Random doxology thoughts

As I glance over my notes from Doxology 2026, here are just a few randomlies...

• Kenneth Tanner laid down this incredibly deep line right off the bat (actually, during the pre-conference session): "Any human who hits rock bottom lands on the body of Christ." I really, really like that.
• Eric Peterson talked to us about being "God-attentive and God-responsive." It was a short but memorable talk. 
• Sophfronia Scott (her son was at Sandy Hook) gave 1) "We are over-connected and under-related," and 2) "You are upholding something just by being alive and going through your day." Also, the letter-writing exercise/info based on Thomas Merton was grand.
• Bruce Herman left a mark on me. I wanted to buy his book 'Makers by Nature' but they were gone by the time I got around to it. Several things, but one from a Q & R session: "The only people who need power are those who have no love."  
• Frederick (Fritz) Bauerschmidt was also very impactful for me. I also wanted to get his book, 'The Love That Is God,' but it was gone too. When he talked on day 2 about "the difference between 'why did Jesus die,' and 'why was Jesus killed'"... whew. I think it's in his book (I hope). Also, his definition of Social Media: "Where anonymity allows anti-social behavior."

 Okay... there's some morsels for today... and two good books to buy! ;) (Maybe even birthday/Christmas hints) ;)

Evil is like a hole in your sock

Another gem from Day 3 at the Doxology event I recently attended... 

Frederick (Fritz) Bauerschmidt discussed Augustine's belief that "no one is evil by nature"... because we are created by a God who is supremely good, and we are created in God's image. (He also noted Thomas Aquinas' theory of a 'bent toward self preservation').

If we are evil (or do evil), it is by vice. Evil is the absence, loss, or corruption of good. Or, as Fritz suggests, it is "like the hole in your sock."

Therefore, evil cannot be mended by eradication. You can't remove a hole in your sock... it can only be healed, by making it whole again. Which is where love comes in.

He went on... 'no one is so bad that they cannot become good, and no one is so good that they cannot do bad things.' 

Fritz used the real-life events that led to the book (and movie) Dead Man Walking as an example. Particularly how the father of the murder victim was able to say he forgave the killer.

I wish I'd taken better notes here, because it was a very moving talk. 

Unguarded hospitality

 On day 3 of the Doxology event I attended last week Bruce Herman presented us with a talk he titled 'Welcoming the Mysterious Stranger: Unguarded Hospitality.' He phrased it as "an invitation to let our guard down." I loved it!

I believe he based it off the book Self & Salvation by David Ford. Herman broke it down into five steps:

1. The Self without idols - If the self is to be transformed you have to live without idols.
2. The Hospitable Self - A self that is unguarded because it is willing to take the risk of inviting strangers into our lives
3. The Singing Self - People begin to "harmonize" when we're willing to be vulnerable and at peace with others (so it's not really about "singing," as much as learning to get along).
4. The Worshiping Self - When we are singing with others it is no longer just about us/ourselves.
5. The Eucharistic Self - When we are unguarded and let others in, we will be poured out. We're agreeing to be broken for others... dying to self. 

I really liked the image this created in my mind of how a person - and even a society/church - might find transformation. We need to get 'out of' ourselves... and be open and vulnerable to others. 

This seems especially timely to me as tomorrow we will begin hosting/leading a 'Community Group' made up of some people in our church. I'm thinking of using this as an introductory contemplation.  

My first doxology

I was up early this morning. Like, really early. Sometime between 3 and 4am. My mind and heart tussling over how in the world I am ever going to recover... how am I going to fit back into the world... how will I listen to and exchange banter over sports, weather, halloween parties and the like.

I don't know. 

Earlier this week I attended my first Doxology "conference." It's not a conference though... I think they just say... Doxology. On their website they have two descriptions. This one offers a practical view:

Doxology is a 3-day gathering in Holland, Michigan, for pastors and poets, carpenters and caregivers, business leaders, therapists, teachers, and stay-at-home parents (for all of us) —who long for the simple, sacred life that flows from the Father, Son, and Spirit. We gather to nurture humility, joy, and holy resistance against the forces that dehumanize, choosing instead the quiet beauty of being God’s beloved in God’s astounding world.

Beside it is this shorter version: 

Doxology is a posture of wonder, gratitude, and awe in a world crowded with noise and exhaustion.

