Sunday, October 31, 2010

I feel... okay

Those who know me well know that I often fall into a funk around this time of year. It seems to happen every year. There are a number of factors: seasonal allergies, the whole 'pastor appreciation month' paranoia, halloween, my age, and stuff like that. But this year... not so much. I actually feel pretty good even. Although I'm probably jinxing it as I type...

I don't know if it's the thought of being a grandfather, if it's because of the MLI thing, if it's just being more comfortable with who I am, or what. Whatever it is, I just don't feel the usual weight, or pressure, on my brain; or my spirit; or whatever it is that usually drags me down.

Yesterday I didn't really accomplish very much of what I set out to do, but it was still a good day. I worked in the morning, met with the guy I'm mentoring, Jane and I looked at a couple more houses (and one was really nice. More about that another time), and we kind of just hung out the rest of the day. It was nice.

Today was a really good day too for some odd reason. I was a little worried how it would go with it being halloween on a Sunday and all. And maybe that's part of it... I just really don't care about halloween anymore. I don't care if people dress up, or not. It doesn't bother me one way or the other. And church was packed for some reason today too. There were several visitors, and some people picked up a couple of little kids from their neighbors and brought them. It was cute, because they were just as excited as all get-out to be there. I know that it's not about numbers, but it does make things seem better when there's a good crowd, and when the music sounds good, and people are visiting and stuff. I mean, is there something wrong with people having a good time when we get together? I think not.

We went out to lunch then, and went to Panera. We don't usually go there - or at least *I* don't usually go there. But I had a bowl of soup in a bread bowl. Then we had to stop at Walmart and get paper towels for the church. There was an old guy begging for money at the stop sign, and we decided to give him some. He had a sign that said, "Please help. Anything." So Jane handed him a $20, and he looked us both in the eye and said, "God bless you." And I really think He did. I don't always give beggars money, but this guy looked really sad. The funny thing was, as he spoke to us, and as I looked at him, he sounded and looked just like someone I used to know. It was eerie. Then I got to thinkin'... would that change how we felt about people like that if they were people we knew? I don't know. But I prayed that God would bless him too as we drove away.

Tonight we have another Foundations meeting where we'll watch one of Reggie McNeal's 'Present Future' dvd's. I anticipate several people being gone because of halloween. And, you know, I really don't care. I'm tired of worrying about whether people show up to stuff or not. I'm tired of caring whether anyone cares. It's not my deal, you know.

I've been trying to think about what to do after this study is over. Because it's only the beginning, I think. I'd kind of like to have something that would develop sort of a "core group." You know, like, if we were going to plant a church, who would be the people that would be involved? I'd like to get some people together along those lines, and basically say this is going to be the core of the church; these are going to be the people who make the thing click. It's not that other people don't matter, but a church is not a church if it's made up of a bunch of people who just expect someone else to do everything. I've been glad to see some of the people who have stepped forward so far. It will be interesting to see how it carries out. I really happen to like our church right now.

So... there ya go. It's almost November and I really do feel okay. Crazy.

Peace out; and in.