No church and yes bs

I've alluded to the fact that we have not been attending Sunday worship gatherings for several weeks (not since 9/1/19). I have been intending to write something about it, but... I honestly don't know what to say.

We did this intentionally. We'd kind of been "hanging on" since before minor league baseball season ended. Being the volunteer coordinator for the church and baseball parking lot, I didn't feel right about not being there on Sundays while the season was still going on. So we made the decision before then that once the season was over, we were going to take a break.

I was kind of thinking just a few weeks away would suffice. You know, we simply needed a break; needed to recharge. Now... I'm not sure it will be that easy.

I guess the first thing that comes to mind is... it's sad. Really sad. I am sad. Jane is sad. We LOVE church! We love Sunday mornings worshiping together with others. Unfortunately, for some reason we just haven't been able to do that for awhile. It's like we're on the outside looking in.

I wish I could point to a culprit or specific reason... but it seems like there are just so many. I miss singing - as in 'congregational singing'... 'participatory singing.' I miss being in a small group (or Bible Study or whatever you want to call it). I miss having a sense of community. I miss the sense of being involved in ministry, or kingdom work (again, or 'whatever you want to call it'). I miss being allowed to use my "gifts" and live out my "calling," if you will.

While I don't believe anyone is doing anything outwardly "wrong"... there is a lot that seems to be lacking when writing it out like this.

So, I don't know... Thus far we've just been sleeping in on Sunday mornings and not trying to be overly fixated on any path forward. We needed a break, and I think we are taking one.

It's not that we are church "shopping"... and I certainly don't want to be part of the trending "formerly churched." I think it's more that we are "church hoping." We're hoping for something. I don't even know what.

Maybe we will visit some other churches, or not. Maybe we will do some traveling; take some weekend getaways. I honestly don't know where we're headed at this point. Again, I didn't think it would be this complicated. It appears I underestimated things, as usual.

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One positive to note: We have begun meeting with another couple for a weekly BS session. I call it that, but it's actually Bible Study. We met together with Tom and Kim last year until baseball season started. This is something Jane and I definitely need in our lives. It's also such that the discussions we have with Tom and Kim are perhaps deeper than we would get in a more public setting, and that helps too.

Still, for as good as the bs is... I don't feel right not being part of a church community. I long for one. I'm just not sure where to find one. We will see...