Shaped by shame

Last week (or was it the week before) I watched/listened to this 'Shaped By Shame' webinar featuring Curt Thompson and Ken Shigematsu, and hosted by Renovare's Carolyn Arends. I would like to watch it again sometime, but for now here are some notes I jotted down...

• State shame = a temporary state of feeling; Trait shame = a more permanent trait/identity
• Feeling GUILT will make us want to move toward the other party vs. Feeling SHAME makes us want to move away from people.
• "The only way to not screw up our kids is to not have them." -Curt Thompson
• Shame is a signal - neither good nor bad (it can be a helpful signal that something is wrong)
• To overcome shame we need someone to do it with ("We've got to sense it before we can make sense of it")
• Hebrews 12:1-2 = a framework for dealing with shame
• We must eventually be willing to put our shame in the middle of a room - surrounded by a 'cloud of witnesses' in order to deal with it; in order to derail it or turn it.
  
• **Jesus did a lot of work listening to the God/word of God; we should too ("You are my son, whom I love.")
• The Litany of Humility - Thomas A'Kempis
• "We should do spiritual practices as we can, not as we can't" (Is it producing fruit in my life?) - Renovare staff

"A wise friend can be just as effective as a trained therapist."
 

Dealing with trauma & shame (something done 'to' us):

• "It is not good for man to be alone" - the sense of isolation strengthens the shame & trauma (we need someone to walk with us).
• *Intimacy is the thing we need most, but also the thing we're most terrified of.
• It's not just what happened to you (that you need to deal with), but you've also got to deal with how you've been dealing with the trauma and shame.

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A lot happened right after I listened to this so, as I said, I'd like to watch it again. I'd also like to buy at least Ken's book 'Now I Become Myself.' I think shame is an area I've either overlooked for much of my life, or maybe I'm just becoming aware of its role in my life. So this was an especially interesting webinar to me.

One thing that especially stood out: At the end Dr. Curt Thompson - who is a respected psychologist - is actually moved to tears by the simple fact that others are as interested and concerned about shame as he is. That made me appreciate this even more.