Complex and unfinished

The current book I'm reading is Henri Nouwen's 'Turn My Mourning Into Dancing.' I'm reading it on my Kindle and that is not my preferred way to read. At any rate, as with everything I've read from Nouwen, this is the typical tender, honest wisdom I need.

I have highlighted much so far. It is so timely - given the coronavirus and all, and my own anxieties. I don't know how much I will share, but I did at least want to mention this bit in the forward written by Timothy Jones:

"Henri was complex and unfinished; he knew it well and did not pretend otherwise. But still, he also knew, there was ministering to be done. Suffering to care for. Hope to bring to bear in life's dark places."

HENRI WAS NOT PERFECT
This is such a beautiful picture of the person whose words I have read many and admired much. There has been some mention of Henri's struggles in life, but I am not aware of much being made over it. Not like some other formerly revered saints whose legacies were tossed aside by discoveries of scandalous indecency. At any rate...

I AM NOT PERFECT
I have often said of myself, "I am not complicated, just difficult." I believe that to be true. I mean, I'm moody, and can be highly intense but then again quietly compassionate at other times. "Complex and unfinished" is more fitting.

Certainly I am aware of my imperfections. As Jackson Browne sings in 'These Days,' "Don't confront me with my failures. I have not forgotten them." Although, as much as I don't want to be confronted with my failures/imperfections, I don't know that I've always accepted them. THAT I admire about Henri.

YOU ARE NOT PERFECT
So I was thinking: what do we do with people who have 'fallen from grace'? Do we just toss them aside, or is it possible that 'complex and unfinished' people can still make contributions to society? I mean, holy cow, if not, then who could ever contribute?!?

HUMILITY & VULNERABILITY
I think the "he knew it well and did not pretend otherwise" is the key. I read that and think of... humility. This has perhaps been my achilles at times. Rather than being defensive about my "issues"... acknowledging and accepting them humbly would make a world of difference.

Trying to be humble seems to not be the same as actually being humble. I want to be humble. But, honestly, I struggle with it. It requires a level of vulnerability that makes me uncomfortable. And, of course, that's what makes one vulnerable, and therefore... humble.

So... I am merely writing this out, here on my little blog. I know that most of the handful of readers here already know all this. I would guess most of you would say I am, as usual, making too much of it. Yet, I would guess you might also understand my need to simply write it out. This is how I seem to process humbly and vulnerably.

I may not need confronted with my failures, but I need to remind myself that... it's okay. Because there is "ministering to be done. Suffering to care for. Hope to bring to bear in life's dark places." The world needs us - broken as we are - because we are ALL broken in some way.

Peace out, my friends; and in.