I have had several people in the last couple days tell me that I look noticeably different. Lighter, happier, more at ease. A reader even commented that my writing seems different. I would have to say, yes, it is true. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to feel this way.
It's a little strange considering after next Friday I will no longer be receiving a paycheck. However it will be nice not dreading going to work every morning and being exhausted every night when I get home. I don't know that it's so much the job that does it to me, but it just isn't a good place for me to be. To borrow a line from Dylan, "I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more."
I'm sure I will still have some freak-out moments - especially as the money starts to dwindle - but it's the first time in as long as I can remember that I feel good about a decision I've made. It's also nice to get reacquainted with that old friend, hope.
Several have asked what my plans are. I wish I knew. I would like to write, or maybe start up some kind of web business; I'm also mulling some ministry ideas. More than likely I will find something part-time to make some money and go from there, but it's a pretty big unknown right now.
I am trying to remind myself that I AM still an ordained pastor, and a licensed clarity coach. I have what I consider quite good organizational skills. I'm honest, dependable, self-disciplined, not afraid to talk to or in front of people; I can write, do research, listen, use office software and equipment, and I am somewhat tech/social media savvy. Gosh, I can almost look pretty good on paper!
Mostly it just feels good to feel alive again. I'm relaxed, happy, and my head actually does feel physically lighter. Hopefully I can maintain this posture and something will come along that fits the way God made me. Shoot, I might even start trusting him again. ;)