Inward and invisible

My reading this morning from N.T. Wright's 'Matthew For Everyone' focused on Matthew 14:13-22. The heading is "the feeding of the five thousand." This morning it seemed to be about something else though...

They say Scripture is 'living and active' (or something like that). You can read the same passages over and over and still find new "life" in them. It seems it's been awhile since I've learned something new from an old text. I was somewhat dumbstruck this morning though.

Wright translates verses 13 & 14 as, 

"When Jesus heard it, he went away from there in a boat to a deserted spot by himself. The crowds heard it, and followed him on foot from the towns. When he came out and saw the large crowd, he was sorry for them. He healed their sick."

That right there dang near knocked me out of my seat -- and I hadn't even gotten to the feeding part!!

When Jesus heard what!?! Well, I had to look back. It was when Jesus heard about John the Baptist being beheaded. 

Jesus then went away by himself...... because he was sad! He had lost John, his cousin and colleague. And I'm sure the crowds were somewhat sad too, and also curious to see how Jesus reacted. And his reaction is not anger or frustration, but compassion.

Wright then throws in this great observation: "Before the outward and visible works of power, healing the sick (and the miracle of the feeding), comes the inward and invisible work of power, in which Jesus transforms his own feelings into love for those in need."

Wow. How had I not noticed this before? I think my understanding of this story had always been something about how if we offer up to Jesus our meager portion - however small our gifts may be - he can do miraculous things with them. And it's not that that is necessarily not true. But maybe it's not always about what we do, or how we perform.

Honestly, I have been sad (actually, my wife too, I think). I/we have been for some time. And this morning, maybe for the first time, I realized what has changed the most in our lives from when we used to feel closer to God, to now when we feel so far away.

Compassion.

I used to care about people. My heart would regularly hurt for others - whether I knew them or not. Oh, sure, I've always been prone to being a jerk, but I've never just not cared. I never used to hate people. I never wanted to avoid people (all people) like I do now.

Perhaps the hopeful side of this is that.... this 'sad' period, has been our "going away by ourselves." Maybe we had to pass through this to get to where we need to go. I don't know. But what I do know is I am need of an "inward and invisible work of power," and I would like Jesus to "transform my feelings into love for those in need" again. Amen.

***

Hebrews 4:15

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin."