Five things friday (first mowing)

Pat yourself on the back, friend. You did it! You made it to another Friday. Some weeks that's cause for celebration. Maybe it should be every week...

1. THE FIRST MOWING

I could probably look back through my archives to see if it's so... but this seems like a fairly early "first mowing" for me. I know the past few years I have waited until after the Spring marathon (which is the last Sunday in April). Yet, the backyard grass was pretty long, so I mowed yesterday.

I dug the mower out of its winter hibernation spot, siphoned the gas out of the snow blower into the mower, raised the deck as high as it would go, and... the ol' girl started on the first pull once again! 

One of these days I should change the oil, sharpen the blade, and I need to replace the cable that goes to the carburetor... however, I intended to do those things all last year too and never quite got around to any of them. So, I guess it's mowing season...

2. TWELVE MILES IS DANGEROUS

My "long run" today was 12 miles. I say it's dangerous because... it's kinda easy to take runs of that distance for granted sometimes. Like, "Oh, it's just 12 miles this week. That'll be a piece of cake!" Yet... inevitably, I'll get to mile 3 or 4 and think... "Geesh, I hope I can make it to 12 miles!" It's still a significant distance. 

Anyway... I made it. It was an overcast upper 50s to lower 60s with a bit of a drizzle here and there. Once again I used my marathon strategy of every 3 miles walking while I took in a GU gel and a couple drinks of water.

Btw... my NEW WATCH DID ARRIVE this week! Yesterday. It's just like my old one. Except I used to have it set to show distance, elapsed time, and pace... and instead it showed distance, elapsed time, and running speed. I didn't want to mess with it during the run, but quickly got it set right afterward.

3. MEN'S GROUP RESURRECTION AND DOING WHAT I WANT

We had our monthly men's group this morning. Usually it's the first Friday of the month at 6am. Since last week was Good Friday, we pushed it back a week. I'm not sure why they changed the start time to 6:25, but I still barely made it in time. Anyway...

There were about 20 guys there today, and we discussed Wendell Berry's 'Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front' (with 2 Corinthians 5:17 for context - "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"). Go ahead and click the link to read the whole poem. It's one of my favorites of all times.

We were all asked to share what stood out to us. I mentioned how I felt like the first paragraph sort of represents the "algorithm" for society... and the rest is how to break the algorithm. Also, in light of the resurrection context, it's like... "I can do whatever I want now." I wish now I'd explained that better, because I think some people could misunderstand and think I mean I could do just any ol' thing I wanted. What I meant was... Since I'm now a new creation, I no longer have to sin. I'm no longer bound by society's expectations. I can CHOOSE to do the right thing... that which I want to do! But... I didn't share that. Oh well. That's what I meant...

4. TREE OF FORGIVENESS

One thing I'd wanted to do this year was be more intentional about listening to music. I thought maybe each day I could listen to one song, or something. I haven't exactly done that, but I do at least listen to music when I clean the house each Thursday, and I will occasionally listen to a song here and there.

Today I decided to play an album (yes, an actual record album) while I wrote this. I chose John Prine's 'The Tree of Forgiveness.' It was his 18th and final studio album before he died. It came out in April 2018, and he died in April 2020. My favorite song on this one is likely 'Summer's End.' I dare you to click the link and watch the video and not cry... 

I also liked this short 6-minute video of an interview called 'The Road to The Tree of Forgiveness.' Damn, I liked John Prine...

5. THE QUOTE

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn’t go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

- (the last paragraph of Wendell Berry's 'Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front')

And... there ya have it. The end of yet another week. Tonight I'll be bartending a show by myself, while my lovely lady takes tickets. At least it should be a good one (Albert Cummings). 

Peace, friends.

Five things friday (holy, twenty, ready)

Happy Friday, friends. For those so inclined... happy Good Friday! (If you're not so inclined, I hope it's still a good Friday).

1. HOLY WEEK

Yes, today is Good Friday in the Christian tradition. This used to be my favorite week in the church year when I was pastoring, and beyond. In fact, I fully intended to share my daily 'David Gilmour Holy Week Liturgy' this year again... But, for those of you who follow me on the Facebook, you have obviously noticed I did not. Such is life...

I did start work on turning that liturgy into an e-book devotional sometime last year. One of these days I will follow through (I'd like to say 'I promise,' but... you know how that goes. I do still intend to).

Anyhew, I have not attended or participated in any holy week activities at all. Normally I would have attended the Y Good Friday breakfast today, but I was otherwise occupied on this day...

2. TWENTY MILES

I did my 20 mile run this morning. While I missed out on a scrumptious breakfast (above), I knew I would not feel like running afterward. Instead, I headed out just after 8am and got done running - plus a half mile walk - right around noon.

Let's just say I'm glad it is done. Most of you know, 20 miles is the farthest I run before a marathon. Now I start to taper back on miles for the next few weeks.

