Striking out in the parking lot

I am in year two as the volunteer coordinator for our church parking lot (during minor league baseball games). If I make it to the end of the year - and that's a pretty big "if" at the moment - this will also be my final year. I informed the pastor yesterday.

I admit, maybe this was a bad idea to begin with. When the church was searching for someone last year, it seemed like a good idea. I am dependable and trustworthy. I thought this would be the perfect way for me to serve in the church, as well as maybe help me build some confidence that I could actually take on a project again (successfully).

Unfortunately, only a month into the season and I am frustrated, making other people frustrated, and I have no joy. Part of me wishes I could quit now, but the other part recognizes that's not fair to the church or myself.

The problem: Well, I know I am over-reacting, and also way too sensitive. I was told when I started that they had a bad system, which is why the last person quit. So over the course of last season and into this one I tried to gradually install some subtle changes to make things better. As is the case with most things though - especially church things - those changes are ruffling some feathers and I'm just not in the mood to deal with it anymore. For a church that is so non-traditional, they sure have a lot of tradionalism.

Other than the others, though, the biggest problem is me. I simply don't want to deal with it anymore. I consider the experiment a failure and it's time to move on. It did not instill confidence but instead has made me realize I struggle getting along with certain types of people. Even though I actually do enjoy working in the parking lot, that's apparently not what "they" want. Ultimately, it's too hard on me trying to deal with people who aren't happy with me or who are constantly trying to undermine what I do.

So, I will do things the way the "powers that be" want them done, try to find some joy in the remaining games I work the lot, and the rest of the time do my best to keep my tail between my legs. It's unfortunate, but not the end of the world. I failed, but that doesn't mean I'm a failure.

And there ya go.