Man, I've got like fourteen things I'm planning to write about just waiting for me to take some time to think them through and puke them out... And some of it's important... Stuff you people need to know!
But this morning I was thinking about my happy spot.
The bookmark I use for whatever book I'm reading at the time has some questions on it. I try to look at them before I start doing my daily reading. One question is to think through my day (the previous one, if it's in the morning) and ponder what made me happy, anxious, and angry. This morning I was thinking about yesterday...
For some odd reason I've started getting up early. I know that sounds weird since I hated it for so long when I had to be to work at 4:45AM at my last job. But there's a big difference between getting up early when I don't have to and getting up early to frantically ready myself to run out the door and go to work. I like being able to ease myself into the day. I might even NEED it.
I got out of bed something like 3:23AM. I'd probably slept a good five and a half hours, so I suppose my body was just awake. I turned on the Christmas lights and before even making the coffee I plopped down where I normally sit every day when I get up. It's on the right side of the green couch (as you look at it) near the corner of the room next to an end table. On the table is a multi-colored lamp with a big shade, my book, journal, to-do list, blood pressure machine and several other things I like to keep handy because I use them frequently. It's where I read, write, and think, as well as talk to Jane when she's home, eat most of my meals, and pretty much any time I'm sitting (unless we get crazy and go downstairs and watch TV from our Lazy Boys). There is a great view from my spot out both living room windows to the sidewalks and streets and trees of our little corner of the world. I spend a lot of time there. Sometimes I worry my side of the couch is going to start sagging.
Anyway, as I sat there yesterday in the wee silent hours of morning, just me and the lamp light, and our three-foot Christmas tree lights, with a blanket on my lap for warmth and the cat curled up beside me... I realized I was just peering across our living room looking at nothing in particular. Yeah, just sitting there, awake, and doing nothing. Also, I was perfectly calm, comfortable, and pretty much at peace with myself and the world.
Is this what being happy is, I thought. Have I "arrived?" Is this heaven??
Oh, I know there are other things that make me happy. At least I think there are. If I thought about it more I may be able to name them. Maybe. Yeah, actually, sometimes when getting my blood pressure taken I will try to imagine I'm on a run going down the greenway through the trees along the river, just me and my breath. That's what I think of to relax. But this... this was the first time I'd actually felt a real awareness of a happy place. And it was right here all along!!
Of course it's not just the place either. It was the time. It was how I felt. It was knowing Jane was snuggled in bed down the hall. The cat. We would have breakfast later. Go to church. It was a lot of things... but it happened.
I don't know if it will ever happen again, or perhaps it's just that I had never thought about it and it happens all the time. I don't think I want to dig any further because for now I'd just like to enjoy it for what it was, and is, if that's okay with you.
Thank You, Lord. For that quiet morning, this house, the people in my life, books, church... and lots of other things. I want to remember yesterday. So let it be written...
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