Stick a fork in me

I don't like days like today. I just can't think; can't focus; my mind is all over the place unsettled.

I don't particularly care for country living in the first place, but especially when there are snow storms. Jane made it to work this morning, but from listening to the weather people I'm not all that confident in her being able to make it home tonight. But you know how they can exaggerate things, so that just leaves me with this big uneasy feeling. I would prefer the big easy.

One of the other things I hate about days like this are worrying that the power will go out. Not that it's all that cold, but when you rely on a well and the power goes out... then you no longer have any water. I have filled some buckets and stuff, which will be enough to flush the toilets for awhile.

And besides the weather people doing their best to freak us all out, yesterday was just not a good day all around. I actually had to hide a friend on facebook - only the second person I've done that to. What makes it difficult is that this was sort of one of my early mentors. He was a pastor long before I ever thought about it, and someone that I always looked up to and respected. We just reconnected not too awful long ago, and now I'm wondering if that was a good thing. I suppose if I could just 'let things go' it would be fine. Why can't I just let things go? I want to, but... there are just some things that really wrankle my feathers. I've always known this person was very conservative - spiritually and politically. And he is just so stinking vocal about it. Like, I don't care that he is - to each his own - but I don't like having my face rubbed in it all the time. Although I probably do the same thing from the other side. I don't know. I hope not. Anyway, yesterday he was talking about how non-bipartisan he is; how he is totally 'pro-life' and anything less is 'pro-choice.' And the way he says it makes it sound like you can't possibly be a Christian if you're pro-choice. I thought about commenting, but didn't think it would do anybody any good. But... I wonder... so does 'Pro-Life' mean that you are against abortion, the death penalty, and war... regardless of any circumstances??? Or does it just mean you're a republican? I think for most people it just means they are against abortion. And not that I am for it, but... I mean, for the life of me, I can't figure out how people can be so over-the-top 'Pro-Life' but at the same time support the death penalty and war. What they really mean is they are 'pro-unborn-life.' And that's fine, but don't make it out that you are pro LIFE then. And, I know, they say it's about "innocent" life. Well, so there have never been any people executed who were innocent? And who gets to decide who's innocent or guilty; who gets the death penalty or doesn't? And, geez, no innocents have ever been killed in war??? Get real. But, I know, they say it's about the "greater good." Well, so if the greater good works for war, why does it not work in cases of abortion? Or who gets to decide what the greater good is? And greater good for whom? And.... man, it gives me a frickin' headache. I am certainly FOR life... but I am pro-all-of-life. And I also know that it's not just an easy black-and-white answer in any circumstance. It's not always what's good vs. what's bad. Sometimes there are harder choices to make. And, yes, there are always choices. Anyway...

So, I was planning to write my sermon today. I know what text I would like to use; have a basic idea. I just can't calm my brain down enough to concentrate though. I keep seeing the snow out the window, and thinking about this, thinking about that...

I did finish the book of Nouwen's writings yesterday. Can't decide what to start on now. I just received 'Introverts In The Church'... and I've got '30 Days to Understanding the Bible' which might do me good... and 'Surprised By Hope' is still staring me down... and 'Jesus For President'... and 'New Light From Old Stories'... and, oh man, there is a whole pile of other books. Sometimes I think it's hopeless.

At least I did accomplish one thing today. Our internet went out last night, and I called it in this morning and I was actually the guinnea pig for them to get things up and running again. I spent more time on the phone than I wanted, but was glad to have it back. I would really be going nuts if I was snowed in alone and didn't have internet either.

Well, I've cancelled our council meeting for tonight. And the Illini are on tv again tonight, but they play at Wisconsin. I was actually thinking it would be good that I had a meeting so I had an excuse not to watch it. I have a feeling it will not be good. But, you know, I can't 'not' watch it if it's on. That would be insane.

Maybe some tomato soup for lunch will help. Thank God for these individual microwavable cans too. I can dig it.

Oh yes, and I have a new blog title again. Yeah... whatever.

Peace out; and in.

My love as a desire

One of Henri Nouwen's prayers, on p. 203 of 'The Only Necessary Thing':

I know, Lord, that I think about many things which keep my mind from you, look at many things which do no lend me to you, and do many things which do not bring me closer to you. I know that on the surface I am restless and distracted. But I also know that the center of my being cries out to you, even though this cry has not yet permeated all my senses.

Accept, O Lord, my love, even when my ears and eyes, my lips and hands are not fully disciplined yet in the service of love. Accept my love as a desire to love you more every day. Amen.

