The deep cry within us

In the last chapter of Mark Yaconelli's 'Between the Listening and the Telling: How Stories Can Save Us,' he shares of a time a group of secular humanists asked him to organize a retreat for them. One thing though: they didn't want anyone sharing stories; just facts.

Mark noted that while facts are essential - they tell us the earth is heating up, point out systemic violence and racial injustice, help surgeons locate cancer, etc. - they aren't everything. He responded:

"But facts can't hold us together. Facts can't inspire us beyond our present sufferings. Facts can't answer the deep cry within us for meaning. Not unless you line them up with a story first."

That one line... "the deep cry within us for meaning"... That's what leapt off the page for me. That's what I can't seem to get out. And, I guess it's because I don't feel heard. It's why I feel like I don't matter. It's like suffering in silence.

Where I work I occasionally read or hear (second-hand) words and phrases tossed around like 'Inclusion,' "people over policy," and "for all." That sounds soooooo good! It's part of why I like this organization. On paper. Unfortunately they are not lived out uniformly. 

Take "people over policy," for example. It sounds nice, and we like to apply it when being critical of how someone else treated a member. However, our policy is that staff only get input or an audience with the boss if they are of a certain position (director), or they are a personal friend. In other words, ALL people don't really matter (staff-wise). Positions do. Therein lies the rub for me.

I don't want to get together with people and play games. I want to learn and grow and discuss together and work together in carrying out the mission of the organization. The only opportunity I have to do that is some "young leaders" group. Where, again, as a 60-year-old... it sounds like I'm not really included...

Of course, work is only one issue I have, and I realize it's "just the way it is." The larger is that I'm simply not connected anywhere. I don't fit into church, I don't have any hobbies, I'm not in any clubs or groups. And... I'm not blaming anyone for this but myself. I know it's me! Believe me, I KNOW!!! I simply don't have the confidence or self-esteem to do anything about it. So I slither off into my hole.

There is a deep cry within me. I want to let it out. But I don't know how. And I'm afraid maybe it's too deep... or too late... or it wouldn't matter anyway...

***

As for the book, it was good. There were times I thought it was the best thing I'd read in a long time. At other times I thought it was hogwash. Not because of the book, but because sometimes I'm just not sure there's any hope. I doubted whether stories really could save us. It sounds nice, but...

In the end, I liked it though. It made me feel good and hopeful when reading it.

I wouldn't classify it as a "Christian" book, but it's not NOT Christian either. At least in my skewed lens of what that means. I certainly think it could be helpful to the church, and would recommend it to my pastor/church friends.

***

[sorry, but I just can't use scripture to close right now. i'm too low and not in a place to try to provide any semblance of hope in any way.]