Reasons for leaving a church community

First off, let me say, I am not talking about the "nones" (those no longer affiliated with any religion - more specifically the Christian tradition). This is about leaving a specific church community, rather than "the church" at large.

The other day my friend/coach/mentor was asking about our lack of church attendance lately. He mentioned three reasons people leave a church. I don't know if this was his list, or if he'd read it somewhere, but I thought it worth writing down.

Three reasons people may leave a church community:

CONSUMERISM
Much has been written about people leaving churches - either hopping from one to another, or leaving "the church" altogether - who feel their needs are not being met, they are "not being fed," they don't like the music, the color of the carpet, the preaching style, or any other number of things that aren't really what you might call 'essential.' This is generally considered an immature mindset.

LACK OF MEANINGFUL ENGAGEMENT (See the next post for an edit)
I'm hesitant to use the word "engagement" (and I don't think that was the word used). At any rate, if your gifts are being overlooked or ignored, your participation or involvement is not really welcome or encouraged, there isn't a good ministry "fit"... you have the choice of either "toughing it out," or finding someplace else where you can find meaningful participation as part of the body. This could be due to poor leadership, or poor follower-ship. This is not as bad as the consumer mindset, but it would seem someone is dropping the ball somewhere.

INCOMPATIBILITY
Perhaps there are legitimate reasons a person doesn't fit with a particular church though. It could be something like a personality clash or disagreement. Sometimes things can be worked out, but sometimes it may be necessary to part ways, like Barnabas and Paul. Or, maybe you are theologically incompatible with the teachings of the group. If it hinders your spiritual walk, finding more compatible teaching/leanings might be necessary. I suppose there could be any number of other reasons as well, where it's not necessarily anyone's fault, but just best to leave.
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So, I'm trying to look at our present situation through this three-sided lens.

I honestly don't believe consumerism is our problem. Not that we don't have needs or wants, but we're fairly capable of "feeding" ourselves.

It's possible lack of meaningful engagement is an issue. We don't feel our gifts are being utilized, and it's not really even something that's talked about in the church. However, the pastor has been pretty open that leadership is lacking. I have been asked to help with that, and I tried. I believe, however, it may be more a case of...

Incompatibility. We were raised and trained as low-church evangelicals. Even though the church we've been at is not a typical ELCA Lutheran church, it may be the theology is simply too different for us. Not that we feel much like evangelicals anymore either. It may also be more of a drastically different ministry mindset. We value small groups, talk of life transformation and personal repentance, a balance of invitation and challenge, missional living and such... and these are not shared by the pastor and leadership. At least not in our opinion.

So, while we have yet to make any firm decisions one way or another, I think this helps (at least me). There are many things we like about the church community - especially since our grandchildren are there - but it may be time to face the facts. Assuming they're not made up! ;)

We'll see...