Super bowl thoughts: game, half-time, ads

So Super Bowl 44 has come and gone. The Saints took it to the Colts 31-17; The Who did the half-time; and, yes, there were even commercials.

As far as the game... I suppose most people are always happy to see an underdog win. Even as an Indiana-ite, I didn't really care who won this game. I like the Colts ok, but they are not really "my team." They are just too generic; too bland; too lifeless. Nice people, but nothing much to write home about. And the Saints are ok too, but I didn't really buy into all the hype. I don't know that a SB win is really going to turn anything around in New Orleans, and it certainly won't keep another flood from happening. And, did they really need another reason to party in New Orleans? I do like Drew Brees though. You can find him talking about his faith in Jesus HERE.

I did actually like the half-time show by The Who. I have always been a "Who" fan, so that helps, but I also thought they did well to simply come out, play a medley of their hits, and leave. They didn't try to steal the spotlight away from the game with any wardrobe malfunctions; they didn't mistakenly think they were twenty again and look like a Springsteen fool; and they didn't get up on a high horse and try to sell an agenda. They just did their part and were who they are: some old guys who wrote some of the most well-known rock music of all time. And I would venture to guess the light show had to be simply awesome in person. One thing I think a lot of tv viewers forget is that these half-time shows are 'LIVE' events, they are not made-for-tv specials. I thought the stage, the lights, and the lack of fake stage-side groupies was all very well done. Hooray for The Who.

And, of course, what would a Super Bowl be without the commercials. First off, let me just say, I cannot understand the hoopla over the Tim Tebow commercial. I thought maybe there was going to be more later on. But... that was it? And that offended people? Get real. I don't particularly care for Focus on the Family myself, but if that commercial offended you... it might just be because you're a moron. Sorry.

As for the rest of the commercials - those with content which maybe should be controversial, but never is - well, I wasn't all that impressed. Maybe the anticipation is too much anymore, or my expectations are too high. I could personally care less about all the Budweiser or GoDaddy commercials (yes, those are things that offend me, but I don't have to go all ballistic about it). A few that I did like...

• My favorite was probably one of the early ones - the Snickers commercial with Betty White and Abe Vigoda.
  
• I also liked the Bridgestone commercial where the fancy car dumps the girl out and the bad guy says, "I said 'life,' not 'wife.'"
• The Careerbuilder "Casual Friday" commercial, where everyone wears their underwear, was kind of funny too. I don't know that I really care to see it again though.
  
• I also liked the Letterman commercial with Dave, Jay and Oprah, and the Google commercial. Both were simple, but funny.

All in all it was a quiet night around our house. At least it was a good game. Now it's on to real life again.

Peace out; and in.

Trusting in the catcher (dying well)

In chapter 14 of Wendy Wilson Greer's book of writings from Henri Nouwen, The Only Necessary Thing, Nouwen writes on death and eternal life. He shares a story about some trapeze artists, and how dying should be to us like the flyer... trusting in the Catcher.

The Flying Rodleighs are trapeze artists who perform in the German circus Simoneit-Barum. When the circus came to Freiburg two years ago, my friends Franz and Reny invited me and my father to see the show. I will never forget how enraptured I became when I first saw the Rodleighs move through the air, flying and catching as elegant dancers. The next day, I returned to the circus to see them again and introduced myself to them as one of their great fans. They invited me to attend their practice sessions, gave me free tickets, asked me to dinner, and suggested I travel with them for a week in the near future. I did, and we became good friends.

One day, I was sitting with Rodleigh, the leader of the troupe, in his caravan, talking about flying. He said, "As a flyer, I must have complete trust in my catcher. The public might think that I am the great star of the trapeze, but the real star is Joe, my catcher. He has to be there for me with split-second precision and grab me out of the air as I come to him in the long jump." "How does it work?" I asked. "The secret," Rodleigh said, "is that the flyer does nothing and the catcher does everything. When I fly to Joe, I have simply to stretch out my arms and hands and wait for him to catch me and pull me safely over the apron behind the catcher."

"You do nothing!" I said, surprised. "Nothing," Rodleigh repeated. "The worst thing the flyer can do is to try to catch the catcher. I am not supposed to catch Joe. It's Joe's task to catch me. If I grabbed Joe's wrists, I might break them, or he might break mine, and that would be the end for both of us. A flyer must fly, and a catcher must catch, and the flyer must trust, with outstretched arms, that his catcher will be there for him."

When Rodleigh said this with so much conviction, the words of Jesus flashed through my mind: "Father, into your hands I commend my Spirit." Dying is trusting in the catcher. To care for the dying is to say, "Don't be afraid. Remember that you are the beloved child of God. He will be there when you make your long jump. Don't try to grab him; he will grab you. Just stretch out your arms and hands and trust, trust, trust."

I have been with several people at their death. It is interesting how different it can be. For some it's very peaceful; yet with some it looks terrifying. I wonder if this "trust factor" may have something to do with it (though it would be hard for anyone to say with certainty). And I wonder too if... the more we "live in the Spirit," the easier it is to "die in the Spirit." I dunno. Yet.

Peace out; and in.

Getting the mission part right

Last weekend Reggie McNeal made a statement, and apparently I didn't write it down, but it was something like... "God did not make us to do a mission; he created a mission to make us." I love that.

I think sometimes we can get in our heads - even in the "missional" church (or maybe ESPECIALLY in the "missional" church - that God has this mission, and our role on earth is to carry it out for him. I think what Reggie was trying to get across is that... we have this loving God who created US, and participating in his mission of redeeming all things, is how we are made whole. God didn't create us to "use" us; he created us out of love, and he wants to redeem us, to bless us. This comes by giving ourselves to him, by being transformed by him, and it is through being a blessing to others that we become who/what he had in mind.

I dunno. I may have missed what he was saying. And I'm not sure I'm saying what I mean to. Just tossing this around in my head.

MLI weekend 1 pictures

Some pictures from our first Missional Leadership Initiative weekend, taken by our denominational director, Ed. (click on the pics to enlarge)

The entrance to the park.

View of the lodge from the south.

Reggie giving it to us.

"The Man"... Lance. The one responsible for all this.

Everybody eating (my cohort leader is on the left with the red sweater over the black shirt).

Reggie McNeal.

One of the stations during our Sunday worship.

A view of the room during our worship time.

Leadership interview with rob bell

Leadership interviewed Rob Bell and he gives some advice on preaching: Tying the Clouds Together. I really do need to work on my preaching again. I feel like it used to be better when I first started. Honestly though, most weeks it's a chore just to get a sermon of any kind. One of these days.

Senior prom

Here is another wayback pic of me and the Lady Jane. I believe this was for our Junior/Senior prom. Jane was a junior and I the senior (though we both graduated at the end of this year because she's such a quick learner). I am told that I was late picking her up on this night, but I don't recall. Anyway, can you dig my glasses? Geesh.

Monday prayer thing

I've been thinking about starting up a "prayer thing" again at our church, and this weekend gave me an idea: Prayer stations.

We used to open the sanctuary on Monday nights and a small group of us would gather to pray from 7-8 pm. We would just spread out in the sanctuary (or throughout the building) and pray silently, while some soft instrumental music played (so you don't hear our stomach's growling and stuff). I usually had a list of things people could pray about, or for, but you could basically pray however you wanted.

After our worship time at the Missional Leadership Initiative it dawned on me that maybe we needed to make it a little more... interactive. Something like what we did there.

We could meet together in the sanctuary and have some instrumental music playing. We would be free to sit wherever and pray as we liked, but I would also have four stations available:

• In the front on the one side we would have a table with the Scripture passage for the night (although you would be welcome to use whatever Scripture you like). You could read that, and there would also be candles, so you could light a candle as a way to commemorate your prayer, or "send it up," or whatever.
• On the other side in the front we could have a table with bread and a cup for communion. You would be welcome to sit there and meditate for awhile as well.
• In the room to the back on the south side we could set up some paper and pens/pencils, so if people wanted to write or draw they were welcome to there.
• In the room to the back on the north side I would be available if anyone wanted me to pray for/with them.

This would be easy to set up and do. The only thing I'm not sure about is whether to do it EVERY Monday, or maybe just once a month... like the first Monday of every month. Then there is the whole thing of what to call it too. So... anyway... that's what I was thinking. I'm open for suggestions.

Toothbrush and a pain in the butt

No, my toothbrush did not cause me a pain in the butt. They are two separate items.

