Most people view their listening skills similar to their driving skill: they think they are waaaaay better than they actually are! Being a good listener is no easy task. Yet it's something we can all do better if we work at it.
I used to dabble in leadership coaching. I viewed it like Cinderella's coach - a tool to transport someone from where they were to where they want to be. It wasn't always easy, but when it worked it felt so good! It was all about listening... good listening. Not the kind where you just sit and can regurgitate back to someone what they'd just said. It's so much more.
This article 'What Great Listeners Actually Do' was a great reminder. I particularly like their use of the trampoline metaphor (even better than Cinderella).
"While many of us have thought of being a good listener being like a sponge that accurately absorbs what the other person is saying, instead, what these findings show is that good listeners are like trampolines. They are someone you can bounce ideas off of — and rather than absorbing your ideas and energy, they amplify, energize, and clarify your thinking. They make you feel better not merely passively absorbing, but by actively supporting. This lets you gain energy and height, just like someone jumping on a trampoline."
As a result of their research the authors reached four main conclusions:
- Good listening is much more than being silent while the other person talks.
- Good listening included interactions that build a person's self-esteem.
- Good listening was seen as a cooperative conversation.
- Good listeners tended to make suggestions.
It's a fairly short read and I think more than worthwhile if you would like to get better at one of the most needed and essential skills in our society today. We could all stand to listen just a little better, and the whole world will benefit!
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James 1:19
"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,"
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