Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Waiting: active rather than passive

The other day I was talking to my counselor about how good I was feeling. Not as in before I started counseling, but like I haven't felt this good in YEARS. During one aspect of my daily meditation I am to imagine myself in God's throne room - I am clothed in the armor of God and supposed to feel safe, aware, and ready for God to speak to me - and I said I was just starting to feel good about being there; I felt like for the first time in a long time I was really ready and waiting for God to speak to me; to take me to the next step. When I said this my counselor kind of smiled and said, "Yes, I think you are. And you realize that waiting [on God] is actually a very active thing, rather than a passive thing." I had never really thought of it like that, but it's true.

We went on to discuss it further. A problem most of us have is, we don't like to wait and instead we rush into what we think of as 'doing.' When we do that we often miss what we were really waiting for (hearing from God). However, waiting-as-action is when we find ourselves having really put our past behind us; being free in who we are at the moment; and sort of saying, "here am I." It's a presenting ourselves to God; "I am at Your service; I am ready for the next step..."

Anyway, I think I am there. Over the past couple weeks I have really come to be at peace with who I am (now). I feel free. I am glad I am no longer in my old role. I am looking forward instead of back. I am in a place to actively wait on God. It's a good place to be.