from Ghosts was because of the narrow toe box... And that hasn't changed! Grr. I would love these if my feet didn't feel so cramped (and it's not like I have wide feet). I originally bought a pair of 8 1/2 - which is what my Glycerins are - but they were so tight (though not necessarily too short). So I also ordered a pair of size 9 (my last few pair of Ghosts were 9s). However, other than being longer, they are just as tight, and don't feel any better.

 

I've run in the 8 1/2 twice, and am debating whether to try running in the 9 just for kicks. The nice thing about Brooks is they have a great return policy (you can return for full money back even after wearing them outside, for up to 90 days). I hate to get the 9 dirty, though, if it doesn't feel any better than the 8 1/2. I will definitely return one or the other of them (likely the 9).

 

I hate that they make the toe box so narrow. It's the same with Hoka. I suppose I could try getting a wide, but, again, I don't necessarily have wide feet, and I don't really want my foot swimming around in the shoe. I may have to try a different brand next time. Until then... 

 

I will likely be wearing these Ghost 17s for the remainder of half marathons this year and into next. I will find a wider toe box shoe before the next full marathon.

Five things friday (undercover reading)

Well, here we are again. I'm running a bit behind because I took in a Kenny Wayne Shepherd concert last night. He has 91-year-old Bobby Rush on this tour, singing and blowing a mean harp! Anyway, I got home late, slept a little later than usual, and then decided to run 10 miles (instead of 9) this morning. That's my first double-digit run since May when I was doing them regularly. I'm a bit whooped right now. But... here's the stuff you've been waiting for:

1. UNDER THE COVERS

Yes, I'm goin' there. But first, I do not understand why people don't sleep between the sheets! I mean, just, why?? It kinda grosses me out a little bit. You can call me old, but I LIKE sleeping between the fitted sheet and the flat sheet -- with a bedspread ON TOP OF that! I also like washing the sheets now and then. This week, however, I did something totally crazy... I ironed our sheets after washing them!! Yep, that was me, downstairs ironing the sheets and pillow cases fresh outta the dryer. Why? I kinda wanted to see if anyone noticed (and by "anyone," I mean Jane). It was an experiment of sorts. Does it make a difference? Well, I don't know. She didn't say anything; and I don't know if I'd have noticed if I hadn't been the one to do it. They may have been a little more crisp... but I'm not sure if that's all that good or not. Still, it happened, and you read about it here!

2. WHY AREN'T WE READING?

According to this article, fewer Americans are reading, and spend less time reading. Reading for pleasure is down 40% over the past 20 years... dropping about 3% per year. What I find absolutely disheartening is the fact they say only 2% of adults reported reading with their children! Here are some bits directly from the story:

"...reading declined more sharply among Black Americans, those with less education or lower incomes, and people in rural areas, with gaps widening over the 20-year study period."

"The authors cautioned that less reading could affect health, well-being and literacy. Reading has been linked to stronger language skills, reasoning and empathy..."

"I think it's important for people to understand that reading for pleasure is actually a health promoting activity," Sonke said. "We know that participating in the arts is a healthy behavior because it statistically results in improved health outcomes including well-being, social cohesion, mental health..."

This path we're on doesn't seem too great, does it?

3. YOU KEEP USING THAT WORD

Speaking of books, hows about some bookish words? Thoughtco.com posted this article, and these are, apparently, actual real words:

ABIBLIOPHOBIA: The the fear of running out of things to read.
BALLYCUMBER: Coined by writer Douglas Adams, "One of the six half-read books lying somewhere in your bed."
BIBLIOBIBULI: "The sort of people who read too much," created in 1957 by H. L. Mencken.
BIBLIOGNOST: One who has comprehensive knowledge of books.
BIBLIOKLEPT: One who steals books.
BIBLIOLATER: One overly devoted to books.
BIBLIOPHAGIST: An avid or voracious reader.
BIBLIOPOLE: A dealer especially in rare or curious books
BIBLIOSMIA: An unofficial term for the aroma of a book.
BIBLIOTHERAPY: The practice of using books to aid people in solving the issues they are facing.
BOOKARAZZI: Slang for someone who takes photos of their books and posts them online.
BOOK-BOSOMED: Attributed to Sir Walter Scott, meaning someone who carries a book all the time.
BOOK SHELFIE (and library shelfie): A self-portrait with books that is shared on social media.
EPEOLATRY: The worship of words.
HAMARTIA: Aristotle introduced the word in Poetics to describe the error of judgment which brings about a tragic hero's downfall.
LIBROCUBICULARIST: A person who reads books in bed.
LOGOMACHIST: One given to disputes over or about words; one given to logomachy.
LOGOPHILE: If you're a logophile, you already know this means a lover of words.
OMNILEGENT: Reading or having read everything, characterized by encyclopedic reading
PANAGRAM: A short sentence that contains all 26 letters of the English language, as in: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
SCRIPTURIENT: Having a strong urge to write.
TSUNDOKU: And our favorite, a Japanese word describes piling up books to save for later ... even if you'll never actually read them. 

