Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Lost in the space beneath my skull

It's been awhile since I've posted anything. I actually considered just ending this misery of minutia and letting the blog die but.... well, here I am again. Like the stray cat that just won't leave, because where else would it go? So, I will try to remember some of the thoughts that have passed through my mind over these last few days.

The last time we served food on the street downtown I talked to two different guys who had recently been beat up and had their stuff stolen. One guy had the tent he'd been sleeping in ripped to shreds. These were both somewhat desperate guys, and you could tell they were worn down by life even though they weren't all that old. As I chatted and listened to them my heart sort of sank a few degrees. I just cannot imagine that life. However, I guess it made me feel like we were doing something even a little significant. Once again, I am seeing my role as just being a sort of presence there to smile, listen, learn names and speak them. I don't know if there is such a thing as a ministry of familiarity, but it sounds intriguing even if this is the first time it's ever entered my mind.

In a similar vein, I am in the middle of doing an auction at my place of employ. We have decided to do them online now instead of physically onsite with an auctioneer. There are pros and cons but either way requires the same work and detail. I have one customer who is being especially difficult, but there's another one that was more impactful. This guy - probably about my age or a tad older - has pretty much all his possessions stored here, and he's going to lose them. We tried to work out an arrangement but he finally came in and just admitted that he was never going to be able to pay his bill and maybe it would actually be better for him to just cut his losses and move on. I probably agree with him, but it was a sad exchange. He almost seemed relieved to be losing his "things." I felt bad because I imagine it's not easy reaching that conclusion. On the other hand, I can see the freedom in no longer being tied to "stuff."

Speaking of work... it continues to be a mixed bag. As I've stated many times, I really do like my job, I just have a hard time playing with others. An electrician showed up at the office yesterday to run the wiring for the kiosk they are going to install here. He was asking me all these questions, and I couldn't be much help because I haven't really been told much at all. I have a hard time dealing with people refusing to talk to me, though I can understand why they don't want to and I'm not all that sure I would believe a lot of what one of them has to say anyway. I don't blame them for not wanting to talk to me because I know I am difficult to deal with. I wouldn't want to talk to me either. I wish I had a better handle on my emotions, but if I did then I probably wouldn't be working here in the first place. Still, I am frustrated by being kept in the dark. I've been told my job will not be eliminated, but based on other things I've heard and been told, something does not add up. You don't spend the kind of money these kiosks require without getting rid of human workers. THAT is what they are made for! So, who knows.

There are some other things occupying my mind and heart that I'd rather not discuss at the moment. On the bright side, though, is the growing sense that bad things are not necessarily bad. Much can be learned from the journey, and history shows some of the greatest things in life have come from detours. So I feel like I'm starting to enjoy the trip a little more. I like this little quote I ran across some time ago. I used to keep it on my desk at work: