The discipleship difference - rubber bands and shoelaces

In chapter 7 of the book 'The Discipleship Difference,' the authors at Logan Leadership discuss "The Dynamics of A Discipling Relationship." They suggest four defining features of a discipling relationship:

• Intentional
• Developmental
• Supportive
• Focused

I think these are all good, but it was in the 'developmental' area that I was struck by their use of rubber bands and shoelaces.

They write on p. 116:
"The people we are discipling often need support at the same time as they need to stretch. This concept can be described as 'rubber bands' (stretch) and 'shoelaces' (support). With rubber bands, no stretch equals no growth. But if you stretch people too far they break. And then there are shoelaces: Shoelaces need to be tied together to function well, just as people need to be tied together in relational networks in order to function well."

Other words we could use to describe this are "invitation & challenge," or "safety & challenge," or "affirmation & challenge" (apparently challenge is a constant).

I have witnessed and been a participant in extremes on both sides of these. Sometimes there is too much affirming/encouraging and no stretching/challenging. Other times it's the opposite. I'd say Jesus was pretty good at balancing the two in his dealings with people. Most of us tend to naturally lean one way or the other.

So, again, this is nothing new and certainly not earth-shatteringly deep, but something I believe many of us tend to forget about from time to time. All work and no play makes discipleship difficult for Johnny. The inverse is equally true. Balance may not be best in every area of life, but as it applies to stretching and support in discipling relationships, I think it is vital.