4. WHAT AM I READING?

I'm glad you asked... This week I started Richard Beck's 'The Shape of Joy.' Richard is one of those people whose writing style I seem to connect with, and so far this short (165-page) read has been really good. It's based on a simple premise, but that doesn't mean it's not important, or easy. I like it, and will likely have more to say about it later!

5. A QUOTE

"You are richer than 93 percent of people. Not in money, but in time. Over 108 billion people have lived throughout history. 93 percent of them are dead. You have what every king and queen, every pharaoh and ruler, ever CEO and celebrity of the past would give all their wealth and power for: Today." - James Clear

 

And... there ya have it. Now it's time for me to get to my daily reading (see #4). What about you? What are you currently reading?

Peace out; and in

Try softer - pt. 2

Yesterday I shared some of my highlights (and thoughts) on the first section of Aundi Kolber's helpful book 'Try Softer.' Today I will share some of the same from section two, which she titled, 'Practices To Try Softer.'  

 * * *

P.120 - "Mindfulness includes awareness of both external and internal things. This is one reason there is overlap in the meaning of contemplative Christian practices and secular/non-Christian practices. Practitioners of Westernized/secular mindfulness are simply looking to accept what is. But as Christians, we need not be afraid of this observing exercise, for we know that God holds it all: 'Everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen' (Romans 11:36, NLT)."

I understand the hesitance of some in the "Christian" world to embrace anything connected to mindfulness. I've been there myself. However, I now believe God's sovereignty over all things allows us to utilize whatever works for us. I am a big fan of contemplative/mindfulness practices. They help me recognize His presence perhaps as much as anything.

PP. 126-132 - Under the heading "Learning to Live With Attention" are the practices of: Pendulation (focus on something that feels soothing or empowering to help us delve into more disturbing feelings), Beauty Hunting ("When we hunt for beauty, we learn to pay attention;" also the poem by John O'Donohue), and Tracking (learning to intentionally notice your sensations and emotions as they change). See also the exercises on pp.137-139.

Yeah, that bolded quote on beauty hunting is good. That is something I need to be much more intentional about in general (and shouldn't we all)!  

PP. 132-136 - She calls this section "Love Your Neighbor As Yourself," and it is good as well. A few quotes:

"Mindful attention toward our internal experiences is a step toward practicing self-compassion; in turn, it can lead to attunement - a responsiveness to our own needs. Attunement is built on attention, but it's not attention alone." ... 

"The process of learning to attune to myself has taught me that the greatest gift I can give my clients, family, and friends is not my knowledge or even what I can do for them. Instead, when I'm connected to my embodied self, I can more deeply connect to them too." ...

"Doing our own work allows us to feel with others, and it is the framework that allows us to 'hold space' for others."

In other words: working on ourselves is not 'for ourselves' alone. When I am better, I can help others be better, and so on; thereby making the world around us better. 

Chapter 7 - PP.141-161 - deals with attending to our bodies sensations (embodiment). She notes Schwartz and Maiberger's feedback systems of Exteroception, Proprioception, and Interoception. I also enjoyed p.156ff and the idea of developing our 'felt sense.' 

 

* * *

I like this second part of the book because each chapter contains actual and practical things we can do... to try softer (rather than merely trying harder).

I'm going to stop here for today, though, and make this a three-part series (at least)... Because the chapters on trying softer with Emotions, the Internal Critic, and Resilience are A LOT (again, I mean this in a good way - there's a lot to take in; and it's all good!). Hopefully I can get to that first thing next week. :) 

Peace

Try softer - pt. 1

I read Aundi Kolber's helpful book 'Try Softer' a couple weeks ago. It was good. It's one of those that I want to re-visit, and I'm going to start by just listing some of the parts I highlighted and maybe offer a bit of expression with them underneath.

Pt. 1 covers the first section of the book "The Process of Becoming" (chapters 1-5) 

P.6 - "What's happened in your life matters."

She wanted this emphasized at the beginning, and I think it's important. Regardless of how you or I may feel, our lives DO matter! I know I need to say that to myself from time to time. Maybe you need to hear it too: What has happened in your life matters; and you matter!

P.16 - Psalm 56:8 (NLT) "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."

Such a beautiful picture.