If you read yesterday's post you know my GPS watch crapped out, and I was planning to just not use GPS because I'm familiar enough with my route to figure out 20 miles fairly accurately. Well, the recent rains and resulting flooding kind of put a damper (badum bum) on that. My normal route is partially under water. So, I ended up borrowing Jane's GPS watch today. She can thank me later for putting her "longest run" on it. ;)

I was almost able to stretch it to 4 hours with the half mile walk at the end, which is what I wanted to do. Still, it was somewhat of a chore. The temps were okay - mid-60s - but it was pretty damp and humid. And, to make matters worse, I ate 7/8th of a box of stinking cheezits last night after supper! I couldn't stop myself! Geez, and I know better. I was not feeling the greatest this morning, and this run was much worse than the 19 miler. I started walking a tenth of every mile at 14, and then I walked a quarter of the last two miles (hoping to stretch the time out further). 

I also changed my clothes at the 12-mile mark. Everything. Hat, shirt, shorts, and socks. Not only was I drenched in sweat, but my left nipple started bleeding through my shirt. I ran in the downpour on Wednesday and even though it was only 5 miles, I wore sore spots on both nipples. I applied 2Toms Sport Shield this morning, but I guess it wasn't enough. It didn't help that I had on a light blue top ("Look, my nipples bleeding!!"). 

Anyway... I survived. And my body is ready for a reduction in mileage.

3. MARATHON READINESS

As for the upcoming marathon... I guess I'm ready for that too... I guess. Mostly I'm ready for it to be over with. Which is probably not a good mindset to have.

My body feels "okay." I don't really have any injuries, no blisters, I haven't had to use tape or anything on my feet... But I'm worn out. Which, I know, is how it's supposed to be. Now I have the next few weeks for my body to heal before the actual event. I've probably felt worse than this in years past.

More than how I feel physically, though, is the mental drain. This is maybe the least excited I've been about running a marathon. I think part of it is simply not having anyone I talk about running with (other than Jane). I know it's nobody's fault but mine - I choose to run alone, and I'm just not a "social athlete." I assume it will improve as my body begins feeling better. I'm just feeling like a beat up old haggard right now though... 

4. FINAL FOUR

Well, somehow my Illini made it to the Final Four in the NCAA Basketball Tournament. I was not able to watch their last game (actually, I think I've only seen one game all year, maybe one and a half), and I won't be watching this one either. It's mostly because I was bartending both last Saturday night and again this coming... Yet, even if I wasn't, I'm not sure I would watch anyway. Part of me fears I might jinx them - because my mind works like that. The other part... man... since I've given up being such a die-hard sports fanatic... I think I've been a better person. I'm sure it's good for my blood pressure and general stress to simply not watch. I can still read about it and watch highlights afterward if I want. Or... pretty much like I've been doing... I can just... not. Just the basic game recap, and maybe a few clips and articles here and there... and I'm good.

Still, I hope the Illini win. UConn is beatable (even though they beat us early in the year). Michigan, on the other hand, looks unstoppable. And I don't like them! I am indifferent to Arizona, although I hear their coach is currently in talks with another school because he's had it with the higher ups there. It would be a little funny if they won the National Championship, and then lost their coach. But... it would be better for ALL OF US if Illinois just won it! ;)

5. THE QUOTE

“Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”    - Paul, Romans 5:7

 

Alrighty then... I think I'ma gonna have a cup of tea, take a nap, and maybe do some more reading in Slow Theology...

If I don't see ya before... have a HAPPY EASTER!

Watch out

I guess this is now my "running watch." No GPS, no mileage, no pace, no app... just the time (and the date, which I now see is not set correctly). I've had it since 2021, and before that had one just like it from 2009. It has lasted longer than 2 1/2 years.

The Garmin Forerunner 45 that I bought in October 2023... not so much. It died a rather untimely death this past Tuesday. Actually, just the band. However, as it would happen, with this model of Garmin, if the band breaks, the whole watch becomes useless. Nice design flaw.

Immediately I got online to see if there was some way to fix it. Nope. Several sites pointed me to the Garmin Support site where some people said it may be possible to get a replacement for free. Unfortunately, what they meant was, you can supposedly get a replacement for $99. I went ahead and paid it, sent the broken watch via UPS so they will hopefully send me the replacement ASAP... yet, when I go on the Garmin website... I see that the Forerunner 45 is DISCONTINUED. 

Well, isn't that just swell...

I was hoping to have a new actual GPS watch for my 20-mile run this Friday. Now I just hope to have ...something... by the marathon at the end of April.

Fortunately, I have run all my training miles for this marathon on the same stretch of roughly 6 miles of trail, so I have a fair degree of confidence knowing exactly where I'm at mileage-wise and how far I've run. Still, it's not ideal.

I probably should have just gotten a different model of watch (if not a different brand). I liked the Forerunner 45, though, for it's simplicity. I don't want anything fancier than time, distance, pace and such. Although, I had started using it to keep track of my heart rate, stress level, body battery, and sleep. I'd still like those things too, I guess. But that's it. Plus, I don't want to pay an arm and a leg for something to wear on my wrist. But... I would like it to last a bit longer than 2 1/2 years...

So, all that said, and I'm still just sitting here with nothing but my old Timex watch. I'd say this is a "first-world problem"... but I'm not entirely sure we live in a "first-world" country anymore...

Five things friday

Happy Friday, friends! I hope your ride on this Spring weather-go-round has been enjoyable. In my neck 'o the woods, it was 82°F yesterday, and a mere 34° for my 12-mile run this morning. And, actually, it's still 34 at just after noon. Crazy.

