So this is... 2021

“So this is Christmas and what have you done? Another year over, a new one just begun… A very merry Christmas and a happy new year, let’s hope it’s a good one without any fear.”

I haven't known what to write. So many things to say... so little motivation (or is it inspiration?). 

I did have some plans for the new year: I was going to try to memorize some bible verses; I intended to start running again, and lifting weights (like I do every year); I wanted to run, or at least walk, at least a mile every day; I was going to hold a plank at least a minute every day; I thought I might even try to get serious about writing some articles. Yet...

Here we are, and I don't feel like doing anything. I tried memorizing a single verse - 1 Thessalonians 5:11 - and probably said it 100 times to myself... and can't remember how it goes even now. I planned to lift weights both Monday and Tuesday, but work was such that it never happened. I was plumb worn out both days. Yesterday afternoon I thought I would try to slowly jog a mile. I made it 3/4 of a mile and thought I was going to pass out.

I slept 10 1/2 hours last night. God, the bed felt so good this morning. I could have lay there forever if I didn't need to get up and get ready for work again today. Fortunately I close today, so I've got until noon to be at work.

John and Oko wrote the protest song, 'Happy Xmas (War Is Over)' in 1969 (where the above line came from). Those were fairly tumultuous times too. It wasn't released for another three years. I'm not sure why that was on my brain this morning. 

I really don't know what I'm even saying. I am so tired. I have no energy. I'm not at all interested in reading the news about the Georgia run-off election, or trump's idiot's shenanigans today, and I'm even a little worn out from the drama of the new Illinois football staff hires.

I think I'm still processing my dad's death, and the stress of my work environment in covid times. Not to mention the depressing idea of a value-less job, lack of social life, and... just the way things are in general.

Maybe I should not plan to do anything. I've been practicing this 4-square breathing technique (which I had plans to write about like a month ago - you can google it), and I've been trying to force myself to smile more - when I'm alone. I have been walking just about every day, and I've managed the plank for a few days in a row now. That may just have to be enough.

I think it will be. It is 2021 after all...

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“[Be Holy] Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming.” -1 Peter 1:13