Monday, December 23, 2013

What has god been teaching me lately...

Awhile back someone left an anonymous comment on a post and they said they would like to hear what God has been teaching me. I didn't respond, but I have been thinking about it a lot. First off, one thing God has taught me this summer/fall is that everyone who calls you their "friend" actually isn't.

Other than that, I guess if I'm honest, I don't really know what God has been teaching me lately. I know I used to be really busy this time of year, but this year I am not. At all. And that makes me sad. I'm feeling rather lonely (not alone, but lonely); I'm feeling fairly unnecessary; I'm feeling alienated and abused; I'm feeling like a failure. I have felt better, but I'm in a bit of a low spot at the moment. Which doesn't mean I don't have good times too, but I just seem a bit lost.

A good friend of mine has asked me to speak at his church a couple times (the only person that's asked me to speak since May, btw). I think it's mostly because he is concerned and wants to try to help me "get back on the horse." I really appreciate the gesture, but I just can't picture myself preaching anymore. It kind of scares me. I seem to feel more hurt and abandoned now than before. So... I don't know... maybe God has provided me a plant to provide some shade (and shielding) for a time and I just haven't noticed it. I don't really know. I feel pretty disconnected at the moment.

There, "friend," that's about all I've got. Sorry.