I wrote the above on our refrigerator whiteboard. I was trying to decide whether to accept a job offer or not. Those words kept going through my head.
For the past six or seven weeks, I've been expecting to take a job with the self-storage company I used to work for. Just after I was laid off at the Y I sent them my resume. It is under new ownership and management, and I'm still friends with most of the employees (including my son-in-law). I got a call right away to come in for an interview as soon as the stay-at-home order was lifted. That happened this past Monday.
I was really looking forward to changing jobs. I always liked this place before - the work - but I had issues with the previous leadership. I hoped that had changed. Plus I was tired of getting up at 4 am every day and making pennies to mop up other people's sweat.
The interview went 'okay.' It was with the two guys who now "run the place" (their words). They are not at all like the previous managers. I'm not sure it is an improvement though. Neither of them is much of a people-person, but I think it was all the "us and them" language when referring to employees that struck me. They did not make me want to work for them.
So, in 20 minutes this thing took a turn. Maybe it wasn't intentional, and maybe I misread things, but I went from being excited - to having some serious qualms. They asked me to let them know the next day whether I would take the job, and they expected me to start work no later than this coming Monday. I think they were assuming I would take it. However...
The next day and a half were miserable. I was so undecided and my stomach in knots. I literally had 'the shakes' most of Tuesday afternoon. I haven't been that nervous in quite some time, and I wasn't sure why I was now. Was it the fear of making a change in such uncertain times? Was it fear that I might end up feeling like I did before when I quit - sinking into depression and tumbling down another black hole? Or was this legitimate concern that... maybe this would be a bad choice?
The only constant was these words forcing themselves into my brain over and over:
Meaningful workI don't know... It can be meaningful work, and I don't know for a fact that they are not reputable (probably no worse than the leadership at the Y). Maybe it wouldn't have been that bad. Maybe it was just all the other stuff going on right now...
Reputable company (one that respects their customers and employees)
But, I ended up leaving a voicemail around 4:30 Tuesday that while I appreciated the consideration, I just couldn't make up my mind. So, thanks, but no thanks.
I felt much better the next day. Maybe it was a mistake, and I/we certainly could have used the money. I do need to find a different job too... But I don't think this was the one for me. Not now.
Fortunately, I am blessed with a fairly good lot in life. My wife has a job that gives us insurance, and while neither of us makes much money, we are able to get by. We both agreed we don't want to make career decisions based solely on money. Sure, we need to be realistic, but we are fortunate that we can be somewhat selective.
I know the perfect job only exists in my brain... but what's done is now done. Time to move on. To something. I guess...
1 comment:
I know I felt better once the decision was made. I don't think it was the job itself or the work. All work can be meaningful. It was a vibe. I know we can't always go on vibes but it seemed right this time. Here we are, and as long as we are together, we will be ok.
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