Yesterday I had the privilege of having Lance Finley come and share with our group. Lance has preached in my absence more than any other single person, and I always appreciate his willingness to do so because I don't trust just anyone to come and teach/preach in my church; but I trust Lance, and it was nice yesterday that I actually got to be here too. Lance is our denominational director of youth and family ministry; a former Illini like myself; and one of those people that - I don't even remember how we met, but I've always liked him. Perhaps it's the weird sense of humor. :) At any rate, I know he often reads here, and I don't want to give him a big head, but he preached a fine sermon from Luke 2:41-52 and challenged me (and everyone else) to be about our Father's business. It was also great chatting with him over lunch and hearing his views and insights into other things. Perhaps the thing I have always liked best about Lance is... he is as wise and learned as they come, but he never makes you feel stupid. A completely humble, rock-solid dude. My only regret was that I forgot to bring my camera yesterday. I wanted to get a pic of him preaching. Dernit.
The bad part about yesterday was a blurred memory of a conversation right before the worship gathering started. It was about 2 minutes before we were supposed to start and I saw her pull in the parking lot. There is this woman that has been stopping at the church and at my house for some time now. She always gives me a story about how she needs money for this or that, and that she's going to start coming to church, and this and that. I really feel bad for the woman; I don't doubt that her life is hard; and I always give her $20 or $40 dollars or something, and I pray with her. I think she has also started stopping at neighbors houses when I'm not around too. Well, she comes in yesterday right before we're ready to start and asks if we can talk. I told her I couldn't at the moment. She proceeded to give me her story again anyway (like she's never talked to me before). So I sat down beside her and just told her that I had given her plenty of money, and that she was welcome to stay for church, but that I just couldn't give her anymore. She said she wanted to stay, but that she really needed money and could I just ask the congregation if they would help. I told her "no" I wasn't going to do that today (we have done that on different occasions). She started tearing up and asked if she could take some cookies and juice with her. She must have left right after that.
Yeah, I was torn. Part of my brain went to the story of the good samaritan - and I was too busy doing religious work to be able to help someone in need. But the other part of me wondered if I had been wrong to just hand her money on all those other occasions. I mean, this woman has a house, a car, and it appears all the essentials she needs. What she really needs is a relationship with a church - which I've tried to tell her. She's not destitute, she's just a moocher. And I was tired of being a part of that. What's weird is... once I got up, I didn't even think about her again until I was leaving church to go to lunch. I wonder what that says about me?
I dunno. I go back and forth on how best to help people who are asking for money. I don't know that there is one single answer that covers every situation. Sometimes I just give it with no questions asked, but other times I don't think that is in their best interest. What most people need isn't money, they need to know how to live. And the best way to learn how to live is to get to know Jesus (IMO). I should probably feel worse about not helping people do that than about not giving handouts of money.
2 comments:
I feel like I've met the person you're describing here. Pursuing a downward spiral, frustrating to talk to because they always have an excuse why they can't do something that might improve their situation. The word "can't" rolls right off their tongue. Co-dependent.
I'll bet she's got more problems than that, too. If you talked to her kids (if she has any), I'll bet she's in need of some psychological help.
That's a frustrating problem for families. If they were bleeding, someone would toss them on a stretcher and they'd get help. But with all the rights you have in this country, this is the one case where it would be better if you could just make them get help, since, inherant to the illness is the inability to self-diagnose it. Unfortunately one bad decision after another dismantles their lives and everything they built up when they were thinking straight. Then they really do have some big problems, but at the root is the mental issue causing them.
You're right, you can't keep giving her money. I know it's sounds like a great opportunity to help, but the irony is that the people who really need the money would never ask for it.
It's a tough situation. I wish I had a traq dart full of prozac when I meet people like that. You just want to get them stable, read back some of the things they've done lately and then ask them if it sounds like they need some help.
Unfortunately, you could buy them a new house, new car, give them shopping money, and they'd mess that up eventually, too.
I dunno...just sounds familiar.
In a nutshell... Yep.
Post a Comment