First, I bought a new, old, toothbrush. For the past several years I had been using this battery-operated "spin" toothbrush from Oral B (pictured). It was nice, and used to really make me feel like I was getting my teeth clean. However, I never did like how it had a rounded bottom. So it wouldn't stand up, but it was also too big to fit in a toothbrush holder. That must be why it was the cheapest of the "spin" toothbrushes, and I believe it has now been discontinued. I found a little jar that it fit into, so when I traveled I had to take the little jar along too. But a couple weeks ago I got a wild hair and decided to buy one of the cheapo $1.50 regular Oral B toothbrushes again. I have since been using it, and it just feels better. It's easier to get into my mouth than this big whopper was. And this morning I was thinking... does anyone brush their teeth the way we were taught in grade school? I mean, didn't you have some nurse or dental hygenist come to school and show you how you're supposed to brush up and down, and make sure you "spray it out"? I don't know of anybody who really brushes like that. Don't most people just go back and forth? I would be mad if someone was spraying toothpaste all over my bathroom mirror. Whatever.

As for the pain in the butt... I think I must have pulled a butt muscle on the treadmill last night. I felt the belt slip a little, and when it did I felt like I pulled a little something on my right side (right butt cheek). I didn't think much of it, but after taking a shower it started to hurt to walk. This morning it is still sore. Bummer. Nothing like having a pulled butt muscle when I have to sit all day.

That's about all the excitement around here. Peace out; and in.

Interview with dr. binkley

Channel 15 news did an interview with Dr. Vic Binkley Monday: Doctor's Last Wish To Return To Haiti. He is a missionary with our denomination (cggc), and he and his wife have spent their lives between living and practicing in Haiti and here in Wells County, Indiana. They attend the small church that my friend Steve pastors just down the road from us. I think people often overlook the impact small (like 20-30 people), traditional churches like this have on the world.

Interestingly enough, I believe Dr. Binkley was actually born in the back of my wife Jane's grandfather's car. I can't remember for sure if he was one of the twins, or if it was his twin brothers who were. Vic's mother and father used to pastor the church in our old hometown, and when his mom was ready to deliver they had Jane's grandpa drive her to the hospital. He didn't make it in time, and they were born in his car.

We didn't know about this until, when we first moved here, Jane's first job was as the secretary at the church the Binkley's attend. So Vic's mom and dad filled her in on their connection. What a small world.

Anyway, what a testimony Dr. Binkley is to living missionally, at home and abroad.

Why we need theological terms (and big church words)

On another blog I sometimes participate in - that is predominantly about church stuff - someone dropped in an anonymous comment one day stating how silly they thought it was for people to converse about theological concepts and big church words and whatnot. They wondered why we couldn't all just believe in Jesus and the Bible and leave it at that. I have to admit, I have often wondered this myself - especially since our conversations about 'evangelical' or 'emerging' or 'missional' seem to create such controversy. However, Bill wrote this response to anonymous, and I thought it was quite insightful. The post this came from can be found here, and this is a portion of Bill's comment:

As far as your questions about studying theology v. studying the Bible: terms like Arminian are like abbreviations. They denote a whole universe of thinking--in this case about issues such as predestination, election the meaning of the death of Jesus on the cross, to what extent a person can freely chose to follow Jesus and whether or not it is possible for a person to lose salvation.

When one of us uses that term, we are writing paragraphs with one word. It's an 17th century version of abbreviating to do a text message.

Should you study theology or the Bible? Of course, you should study the Bible.

One small benefit in being familiar with basic theological terms is that to do so facilitates your engagement with the Body of Christ in discussing matters of truth. You can say more things in fewer words when you are able to use the terms with knowledge. (Of course, you can only use those terms with other people who are familiar with those terms.)

A second small benefit of being familiar with theological terms is that they connect you to believers in other times and places. We are a part of a movement that extends over more than two millenia and all of the continents on the earth. There is some some value in understanding that people in other times and places have thought the same thoughts you think and have reached conclusions that may edify you in your own struggle for truth.

What we are discussing here is something that few of us would bring up in a Sunday School class. But, I believe that there is value in these discussions, among those who know the technical terms, because when we are using terms such as Arminian and Calvinist we are struggling with the most profound issues of our salvation and how we come into relationship with our Lord and remain His followers-and even how we take the Truth to the people who do follow it.

Good stuff (imho).

Picture pages

I don't recall off the top of my head what show "Picture Pages" used to be on, but I can sing the little ditty (well, part of it). Anyway, here is another scan of an old picture from the closet. This is a picture from the great snow of '79. This is the driveway of the farm where Jane grew up. There were other pictures that gave a better view of just how much snow we had that winter, but I like this one with the dog. If you were to look about half a mile to the southeast of this pic you would see the 39 acres that we now own.