1. HOW ABOUT DISHONORING MY TIME

I almost forgot... The week before last I attempted an online seminar on 'Ai in Sermon Prep: Leveraging the Tools Without Dishonoring Your Calling.' Holy cow. I can't, in good conscience, even give you the name of the people involved in this sermonary fiasco. I lasted about 20 minutes and that was 21 minutes too long. It was the worst, most poorly-given presentation I have attended in a long time (if ever). The host seemed nice enough, but the presenter was... well... he was not good. A total waste of time.

2. SPEAKING OF MORALS

I found this an interesting article on what Americans find most (and least) immoral. Everything from married people having affairs, pornography, homosexuality, gambling, divorce, being extremely rich, eating meat... and a whole host of things. The split between democrats and republicans was a quaint touch too... (like we didn't know).

3. ILLINI BASKETBALL (again)

Okay, I can't resist pointing out that Illinois beat Houston in the NCAA basketball sweet sixteen last night - IN Houston! I didn't stay up to watch the game. Plus, we've tried watching a couple games on HBO Max and... I don't know if it's our internet or the channel, but so far it hasn't been worth trying to watch a game there. Anyhew, the Illini now play Iowa for a chance to go to the Final Four. We only played Iowa once this year, and won it at Iowa by 6 points. It's darn hard to beat another B10 team twice in one season though... We'll see. Of course, we have a concert to work that night, so we won't be watching again. Probably a good thing (for me).

4. BOOK 'EM

I finished reading Chuck DeGroat's 'Healing What's Within' this week. At first I was kinda like, "Mmmm... I think I've read too many books like this lately..." But this was another one that ended really well. The third and final section of the book was worth it. I really liked it. I also love reading Chuck's substack.

Next up I'm going to re-read Slow Theology, because I am now scheduled to give a Sunday morning talk on that in early May.

Also, this morning I ordered 'Courageous Divorce' by Alisha Roth. No, I'm not planning to get a divorce, but Alisha and her family usually sit behind us in church, and I'm curious to find out more about her story. We went to a surprise book launch for her the other night, and she and her new husband seem like a nice couple.

5. THE QUOTE

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells us to stop worrying three times. It's a theme. Indeed, "fear not," is not only the way He most frequently greeted friends, "do not worry" is the Bible's most common command. All of which suggests, God is serious when he instructs us to elevate trust and downsize anxiety. But how? The path forward includes prayer, meditation on his character, focusing on his promises (not our problems) and confiding in friends. It's easier said than done, but it is the way to reset our heart. Our fears may be loud, be we cannot let them be Lord. (I like that)

    - Mike Woodruff (his opening statement on today's 'Friday Update')

Okey doke... next Friday is my 20-mile run, so we'll have to see if I survive it enough to write another five things or not. At least it's Good Friday. I hope it is...

Peace 

Addiction and grace

Whew, doggie. This one chapter of Chuck DeGroat's book 'Healing What's Within' put so many things into perspective for me. It was worth the price of the book (Well, I got it for free, but still...). I need reminded to read this one chapter over and over and over again...

Just some of my underlined highlights:

***p. 154 - "We're born with indispensable needs to feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure."

 p. 155 - "I've learned a thousand ways to cope," a retreat participant once told me, "and they're all easier than healing." (...That's the lie...)

p. 156 - "I cried when I was born and every day shows why." - 17th century poet & priest George Herbert

***pp. 156-157 - "If each of us bears the wound of traumatic disconnection this side of heaven, then each of us is bound to self-soothe in addiction. It's an equal playing field; we can't split the world into the wounded and the well, the addict and the abstinent. ... This reality humbles us, and most often we learn the hard way." (the follow-up story from Chuck's clinical internship with a men's addiction group - where he claimed he was "simply a facilitator" is good!). 

p. 158 - "Both [wrong] paths treat the addiction as the problem rather than seeing it as an attempt to solve a deeper problem."

p. 158 - "...the truth of addiction is that it is embedded in a larger story. It can't be reduced to depravity or disease, behavior or biology. Biography holds the key."

***p. 160 - "It is impossible to understand addiction," Gabor Maté writes, "without asking what relief the addict finds, or hopes to find, in the drug or the addictive behavior."

*** "...our addictions are signposts; they always point the way to the traumatic wound."

*What is the story your addicted part wants to tell?

p. 162 - "The word addiction comes from the Latin addicere, which indicates being bound, even enslaved to something." 

***"Johann Hari says the opposite of addiction is not sobriety but connection."

p. 163 - "Whether the lie comes from the serpent or a marketer, we are invited to chase: Chase love. Chase soothing. Chase acceptance. Chase achievement. Chase recognition. Chase numbness. Chase certainty. Chase perfection. I even have a little plastic card in my wallet with the words 'Chase Freedom.' The reality is, it's not a one-off addiction that we're dealing with; it's a whole way of living."

p. 164 - "We chase after what is already ours."

p. 168 - "The deepest work often happens when the lights go out." (not meaning electricity, but in our darkest times)

p. 169ff - The section "Practice: Reading the Signposts"... Yes! Dan H., do this!!!

