After running a marathon

So, the latest marathon has been done for a week now. It was nice to take a week completely off from running, lifting, and basically any other exercise-related endeavors. What did I do instead? Well, other than starting a new book and catching up on some unread emails...

THE DERBY PARTY

We attended our annual Kentucky Derby party Saturday. It is hosted by a couple I met when working at the Y, and there is a whole group of people who work out there that get together once every other month or so for lunch, and this couple has this party every year.

Ry & Laura host it (he is 83 but still fit as a fiddle - he was a long-time volleyball player and they both still work out every day). Others in attendance were: us, Jane T. (her husband, Tony, was coaching a club volleyball team and wasn't there), Joe & Robin, Jim & Kathy, Andy & Mary Jo, Tom, Steve, and there were another half dozen that couldn't make it to the party.

The hosts supplied pulled pork sliders, sodas and bourbon, and everyone else brought food and drink to share. Jane always makes these cucumber/tomato things on a cracker-size bread thingy, and we also usually bring some Dark Horse red wine.

Everyone draws their horse/horses out of a hat for $2 each, and the winner gets the big pot. There is also a prize for best male/female hat, and the last-place horse. We didn't win anything this year. It was still fun!
 

PREACHING

I gave the message at church yesterday. It went fine. Oddly enough, I think I am less nervous/stressed about speaking at this church than I ever was at the church I pastored. Maybe it's maturity, or... I don't know what.

I opened with the 1995 Dishwalla song 'Counting Blue Cars' ("tell me all your thoughts on God..."), then loosely used info from the book Slow Theology as a guide - also incorporating John 14:1-6. My main points were: 1. We are all theologians, 2. We're not always good at it though (some 'thoughts on God' are not helpful), and 3. That doesn't mean we are wrong, just unfinished (there is a difference between bad theology and unfinished theology). The closing went from the Barbara Brown Taylor quote "If our theology doesn't make us more loving, there is something wrong with our theology," then used this piece from Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz as an illustration of what it might should look like:

A guy I know named Alan went around the country asking ministry leaders questions. He went to successful churches and asked the pastors what they were doing, why what they were doing was working. It sounded very boring except for one visit he made to a man named Bill Bright, the president of a big ministry. Alan said he was a big man, full of life, who listened without shifting his eyes. Alan asked a few questions. I don't know what they were, but as a final question he asked Dr. Bright what Jesus meant to him. Alan said Dr. Bright could not answer the question. He said Dr. Bright just started to cry. He sat there in his big chair behind his big desk and wept.

When Alan told that story I wondered what it was like to love Jesus that way. I wondered, quite honestly, if that Bill Bright guy was just nuts or if he really knew Jesus in a personal way, so well that he would cry at the very mention of His name. I knew then that I would like to know Jesus like that, with my heart, not just my head. I felt like that would be the key to something.

 That seemed a good segue into communion...

BEGINNING AGAIN

Today was my actual first day to run/jog again after the marathon. I jogged 2 miles and walked 2 miles. I was surprised how sore and sluggish I was to start, because I thought my legs and everything felt fine. About a mile in I started to feel normal again. However, even though I went super slow, I was kinda sore afterwards. 

I will likely ease back into it slowly. I will start lifting weights again tomorrow, and maybe not job again until Wednesday. I have no reason to rush back into things, but I would like to keep up 3-5 miles/day several days a week, and then one long run per week of say 6-10 miles. That way if a half marathon came up, I should be close to ready. Of course, I always say I want to work on speed and getting stronger... We'll see.

HEADLIGHT RESTORATION 

My main accomplishment today was restoring the headlights on our Honda Accord. The first pic is what the headlights looked like AFTER I washed them. They were so cloudy. I didn't actually expect the stuff I bought to work. However, it appears it did!! I am shocked! So, that was an hour well spent...

 

Five things friday (funk, fodder, fénelon)

Greetings, folks. I'm not sure what it's like where you are, but sitting at my dining room table where I normally type this out, it is a dreary-looking funky day. Yet, here's five(ish) things...

1. FUNK (NOT GRAND)

I am not talking about the music genre, Grand Funk Railroad, or even the smell... But I'm in a bit of doldrums the past few days. I don't know if this is the post-race letdown, or if it's simply because my normal routine has been disrupted, or... what. I suppose it could be several things. 

I don't think it's anything serious, but it's kinda like my brain is tired. I haven't run this week, we made a quick trip to Peoria to see Jane's brother in the hospital, another trip is coming up, I'm still trying to pull together my sermon for this Sunday, and wondering about what my purpose (or place) in life is, why I exist, how to make some money, is the world going to end, is there any hope... you know, just the normal noises. Plus, it seems a lot of the strides I'd made emotionally over the past six months... kind of got sucked out of me all of a sudden awhile back... and it's frustrating. 

Maybe I'm just tired. I don't travel well, and I really need a regular routine. I don't think everyone realizes how difficult it can be for people who rely on routines to suddenly be deprived of them. I'm picturing a very wide-eyed, frightened child sitting inside my head right now, hugging their legs, rocking back and forth, wanting their teddy bear...

Anyway, I know this too shall pass (I hope). But it's there. Now. It came on fairly suddenly, and will likely (hopefully) leave just as suddenly. I hate it. I can feel it in the front part of my head - sort of between/behind my eyes. Sometimes it has seemed the story of my life... though it's been quite awhile sense it's visited.

2. WHAT DO YOU THINK

This morning I read this: "In 1800, 99% of physical work was done by humans and animals. Today less than 1% is. Today 90% of cognitive work is done by humans. Some now claim 90% of that will go away." That didn't really help in regard to point one above. Plus the fact that the U.S. debt now exceeds the size of the U.S. economy, I almost literally can't drive in our town because of all the road closures, our government is insane, culture is crazy, and, you know, just... everything else! Things feel a little hopeless. Which, I know, is how certain someone's are trying to make us feel. 

But "thinking"? Could it really get worse? 

I was actually thinking while driving yesterday that maybe I should just stop running, and start trying to earn some income. Or at least consult AI and figure out if I could come up with some kind of business model for this blog (or probably the substack - which I haven't touched in months). But even that seems pointless (see Ecclesiastes). 

I dunno. ... ... ... I had several things I started to write here, but... meh.

3. SYSTEM OVERLOAD

I'm sorry, but there are simply too many things to insert here... and the system has shut down. I could name off several of them, but even then, there would be too many. Sorry. Just one of those days...

4. BOOKS

I have started reading Let God: Spiritual Conversations with Francois Fénelon, by Winn Collier. I didn't realize there are apparently two versions of this book. This one looks almost self published, as the type-set is very weird. I think I wish I'd bought the one from paraclete, which looks a little better, but... whatever. I still think it will be a good read and will maybe set my brain aright again (?). 

5. THE QUOTE

"If your faith is more "white-knuckled fight" than "open-handed surrender," you've forgotten the Gospel. Grace is not just the way in, it's the way on. We don't graduate from our need for God’s mercy-fueled love — we grow deeper into it. His power does not replace our weakness; it meets us there — and is made perfect in it."   - Mike Woodruff

(This is the opening paragraph in his The Friday Update today. I could have also used the second paragraph. It was something I was glad to read today...)

Okay, I've probably brought you down enough. ;) Enjoy your weekend. Be careful not to bet your house on a horse (It's Derby weekend).

Peace

 

 

Marathon #10

 I guess I kinda spaced out about posting the results of my 10th marathon this past Sunday. The main thing: yes, I survived. It was a bit touch and go for awhile, but I made it. 

This was my third time running the Fort Wayne Marathon & Half Marathon (its fourth year). I ended up getting 84th out of 105, with a time of 4:50:06 (2nd in my age group). I averaged an 11:04 pace. I didn’t realize I was 7 minutes faster than last year’s 4:57.

I did the first half at just over a 10 min./mile pace (2:14). I walked ~.05 every 3 miles and took a drink/gel. The second half I kept the every 3 mile routine, but I started walking .1 mile and that stretched to .2 of every third mile around 22 or 23. I also stopped twice to pee and at the halfway point I had to take my shoe off to remove a rock. 

Looking back now, I suppose I didn’t feel too bad at the start. And, I didn’t have any injuries or anything at the end. Yet, boy, I think it was around mile 9 or 10 when I first started wondering if I was going to be able to finish. By mile 21 I was trying to find a landmark - thinking I was going to have to call Jane to come pick me up. My legs were just so sore. But… I just kept plugging along. There was a group of three people in my area and we all just chugged along. Once I made it to my 24 I figured I could at least break 5 hours. 

Still… for most of this race I was telling myself this was going to be it. I didn’t think my body had the strength to do this anymore. As I got closer to the end I was already starting to think “maybe this would be the last one under 5 hours.” Now, the third day after, I’m feeling back to normal and starting to think about changing my strength training over the next year to better prepare (I need to do more leg work). 

Other points of note:

• Once again, Drew Carrie were along the route about mile 3 and I discarded my jacket with them. 
• A friend of ours was also running. This was his first race since 2019, but he runs 10 miles every day. He did no other training, but was hoping to break 3 hours and qualify for Boston. He did both (2:51)! I was so happy for him (he got second place).
• Another friend (who we volunteer with at the music hall) had a son and daughter-in-law running. I was surprised to see him at the finish line. His son ran it in around 3:30, and the dil finished her first marathon in 5:11. 

So, that’s about all I can remember at the moment. I am going to include a bunch of screenshots of stats for my own future recall. 

Until then, I am enjoying a week off. I’ll likely start back next week, but no more marathon’s… until next year (maybe a few half’s). 

Five things friday (wilco, tyranny, fear-anny)

Hey-ho, and happy Friday, friends. My schedule is all discombobulated this week and... I almost forgot it was Friday! So, here we go...

1. WILCO

Yes, that pic above is from last night. We took in the Wilco concert and lemme just say... it was spectacular! Holy cow with a capital cow!

Now, not all was how I'd have liked it. The grandkids all had track meets, in two different places, and we had to hustle to make the 8pm start time. We got there a bit late for a sold out concert, and it was WALL TO WALL people! Everyone we talked to said they'd never seen such a packed house. If memory serves me, it holds around 2,000 for a standing show... and there had to be at least that last night.

We didn't even try getting close to the stage. It was just a sea of people. And, ya know, we ain't the tallest of folk... so we could hardly see anything. We stood near the back and stared at the backs of other people for a handful of songs, then Drew Carrie arrived. As luck would have it, she is friends with one of the "upstairs" servers, and she let all four of us into the private area up top. I had never been up there, and I do say, it is might nice! I kind of missed mingling with folks we knew (and there were quite a few of our church friends, as well as other friends, in attendance. Still, it was the only way we were going to be able to see.

Again... just wow. What a great show. I'd go see them again in a heartbeat.

2. BOOKS

I read Timothy Snyder's little book 'On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons From the Twentieth Century' last week. Wowza! One of Jane's coworkers lent her this book, and I wasn't really all that interested in reading another political book, but I did. It took me a minute to get into it, because there's a lot about world history - and I've just never been too good with history - but it was enough to scare my socks off (yes, I am barefoot right now). And the worst part... it was written BEFORE trump's second term in office!! I mean, the fascist playbook is wide open on display... and no one is doing anything about it.

I don't know if I want to recommend anyone read this, because it will likely give you a stomach ache. It did me. 

