Wednesday, July 09, 2014

I forgot how... or, stage fright

I desperately need to start running again. Not only to get back in shape, but for my mind as much as my body. But it's like I don't even know how to start. I can't remember how to do it. I actually think I walk different now (since the plantar fasciitis).

Plus... I have to admit that I'm kind of scared. I'm scared it will be discouraging. I'm scared of another injury. I'm scared that I will give up.

That seems to apply to a lot of things anymore. I got asked to do a wedding recently, and I really wanted to do it... But I just couldn't. I can't imagine speaking in front of a group of people again. I don't feel like I can speak for God, or about God.

The same goes for preaching, or speaking in general. I just can't imagine it.

I suppose it's only natural though. This is kind of who I used to be. Before. Before any of it.

But to be "running" from running... Ugh. I dunno. Life is a funny thing.

1 comment:

MR said...

Okay, you mention generalized anxiety here, and then stressing about the toast this morning...

Stop. Turn around. Ask Jane how "weird" you are. Then do whatever she says.

IF she says your no weirder than normal, I would suggest you lower your expectations on running. I say you take up walking in your running shoes. If you decide to run, plan to fail. Just build it into the campaign that you WILL fail, but each time you restart you're better off than the last time you started. And if it's not going to happen after several "go's", walking is a good consolation prize that I highly recommend. Very relaxing. I have a whole neighborhood of people who will wave at me.

As for the public speaking, that's where I think you've finally arrived at "normal". I hate it, so does everyone else. It sucks. I hated it even when I was teaching.