Monday, February 10, 2020

Sunday in the park; two popes


We did not attend a Sunday worship gathering again yesterday. We kept the grand kids overnight and... while we had more than enough time to make it 'somewhere'... it's honestly just easier to not even bother. And I really hate that...

Instead... after the wee ones were picked up, we opted to take a walk in the park, so to speak. We drove downtown and walked through Promenade Park and over to the Lawton skate park, looped around by the Old Fort, and wound our way back through Headwaters Park and The Landing on Columbia Street. It was a nice 45-minute stroll. I took the above pic from the bridge that connects the Fort and Headwaters Park East.

Sure, it's great to take in some nature and feel the cool against your face; to be free from the obligation of "church." But I don't like it, and I don't think it's right. Not for me anyway. Not that we shouldn't enjoy long walks and the beauty of creation... but I don't for one second think that's what Jesus gave his life for and called me to.

It is frustrating. I/we feel like there is no place we fit, and I lack confidence in my ability to get along with others (to tolerate them) and not be a nuisance to some innocent God-loving group of people. It seems everyone is either so liberal that anything goes, or we've got to be praying for our military from the pulpit to be "Christian"... and... well... I know... the real problem is... ME.

Yesterday I did wonder to myself what it would be like to try starting up the "Beer & Hymns" thing... Simply open up our house even, and anyone that wanted to join us in singing hymns together (if Jane would play the piano for us), and people could bring the beverage of their choice (or none at all)...

I also thought about the prospect of trying to do a 'worship in the park' thing. You know, just be present at the same time and in the same place each Sunday morning... I don't know. Stupid stuff. And why would I do that to myself again????

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Anyway, yesterday afternoon we decided to try watching a movie. Of course Amazon Prime wouldn't work, as seems to be getting more and more common. So we watched 'The Two Popes' on Netflix. I'd seen ads for it, and heard other people talk about how good it was. It was actually WAY BETTER than I anticipated. It was funny, intense... emotionally powerful. I was fighting back tears throughout.

It also stirred within me many of the thoughts above. The tension between following the disciplines of the church (respect/love for God), and the call to social action (the mission of God). It's a fine line. When the one Cardinal remarks, "Maybe I could just be a parish priest again"... I found myself longing for that life. Yet, at the same time, I know there is no "just be a..." involved. Not for me.

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So, here I sit. The sweat towels are in the washing machine at the ol' YMCA. I'm listening to the whir of treadmills and whatnot. I can feel life seeping away from me every day I am here, as I force myself to not make waves, trying to fit into the system, trying to be a good little boy who 'knows my place'...

... ... ...

Bah... I want to scream!!!!!

1 comment:

bill sloat said...

My heart truly goes out to you over your inability to find a "church" where you, as you say, fit. As you know, I/we are at a similar place.

The social worker from the home who works with Independent Living residents did a sort of initial interview with us a few weeks ago and raised the issues of religious faith and church affiliation. We said that our faith is the most important thing in our lives.

And, regarding church attendance, we described ourselves as "nones."

I'm not up on all of the latest stats, but my guess is that the Nones is the fastest growing religious group in America.

I/we believe more passionately than ever. We LOVE the Lord more than ever...

...could it be that this is why we're finding it so hard to find a comfortable place in an increasingly institutionalized and consumer-based, uh, church world?

I remind myself that what presents itself as the church is entirely foreign to the community that formed around the first disciples. (Read Acts 2:42-47 & 1 Corinthians 11, 12 and 14.)

There are MILLIONS in this country like you,...us. That's the reality for a reason.

Inclinations such as your "Beer and Hymns" may actually resemble New Testament community more than what is available in any so-called "church" near you.

Certainly, to be faithful, we must "not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing,"...

...but going to "church?"

I dunno.