Do you regret it?

How are you doing with your regrets? Really. We all have them (well, other than those who say they don't). What if they're actually not such a bad thing after all???

According to this article, twice as many people have regrets of inaction as those with action regrets. Inaction regrets are those where you wish you had done something that you didn't do. Action regrets are things you DID do that you wish you hadn't.

Regardless of the type (or in my case, plenty of both), Daniel Pink says examining our regrets can actually help us move forward in life. He has a new book out, 'The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward.' 

Pink's research discovered four different groupings of regret:

Foundation regrets: These are the regrets from not "doing the work." Not laying the foundation for a more stable, less precarious life. Things like, not saving money for retirement. Not getting a certain degree, not exercising and eating right to take good care of your body.

Moral regrets: Regrets in which you did the wrong thing. Bullying is an example, or choices of unkindness. "I was stunned by how many people regretted bullying people younger in their life, and marital infidelity," Pink said.

Connection regrets: "If only I'd reached out," is the telltale sign of a connection regret. It is the largest category of regrets, and they are about relationships — family, friendships, romantic and beyond. These regrets come about when people drift apart, but neither tries to connect for fear it's awkward. Reaching out, Pink says, is "very rarely as awkward as people think, and it's almost always well-received."

Boldness regrets: Boldness regrets are about a chance that wasn't taken. Things like opportunities to study abroad or leaving a dead-end job, but for whatever reason, you chose to play it safe. 

Personally, I'd say I struggle most with connection and boldness regrets, and maybe a little foundation as well.

So how do we maximize our regrets to live a fuller life? Pinks says in the article (and, of course, in more detail in his book) we need to:

1. Look inward: Reframe how we think about our regrets. We speak to ourselves more cruelly than we'd speak to anyone else. Practice self-compassion.

2. Look outward: Practice disclosure. Sharing your emotions is a form of unburdening. We can make sense of regret through talking or writing.

3. Move forward: Extract a lesson from your regret. You need to create distance to help yourself process. [He offers some suggestions in  the article].

Anyway, I used this particular pic today because I think that's often the result of a lot of regret. We let it fester and then feel worse and worse about it and therefore ourselves. I really think this idea of examining our regrets can be useful. At least it's helping me get through the day today...

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"Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed." --James 5:16