3. SCHEDULE CHANGE

Since I have the marathon this weekend, there was no "long run" this week. I did like a 2/3/2 of easy running during the week, now I'm resting for a couple days.

Normally I do the house cleaning on Thursday, so all I have to do Friday is the long run. I decided to switch cleaning back to Friday today. My normal weekly routine is: wash the sheets, dust the upstairs, clean the kitchen counters, clean the toilets and bathrooms, mop kitchen and bathroom floors, vacuum the hallway, carpet runner, and living room floors and the couch and footstool, and whatever else stands out. I did all that today, and also decided to tackle the foul smell from the washing machine.

Every now and then I'll run one of those "cleaning" tablets through the machine, so I did that. It didn't help a whole lot. So, I did a load with four cups of vinegar, followed by a load with baking soda. It was a little better, but still not completely gone. Finally, I removed part of the agitator and the little tray for fabric softener and cleaned them in a vinegar solution. Again, it helped, but I could still smell it. So I used a vinegar, club soda, baking soda mix and tackled the top and sides of the drum and the piece of agitator that wouldn't come off. We also have a tub next to the washing machine that it drains into, and I could not believe how gross and dirty that was! So I got a putty knife and scooped out a bucket of mud-like goo from there. I *think* I may have solved the problem. I'm crossing my fingers at least.

4. THE RACE

Oh yeah... and there's the marathon coming up Sunday. Gah! Am I ready? Nope. I never am. I will say, at least this year I didn't get sick or have any mysterious aches and pains the week of. Not yet anyway. 

I don't really know how physically prepared I even am. I mean, I've done all the usual training, and didn't really have too many "bad" runs... but I just don't feel super strong, or something. I dunno.

I can say that I am NOT mentally prepared though. I'm just... not into it this year. I don't know if it's because I'm not around any other runners and don't talk to people like I used to, or what. If anything, I'm looking more forward to simply being done with it. 

I don't know... I just feel kind of weird about it this year. We'll see how it goes.

5. THE QUOTE (x2)

The rose is without 'why'

she blooms because she blooms

she does not care for herself

asks not if she is seen

- Angelus Silesius

"In short, let God's grace do with you what it wants. Let it lead you wherever it wishes. Let it work and you receive. Look on it, watch it, and leave it alone. Don't meddle with it, trying to help, as if you could assist grace. Fear that your interference could wreck everything. Instead, be the tree, and let it be the carpenter. Be the house, and let it be the homeowner living there..."

- from The Cloud of Unknowing

I shared a double quote today... or rather, snippets of two quotes. I believe neither are in their original entirety, but these two pieces were our opening contemplation at our elder meeting this past week. I like them.

And... that's all for today. Hopefully I will live to tell you about the marathon next week, otherwise... well, I guess we will have to wait and see. :)

Peace, friends.

Trip to buda & shane claiborne

 

This past weekend we made a quick trip back to the old hometown of Buda, IL. Nothing in particular, just the usual - visit with my mom, and Jane visited with a couple of her brothers.

I guess I already mentioned the storms in last Friday's post. No major damage, other than my mom had several holes punched in her siding by the hail. Otherwise, I cleaned up some dead bugs in the basement, picked up sticks in the yard, put out four bags of mulch, and wrote down several phone numbers of people to do landscaping and tree service for her. The rest of the time the two of us sat and watched NBA playoff basketball. 

Jane spent a little time Friday night with her brother Keith, went shopping with my mom Saturday morning, and then spent most of the afternoon/evening with Keith and part of the time with her brother Mark.

Both the trip there and back were without serious trouble or nuisance.

When we got back Sunday night we went to see Christian author, activist, and organizer Shane Claiborne (pictured above). It seems another lifetime when we first read his book The Irresistible Revolution (and others), and eventually started using Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals.

It was a packed house at the Plymouth Congregational Church chapel. We saw several people we knew, and one other person from our church (a lot of people "meant to" go). Still, it was nice... even though we were both pretty tired.

So, it was a nice weekend. After a few chilly days, it has warmed back up to the mid-70s today...

Five things friday

 I may yet get this weeks ftf in. Depending if a tornado hits or not…

1. WEATHER

We arrived at my mom’s house late this afternoon. We had supper, and then it came. Not a tornado (yet), but wind, rain, and the largest hail I’ve ever seen. It was nuts as golf ball sized hail pelted the house and littered the lawn. It’s still storming, and sounds like more could be headed this way in the next hour, but hopefully we will survive. 

2. EIGHT MILES

This morning I did my last “long run” before the marathon next weekend. It went fine, even though I didn’t get out as early as I wanted to. I ran in my new gray Brooks Glycerin 22s which I will wear for the marathon. I did a couple 4 mile runs in them also. I will now not wear them again until the race. Next week I will just do two or three short runs. It’s always a weird week, and usually I get sick or something as my body goes into withdrawal from not running more miles. 

3. LATE NIGHT LOCAL

Last night we worked a rare Thursday night show at the music hall. The guy that hosts the Monday open mic night has been trying to put together these Third Thursday Local shows, featuring three local bands once a month. The first two were cancelled, and last night was the first. There wasn’t a great crowd, and there were a few hiccups, but overall I like what he’s trying to do. The biggest problem for most of us volunteers is that, with each band playing 45 minutes plus 15 minutes or so to change out, it made for a long night. We arrived at 6pm to set up, doors opened at 7, and the show ran from 8-11pm. That’s a long Thursday, especially for people

 like Jane who worked all day. However, still, it was not to see a lot of younger people. I like that. 

4. BEN SASSE

I don’t know if you’re familiar with Ben Sasse. He was senator from Nebraska from 2015-2023, resigning to then become the president of the University of Florida. He was recently diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer and has been getting a lot of interviews and airplay for speaking truth about some important topics. I hadn’t watched any of them until today when I watched THIS ONE. It was good stuff - even from a 

republican! I wanted to link it because I want to revisit it, and remind myself to watch some more. 

