In finishing "phase two" of Jen Hatmaker's book 'Interrupted: When Jesus Wrecks Your Comfortable Christianity,' I stopped for awhile on these words from p. 80:
"We have to be marginalized to become capable of hearing the gospel. On the margins, as Richard Rohr explained, Jesus' social implications are crystal clear:
There we learn that we can't use Jesus to defend and maintain our position of power and wealth or to keep up for our own sake a positive self-image as polite and decent people. It could be that Jesus will lead us to a place where we ourselves don't even know whether we're holy, where all we know is that we have work to do, where we have to obey the word that we've heard in our heart."
Hmm... Yeah... that's innaresting stuff. It kind of reminds me of what people were saying about Mother Teresa's book that came out after she died. How she shared her doubts about her own faith and place in the work of God. She basically just went about her work. I gotta think she heard a "word" deep in her heart; even if it was that she had only heard it long ago, but not towards the end.
I feel that way sometimes. You know, like, "I don't really know what God wants me to be doing, so I just sort of stumble along, hoping this is going somewhere." And maybe that's all we can do. I mean, we do "see through a glass dimly" after all. Not that there aren't times when we do seem to have a clear calling, but just how long does that last? Like Moses... He definitely heard from God, but he kind of just wandered around for a long time. Maybe that's why it takes FAITH to follow Jesus.
I think somewhere along the way we have to give up any idea of "achieving" something for God, and instead just submit... surrender. And maybe it looks a lot like not knowing what we're doing. I dunno.
One of my favorite bible passages has always been Habakkuk 3:17-18:
Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Who knows if they're holy or not? Maybe it's more important to simply be trying; to realize we have work to do; doing it; and listening - or trying to recall - that word we've heard in our heart.
I'm good with that.