Yeah... and it was... So...

How am I supposed to recover from that? That's what I was wrestling with this morning.

It was a glorious time for me (other than being away from home). Those invited to host, lead, speak, and otherwise simply mingle were the likes of Winn Collier (head of the Peterson Center for Christian Imagination), Eric Peterson (Eugene's son), Kenneth Tanner, Andy Squyres led us in singing hymns, as well as Q & R times, an evening of music, and just being present... The main presenters were author Sophfronia Scott, artist Bruce Herman, and Catholic theologian Frederick (Fritz) Bauerschmidt. There was also rock polishing, yoga, poetry readings, dramatic Scripture recitations, painting, and just... such a genuine feeling of friendship and hospitality everywhere.

I'm having trouble finding words... so maybe I'll just offer some bullet thoughts:

• I heard Eugene Peterson speak maybe 2 or 3 times (and have read many of his books). Seeing his son, Eric, speak was an almost haunting reminder. He looks, sounds, and has a similar way. And Eric's wife was so nice.
• Winn Collier is the perfect host for something like this (and probably why it is the way it is). A truly gentle and humble man who isn't afraid to laugh.
• I'm tempted to say I connected most/best with Bruce Herman and Andy Squyres, though I also liked Fritz quite a lot. I was just surprised that the two more "artsy" people seemed to have such a deep impact on me.
• That's not to say Sophfronia didn't have anything worthwhile... The writing exercise she led us in Wednesday meant a great deal to me and I will likely remember for a long time.
• Some of the best times were when Winn, Sophfronia, Andy, Bruce and Fritz were on stage for question and response times. Listening to them answer audience questions off the top of their heads, as well as listening to them talk about how much they were moved by the other presenters was just fantastic.
• Singing old hymns with Andy and several hundred others... several times a day... There's not much better than that. I don't really know what would be better than that...
• Holland is a really cool town (at least the downtown area by Hope College where we were.) It's right at a 3-hour drive... I took route 30 west to route 31 north; about 90 minutes on each; four-lane all the way. Easy trip. 
• There were nine of us from our church there. We could all squeeze into a single row together in the long-ass pews at Pillar Church. 
• I don't recall any other "conferences" - or things like this - where the presenters were all present for every other presenter... taking notes right along with the rest of us.
• I silently wept A LOT - during the presentations, and even at night in my hotel room alone. This was a very moving experience for me.
• I have lots of notes which, hopefully, I can share some of over time...

There is obviously more I could say but... I don't know if words would do justice. We'll see.

So, now, here I am... wondering if I'll ever be able to just 'go about my day.' I mean, I know that's the point of these things... to take this stuff and integrate it into our ordinary everyday lives... but...

I don't know if I can.

I don't know how.

I feel so... out of place. And it's not entirely because of these three days... but they were a good reminder to me of... I dunno... how... hard it is.

 

Anyway... the neighbor one house over is having a new concrete driveway poured today, and it's "cleaning day" in my house. I suppose I need to enter the noise and exhaustion for a while... 

Grace and spiritual practices

 Our current teaching theme at church is:

"Spiritual Formation with no one to impress and nothing to prove."

Along those lines, I finished David G. Benner's fine little book 'Surrender to Love: Discovering the Heart of Christian Spirituality' last week (we're actually starting a class on the book this coming week). Ever since then I've been sitting with this piece from p.101:

Union with God is not something we achieve. It is not the summit of a spiritual mountain we are trying to ascend. It is a gift of Grace. We do, however, have an important role to play in accessing this grace. And that is the place of spiritual practices. They are the way in which we offer our consent to Grace.

Surrender is not the only means by which we access the grace of transformation, but it is the most important and most distinctively Christian. But surrender is not something that we only practice when we approach God with open hands and hearts in faith. It is something that we need to make a moment-by-moment part of how we live our life.

 

I'm not really even sure what to say about that yet...

I definitely believe it's true... and it is probably a difficult thing to hold onto and wrap my head around... sort of that need to hold it 'tightly but also loosely'...

Hmm... man, it's something to think about, alright. 

