Now i become myself (book)

I'm not sure it happened...

Last week (or maybe the week before) I finished Ken Shigematsu's book Now I Become Myself: How Deep Grace Heals Our Shame and Restores Our True Self. It's not that it was a bad book - it was an enjoyable read - but the title hoists a pretty bold claim. 

I bought this book because I'd heard Ken speak on a podcast about shame. The show was helpful to me and I was looking forward to reading more. Again, I liked the book, but I was a little disappointed in the content. Sometimes people are better speakers than writers (and sometimes they're better writers than they are in person). I'm guessing, since Ken is a pastor, the book may have come from a preaching series or something. There were a lot of stories... and, honestly, some of them left me just a little... meh. Plus his stories of Asian culture and heritage didn't really connect with me. But that doesn't mean the book wasn't helpful at all.

Chapters 5 & 10 were both really good ('Masterpiece In the Making' and 'Choosing Joy' respectively). I will consider using them for sermon fodder.

I also really liked how he ended each chapter with a Prayer Exercise, Reflection, and Study Guide Questions. This would lend itself nicely to use in a book club, bible study or small group. They were all very practical and useful.

One particular Prayer Exercise he used several variations of was especially helpful for me (and I have continued using it). This is the exercise at the end of chapter 3:

My friend Curt Thompson, a psychiatrist and author, introduced me to the following meditative prayer practice, which helps me focus on the astonishing, far-reaching, enduring, and inclusive love of God, which is beyond measurement and transcends our understanding (Ephesians 3:17-19).

Take a few deep breaths in and out through your nose.

Imagine you are in a beautiful place in nature - by the ocean or a lake, in a forest, a meadow, or the mountains.

Invite God's presence to be with you in this place.

Listen to the words God the Father says to Jesus at his baptism: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased" (Luke 3:22).

Now imagine hearing God speak these same words to you, calling you by name and saying, "_______, you are my daughter/son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." Repeat this affirmation two more times. [At the end of the next chapter he words the second part: "...I am so pleased with you. I delight that you are on the earth." -I like that-]

These words are not only for Jesus but also for each of us. If you have trouble believing you are as loved as the Father loves Jesus, remember Jesus tells all his disciples, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you" (John 15:0). The Hebrew prophet Zephaniah declares God "will take great delight in you; and in his love he will . . . rejoice over you with singing" (Zeph. 3:17).

I invite you to practice this meditation for the next six weeks. As you do, it will not only affect you spiritually but physically as well. It will begin to change the neural networks in your brain, making you physiologically more receptive to the felt experience of God's love for you.

At first, you might experience this deeper awareness of being known and cared for by your Father in heaven only during the meditative prayer time itself. But over time, you may find that your capacity to receive God's love is expanding, and you will begin to receive positive images, words, feelings, and affirmations during the other moments of your life, including times of discomfort and discouragement. As you continue this practice, it will begin to transform the way you respond to your life experiences.

That one exercise was worth the price of the book for me. Sure, it was nothing new, but it's so easy to forget the value of something so seemingly simple if we can just stick with it over time.

Shame is something I have and continue to struggle with off and on for as long as I can remember. As Ken notes, "At the core of shame is the fear of being unlovable and rejected..." and it's a terrible way to go through life. It effects everyone around us - which makes us all the more miserable!

This book, while not all I hoped it would be, was at least helpful. It's one I may revisit again as I continue to . . . become myself.