 P.28ff - Understanding how the three parts of the brain work: Brain Stem - asks "Am I safe?" and connects brain to information provided by the body; Limbic System - asks "Am I loved? Is this good or bad? and assigns meaning to emotions... coordinates with brain stem to assess danger; Prefrontal Cortex - asks "Can I learn? Can I problem-solve? Can I regulate? Can I empathize?" and facilitates higher-level learning. 

This is important, and helps us understand why we do what we do sometimes (Why we reacted well, or poorly, at different times).

P.32ff - "Big T and little t trauma... Hyperarousal vs hypoarousal... fight/flight/fawn/freeze, etc.

The previous two sections in chapter 2 were quite enlightening. I was vaguely familiar with some of the terms, and she does a good job explaining them.

Chapter 3 has quite a bit... P.51ff - The Strange Situation Experiment... Classifications for attachment (secure, anxious-ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized... **P.61 "I didn't realize then that our wounds often surface only when at last we feel physically or emotionally safe."**

Yeah, this was a lot for me. Not as in "too much to take in," but more "Aha! So that's why..." Good and helpful stuff.

P.72ff - Window of Tolerance (WOT)... I need to go over this again because it comes up a lot.

P.80 - "If you grew up without a secure attachment, you may not feel you can reach out for help when scared -- this is a clue that your experiences have made your WOT smaller."

P.84 - Psalm 139:3-5 (TPT) "You are so intimately aware of me, Lord. You read my heart like an open book and you know all the words I'm about to speak before I even start a sentence! You know every step I will take before my journey even begins. You've gone into my future to prepare the way, and in kindness you follow behind me to spare me from the harm of my past. With your hand of love upon my life, you impart a blessing to me."

P.88 - "Research shows that taking longer to exhale than to inhale signals to our nervous systems that we are safe, stimulating the vagus nerve. Both help us stay in our WOT."

I loved that version of Psalm 139. And the quote from p.88 on 'Breath Prayer' is actually something I use when running. I always breathe out more than in (either 3 out and 2 in, or 4 and 3). And... this chapter along with the previous really helped me become aware of some issues I've had back to my birth (and time in the hospital as a newborn) and resulting lack of security. It was pretty helpful.

 P.91 - "You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm." (unknown author)***

P.106-112 on Attentional Control, Grounding Exercises, and Boundaries Script...  

---

There is so much good stuff in this first section, and I really should read the whole thing again. It's almost like reading the bible in that, even though I was somewhat familiar with most of it, there was still so much I learned going through it again. Even since I've been done reading the book, I've forgotten just how much I uncovered about myself from clear back in early childhood and how that still frames my behavior. 

Next up I will at least start on Section 2 of the book: "Practices to Try Softer"...

New roof and gutters

 It's not only a roof over our head... now it's new!!!

We got a new roof and new guttering last week. I just signed the agreement Monday and was told it would be a couple weeks before they got to us. Apparently they had a scheduling conflict elsewhere and he called Wednesday and asked if they could do our roof on Thursday. Absolutely!

The materials were delivered Wednesday afternoon, and the roofers arrived Thursday around 6:30AM and started tearing off the old. That was the noisiest part, and lasted maybe a couple hours. They did have to replace three sections of damaged decking, so it's a good thing we went with a new roof instead of a second layer of shingles. The rest of the day was spent doing that, changing our roof vents to a ridge cap, installing leak barrier, underlayment, Timberline HDZ shingles (app. 26sq), new drip edge and gutter apron, pipe boots, and then clean-up. I believe they were done by 4:15PM. So that was a pretty full day of work for them - although they did take like a 1 1/2 hour lunch break.

We went with the Shakewood color (I think). It's lighter than what was on there, and a little lighter than I was hoping for in real life, but it doesn't look terrible.

As for gutters, they came Saturday morning around 8AM and were done by noon (if not before). Our old gutters looked terrible and sat so low that the rain basically just poured over the tops of them. I went ahead and splurged for the larger 6" seamless gutters, and we kept the basic white. They now sit where they're supposed to, and if it ever rains again this summer I'm assuming they will work quite nicely. They came with gutter guards installed.

The son-in-law recommended this company, and we were happy with the results. Andrew was a great guy to work with, all the workers seemed nice, and I was happy with the ~$13,000 price for everything. Hopefully the 50-year warranty will last us our lifetime (ha!) and all manner of our roofing will be well. :) 

Escape service

I took our 2011 Ford Escape XLT 2.5L 4 cylinder in for an oil change last Wednesday. It had been over a year since the last one.  

