20 miles (of misery)

They say the halfway point of a marathon is 20 miles. I know that doesn't compute, since it's only 26 miles altogether. But at that point... nothing makes much sense. 

I did my longest pre-marathon run for this year on Friday. It was also the most miles in a week for this training cycle (40). It didn't help that I had to do the 10-miles Wednesday on the treadmill because it was cold and miserable-rainy. And... I'm glad I'm on the downward side of all that.

Yeesh. I know I feel like this at this point every year. I am worn down. Not only physically, but maybe more so mentally. It was a looooooooong run Friday. The weather was good, and I was happy about being able to do it Friday instead of Saturday, but the miles just dragged on forever. Normally on these long runs I'm trying to purposely go slower (so I can spend the right amount of time on my feet). But on this one... I just couldn't seem to move. Although I did do the last 4 or 5 miles all under an 11-minute pace.

I weighed 158 before I left, and was down to 152 when I got done. It took me 3 hours and 45 minutes. Which is really only 8 minutes longer than previous years. It just seemed worse. And it didn't help that my watch shut off at the halfway point! I stopped at the Y to refill my water and had just looked at my watch and I was at 9.94 miles in 1:50. I'm not sure why it shut off, but I was glad it came back on. So I pretty much just meandered back home via the same route. That meant miles 18-19 were all uphill (Bluffton Road is deceivingly one long slope).

Anyway, I don't know if it's the miles getting to me, or I've been a bit depressed lately. I haven't felt like writing. I haven't been reading much at all. I haven't been doing my journal. I've just been pretty melancholy. I'm tired of being the sort of 'unofficial' boss at work in some people's eyes, and not being considered anything in others. I think most of the members think I have been the boss for the past year and a half, and the reality of being a nobody/nothing is frustrating.

So, that's where I am. There's a bunch more going on, but I think I've forgotten more than I can remember. I'm just glad this week only involves 5/8/4/12 miles, followed by a week of 4/6/3/8, and then it's the week of the marathon. Plus I did 5 this morning, and it didn't suck too bad. 

I think I can....

Maybe.

***

Deuteronomy 28:64-66

"Then the Lord will scatter you among all nations, from one end of the earth to the other. There you will worship other gods—gods of wood and stone, which neither you nor your ancestors have known. Among those nations you will find no repose, no resting place for the sole of your foot. There the Lord will give you an anxious mind, eyes weary with longing, and a despairing heart. You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread both night and day, never sure of your life."