 

Our primal wound

"God's story for us began in beautiful intimacy and goodness, but Adam and Eve soon found themselves east of Eden." - p. 140

Today I read chapter 6 in Chuck DeGroat's book 'Healing That's Within.' The chapter title is "Hidden Roots," and he discusses our primal wound. 

This is not a term I recall hearing before (which doesn't necessarily mean I haven't). Chuck says some account of this wound is told across most religions. As well, suffering, and its roots in disconnection, has long been mused on by philosophers, poets, mystics, theologians, and psychologists. 

Psychotherapists John Firman and Ann Gila write this description:

[The primal wound is] a break in the intricate web of relationships in which we live, move, and have our being. A fundamental trust and connection to the universe is betrayed, and we become strangers to ourselves and others, struggling for survival in a seemingly alien world. In psychological terms, our connection to our deeper Self is wounded. In religious and philosophical terms, it is our connection to Ultimate Reality, the Ground of Being, or the Divine that is broken. No matter how we elect to describe it, the fact remains that this wounding cuts us off from the deeper roots of our existence.

DeGroat says Genesis 3 is where we find this in the Christian tradition. Where Adam and Eve have doubt, shame, and anxiety, so do we. Where they grasped, and hid, we have too. Each of us is invited to explore how this ancient disconnection shows up in our own lives. As he calls it, "Echoes of the primal wound."

On p. 143 he suggests, "It's as if the serpent was whispering in my ear, 'You see, the world isn't safe. God can't be trusted. Pain is right around the corner.' It's an ache that runs deeper than the things that happened to us, an ache revealed as an ancient story that lives on within us..."

I thought this bit from Psychologist and former Trappist monk James Finley was eye-opening:

On the one hand there is the great truth that from the first moment of my existence the deepest dimension of my life is that I am made by God for union with himself. The deepest dimension of my identity as a human person is that I share in God's own life both now and in eternity in a relationship of untold intimacy.

On the other hand, my own daily experience impresses upon me the painful truth that my heart has listened to the serpent instead of to God. There is something within me that puts on fig leaves of concealment, kills my brother, builds towers of confusion, and brings cosmic chaos upon the earth. There is something in me that loves darkness rather than light, that rejects God and thereby rejects my own deepest reality as a human person made in the image and likeness of God.

Whew. Yeah... So it's not just me??

DeGroat ends the chapter by reminding us that both stories, both realities - connection and disconnection - live on within us. When we say things like, "You never know what other people are facing," we have to admit that's true for us too. We bear the wounds of what happened to us, ancestral wounds that passed through us, and this primal wound... "an intuition in our deep memory of Eden and how we've been severed from it." And yet, he says, God, the "Compassionate Witness," comes near.

He shares the story of a lady who'd had a terrible injustice done to her... and over time and with a lot of work... came out the other side. She says, "I even had to forgive God for not being the quick-acting police officer responding on cue to my frequent 911 prayers... I had to let a lot of what I believed about God die so that I could rediscover goodness and mercy..." 

Hmm... That's worth reading that last sentence again...

This is some powerful stuff. The same stuff Jesus told us about... and suffered with us. And God comes near...

 

This was a good chapter, and ends the section "Where are you?"

Five things friday (19mi)

Heydy hey... and a happy Friday! Why, yes, I am feeling a bit chipper today. After the winds and snow of last week, it's a balmy 72°F and beautiful in Northeast Indiana today. Not too shabby. 

1. NINETEEN MILES

My long run today was 19. And, for a change, I got out the door at a decent 9am... and it wasn't even too bad. It took me 3 hours 29 minutes, which I'd wished was closer to 4 hours, but I suppose it is what it is. Unfortunately, I ended up over a mile from home when I was done so I must have miscalculated at some point.

This was the first time this year using GU gels and water for fuel instead of the Tailwind liquid mix. I like Tailwind fine, and will still use it for training. But it's just easier to carry gels for an event than wearing a hydration vest. I took a gel and a drink every 3 miles (instead of every 4 like in years past). I think that helped, as I never really lost too much energy. Though I did walk .05 of every mile starting at 14 miles - trying to take a little more time. It worked out pretty well.

So, I think next week's long run is 13, then 20 the week after, another 13, 8... and then the event (I'm guessing, but it's something pretty close to that). If I can just survive the 20 I think I might make it...

2. BLOOD PRESSURE, ETC.

I'm probably jinxing myself... but I've felt pretty good lately. I've been sleeping good, feeling good, and even my BP has been okay. Although, I noticed something. I started checking it first thing in the morning, and then again in the afternoon. It is considerably lower in the afternoon than in the morning. I swear I've read where it is usually the opposite. For instance, in the morning it may be anywhere from 125-140 over 75-85. The afternoon is almost always below 120 over 60-70 something. The other day it was 108/65 (of course, I had just had a nap as a result of music meditation).

I know I haven't been drinking as much, and I'm sure that makes a difference. I've also lost about 5 pounds lately. I'm about 155 currently, and there seems to be a sweet spot where it really impacts my health. I'd still like to lose another 10 pounds, but that's probably just dreaming...

