It had been awhile since we've been to a funeral, much less two in one week! Ironically, my dad's funeral was four years ago today (in that hell known as djt's mishandling of a pandemic). But anyway...
This past weekend we made a quick trip back to Buda, then on to Vermont, Illinois, for my Aunt Mary's funeral. We left Saturday afternoon and stayed at my mom's that night, then Sunday the three of us drove down to my dad's hometown (the land of many Horwedels).
It was a nice day for a funeral, if there is such a thing (and I believe there is). It was sunny and calm in the mid-60s, which is an almost perfect Midwest November day. The viewing was at 2pm, funeral at 3pm, with a church meal following the cemetery burial.
I grew up as sort of the oddball cousin on my mom's side of the family. We were one of the few families to move away, so all the other cousins grew up together. My sister and I were the 'outsiders.' There were only two sets of cousins on my dad's side: ours, and my Uncle Harold and Aunt Mary's three kids. I always felt much more 'at home' on this side of the family, and have many fond memories of visiting the farm and family. So it was a fairly comfortable day even for me, as these are some of the nicest people I know.
The funeral itself was even "nice," as my aunt had lived a long and full life, and it was a heartfelt and intimate service. Their family had been longtime members of this church community, the pastor knew them well, and there were many stories shared. You could sense the love and fellowship of values lived out and carried on. Not that any death is void of grief, but this service gave me much the same warm feeling I remember from a lifetime of shared holiday gatherings. I really like my cousin Lori and her husband, and enjoyed visiting with them, their children, and the rest of the family.
The other funeral... which was yesterday... was different.
We had only known her for the past 10 years or so, and didn't see her often, but when we did it was always good. The "two Janes" as we referred to them, clicked well and had often went out to lunch or breakfast. She was a counselor who had started and for many years ran a grief center (Kerith Brook), and I imagine she was good at it, because she just had that way about her of making you feel heard and known.
Jane (yeah, same name as my wife) died suddenly and without warning. She'd been sick for a couple days with flu-like symptoms, and her longtime boyfriend/partner found her dead in bed. Already cold. I/we feel so bad for him, because he's a big guy with a soft heart and that's no image anyone should have to carry with them of their loved one.
There were many tears shared at this funeral on a cold and rainy day. The service went long because they opened it up for anyone who wanted to "say a few words." Some people just don't know when to stop. Maybe the worst thing, though, was whoever the undertaker was did THE WORST job I have ever seen! The body laying in the casket looked nothing like the person we remember.
Anyway, we came away feeling crummy because the end of her life and the funeral did not fit the kind of person she was at all. Not that it takes anything away from who she was, but it's too bad.
All this was sandwiched around my Jane having a very bad day at work. She found a coworker (who's office is next to hers) having a seizure out-of-the-blue. It was quite a traumatic event, and apparently they've attributed it to simply being "severely dehydrated." Um... I don't know about that. Wow!
So, it's been a week. And wouldn't you know, this morning we had a dusting of snow on the ground (which is already gone).
Winter is here. The cycle continues.
I'm reminded me of this piece by Frederick Beuchner:
"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid. I am with you..."
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