Missional leadership initiative - retreat #1

I spent the weekend in east central Ohio with about 40 or so other pastors at a little something called the Missional Leadership Initiative. It was put together by our denomination (cggc), under the direction of Reggie McNeal (author of a bunch of great books). It will consist of six three-day retreats over a two year period, as well as monthly cohort meetings with a peer group, and various homework and reading throughout. The focus of the initiative is to help our pastors in their spiritual formation and leadership development in hopes that it will help our churches and the kingdom as a whole.

I will probably blog more about it later, but to be honest, I'm still processing a lot of it. This was not a conference or seminar... and this first retreat dealt largely with our own "self-awareness." So there wasn't a lot of fun and games (other than Jane and I playing ping pong and Ms. PacMan in the game room). While I wouldn't describe it as a "good time," I will say that it was a very valuable experience, and I enjoyed it a great deal (even though some of it was quite painful internally). I am looking forward to seeing how things develop over the next couple of years.

Logistically, it took us about 4 hours and 15 minutes to get to the Salt Fork State Park Lodge. Of course the last 15 minutes were meandering the 7 miles from the park entrance to the lodge (at 35 mph). It is a beautiful place; with deer everywhere - right around the lodge even. It was funny too, because when we checked in they thanked me for mentioning them on my blog. Ha! That was a nice touch to note that. :)

The weekend consisted of: arriving Friday for a 6:30 pm supper upstairs, then an introduction to the process with Reggie until 9 pm. Then we hung out and chatted with some friends. On Saturday we had breakfast together at 8:30 am, then a devotion at 9:30 from Reggie, then we started going over the Success Style Profile that we filled out before the weekend. We had lunch from 1 to 2, then more meeting until we got assigned to our cohort group at 3:45 pm. We met in groups for awhile, then those of us with spouses were free for a "date night" the rest of the night. Sunday started with group breakfast at 8:30 am, a worship time at 9:30, debriefing, and meeting with our cohort group until noon, at which time we had a final lunch together and started for home.

My Success Style Profile shows that my cognitive style of processing things is: conception, logic, and internal (CLI), but I have a low flex score, so it means I'm fairly versatile. According to my "Cognitive Mode Profile" this lends itself to: "Studying concepts and theories, forming hypothesis, analyzing and solving problems, making logical judgments, and planning the future." I haven't really looked through the whole thing, so maybe I'll post more on this later.

Perhaps the thing I was most worried about was the cohort group. I was actually hoping that since Tom, Steve, and I - who already meet together each week - were all three involved, then maybe we could be our own cohort. But not so. I am in a group with people from Michigan, Ohio, Indiana and Illinois. So meeting personally may be a challenge. However I do actually like all the people in my group (other than one person I don't know, who wasn't there), and I am glad I got the cohort leader that I did. I don't know who the other ones are, but I think mine will work out well.

The book we read for this retreat was Reggie's, Practicing Greatness: 7 Disciplines of Extraordinary Spiritual Leaders. For the next time we're supposed to read, Missional Renaissance, which I have already read (yes!).

Below is a picture I took of Reggie, with Bill & Evelyn. Bill was one of my seminary professors, who now leads a church community in Pennsylvania. He also writes quite a bit on this blog. This was before the worship time on Sunday morning (which I loved, btw). It consisted of six stations where you could either: read Scripture and light a prayer candle; take communion; draw, write or make something artistic; pray with others; meditate and take a stone either as a memory piece or to toss; and Reggie was in the corner if anyone wanted him to pray for them. Btw, Reggie is a great guy too. I really "get" his humor, and he keeps me engaged well. He ate lunch with us on Saturday, and he's the same up front as he is off to the side. I can't think of a better person to do this.


All in all, a very worthwhile time. I am really glad I signed up for this.

Not beyond, but deeper into

I saw this article a few weeks ago and accidentally erased it. After some digging I was finally able to find it again. 'The Everyday Gospel' by Tullian Tchividjian is so right on in my world. As stated,

"Maturity doesn't mean moving beyond the gospel, but more deeply into it."

Time after time I hear people say things like "I've already learned all there is to know," or "I've heard these stories my entire life," or something similar. What they mean is... "Isn't it time to move on yet?" The problem with most people like this is, yes, they've heard the stories... but they have yet to LIVE them. They have yet to be TOUCHED by the Gospel. They have yet to KNOW God. Anyway, I wanted to save this article. I highly recommend you click through and give it a read. It's short - maybe one page - and will be worth your while.

Peace out; and in.