I am not able to preach

In chapter 7 of Phillip Yancey's 'The Jesus I Never Knew' he quotes from a personal letter of Leo Tolstoy's:

"What about you, Lev Nikolayevich, you preach very well, but do you carry out what you preach?" This is the most natural of questions and one that is always asked of me; it is usually asked victoriously, as though it were a way of stopping my mouth. "You preach, but how do you live?" And I answer that I do not preach, that I am not able to preach, although I passionately wish to. I can preach only through my actions, and my actions are vile... And I answer that I am guilty, and vile, and worthy of contempt for my failure to carry them out.

This swept over me like a tidal wave. I have never longed to preach like I have lately. I find myself thinking about it more and more. Like some folk dream of beaches or fancy cars, I desire to humbly stand and teach from the Book.

But I can't do it. ... I just can't.

Perhaps this is why, most of the time sitting in church services anymore, I feel constantly on the verge of a complete breaking-down-sobbery. I've even seen an article out there on "Why so many people feel like crying in church." I've never been able to bring myself to read it though.

So... there it is. It hangs like a big blank word bubble over my head. When I open my mouth - even just to answer myself - nothing comes out.