Resentment, anger, contempt

Did you know there is a difference between resentment, anger, and contempt? I had never really thought about it, but there is.

It was my good friend Tom's last sermon at his church and he chose to talk about honor. First and foremost, what an honor it had been for him to serve as their pastor for the past 21 years. He ended up going much deeper though, and used Romans 12 as his main text; particularly verse 10.

 "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves."

 As he unwrapped this teaching he noted our society currently lives in more of a "culture of contempt" than a culture of honor. That's when he shared that the key difference between resentment, anger, and contempt stems from how we perceive others.

It was Robert C. Solomon who first argued:

• Resentment is directed at people with a perceived higher status than us.
• Anger is directed at people of equal status.
• Contempt is directed at people we perceive as having a lower status.

I believe the point was that we tend to try to lower the status of people with whom we disagree - at least in our own minds. Regardless of their original status, we want to see them below ourselves - not as good as us; inferior to us - rather than honoring one another above ourselves.

It was a really good sermon, and I liked that Tom didn't make it about himself, but it applied to all people and was relevant to everything going on in the world today (and from a biblical perspective).

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My mind was fairly transfixed on resentment though. Because, honestly, it was then that I realized this is much of my problem. I am a resentful person. I see it in myself every time I think "I used to be somebody"... "I used to have ideas"... "I used to do things"... I tend to resent not only not being like that any longer, but I resent people who are (and I am not one of them).

Even beyond my current lot in life... I realize that I have always seen myself not as who I am, but as the... "principal's son." This is who I was known as my entire life growing up. Everyone knew me as "little Danny Horwedel, the principal's kid." That was and is so much of my perceived identity that even today as a 57-year-old man I still resent my dad for being the high school principal in our small-town school.

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Well, Alison Poulsen has a helpful article on resentment here (https://www.sowhatireallymeant.com/articles/conflict/resentment/). It's not long, and worth a look. She offers 10 ways to eliminate resentment through self-empowerment. You might find them worthwhile.

This is certainly something I need to continue to work on. I don't normally think of myself as passive, but that's exactly what it is. I don't normally get 'pushed around'... other than I let life, in general, push me around.

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And, that's all I've got. I started this post on Monday morning, and have a dozen others with a title or a line... and am simply not making any headway. So, for lack of a better ending or point... The End.