Wedding / honeymoon advice

I have heard of more and more people lately who want elaborate weddings and then plan to leave on their honeymoon in the wee hours of the morning. I don't know if I am just getting old fashioned or not, but if I had any advice to offer it would be: keep it SIMPLE, and take it SLOW. Based on a few years of officiating and attending weddings, here is some advice.

SIMPLE
You can have a beautiful, elegant wedding without 20 people in your wedding party and 6 ring-bearers and flower girls and all the kings horses and all the kings men. In fact, unless your heart is set on it - forget the little people. A wedding should be about the bride and groom. More times than not ring-bearers and flowers girls only detract from them - whether it is time spent coaxing cuteness or dealing with a blunder. Let the show be about the stars.

Limiting the number of attendants is another way of avoiding potential problems. Let's face it, for most people you either have a hard time finding that many good friends, or you're going to end up hurting someone's feelings anyway. I would suggest never having more than six... and four or five is completely sufficient. But there would also be nothing wrong with just a best man and maid of honor.

I personally think less decoration is better too. Sure, have some candles and a few flowers, but what we really want to see are those glowing faces. Everything else should accent, not overpower.

As for the honeymoon... well, maybe I am out of touch. But does your first vacation experience need to be to the ultimate destination? I mean, what is a honeymoon for? And if you don't know, then we have other issues. Just find a "nice" place to go where you can enjoy one another's company. And a place that you can A.F.F.O.R.D! Don't bankrupt yourself from the get-go. Your marriage isn't made by the expense of your wedding/honeymoon, but it can sure be ruined by it. Leave the posh cruises and extravagant locations for later anniversaries - when you really have something to celebrate!

SLOW
What do I mean by slow? Well, to start with, that week of the wedding... don't plan a lot, and for sure take at least the 2-3 days prior off of work. This should be an enjoyable time, not a panic-stricken rush job. Spend time with family and friends, and spend some time alone. Not necessarily because you'll never be able to again... but don't be afraid to reminisce and mentally celebrate all that your life has been so far.

The day of the wedding ceremony, DO NOT plan anything else. You don't want to be rushed, and you don't want to be distracted. Sure, you may think you've got things under control, and many-a-times I've heard, "I'm not really even nervous." But I will almost guarantee, a blur is about to come over you. Not that it's a bad thing, but it is much more manageable if you minimize the number of things on your mind and in your day-timer. Let the day unfold as it will. You can play golf or go shopping some other time.

And finally, what ignited this post to begin with... spend the first night in a local hotel. Time and again I keep hearing of people missing flights, or starting their honeymoon with a hangover, and being rushed and hushed and wishing-they-weren't-lushed. Why in the world would you have the celebration of your life, and then book a flight for a few hours later? That first night of your marriage - go ahead and invite all your friends to celebrate with you at the reception, then find a reasonably priced hotel a short distance away, and... well, you'll figure out the rest. I would even suggest waiting a full day or two before embarking on a honeymoon. For many couples, even if you've "been together" before, there is still enough anxiety and pressure to go around. Adding more isn't going to help anyone or anything. Take it slowwwwww. It'll be okay.

Well, there you have it. It's not like I am an expert - I've only been married once... 24 years and counting. Weddings should be beautiful, meaningful, and memorable - and they can be - if you keep it simple and take it slow. Let it be about the two of you. Your wedding day and honeymoon will be over soon enough. Enjoy them, and may it lead to many, many years of enjoying life with the one you love.