I don't like yesterday's, and a k-shaped economy

Before I clicked "publish" I already did not like my post from yesterday. I mean, I don't know Ed Sheeran. Maybe he's an okay person. Still... I have an attitude about mucho money. I won't go so far as to say 'you can't be a follower of Jesus and also be rich'... but I would say those people are few and far between. And, I might go so far as to say you can't be a billionaire and be a follower of Jesus (I just don't see how it's possible).

Anyway, this morning I was wonderin' what in the world a "k-shaped economy" is. I've been reading the headlines and, I admit (and you likely know), I am not an economic genius. So, if you're wonderin' too, here are some basics I have learned:

• In general: A k-shaped economy is where different groups of people have very different experiences at the same time.
• Think of the vertical line on the left of the letter "k" as the starting point, or base point. The economy then splits into two different groups: those for whom things begin to look better (the line going up), and those for whom things are much worse (the line going down).
• The line going up might be a person/family where they have high-paying jobs, own their home, have investments in the stock market... They're making more money than they were a few years ago.
• The line going down is a person/family where they have low-paying or no jobs, their rent and housing costs are rising, groceries and gas are more expensive, they have few or no investments, and they're having trouble saving money or staying afloat.
• So, someone could say "the economy is doing well," and some would say "yes" and some would say "no"... and they would both be technically correct. 
• The problem with a k-shaped economy is that those who are well-off tend to become better off, and those who are struggling tend to struggle even more (a widening of the gap between rich and poor and a further diminishing of the middle class). 
• That means the country's economy isn't one that affects everyone equally.
• Two people living in the same city at the same time can experience completely different economies.
• In other words, the benefits and problems are being distributed unevenly.
• So, when someone says "the economy is growing," they can technically be telling the truth, but it doesn't tell you very much about how ordinary people's lives are actually changing.
• And, just my own two cents: I'm guessing many of those on the upward swing have little or no clue what life is like for those on the downward swing. 

 So, there ya go. A little economics on this gloomy loomy day.

Just thinking... this and that

I have no idea who Macklemore is, nor what kind of music he(?) plays. 

I could not tell you a single song by Ed Sheeran, or what kind of music he plays either. However, I have heard of him. And I think it's a cop out to say he doesn't want to "get political." We're all political, dude!!! He is supposedly worth $400 million and apparently enjoys the success of being famous. You don't have to align yourself with a candidate or party, but you should at least have the nads to say "I think this is right," or "I think this is wrong." Wouldn't it be nice if we could all just stay neutral while raking in boatloads of money... What kind of world does that leave us with??? The exact kind we have!!! Shame on Ed. imho. 

Do I think the USA has committed war crimes in Iran? Ha! Absolutely!!! And I wouldn't believe a single word out of Washington if you paid me Ed Sheeran's salary.

I just discovered I forgot to take my meds last night (my second dose of blood thinner). Oops. I think I've only forgotten maybe 3 times since I started a couple years ago.

My regular running routes are all under water. The one I'm still able to use is one I've traveled plenty... but I prefer running along the river and through the trees. It does not get monotonous to me.

I am currently reading Surrender to Love: Discovering the Heart of Christian Spirituality, by David G. Benner. We are going to be doing this as a class at our church next month.

Yesterday I was given Seeking God Together: An Introduction to Group Spiritual Direction, by Alice Fryling. I will read this next... in preparation for leading a Community Group at our church. I'm trying not to freak out about that.

I think I actually watched an entire football game yesterday (mostly) - Dallas vs. Washington. I don't remember the last time I did that. However, it was only because we were feeling tired and lazy and it was about the only thing on. I have a hard time getting into watching a bunch of millionaires make money for a bunch of billionaires. I'd rather not support anything having to do with such...

I do believe money is the "root of all evil." 

Pomodoro productivity

You've probably heard me say I have lately been having problems with procrastinating. I still manage to get most things done, but it bothers me. So... 

I think I may begin experimenting with the Pomodoro Technique. It's basically setting a timer for 25 minutes, then working on one thing and one thing only. Then, when the timer goes off, take a break and repeat.

Wikipedia describes it like this: 

The original technique consists of deciding on the task, setting the timer (typically for 25 minutes), working on the task, taking a short break (typically 5–10 minutes) when the timer rings. This repeats until four pomodori are completed, after which a long break (typically 20 to 30 minutes) is taken before starting the cycle again. 