5. THE QUOTE

“Imagination means nothing without doing.” - Charlie Chaplin 

Well, there ya have it. I’m still sitting here watching the weather people work folks into a frenzy. Hopefully we all survive. 

Happy weekend!

Five things friday (first mowing)

Pat yourself on the back, friend. You did it! You made it to another Friday. Some weeks that's cause for celebration. Maybe it should be every week...

1. THE FIRST MOWING

I could probably look back through my archives to see if it's so... but this seems like a fairly early "first mowing" for me. I know the past few years I have waited until after the Spring marathon (which is the last Sunday in April). Yet, the backyard grass was pretty long, so I mowed yesterday.

I dug the mower out of its winter hibernation spot, siphoned the gas out of the snow blower into the mower, raised the deck as high as it would go, and... the ol' girl started on the first pull once again! 

One of these days I should change the oil, sharpen the blade, and I need to replace the cable that goes to the carburetor... however, I intended to do those things all last year too and never quite got around to any of them. So, I guess it's mowing season...

2. TWELVE MILES IS DANGEROUS

My "long run" today was 12 miles. I say it's dangerous because... it's kinda easy to take runs of that distance for granted sometimes. Like, "Oh, it's just 12 miles this week. That'll be a piece of cake!" Yet... inevitably, I'll get to mile 3 or 4 and think... "Geesh, I hope I can make it to 12 miles!" It's still a significant distance. 

Anyway... I made it. It was an overcast upper 50s to lower 60s with a bit of a drizzle here and there. Once again I used my marathon strategy of every 3 miles walking while I took in a GU gel and a couple drinks of water.

Btw... my NEW WATCH DID ARRIVE this week! Yesterday. It's just like my old one. Except I used to have it set to show distance, elapsed time, and pace... and instead it showed distance, elapsed time, and running speed. I didn't want to mess with it during the run, but quickly got it set right afterward.

3. MEN'S GROUP RESURRECTION AND DOING WHAT I WANT

We had our monthly men's group this morning. Usually it's the first Friday of the month at 6am. Since last week was Good Friday, we pushed it back a week. I'm not sure why they changed the start time to 6:25, but I still barely made it in time. Anyway...

There were about 20 guys there today, and we discussed Wendell Berry's 'Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front' (with 2 Corinthians 5:17 for context - "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"). Go ahead and click the link to read the whole poem. It's one of my favorites of all times.

We were all asked to share what stood out to us. I mentioned how I felt like the first paragraph sort of represents the "algorithm" for society... and the rest is how to break the algorithm. Also, in light of the resurrection context, it's like... "I can do whatever I want now." I wish now I'd explained that better, because I think some people could misunderstand and think I mean I could do just any ol' thing I wanted. What I meant was... Since I'm now a new creation, I no longer have to sin. I'm no longer bound by society's expectations. I can CHOOSE to do the right thing... that which I want to do! But... I didn't share that. Oh well. That's what I meant...

4. TREE OF FORGIVENESS

One thing I'd wanted to do this year was be more intentional about listening to music. I thought maybe each day I could listen to one song, or something. I haven't exactly done that, but I do at least listen to music when I clean the house each Thursday, and I will occasionally listen to a song here and there.

Today I decided to play an album (yes, an actual record album) while I wrote this. I chose John Prine's 'The Tree of Forgiveness.' It was his 18th and final studio album before he died. It came out in April 2018, and he died in April 2020. My favorite song on this one is likely 'Summer's End.' I dare you to click the link and watch the video and not cry... 

I also liked this short 6-minute video of an interview called 'The Road to The Tree of Forgiveness.' Damn, I liked John Prine...

5. THE QUOTE

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn’t go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

- (the last paragraph of Wendell Berry's 'Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front')

And... there ya have it. The end of yet another week. Tonight I'll be bartending a show by myself, while my lovely lady takes tickets. At least it should be a good one (Albert Cummings). 

Peace, friends.

Five things friday (holy, twenty, ready)

Happy Friday, friends. For those so inclined... happy Good Friday! (If you're not so inclined, I hope it's still a good Friday).

1. HOLY WEEK

Yes, today is Good Friday in the Christian tradition. This used to be my favorite week in the church year when I was pastoring, and beyond. In fact, I fully intended to share my daily 'David Gilmour Holy Week Liturgy' this year again... But, for those of you who follow me on the Facebook, you have obviously noticed I did not. Such is life...

I did start work on turning that liturgy into an e-book devotional sometime last year. One of these days I will follow through (I'd like to say 'I promise,' but... you know how that goes. I do still intend to).

Anyhew, I have not attended or participated in any holy week activities at all. Normally I would have attended the Y Good Friday breakfast today, but I was otherwise occupied on this day...

2. TWENTY MILES

I did my 20 mile run this morning. While I missed out on a scrumptious breakfast (above), I knew I would not feel like running afterward. Instead, I headed out just after 8am and got done running - plus a half mile walk - right around noon.

Let's just say I'm glad it is done. Most of you know, 20 miles is the farthest I run before a marathon. Now I start to taper back on miles for the next few weeks.

If you read yesterday's post you know my GPS watch crapped out, and I was planning to just not use GPS because I'm familiar enough with my route to figure out 20 miles fairly accurately. Well, the recent rains and resulting flooding kind of put a damper (badum bum) on that. My normal route is partially under water. So, I ended up borrowing Jane's GPS watch today. She can thank me later for putting her "longest run" on it. ;)

I was almost able to stretch it to 4 hours with the half mile walk at the end, which is what I wanted to do. Still, it was somewhat of a chore. The temps were okay - mid-60s - but it was pretty damp and humid. And, to make matters worse, I ate 7/8th of a box of stinking cheezits last night after supper! I couldn't stop myself! Geez, and I know better. I was not feeling the greatest this morning, and this run was much worse than the 19 miler. I started walking a tenth of every mile at 14, and then I walked a quarter of the last two miles (hoping to stretch the time out further). 

