Befriending (Pilgrim Heart)

Today I read ch. 7 in Darryl Tippen's book 'Pilgrim Heart.' It's entitled, "Befriending: The Mutual Regard & Care of Souls."

On p. 92 Darryl lists three questions that help him distinguish his garden-variety friends from his soul-friends:

1. "Am I safe with you?" (Would you hide me if Hitler were coming)
2. "Could I call you at 2 am if I were in need?"
3. "Can I tell you who I am?" or "Can I tell you my story?"

I thought these were pretty good. Sometimes I think we fool ourselves by thinking we have a great many friends, when what we actually have are mere acquaintances. And they're okay, but we need soul-friends too.

Another thing I thought he was wise to bring out was the fact that even with a close "soul-friend" it also requires a certain amount of distance. This sounds a bit paradoxical, but there needs to be a certain amount of respect. We need to allow even the best of our friends their own space.

We also need to allow them the chance to be themselves. Tippen points out on p.94: "It is striking that Jesus never twists the arms of his beloved disciples to make them 'do the right thing.' Friendship flies under the flag of freedom."

He summed up well with this paragraph on p.96:

Yet we cannot accumulate friends like so many trophies. Friends are not objects to be found and collected. Our calling isn't so much to find friends as to become friends to others. I am not even sure it is possible to "find" friends. Instead, we befriend others, and in the befriending, worthy companions are mysteriously born. As imitators of Jesus we are here to grant to others the gifts of safety, attentiveness, compassion, empathy, accountability, truth-telling, loyalty, distance, time, forgiveness, spiritual care, and selfless love. In offering such graces to others, friendships emerge.

I believe this is one of the great hindrances of our society today - so many people desire soul-deep friendships, but so few of us are willing to BE soul-deep friends. I wonder if the problem for many people isn't that we feel so alone ourselves, and that that is because we fail to see Jesus with us; in us? Hmm. Might I be a better friend. Might we all.