Speaking in church (again)

I shared the Sunday message yesterday at our church. Again.

Afterward - both yesterday and today - I probably feel about as little emotion as anytime recently. Not in a bad way. Maybe it's starting to feel... more like it used to. Like, it's just something that happens now and then. It feels... okay.

Oh, I was still nervous. I regret the frantic moments when I add some silly remark in-the-moment that wasn't in my manuscript - just because I don't know what to say, or sheer anxiety...

And there was a little more stress beforehand than usual. For one, it was a shorter message than usual, and I was relying on technology for 1/5 of the message (a 5:30-minute song); and when I woke up in the morning I already had a string of text messages that: the church where we meet was having a dinner, so things would be chaotic; the worship leader - and person who was to play the song during my message was sick and would not be there; there would be two new worship leaders who had never done it at our church before; the person who was now going to handle tech - while a great person - is not always the most dependable; plus I got up during the night and not only was I having a stomach issue, but my heart rate was offbeat; and I had a head and throat full of fall seasonage... then, when I arrived at the church I was informed we wouldn't have the usual headset mic and I'd have to hold one, and I had specifically planned a couple parts where I wanted to use both hands to "talk." ... ... Basically, there were a lot of unknowns and a couple curveballs.

Still, I read through my manuscript again this morning... and I was okay with it. Again, I wish I could have kept TO the manuscript instead of a couple ad-libs... but for the most part, for a message I wanted to be only 18-20 minutes instead of the usual 25, I felt alright. 

Yes, there was so much I had to cut out. So many more things I wanted to say. But... you do what you can... and I was okay with what I did. I think.

 

I only used two slides... which I liked.

I like to have at least a couple moments of humor, but not too much. I don't want them to be the most memorable parts of the message, but hopefully use them to create the downbeat for what I want someone to... feel. There needs to be a rise and fall... but, again, not too much. Just enough. That's difficult.

This was the first time recently where I didn't consult Ai for anything. The past several messages, after I'd written the first draft, I put it into ChatGPT and Claude and asked each for suggestions on flow and relateability (I wanted them geared towards a 9th grade female living in this part of the world). I guess with this one... maybe I just didn't want the added critique... or maybe I felt this one was geared more for someone/something else. Maybe I'm just getting tired of Ai, period.

I used the U2 song "Grace" off their All That You Can't Leave Behind album for an exercise in spiritual listening (audio divina). I kind of wished I'd used a shorter song, but at the same time I felt like - while 5 minutes seems like a long time - maybe that was part of the point. I am glad I used it, and kind of glad no one mentioned it afterward.

We are doing a series on spiritual formation... and I wanted to present spiritual formation not so much as something 'we do'... but more as a means of giving consent to grace for the Spirit to do something in us. I used elements from Tish Harrison Warren's book 'What Grows in Weary Lands,' Richard Beck's 10-part series On Nature and Grace, David Benner's book 'Surrender to Love' ("consent to grace"), Chuck DeGroat's "regulation precedes maturation," Psalm 46:10, John 15:5... and the U2 song was a way to put this into practice as a communal activity.

I am looking forward to taking some time off from thinking about this for awhile now. I want to catch up on some reading, emails, journaling, blogging, yard work, and 3pm meditation with tea. 

So, all that said, I don't feel too bad. I've had a reasonable amount of feedback, and I simply haven't been dwelling on... anything. It's kind of nice - for a change. :)

I suppose now it's time to go for a run.

Thanks for stopping by.