3. ELDER APPRECIATION

Having been in this elder role in our church for a few months has taught me at least one thing, for sure... I have gained a new appreciation for the older folks who used to put up with me when I was younger (and stupid-er). I'm still prone to being plenty stupid, but I often failed to comprehend just how much grace some people used to extend to me. I could be a real jerk (without even trying!).

I am way older than anyone else on the elder team now. I'm not sure of everyone's ages, but the pastor is mid-40s, and the youth pastor and worship pastor are both just over 40. They're all great, but I'm starting to see that my role may not be so much acting as an elder on behalf of the church, but to be more of a gentle overseer of the other elders and staff. Like, maybe I don't need to have opinions on things as much as simply trying to help us all think from a certain place. In some ways this is easier, and feels a lot more natural than I thought... but the other side is that it requires more patience and grace than I am maybe used to showing. That will most likely be good for me. ;)

4. BASKETBALL

I spent the better part of 3 1/2 hours trying to come up with a fourth point this morning... Since I didn't, I guess I will give some more March Madness thoughts.

I did print off an NCAA Tournament bracket, but it's still sitting there blank. I guess I missed another one. Still, I will follow the games a bit. I was glad Illinois escaped their first game against Penn. I think our next game is against VCU. A lot of people picked them to upset UNC, and I'm not disappointed about that (don't tell my grandson I hate UNC). Otherwise... yeah, I don't have much to say just yet. I'd like to see Michigan get upset. I don't really care about Duke one way or another. And... it always seems Izzo has Michigan State playing good in the tourney. 

5. THE QUOTE

Unexpected forms of generosity (from James Clear):

• Being early can be a form of generosity. You wait, so they don't have to.
• Leaving something unsaid can be a form of generosity. You don't always need the last word.
• Delivering your work on time can be a form of generosity. You make life easier for everyone downstream.
• Not taking things personally can be a form of generosity. You give people the space to say things imperfectly.

 

Okay... I think that does it. Woohoo. Let's go celebrate!!!

Peace

God became a seamstress

I've been working my way through Chuck DeGroat's book Healing What's Within: Coming Home to Yourself - and to God - When You're Wounded, Weary, and Wandering.  

I was in chapter 3, The Body Tells A Story, and pages 71-72 jumped out at me and struck a chord inside. I'm not sure I can even paraphrase it, so... here it is:

And that's what that first, ancient story in Scripture reveals too. When God approached Adam and Eve with a compassionate "Where are you?" they were already disconnected, mired in anxiety, hidden amidst their own storming hyperarousal within. Searing shame severed them from themselves, even their own bodies. Their quickly-sewn-together fig-leaved garments were a survival strategy for life outside of Eden. But they were not well. Indeed, they were far from Home. Maybe you know the feeling.

Genesis 3 is often told as a story of cosmic tragedy, a proof text for all that went wrong. And, indeed, you need only read the chapters to come to realize the calamity of self-sufficiency, of a life lived in chronic disconnection. But even amidst this, don't miss the stunning reality that God pursues, God attunes, and God blesses, even tending to the bodies of Adam and Even, highlight by this compassionate act: "The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them" (Genesis 3:21).

Cole Arthur Riley in This Here Flesh highlights this stunning and sometimes overlooked moment:

On the day the world began to die, God became a seamstress. This is the moment in the Bible that I wish we talked about more often. When Eve and Adam eat from the tree, and decay and despair begin to creep in, when they learn to hide from their own bodies, when they learn to hide from each other - no one ever told me the story of a God who kneels and makes clothes out of animal skin for them.

I remember many conversations about the doom and consequence imparted by God after humans ate from that tree. I learned of the curses, too, and could maybe even recite them. But no one ever told me of the tenderness of this moment...

When shame had replaced Eve's and Adam's dignity, God became a seamstress. He took the skin off of his creation to make something that would allow humans to stand in the presence of their maker and one another again.

Even in that ancient story, God compassionately attended to Adam and Eve, to anxious hearts and shame-riddled bodies. God does the same for you.

 

Wow. I had never thought of it that way either. And now I hope to never forget it... 

Five things friday (wind and taxes)

Well, blow me down! Literally, it almost happened today! Not even kidding. And, lucky for you, it's Friday... so I can tell you about it!

1. HARDEST HALF EVER

My "long run" this week was only 13 miles. I say "only" because it is sandwiched between long runs of 18 and 19 miles. Yet, yes, it's still plenty long enough. And especially so today...

I lollygagged around until 9:30 or so and finally headed out. My was it windy. Then it started to get windier! I've run in wind before, but not like this. I've also run in rain, snow, sleet, heat, and all kinds of other inclement weather... and none were worse than today.

There were trees down, limbs blowing around, and even just the leaves hitting me in the face were enough to hurt! I was actually worried about a tree falling on me or being impaled with a limb. I did have two full trees blown down across my path (greenway to Foster Park), and at 12.64 miles I felt a funny tinge in my shin... Yep, there was a power line down on Winchester Road. A police officer came running and told me to turn around and go another way. Sure enough, when I got home, our power was out (though not for long).

All that said, I was completely worn out from the constant wall of wind at supposedly 45mph with gusts up to 60mph. It was not fun. At all.

