Learning (to give up)

Lately I've had this sneaking suspicion maybe God is trying to tell me something. I was extra nervous about the trip to Jamaica. Then there was the sickness. Work continues to be a challenge. The boy will be moving. And... my mom has been in the hospital since Sunday with some heart stuff. 

The thing is, for most people these would maybe be minor situations, or maybe even just regular life. But I feel like I've had more-than-my-normal level of anxiety for awhile now. And it's been building. 

So it's not just the things that have happened, but something in my gut that senses... What are you trying to tell me, Lord?

As much as I'd like to think I am in control... I think that's what it's about. I need to learn to give up control (or the notion that I can control things).

This has been a life-long challenge. It was a major part of my faith story (how I came to put my trust in Jesus). Yet the struggle continues... or has been reborn.

I wish merely acknowledging the fact were enough to make it go away. I know it's not... 

But it's a start.

I have a problem. I want to control things, and my inability to do so is causing me anxiety. Either it is going to get worse, or I can choose to change.

So let it begin...

“If anyone wants to follow in my footsteps he must give up all right to himself, take up his cross and follow me. For the man who wants to save his life will lose it; but the man who loses his life for my sake will find it." (Jesus) -Matthew 16:24-25