I also changed my clothes at the 12-mile mark. Everything. Hat, shirt, shorts, and socks. Not only was I drenched in sweat, but my left nipple started bleeding through my shirt. I ran in the downpour on Wednesday and even though it was only 5 miles, I wore sore spots on both nipples. I applied 2Toms Sport Shield this morning, but I guess it wasn't enough. It didn't help that I had on a light blue top ("Look, my nipples bleeding!!"). 

Anyway... I survived. And my body is ready for a reduction in mileage.

3. MARATHON READINESS

As for the upcoming marathon... I guess I'm ready for that too... I guess. Mostly I'm ready for it to be over with. Which is probably not a good mindset to have.

My body feels "okay." I don't really have any injuries, no blisters, I haven't had to use tape or anything on my feet... But I'm worn out. Which, I know, is how it's supposed to be. Now I have the next few weeks for my body to heal before the actual event. I've probably felt worse than this in years past.

More than how I feel physically, though, is the mental drain. This is maybe the least excited I've been about running a marathon. I think part of it is simply not having anyone I talk about running with (other than Jane). I know it's nobody's fault but mine - I choose to run alone, and I'm just not a "social athlete." I assume it will improve as my body begins feeling better. I'm just feeling like a beat up old haggard right now though... 

4. FINAL FOUR

Well, somehow my Illini made it to the Final Four in the NCAA Basketball Tournament. I was not able to watch their last game (actually, I think I've only seen one game all year, maybe one and a half), and I won't be watching this one either. It's mostly because I was bartending both last Saturday night and again this coming... Yet, even if I wasn't, I'm not sure I would watch anyway. Part of me fears I might jinx them - because my mind works like that. The other part... man... since I've given up being such a die-hard sports fanatic... I think I've been a better person. I'm sure it's good for my blood pressure and general stress to simply not watch. I can still read about it and watch highlights afterward if I want. Or... pretty much like I've been doing... I can just... not. Just the basic game recap, and maybe a few clips and articles here and there... and I'm good.

Still, I hope the Illini win. UConn is beatable (even though they beat us early in the year). Michigan, on the other hand, looks unstoppable. And I don't like them! I am indifferent to Arizona, although I hear their coach is currently in talks with another school because he's had it with the higher ups there. It would be a little funny if they won the National Championship, and then lost their coach. But... it would be better for ALL OF US if Illinois just won it! ;)

5. THE QUOTE

“Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”    - Paul, Romans 5:7

 

Alrighty then... I think I'ma gonna have a cup of tea, take a nap, and maybe do some more reading in Slow Theology...

If I don't see ya before... have a HAPPY EASTER!

Watch out

I guess this is now my "running watch." No GPS, no mileage, no pace, no app... just the time (and the date, which I now see is not set correctly). I've had it since 2021, and before that had one just like it from 2009. It has lasted longer than 2 1/2 years.

The Garmin Forerunner 45 that I bought in October 2023... not so much. It died a rather untimely death this past Tuesday. Actually, just the band. However, as it would happen, with this model of Garmin, if the band breaks, the whole watch becomes useless. Nice design flaw.

Immediately I got online to see if there was some way to fix it. Nope. Several sites pointed me to the Garmin Support site where some people said it may be possible to get a replacement for free. Unfortunately, what they meant was, you can supposedly get a replacement for $99. I went ahead and paid it, sent the broken watch via UPS so they will hopefully send me the replacement ASAP... yet, when I go on the Garmin website... I see that the Forerunner 45 is DISCONTINUED. 

Well, isn't that just swell...

I was hoping to have a new actual GPS watch for my 20-mile run this Friday. Now I just hope to have ...something... by the marathon at the end of April.

Fortunately, I have run all my training miles for this marathon on the same stretch of roughly 6 miles of trail, so I have a fair degree of confidence knowing exactly where I'm at mileage-wise and how far I've run. Still, it's not ideal.

I probably should have just gotten a different model of watch (if not a different brand). I liked the Forerunner 45, though, for it's simplicity. I don't want anything fancier than time, distance, pace and such. Although, I had started using it to keep track of my heart rate, stress level, body battery, and sleep. I'd still like those things too, I guess. But that's it. Plus, I don't want to pay an arm and a leg for something to wear on my wrist. But... I would like it to last a bit longer than 2 1/2 years...

So, all that said, and I'm still just sitting here with nothing but my old Timex watch. I'd say this is a "first-world problem"... but I'm not entirely sure we live in a "first-world" country anymore...

Five things friday

Happy Friday, friends! I hope your ride on this Spring weather-go-round has been enjoyable. In my neck 'o the woods, it was 82°F yesterday, and a mere 34° for my 12-mile run this morning. And, actually, it's still 34 at just after noon. Crazy.

1. HOW ABOUT DISHONORING MY TIME

I almost forgot... The week before last I attempted an online seminar on 'Ai in Sermon Prep: Leveraging the Tools Without Dishonoring Your Calling.' Holy cow. I can't, in good conscience, even give you the name of the people involved in this sermonary fiasco. I lasted about 20 minutes and that was 21 minutes too long. It was the worst, most poorly-given presentation I have attended in a long time (if ever). The host seemed nice enough, but the presenter was... well... he was not good. A total waste of time.