2.  NO TAX

Just in time for tax season... comes this article in The Guardian about Americans who are withholding their federal income tax to protest against trump. Apparently if you don't want part of your taxes to go toward funding war, ICE, and certain other things... you can just not pay that portion. Of course, you run the risk of the IRS coming after you. If that's even a thing anymore. Didn't 'the donald' basically gut the organization? 

Here's a link to the National War Tax Resistance web site if you would like more info.

To be clear... we will likely be paying our taxes. We aren't wealthy enough to avoid the strong arm of the IRS, and I doubt what we make will make much difference either way...

3. TOURNAMENT TIME

I almost forgot that it is March. Not only does it appear to be mad on this March day (dang wind), but there is also much madness happening. I believe the Fighting Illini of Illinois are playing their first B10 tourney game right now. I haven't watched or followed them much this year. Once again they have the potential to go far... which usually means they'll make an early exit. Whatever. That said, I am a big fan of freshman Keaton Wagler.

4. BOOKS, BOOKS, BOOKS

I have started reading Healing What's Within, by Chuck DeGroat. However, I've also been going through Slow Theology, by A.J. Swoboda and Nijay Gupta, while working on a blog post and another Sunday message for our church. And, like that's not enough, I'm re-reading portions of The Shape of Joy by Richard Beck, since our elder group is discussing it. So, that's kind of a lot to keep track of for me. Another book I'd like to go through again is Richard Rohr's The Tears of Things. That was a good book. 

I keep telling myself that one of these years I'm not going to buy any new books, I'm just going to re-read ones I already have. Someday...

5. THE QUOTE

"...I can love Jesus. As I said, I don't know about his Father. The only thing I can say about God the Father is that he's lucky to have such a lovable Son. Sometimes I think that if I had to go by his track record instead of just taking Jesus' word for his good character, I wouldn't give him the time of day. And I don't know about the Holy Spirit either. So much hot air has been let off in his name that if Jesus hadn't said he was sending him, I'd write him off too. But Jesus I can love. He does everything, I do nothing. I just trust him. It is a nifty arrangement, and for a deadbeat like me, it is the only one that can possibly work. As long as I am in him, I bear fruit. As long as his death feeds my roots, I will never be cut down..."

    - Robert Farrar Capon, from his book Between Noon and Three: Romance, Law, and the Outrage of Grace (our pastor sent this excerpt to me this morning)

Well, I better end this. The power has went out twice since I started trying to write this post, and I don't want to have to start over yet again. 

Happy Friday, friends! Don't blow away!

Slow theology

[This is a post I'm planning to submit for our church's blog. I wanted to put it here to see what it would look like. I wish I could shorten it by a couple hundred words, but this is about as good as I could get. 889 words]

Slow Theology

By Dan Horwedel

March 11, 2026

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point the world decided everything should move faster.

News cycles, texts, podcasts at 1.5x, and the subtle panic that we’re “behind” if we don’t have an opinion about something within seven seconds.

That pace can also sneak into our spiritual life… and it can be dangerous.

We want quick answers to big questions. We want spiritual growth in an instant. And sometimes we expect our relationship with God to work like the rest of life: efficient, immediate, and optimized.

In their book Slow Theology: Eight Practices for Resilient Faith in a Turbulent World, A.J. Swoboda and Nijay Gupta gently push back. Their argument is simple: if we want a deeper, more resilient faith, we need to slow down.

Faith Was Never Meant to Be Fast

One of the main observations in Slow Theology is that, while our modern culture may reward speed, the Christian faith has never worked that way.

Throughout Scripture, the story of God’s people looks more like a long walk than a sprint. Abraham waits decades for God’s promises to unfold. The Israelites wander through the wilderness for forty years. Even the disciples spend a surprising amount of time misunderstanding Jesus before things start to come together.

In other words, God doesn’t seem to be in a hurry. Ever.

Swoboda and Gupta suggest that when faith gets forced into the same hurried rhythms as the rest of life, it becomes shallow, and possibly harmful. Quick answers replace careful reflection. Immediate certainty preempts patient trust. That’s where their idea of “slow theology” comes in.

What Theology Is Actually For

One of the most helpful parts of the book is the way the authors talk about theology itself.

For many people, the word theology sounds intimidating – like something reserved for professors, seminary classrooms, or very serious people with very large books.

Swoboda and Gupta remind us that theology is actually much simpler – and much more personal – than that. As they put it,

“Theology, at its proper end, is about knowing God himself.” (p. 49).

That idea gets right to the heart of the whole book.

The point of thinking about God isn’t just to collect better ideas about God. The goal is relationship. Theology is meant to help us know God more deeply, not just think about him more accurately.

Any relationship – whether with God or with other people – simply can’t be rushed.

What “Slow Theology” Looks Like

The book describes several practices that help cultivate a slower, deeper faith. None of them are complicated. In fact, most of them are things Christians have been doing for centuries.

One of the most important is simply learning to linger with God. Instead of rushing through prayer or Scripture reading, slow theology encourages us to take our time – to read slowly, to sit quietly, to actually notice what God might be doing in our hearts and lives.

