It was only recently I discovered why my boss is never able to get people to do what they're supposed to do. It's because he's trying to serve a sandwich with no meat.
Perhaps you've heard of the 'sandwich' method of delivering bad news. This is where you say something nice, drop in some bad news (or hard truth), and end with something nice again. While that may sound... nice... and I'm sure that's why my boss prefers it (because he's one of the nicest guys in the world), it is simply not very effective.
The problem is, some people are going to be so fixated on the good news that they fail to even recognize the bad. Or the opposite happens: they see right through to the baloney that's really being delivered, and are then only offended by the supposed "good" news wrapped around it. Either way it sends a conflicting message.
What if there was a better, more effective, way to deliver hard news and resolve issues.
I read this great little article, "Why the 'Velvet Hammer' Is A Better Way To Give Constructive Criticism," and I agree! It avoids the confusion, gets right to the point, and is more likely to achieve the intended result!
You really need to read the short article for full affect, but here's the word-for-word formula:
Start with, “Got a minute? Great. I need your help.”
“It should be said in a friendly way,” says Baldridge. Then, ‘I need your help’ is an international surrender of agenda. It’s a disarming way to get attention sincerely and genuinely. And you do need their help because their behavior is becoming problematic.”
Next, say, “I noticed that [problem behavior goes here.] (Pause) I was wondering what’s causing this problem (pause), because it cannot continue. What do you suggest we do?”
“The word ‘because’ is one of the 30 most persuasive words,” says Baldridge. “Everyone wants to know what comes after it.”
Also, asking what the person suggests we do is powerful because people are persuaded most by their own words, says Baldridge. The approach is designed to be nonthreatening, compassionate, and open-minded. It finds positivity in the way you communicate, manage, and lead, especially when you need to correct a problematic behavior.
The author goes on to explain why it works and how best to deliver it. This seems much tastier to me than whatever is supposed to be in that lousy sandwich.
Anyway, I like this velvet hammer approach. I'm trying to imagine it in non-work settings too. Personally, I always prefer when someone is direct, up front, and has a genuine desire to see a better result not only for themselves, but for all concerned! Wouldn't that make life so much easier?
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“And don’t say anything you don’t mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ and never doing it, or saying, ‘God be with you,’ and not meaning it. You don’t make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong." - Matthew 5:33-37
1 comment:
This makes so much sense. It is always hard when someone is talking to you in any way that makes you wonder what book they just read. I realize there can be methods to things, but when it seems like the method is being used for the benefit of the person initiating the conversation instead of the person receiving it, it's a bit disheartening.
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