2. SPEAKING OF MORALS

I found this an interesting article on what Americans find most (and least) immoral. Everything from married people having affairs, pornography, homosexuality, gambling, divorce, being extremely rich, eating meat... and a whole host of things. The split between democrats and republicans was a quaint touch too... (like we didn't know).

3. ILLINI BASKETBALL (again)

Okay, I can't resist pointing out that Illinois beat Houston in the NCAA basketball sweet sixteen last night - IN Houston! I didn't stay up to watch the game. Plus, we've tried watching a couple games on HBO Max and... I don't know if it's our internet or the channel, but so far it hasn't been worth trying to watch a game there. Anyhew, the Illini now play Iowa for a chance to go to the Final Four. We only played Iowa once this year, and won it at Iowa by 6 points. It's darn hard to beat another B10 team twice in one season though... We'll see. Of course, we have a concert to work that night, so we won't be watching again. Probably a good thing (for me).

4. BOOK 'EM

I finished reading Chuck DeGroat's 'Healing What's Within' this week. At first I was kinda like, "Mmmm... I think I've read too many books like this lately..." But this was another one that ended really well. The third and final section of the book was worth it. I really liked it. I also love reading Chuck's substack.

Next up I'm going to re-read Slow Theology, because I am now scheduled to give a Sunday morning talk on that in early May.

Also, this morning I ordered 'Courageous Divorce' by Alisha Roth. No, I'm not planning to get a divorce, but Alisha and her family usually sit behind us in church, and I'm curious to find out more about her story. We went to a surprise book launch for her the other night, and she and her new husband seem like a nice couple.

5. THE QUOTE

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells us to stop worrying three times. It's a theme. Indeed, "fear not," is not only the way He most frequently greeted friends, "do not worry" is the Bible's most common command. All of which suggests, God is serious when he instructs us to elevate trust and downsize anxiety. But how? The path forward includes prayer, meditation on his character, focusing on his promises (not our problems) and confiding in friends. It's easier said than done, but it is the way to reset our heart. Our fears may be loud, be we cannot let them be Lord. (I like that)

    - Mike Woodruff (his opening statement on today's 'Friday Update')

Okey doke... next Friday is my 20-mile run, so we'll have to see if I survive it enough to write another five things or not. At least it's Good Friday. I hope it is...

Peace 

Addiction and grace

Whew, doggie. This one chapter of Chuck DeGroat's book 'Healing What's Within' put so many things into perspective for me. It was worth the price of the book (Well, I got it for free, but still...). I need reminded to read this one chapter over and over and over again...

Just some of my underlined highlights:

***p. 154 - "We're born with indispensable needs to feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure."

 p. 155 - "I've learned a thousand ways to cope," a retreat participant once told me, "and they're all easier than healing." (...That's the lie...)

p. 156 - "I cried when I was born and every day shows why." - 17th century poet & priest George Herbert

***pp. 156-157 - "If each of us bears the wound of traumatic disconnection this side of heaven, then each of us is bound to self-soothe in addiction. It's an equal playing field; we can't split the world into the wounded and the well, the addict and the abstinent. ... This reality humbles us, and most often we learn the hard way." (the follow-up story from Chuck's clinical internship with a men's addiction group - where he claimed he was "simply a facilitator" is good!). 

p. 158 - "Both [wrong] paths treat the addiction as the problem rather than seeing it as an attempt to solve a deeper problem."

p. 158 - "...the truth of addiction is that it is embedded in a larger story. It can't be reduced to depravity or disease, behavior or biology. Biography holds the key."

***p. 160 - "It is impossible to understand addiction," Gabor Maté writes, "without asking what relief the addict finds, or hopes to find, in the drug or the addictive behavior."

*** "...our addictions are signposts; they always point the way to the traumatic wound."

*What is the story your addicted part wants to tell?

p. 162 - "The word addiction comes from the Latin addicere, which indicates being bound, even enslaved to something." 

***"Johann Hari says the opposite of addiction is not sobriety but connection."

p. 163 - "Whether the lie comes from the serpent or a marketer, we are invited to chase: Chase love. Chase soothing. Chase acceptance. Chase achievement. Chase recognition. Chase numbness. Chase certainty. Chase perfection. I even have a little plastic card in my wallet with the words 'Chase Freedom.' The reality is, it's not a one-off addiction that we're dealing with; it's a whole way of living."

p. 164 - "We chase after what is already ours."

p. 168 - "The deepest work often happens when the lights go out." (not meaning electricity, but in our darkest times)

p. 169ff - The section "Practice: Reading the Signposts"... Yes! Dan H., do this!!!

 

Our primal wound

"God's story for us began in beautiful intimacy and goodness, but Adam and Eve soon found themselves east of Eden." - p. 140

Today I read chapter 6 in Chuck DeGroat's book 'Healing That's Within.' The chapter title is "Hidden Roots," and he discusses our primal wound. 

This is not a term I recall hearing before (which doesn't necessarily mean I haven't). Chuck says some account of this wound is told across most religions. As well, suffering, and its roots in disconnection, has long been mused on by philosophers, poets, mystics, theologians, and psychologists. 

Psychotherapists John Firman and Ann Gila write this description:

[The primal wound is] a break in the intricate web of relationships in which we live, move, and have our being. A fundamental trust and connection to the universe is betrayed, and we become strangers to ourselves and others, struggling for survival in a seemingly alien world. In psychological terms, our connection to our deeper Self is wounded. In religious and philosophical terms, it is our connection to Ultimate Reality, the Ground of Being, or the Divine that is broken. No matter how we elect to describe it, the fact remains that this wounding cuts us off from the deeper roots of our existence.

DeGroat says Genesis 3 is where we find this in the Christian tradition. Where Adam and Eve have doubt, shame, and anxiety, so do we. Where they grasped, and hid, we have too. Each of us is invited to explore how this ancient disconnection shows up in our own lives. As he calls it, "Echoes of the primal wound."