Another practice is thinking more carefully. In a world built on instant responses, we are invited to pause before jumping to conclusions – whether that’s in a conversation, conflict, or yes, even on social media. Slower thinking leads to wiser responses.

The authors also encourage us to be more comfortable with mystery. Not every question about God has a tidy answer, and that’s okay. Faith has always involved trust, patience, and a willingness to keep walking even when we don’t understand everything.

And they remind us of something the church has always known: faith grows best in community. We learn, question, and grow alongside others who are on the same journey.

What This Means for Our Church Community

If Slow Theology has anything to say to us, it might be this: spiritual growth takes time.

And honestly, that’s good news.

People are at very different places in their faith journey. Some feel confident. Others carry doubts or questions. A slower, more patient approach creates space for all of that – room to ask hard questions without feeling rushed toward a tidy answer, and room to sit with uncertainty without feeling like a failure. There is even room to recognize that maybe, just maybe, we could be wrong about something we’ve always believed… and we’re not disqualified because of it!

It also means the ordinary practices of our life together matter more than we might think. Sunday gatherings. Shared meals. Honest conversations. Prayer for one another during the week. These things may not feel dramatic, but they quietly shape us into people who know God more deeply.

And maybe most importantly, slow theology invites patience – with our selves… and with each other.

Nobody grows overnight. That’s not a failure of faith; it’s simply how faith works.

Walking at God’s Pace

One of the quiet insights behind Slow Theology is that God has never been rushing.

We’re usually the ones sprinting around trying to keep up with everything. Meanwhile, God seems perfectly comfortable moving at a human pace… maybe even a little slower.

Which means following Jesus might sometimes look less like speeding up and more like slowing down.

Slowing down enough to listen.

Slowing down enough to notice.

Slowing down enough to let faith grow naturally over time.

And in the process, we might discover something important.

The goal of theology isn’t just to think more about God.

It’s to actually know him.

Take your time. It may be just what you need.

I think you know

This is a little deep-dive into how my brain works (which is what I was thinking while on my run yesterday, and I am just now trying to put it back together in my mind this morning)...

Is it just me, or does everyone assume that everyone else knows what you know? I mean, I have a hard time thinking I know more than anyone else. When it comes to information, or understanding how things are and work... I just assume if I know something, then everyone must know it. Because I'm not that smart. Of course, this can cause all sorts of communication problems...

WHAT'S WORSE...

Somewhat along these lines... I also kinda/sorta just assume that everyone is aware of all the terrible thoughts and deeds I've had in my mind and/or committed. Like, you can read it on my face. A 'maybe those thought-bubbles are real' sort of thing. I dunno. I just feel like it must be obvious to everyone how much of a cad and a fraud I am. You can tell, right?

WHICH MAKES ME WONDER...

Why do you tolerate me? Is it just because you're too nice to say anything? Or, perhaps, is it because you, too, have these same thoughts and actions and you're too afraid to point the finger for fear you'll be called to the carpet yourself? Can anyone be trusted? Are we all imposters, and you don't condemn me because you feel just like I do... you're preoccupied with your own crap too? What hope do any of us have?

ALTHOUGH WHAT MAY BE EVEN WORSE...

However, I suppose it's possible... it is just me. You can tell how terrible of a person I am... but you are not like that yourself. You actually are honest and charitable and generous and kind... and it's because of this you don't publicly call me out. You... tolerate me. You pity me. Or, maybe even... you don't really even consider me at all.

 

I know it sounds extreme. That doesn't mean it's not true. I also know it is likely exaggerated and fortunately most of us operate out of at least some semblance of love, grace, and understanding toward our fellow humans. 

So, thank you.

Five things friday (18 tangle old)

Greetings on another Friday, friends. I don't know what it's like where you are, but it is 76°F in good ol' Fort Wayne today! That's better than freezing, but that seemed to come outta nowhere. Anyway... here's five things...

1. EIGHTEEN MILES OF HOT

Yes, my "long run" was 18 miles today (with a .5 mile walk after). I got out around 9:30am and I think it was 49°. It was 70 when I got done around 1pm. It never did rain, but it was sure muggy. So much so that I would not describe this as a particularly "good" run. I did the first 10 miles okay, then stopped at the house to refill my water bottle, have a few Oreo cookies, and take a lead. The remaining 8 miles were a slogfest. At first I walked a tenth every two miles, then every one, and then I walked a quarter of the last two miles each. Ugh. 

All my runs this week were a chore. The 5/8/5 earlier in the week were probably worse than today's 18.

This is, however, my longest weekly mileage on my training schedule. I still need to do a 19 and 20 mile run, but I don't do as many miles the rest of those weeks. I'm ready for the taper. My legs are feeling kinda beat.

2. BACK TO BACK SHOWS

Of course, I am bartending a show tonight and tomorrow night (after setting up the music hall by myself yesterday). Tonight will likely be busier. It's another round of Bandemonium (battle of the bands put on by a local alternative rock station). There are four bands each night, and so far they've all been pretty good. Last year - in the inaugural year - there were some that were not so much. Still, I'm not looking forward to another 4 or 5 hours on my feet.