Apparently it is supposed to work best if you have an old fashioned kitchen timer or egg timer, but most phones nowadays have timers, there are plenty of apps, or you can just type into google "25 minutes timer" and it starts counting down immediately.

Seems easy enough.

Now, if I can just get started... 

 

What is your dream for the day?

This past Sunday our church did a table gathering centered around Spiritual Formation (the theme for this season, from now until Advent).

Spiritual Formation was defined as:

To be shaped by the Spirit into an every deepening Christlikeness. A process that takes place through surrender and receptivity to love.

Practices become experiences that wake us up and give us tangible training for becoming people of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

The first of several questions was: How do you come today, what is your dream for the day?

The second was: What if we could approach our spiritual formation with no one to impress and nothing to prove? What would happen? How would this approach change things for you?

 

I thought these were both pretty profound questions. I guess I especially perplexed by the "What is your dream for the day?"  

I don't know that I've ever considered a 'dream for the day.' People at our table  - ranging in age from middle school up to us (the oldest) gave varying answers. I think I said something like "To get some rest." I knew right away it was a lame answer.

Anyway, I've been thinking about that question ever since. Why don't I have any idea what my dream for the day might be? 

I wanted to write this down here so maybe I will contemplate it some more. I think it's worth thinking about... 

When everything feels broken

I know it's not... but sometimes it feels like it.

This week has been a series of broken things. When they start to add up it can seem like everything is broken... and my life can start to feel a bit crumbly/crummy.

1. The Security Flood Light on the garage had apparently stopped working some time ago. We are hardly ever out past dark (something about being old, I suppose), so I didn't notice when it happened. Anyway, I googled how to check/fix it. They had me do all these things. One of their suggestions, however, was not to check to make sure both bulbs hadn't just burned out. Yep. So that was an easy enough fix. ~$12 for two floods.

2. The dryer timer was a little more complicated. It simply would not turn, and therefore the dryer wouldn't work. I sprayed some liquid wrench in the switch and could finally turn it with a pair of plyers. I've been doing that all week now. I did get a new switch, but I haven't gotten around to changing it yet. I bought it at the local appliance repair shop and got the GE replacement - rather than waiting on an aftermarket order. I should have saved my money and just got it on Amazon (for like $35, instead of $85). Oh well.

At first we thought this was the dryer we bought when we moved here. Silly us. It's only two years old!! And apparently the timer switch goes out quite often. Great. 

3. After that was the passenger side door mirror on my Ford Escape (picture above). I have backed out of our garage a million and seven times and never once hit the mirror. However, the other night we were in a hurry to get to a volleyball game and... CRUNCH! I said a few cuss words very loudly. I was so mad at myself because I'm usually very careful (it's a tight fit on my side of the garage). I don't know how it even happened, but I was mad, embarrassed, and humiliated. It had not been a great week anyway. Now I felt like I couldn't do anything right. Jane telling me it was "no big deal" did not help... because, you know, she's not the one who has to fix these sorts of things. Plus, I'm just not pleasant when I start to feel things piling up...

Anyway, I found this replacement part, it arrived today, and was a piece of cake to swap out. Three bolts and one plug. Whew. Still, $60 and the humiliation just about did me in.  

4. Of course, yesterday was cleaning day, and I'd noticed my toilet had been making a hissing sound for a few days. I finally looked under the hood and it was the fill valve. I tried to wiggle it or something. Wouldn't you know... that made it leak somewhere and I soon had a puddle of water on the bathroom floor. 

I figured that since yesterday was cleaning day anyway, I'd just put a new toilet valve in it. I got the cheapest one I could find at Menards and swapped it out in no time. I still had some water collecting, but by this morning it had stopped and was dry. 

5. I don't actually have any broken bones... but, man, are they weary. I did manage to run a little over 7 miles this morning, but my legs are feeling soooooo weak. I just seem to have no strength in them anymore. I'm still doing a weight workout twice a week, but I'm kinda sore.

I finally broke down and order some Creatine this week, I'll see if that helps. Otherwise, for no more running than I've been doing (3--5-ish miles, 3-4 times a week), I don't know why I'm so run down. Surely it's not just age... right?

I could go on with at least a few more things feeling broken in my life right now, but it's Friday, so... we'll stop at five. That seems like enough. 

New shoes for both of us

We both got a new pair of running shoes last night. One was planned... the other wasn't.