I also wanted to see if they could check out why it wouldn't start sometimes. When you turn the ignition key, it will sometimes start right off... or not. It often does nothing - like the key isn't making a connection or something. When it does that I have to try it several times, sometimes jiggling the shifter seems to help, or turning the key around, or rubbing my head and stomach at the same time... Anyway, they said it would cost $175/hour for diagnostic testing... so I passed. I guess I'm going to have to wait until it strands me somewhere.

Anyway, just the oil and filter change was $64.50! I don't remember it being quite so much, but it has been awhile.

I took it to the family-owned shop we have mostly used since moving here. When I was pastoring, much of the family went to our church and they were always very nice to us. The son now owns it - and I actually officiated his wedding ceremony. And, when I dropped the car off today, I thought the gentleman at the counter looked vaguely familiar. Turns out he is a nephew of the owner, who also used to attend our church. Although the last time I saw him he was maybe in upper elementary school! Now he is way over 6 feet tall and a hefty man! Crazy.

After dropping the car off at 7:20am I decided to run home. I had to meander a bit and got in 5 miles with a 3/4 mile cooldown walk.

Here is the list of services they recommend (some for the last several times):

• Front Control Arms with alignment ($795.27)
• Fuel Injection Service ($213.61)
• Cooling System Flush ($227.97)
• Rear Shock Absorbers ($467.31)
• Brake Flush ($153.55)
• Transmission Flush ($283.51)
  

Wow, that adds up to $2,141.22!!! Um, we'll see. Oh, and it also needs new tires (the current ones are 9 years old).

So, other than a nice chat with a former church-goer who's now all grown up... that was a pretty depressing little endeavor. Ugh.

Five things friday (running, steps, pot)

Whewee, what a week! School has started (well, not for me, but the grandkids), we had a tree cut down, a new roof put on our house, I wrote several blog posts, got a new pair of running shoes, and I read a book. More on some of these later. For now...

1. RUNNING A 5K

I'm kinda-sorta using a half marathon training program right now, and my "long run" this week was to be a 5k at 5k pace. Last weeks long run was 8 miles, and next week is 9, and those are normally done at a snail's pace in training. I don't even remember the last time I tried to see how fast I could run a 5k. Anyway, even though I did have to wait on one car, I ran 3.11 miles in 26:36 this morning (8:33 pace). I was pretty happy with that, but did wonder for a moment if I was gonna die. I wore my Saucony Endorphin Speed 2 shoes that I bought in 2022 but have only worn a handful of times (there's a story). They didn't feel too bad, and neither did I! :) If I could translate that into a sub-2-hour half marathon I'd be ecstatic right now.

2. WE ARE NOT FINE

I have not read it, but am intrigued by John Ortberg's latest book, Steps, in which he apparently suggests adding a "Step Zero" to 12-step programs. TFU says of it: "Rather than begin by admitting powerlessness over an addiction, participants begin by admitting that - despite appearances to the contrary - we are not fine." Yeah... I'd probably agree with that. 

3. LET'S GET CRAZY

Speaking of not being fine... I've seen quite a few people mention this news that in 2024 the number of Americans who use marijuana daily surpassed the number who drink alcohol daily. While it's probably good that fewer people are drinking everyday (though more do still drink than use marijuana), the rise of cannabis use concerns me (as a former daily user). Per this Smithsonian article, cannabis is psychoactive, meaning it affects how a user's brain works. They note how schizophrenia associated with cannabis use nearly tripled after Canada legalized the drug for nonmedical use in 2018. I mean, I know, even way back when, people were freaking out over kids smoking pot. Maybe that's all I'm doing now, but it had an affect then too, and everyone says it's so much more potent now. I dunno... (did you see my blog posts last week on the new frontier being fantasy instead of reality??).

4. I'M CRAZY ABOUT THIS BOOK

This week I read Haruki Murakami's fantastic 2008 book 'What I Talk About When I Talk About Running.'  I LOVE this book! And it's not really about running. Sure, he talks about it some, but it really is a memoir. I love how, as a Japanese novelist, he says he uses simpler words when he writes and speaks in English. I was also fascinated with his life as an author, when he used to run jazz clubs, and just his unassuming manner in general. Oh, and the running parts too! As you know, I don't like to hurry through books, but I devoured this one in a few days. I found it very interesting, heartwarming, and felt like I'd discovered a kindred of sorts. I was sad when it was done (in a good way).

5. A QUOTE

"To put one's hope in Jesus, then, is to believe, despite all the evidence to the contrary, Jesus' way of peace, justice, mercy and compassion will ultimately prevail over the empire's ways of violence, exploitation, oppression and fear." - Rachel Held Evans (with thanks to Mike Frost for the reminder)

 

Well, it is Friday... I assume you know what to do!

Peace out (and in)