Tomorrow night is an Elvis impersonator (or something like that). I'm surprised we booked this show, but I think it's a rental, and I was surprised by the ticket sales. Go figure.

3. TANGLE NEWS

I subscribed to a new 'news' newsletter. Tangle News is supposed to be unbiased and non-partisan, but also they share viewpoints from the left, right, and middle. I think that's interesting, because I am often curious how people on the right justify things. I just subscribed, and haven't read anything yet, but a friend suggested it and I'm looking forward to it.

4. CRAZY OLD MAN

I also subscribed to yet another substack. I don't even know how I happened onto Crazy Old Man (that's all I know it by - no name, apparently). However, he is apparently a former pastor, was married a long time, had a drinking problem, and his life went to hell. For whatever reason, the handful of posts I've read seem to really resonate with me. It's genuine, vulgar, and written in a clear way that makes sense to me. God knows someday I'd like to be an actual man. I figure it can't hurt to read what this guy has to say.

5. THE QUOTE

"You can be the breeze that makes someone close their eyes and feel ...just for a second, just for this day ...like everything is going to be okay." - Crazy Old Man, from 'Life Came at Me Fast. Here's What's Left' 

 

Okay... the lovely Lady is gone tonight, and now I need to force a nap, stuff some food in my stomach, and go serve drinks all night. Have fun out there...

Tell me

I've determined my mind must think in terms of song lyrics.

When assigned my newest project of speaking/writing about the book Slow Theology, by A.J. Swoboda and Nijay Gupta, I immediately thought of the lyric, "Tell me all your thoughts on God..."

The American alternative rock band Dishwalla is not exactly a household name... Probably more of a one-hit-wonder. However, that 1995 song, titled 'Counting Blue Cars' off their 'Pet Your Friends' album was the most-played song on the radio in the US in 1997 and 1998. 

Legend has it that lead singer J.R. Richards wrote the song rather quickly, and it was inspired by a chat with his 10-year-old neighbor. He wanted to write on the subject from a child's perspective, noting that we're much more honest and not as biased at that age. So it is somewhat the "story of a young boy's spiritual journey." It's also interesting that Richards said he received death threats after the song's release because people were upset about the insinuation God could be a woman. Not surprising.

I'm thinking of using this little tidbit not only to open the message on Slow Theology, but also to lead into the first point that "We're all theologians." 

Here's the video of the song: https://youtu.be/Clxtg2pFTQM?si=frZN-ismU9N3bh86

After speaking

I've shared this piece from Bruce Thielemann a number of times in this space. I still find it to be true:

The pulpit calls those anointed to it as the sea calls its sailors. And like the sea it batters and bruises and does not rest. To preach, to really preach, is to die naked a little at a time, and to know each time you do it that you are going to have to do it again.

I did give the message during our church's Sunday service this past week (I don't think they like to call it preaching). At any rate, here are some "post-speaking" thoughts...

• This was maybe the most comfortable I've ever been for a message. Part of it is because our church community is very easy to speak among. People are attentive and at ease. It has a good vibe. Plus, I can wear whatever I want (I wore jeans, long-sleeve black henley shirt, and my 'everyday' running shoes).
• I pretty much stayed with my manuscript, but probably veered from it a bit more than I'd have liked. I purposely wrote it short, knowing I would likely add on-the-spot. It ended up about 25 minutes, which is short for us, but about what I was hoping for.
• I made a couple references to things like "Make America Great Again," and another maga phrase... and while I would say an overwhelming majority of our people are in full support (not of maga, but of anti-maga sentiment), I wish I hadn't even touched on it. I don't think I need to say it anymore. Not that anyone said anything or reacted negatively, but it just didn't feel good.
• I 'felt' really good while speaking - even right before and right after. And that makes me nervous. I really have to push the positive self-talk to get my confidence up... but sometimes it starts to feel a little too close to arrogance.
• It's really difficult for me to slow the adrenaline down after it's over. I'm pumped up. It's the same when I tend bar. I can't just come home and go to sleep. My insides have been whirling a million miles an hour. It doesn't just quiet down easily.
• Once it does quiet down though... that's when the doubt and bad thoughts try to steal their way into my head. I can really get down on myself afterwards. I feel like I have made progress recently - especially this time - but I don't know that I want to do this too often yet again. It puts my mind and body through the ringer.
• I've never been officially diagnosed as bipolar, but it almost feels like that sometimes. I get really high during the message, and can then go to the opposite extreme of low after.
• I think it's good that I have another message I need to start working on for the middle of next month. But that's about as quick of a turnaround as I would like.
• All told... I felt good yesterday. I don't know if I was happy about everything I said (I can't really even remember everything I said), but I've honestly been doing a pretty good job of not thinking about it too much since then.
• There should be video sometime this week... The video link is here, if you're interested... but I NEVER watch myself on video. Just can't do it. I know some people say you should, but... I really have no desire to get "better." I'd rather it not be good or bad because of me. It just is what it is. At least that's what I'm shooting for now. Btw, I looked back, and the last time I spoke was July of 2025.
  

So, there ya go. Just some random thoughts. Yes, I once again "got naked" in front of a group of people. I can't say that I like it any better than I ever have, but I feel like I can at least do it again.