She wanted to go to the running shoe store after work. I tagged along because... that's what I often do; plus, I just wanted to look at shoes. I didn't intend to even try any on because the last couple times I was there they didn't have anything in my size.

Jane ended up with the light blue Altra Experience Flow 3. For some reason they were $5 cheaper in the store than online. Anyway, this is a new shoe for her - and I've never worn Altra's before either. I actually tried some on because I like the wide toe box but the one's I tried on were a stupid color.

While the salesperson was helping her find new running shoes, I was looking over their wall of sale shoes. They actually had quite a few in size 8.5 and 9, so I started trying some on. I ended up getting the navy Saucony Triumph 23 in a size 9. It turned out not only were they on sale at the running store, but Saucony was having a Labor Day sale, so they were only $91.95 instead of $170.

I've never been a Saucony fan - I had another pair of them that I did not like at all, but my grandson liked them. These seemed pretty comfortable in the store, and seem very much like the Brooks Glycerin I am used to. I'd wanted something a little different, but bought these mostly because they were on sale, and also because I simply need another pair of shoes on hand. So, we'll see.  

Weekend in st. paul

I think I figured out why these are such relaxing times for me...

This past weekend we took a quick trip to St. Paul, MN to see the boy and his family. They live in a small house just off West 7th Street. It is a chill quiet neighborhood, but easy walking distance to so many shops, restaurants, breweries, parks, and other activity. (I didn't realize West 7th was St. Paul's first settlement, and the oldest commercial corridor in the state!).

We flew up - direct from Fort Wayne - Friday morning, and flew home Sunday evening. This flight schedule is so nice for a weekend visit. We're there by 9:30am and stay until just after supper - arriving back to our house around 10pm. It was 1hr 20 minutes wheels up to wheels down on the way there, and 59 minutes on the way back (apparently we can fly faster at night).

This trip included most of the usual: a couple visits to Brake Bread for breakfast scones and coffee, Chinese takeout one night, Waldmann Brewery one afternoon, Francis (plant based) Burger Joint one night, and this time we took in some music at the White Squirrel Bar (just down the street from the boy's house). I also found a place to run from this house - a trail along Shepard Rd that is excellent).

Otherwise we mostly hung around the house with the youngest grandchild - watching him paint, play his dad's drum set, read books, and throw a ball outside in the yard.

I have to say, this boy has the sweetest, most tender heart of anyone in the world. I know he is sure to have it broken one day - and it will hurt mine when that happens - but I hope he can hold onto it for as long as possible.

That is largely why this is such a relaxing trip for me: His parents seem to have no anger themselves. Certainly no one is perfect, but it is such a breath of fresh air to be around people who feel hopeful and light and seemingly hold no anger, animosity, or bitterness towards other human beings. It just feels... "light" to be around them.

As you likely know, I am not like that. So it does my heart good to experience it on occasion. Even when we have to all share one bathroom, which is right next to our tiny guest room, in this close-quartered house. But it helps that McDonald's is a mere .25 miles away, and there are several places to get a drink in the same area.

Yet, all that said, it was still nice to get back to Fort Wayne and settle into my routine again. I'd give just about anything for all our kids to live in the same area. Probably not ever going to happen... but I can dream. A little. 

30 things we learned about love

Hey there... how about a surprise for this Friday? Instead of a mere five things, why not thirty!?!

These aren't from me, but our good friends at the Gottman Institute (well, not that I know them or anything, but we are currently reading/working through their book 'Eight Dates').

I subscribe to a couple of their newletters, and one I usually read is the bi-weekly Marriage Minute email. This came on Tuesday (9/1/26)... for their 30th anniversary of founding of the Institute:

30 things we’ve learned about love in 30 years:

1. Friendship is the foundation of lasting love.

2. Knowing your partner’s inner world matters.

3. Fondness and admiration protect connection.
4. Small moments can make a big difference.
5. Turning towards each other builds trust over time.
6. Happy couples still disagree.
7. How you fight matters more than whether you fight.
8. 69% of relationship problems are ongoing, or perpetual.
9. Not every disagreement needs to be solved.
10. Understanding can be more valuable than agreement.
11. Gentle beginnings lead to better conversations.
12. Criticism attacks the person, not the problem.
13. Defensiveness makes resolution harder.
14. Contempt is extremely damaging to relationships.

