Thursday, July 30, 2009

Stuff like this

It's days like today that rip my guts out. I got an email that someone heard that someone was leaving the church. I really appreciated the email - letting me know what was going on. But when I hear that people are leaving the church - and our church specifically - it causes me to start shaking, and my legs get weak, and I think I'm going to throw up. Literally. I still feel like that several hours later. And... like that wasn't bad enough... not long after that someone involved in the situation came to the church building, and they wouldn't even speak to me. I have no idea what is going on, and they WOULD NOT EVEN SPEAK TO ME. I mean, I could understand if I had done something to them, but...

I knew something like this was going to happen. This coming Sunday a few people in the church decided to celebrate my 10th anniversary as pastor here by bringing in someone else to do the music and preaching. And it is a really nice thing to do. I appreciate it a lot. I'm just not sure if I can celebrate. This kinda thing makes my heart hurt. And, please, please, please, do not tell me I shouldn't worry about it. I know you mean well, but it really irritates me when people say things like that. Partly because I don't like people minimizing my pain, but also because I think not only should *I* worry about it, but I think OTHERS in the church body should care about it too. We take community way too lightly.

Right now I am sad, hurt, angry, and I don't know what all else.