On p. 143 he suggests, "It's as if the serpent was whispering in my ear, 'You see, the world isn't safe. God can't be trusted. Pain is right around the corner.' It's an ache that runs deeper than the things that happened to us, an ache revealed as an ancient story that lives on within us..."

I thought this bit from Psychologist and former Trappist monk James Finley was eye-opening:

On the one hand there is the great truth that from the first moment of my existence the deepest dimension of my life is that I am made by God for union with himself. The deepest dimension of my identity as a human person is that I share in God's own life both now and in eternity in a relationship of untold intimacy.

On the other hand, my own daily experience impresses upon me the painful truth that my heart has listened to the serpent instead of to God. There is something within me that puts on fig leaves of concealment, kills my brother, builds towers of confusion, and brings cosmic chaos upon the earth. There is something in me that loves darkness rather than light, that rejects God and thereby rejects my own deepest reality as a human person made in the image and likeness of God.

Whew. Yeah... So it's not just me??

DeGroat ends the chapter by reminding us that both stories, both realities - connection and disconnection - live on within us. When we say things like, "You never know what other people are facing," we have to admit that's true for us too. We bear the wounds of what happened to us, ancestral wounds that passed through us, and this primal wound... "an intuition in our deep memory of Eden and how we've been severed from it." And yet, he says, God, the "Compassionate Witness," comes near.

He shares the story of a lady who'd had a terrible injustice done to her... and over time and with a lot of work... came out the other side. She says, "I even had to forgive God for not being the quick-acting police officer responding on cue to my frequent 911 prayers... I had to let a lot of what I believed about God die so that I could rediscover goodness and mercy..." 

Hmm... That's worth reading that last sentence again...

This is some powerful stuff. The same stuff Jesus told us about... and suffered with us. And God comes near...

 

This was a good chapter, and ends the section "Where are you?"

Five things friday (19mi)

Heydy hey... and a happy Friday! Why, yes, I am feeling a bit chipper today. After the winds and snow of last week, it's a balmy 72°F and beautiful in Northeast Indiana today. Not too shabby. 

1. NINETEEN MILES

My long run today was 19. And, for a change, I got out the door at a decent 9am... and it wasn't even too bad. It took me 3 hours 29 minutes, which I'd wished was closer to 4 hours, but I suppose it is what it is. Unfortunately, I ended up over a mile from home when I was done so I must have miscalculated at some point.

This was the first time this year using GU gels and water for fuel instead of the Tailwind liquid mix. I like Tailwind fine, and will still use it for training. But it's just easier to carry gels for an event than wearing a hydration vest. I took a gel and a drink every 3 miles (instead of every 4 like in years past). I think that helped, as I never really lost too much energy. Though I did walk .05 of every mile starting at 14 miles - trying to take a little more time. It worked out pretty well.

So, I think next week's long run is 13, then 20 the week after, another 13, 8... and then the event (I'm guessing, but it's something pretty close to that). If I can just survive the 20 I think I might make it...

2. BLOOD PRESSURE, ETC.

I'm probably jinxing myself... but I've felt pretty good lately. I've been sleeping good, feeling good, and even my BP has been okay. Although, I noticed something. I started checking it first thing in the morning, and then again in the afternoon. It is considerably lower in the afternoon than in the morning. I swear I've read where it is usually the opposite. For instance, in the morning it may be anywhere from 125-140 over 75-85. The afternoon is almost always below 120 over 60-70 something. The other day it was 108/65 (of course, I had just had a nap as a result of music meditation).

I know I haven't been drinking as much, and I'm sure that makes a difference. I've also lost about 5 pounds lately. I'm about 155 currently, and there seems to be a sweet spot where it really impacts my health. I'd still like to lose another 10 pounds, but that's probably just dreaming...

3. ELDER APPRECIATION

Having been in this elder role in our church for a few months has taught me at least one thing, for sure... I have gained a new appreciation for the older folks who used to put up with me when I was younger (and stupid-er). I'm still prone to being plenty stupid, but I often failed to comprehend just how much grace some people used to extend to me. I could be a real jerk (without even trying!).

I am way older than anyone else on the elder team now. I'm not sure of everyone's ages, but the pastor is mid-40s, and the youth pastor and worship pastor are both just over 40. They're all great, but I'm starting to see that my role may not be so much acting as an elder on behalf of the church, but to be more of a gentle overseer of the other elders and staff. Like, maybe I don't need to have opinions on things as much as simply trying to help us all think from a certain place. In some ways this is easier, and feels a lot more natural than I thought... but the other side is that it requires more patience and grace than I am maybe used to showing. That will most likely be good for me. ;)

4. BASKETBALL

I spent the better part of 3 1/2 hours trying to come up with a fourth point this morning... Since I didn't, I guess I will give some more March Madness thoughts.

I did print off an NCAA Tournament bracket, but it's still sitting there blank. I guess I missed another one. Still, I will follow the games a bit. I was glad Illinois escaped their first game against Penn. I think our next game is against VCU. A lot of people picked them to upset UNC, and I'm not disappointed about that (don't tell my grandson I hate UNC). Otherwise... yeah, I don't have much to say just yet. I'd like to see Michigan get upset. I don't really care about Duke one way or another. And... it always seems Izzo has Michigan State playing good in the tourney. 

5. THE QUOTE

Unexpected forms of generosity (from James Clear):

• Being early can be a form of generosity. You wait, so they don't have to.
• Leaving something unsaid can be a form of generosity. You don't always need the last word.
• Delivering your work on time can be a form of generosity. You make life easier for everyone downstream.
• Not taking things personally can be a form of generosity. You give people the space to say things imperfectly.

 

Okay... I think that does it. Woohoo. Let's go celebrate!!!