15. Shutting down is often a sign of overwhelm, or flooding.
16. A six second kiss can lead to more intimacy.
17. Repair attempts help couples reconnect.
18. Accepting influence strengthens partnership.
19. There are always two perspectives, two viewpoints, two opinions.
20. Trust is built in everyday interactions.
21. Commitment is a choice made again and again.
22. Appreciation should be expressed, not assumed.
23. Emotional intimacy supports physical intimacy.
24. Talking openly about sex leads to better sex.
25. Shared rituals create stability and meaning.
26. There's not one right way to support each other’s dreams.
27. A strong sense of “we” is important for your story.
28. Teamwork and an “us against the problem” mindset matters.
29. Great relationships require intention, not perfection.
30. Lasting love is built through small things often.

 And... there ya go!

Happy Friday!! 

Addicted to a clean car

This past winter we had a new car wash open not far from our house (Yea, Wash N Roll!) They offered one month of their free premium membership. Which meant I could drive through and get my car washed as often as I wanted. It was nice, so I took it!

I fully intended to use it for that month, then cancel the membership. Then... you know... because it was winter... I thought I would wait until Spring and cancel it.

Well, wouldn't you know... I still have that membership.

I've had it on my list of 'things to do' for weeks now to cancel that membership... and I just can't bring myself to do it. I think I'm addicted to a clean car.

And what I like about Wash N Roll is... not only is it an easy way to get my car automatically washed on the OUTSIDE... but I also like their features for the inside.

There is an attached garage with:

•  Microfiber towels to dry off the inside parts of the doors and back hatch (that the automatic dryer don't always get)
• Two types of vacuums for the interior
• An air hose to blow out little nooks and crannies
• A dry cleaner for floor mats
• A window clean for interior and exterior window cleaning
• And an interior spray to use on the hard surfaces
• They also sell various cleaning supplies inside

So, lately I've been cleaning my car inside and out at least once a week... and I can't tell you how much it improves my mood simply driving around in a clean car.

Whether it's worth $40 a month... I don't know. But I'd probably choose this over a lot of other things that cost that much or more.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for yet another subscription scam-a-jama... and I realize it's a super privileged thing to do (both the cost and having the time to do it)... but maybe some things that feel good... should be done.

I dunno. 

Writing ritual

I really do want to write in this space more often. I know I say that all the time (at least in my head I do). Yet, something always seems to come up.

Even lately, it's not that I haven't been writing. Not as much has been on this blog. However, I do have one chapter complete in what I hope some day will either be a short story or short novella. It's a lot different than anything else I've written, so this is the first I've spoken of it... to anyone. I also have somewhat of a framework for my long-overdue Holy Week devotional using the music of David Gilmour. And, then there's the handwritten journal I keep.

Still, what I would like to do is have this blog be for my daily writing routine. Just stuff that's off the top of my head. Then, perhaps I can utilize my substack page for more Five Things Friday type stuff... or something. I dunno. 

Basically, I guess, I want to continue trying to be a writer. I know I will never make a living at it... or probably any money at all... but I think there are worse things I could do with my time. I have the perfect spot to do it from - sitting here at the dining room table looking out over the neighborhood. The slightly elevated view of our street gives me the feeling of being the overseer or something... 

Yesterday I happened across this short (10-minute) video clip of a guy talking about the drawing advice that changed his life. He said he was advised to stop trying to do so many things, and concentrate on just doing one thing every single day... over and over and over... for a year (he drew pictures of a bird). I'm not sure how it works for everyone, but for an artist... it kind of makes sense. And, right or not, I consider writing to be sort of an art. So, I'd like to just write more... maybe not every day, but most days - whether I have anything to say or not. Sometimes... it may be that our best efforts come from those days we don't think we're being effective... (I dunno for sure, but it sounds like a good thing to say).

Although, I just read a piece on Wendell Berry (I can't believe he died yesterday - even though he was 92, but still...). Winn Collier said Wendell told him "our real work is our love." So Wendell may refute that 'do the same thing every day'... because life will dictate that interruptions will be necessary... if we're loving people. 

I suppose those are two good things to hold onto together: being intentional about what we do, but also holding onto love for others above all else.

And there it is...