Losing My Need To Pretend

This chapter in 'No Perfect People Allowed' is really good too. Burke says on p.73:
I'm convinced the most important work of spiritual leadership is leading a spiritually authentic life. But to do this, I must break through the deception that I am somehow better than others. That I am somehow a little less in need of God's mercy and grace..."

Yeah. It's hard to admit that I often feel I am better than others. Especially when I pride myself on thinking I am not. But I think I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm not like that - you know - it's a subconscious thing. I hate it when others are critical, and so then I'm critical of them. I'm judgmental of judgmental people. I'm cynical about cynics. I'm mean to mean people. Etc, etc. That's probably why our pastor's group has fallen apart. I really wish I could find a group of church leaders to be able t meet with to share and help one another grow... but I've got to change. Help, Lord.

Last night we had a church council meeting. I am no longer the chairman of the board. I felt like that was a step for me. Our council members are all relatively inexperienced, so I have been chairman for the last two years - especially since we changed the structure and format. I think it will be good for me to step aside and let others learn - even from their mistakes. Not only do I struggle with control issues, but also from feeling the need to protect everyone. Doesn't that probably come from thinking I am 'better than' others? Yeah, this will be good.

They didn't start on our pavilion yesterday. And today it's raining. I am bummed. I was really hoping to see some action. I pray that it might get cold - even if it snows. It needs to be cold for them to get to the site with their equipment. Cold, please.

This week I need to remember to read my letter to the church. Last Sunday I had everyone write a letter to themselves as though they were God... (what do you think God would want you to know?). A couple of people offered to read their's, and I was so stupid that I didn't even think to read mine. I hate it when I do that. I will read it this week. Part of 'losing my need to pretend.'

peace and revolution. It's Tuesday.