Peace

God became a seamstress

I've been working my way through Chuck DeGroat's book Healing What's Within: Coming Home to Yourself - and to God - When You're Wounded, Weary, and Wandering.  

I was in chapter 3, The Body Tells A Story, and pages 71-72 jumped out at me and struck a chord inside. I'm not sure I can even paraphrase it, so... here it is:

And that's what that first, ancient story in Scripture reveals too. When God approached Adam and Eve with a compassionate "Where are you?" they were already disconnected, mired in anxiety, hidden amidst their own storming hyperarousal within. Searing shame severed them from themselves, even their own bodies. Their quickly-sewn-together fig-leaved garments were a survival strategy for life outside of Eden. But they were not well. Indeed, they were far from Home. Maybe you know the feeling.

Genesis 3 is often told as a story of cosmic tragedy, a proof text for all that went wrong. And, indeed, you need only read the chapters to come to realize the calamity of self-sufficiency, of a life lived in chronic disconnection. But even amidst this, don't miss the stunning reality that God pursues, God attunes, and God blesses, even tending to the bodies of Adam and Even, highlight by this compassionate act: "The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them" (Genesis 3:21).

Cole Arthur Riley in This Here Flesh highlights this stunning and sometimes overlooked moment:

On the day the world began to die, God became a seamstress. This is the moment in the Bible that I wish we talked about more often. When Eve and Adam eat from the tree, and decay and despair begin to creep in, when they learn to hide from their own bodies, when they learn to hide from each other - no one ever told me the story of a God who kneels and makes clothes out of animal skin for them.

I remember many conversations about the doom and consequence imparted by God after humans ate from that tree. I learned of the curses, too, and could maybe even recite them. But no one ever told me of the tenderness of this moment...

When shame had replaced Eve's and Adam's dignity, God became a seamstress. He took the skin off of his creation to make something that would allow humans to stand in the presence of their maker and one another again.

Even in that ancient story, God compassionately attended to Adam and Eve, to anxious hearts and shame-riddled bodies. God does the same for you.

 

Wow. I had never thought of it that way either. And now I hope to never forget it... 

Five things friday (wind and taxes)

Well, blow me down! Literally, it almost happened today! Not even kidding. And, lucky for you, it's Friday... so I can tell you about it!

1. HARDEST HALF EVER

My "long run" this week was only 13 miles. I say "only" because it is sandwiched between long runs of 18 and 19 miles. Yet, yes, it's still plenty long enough. And especially so today...

I lollygagged around until 9:30 or so and finally headed out. My was it windy. Then it started to get windier! I've run in wind before, but not like this. I've also run in rain, snow, sleet, heat, and all kinds of other inclement weather... and none were worse than today.

There were trees down, limbs blowing around, and even just the leaves hitting me in the face were enough to hurt! I was actually worried about a tree falling on me or being impaled with a limb. I did have two full trees blown down across my path (greenway to Foster Park), and at 12.64 miles I felt a funny tinge in my shin... Yep, there was a power line down on Winchester Road. A police officer came running and told me to turn around and go another way. Sure enough, when I got home, our power was out (though not for long).

All that said, I was completely worn out from the constant wall of wind at supposedly 45mph with gusts up to 60mph. It was not fun. At all.

2.  NO TAX

Just in time for tax season... comes this article in The Guardian about Americans who are withholding their federal income tax to protest against trump. Apparently if you don't want part of your taxes to go toward funding war, ICE, and certain other things... you can just not pay that portion. Of course, you run the risk of the IRS coming after you. If that's even a thing anymore. Didn't 'the donald' basically gut the organization? 

Here's a link to the National War Tax Resistance web site if you would like more info.

To be clear... we will likely be paying our taxes. We aren't wealthy enough to avoid the strong arm of the IRS, and I doubt what we make will make much difference either way...

3. TOURNAMENT TIME

I almost forgot that it is March. Not only does it appear to be mad on this March day (dang wind), but there is also much madness happening. I believe the Fighting Illini of Illinois are playing their first B10 tourney game right now. I haven't watched or followed them much this year. Once again they have the potential to go far... which usually means they'll make an early exit. Whatever. That said, I am a big fan of freshman Keaton Wagler.

4. BOOKS, BOOKS, BOOKS

I have started reading Healing What's Within, by Chuck DeGroat. However, I've also been going through Slow Theology, by A.J. Swoboda and Nijay Gupta, while working on a blog post and another Sunday message for our church. And, like that's not enough, I'm re-reading portions of The Shape of Joy by Richard Beck, since our elder group is discussing it. So, that's kind of a lot to keep track of for me. Another book I'd like to go through again is Richard Rohr's The Tears of Things. That was a good book. 

I keep telling myself that one of these years I'm not going to buy any new books, I'm just going to re-read ones I already have. Someday...

5. THE QUOTE

"...I can love Jesus. As I said, I don't know about his Father. The only thing I can say about God the Father is that he's lucky to have such a lovable Son. Sometimes I think that if I had to go by his track record instead of just taking Jesus' word for his good character, I wouldn't give him the time of day. And I don't know about the Holy Spirit either. So much hot air has been let off in his name that if Jesus hadn't said he was sending him, I'd write him off too. But Jesus I can love. He does everything, I do nothing. I just trust him. It is a nifty arrangement, and for a deadbeat like me, it is the only one that can possibly work. As long as I am in him, I bear fruit. As long as his death feeds my roots, I will never be cut down..."

    - Robert Farrar Capon, from his book Between Noon and Three: Romance, Law, and the Outrage of Grace (our pastor sent this excerpt to me this morning)

Well, I better end this. The power has went out twice since I started trying to write this post, and I don't want to have to start over yet again. 

Happy Friday, friends! Don't blow away!