Two dimensions of forgiveness

The Bible is pretty clear that we are to forgive one another. There are plenty of verses, such as, "...if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

So... what happens when a child is molested by a relative, or a wife is abused by her husband, or a "friend" continues to stab you in the back? Are we just supposed to keep forgiving them and put ourselves right back in the same vulnerable position?

Granted, as followers of Jesus, we need to turn the other cheek in a number of cases and to serious degrees... But in my reading today in Scot McKnight's The Jesus Creed, he addresses the question: What exactly is forgiveness? He says there are two fundamental dimensions of forgiveness that need to be distinguished: OBJECTIVE forgiveness and SUBJECTIVE forgiveness.

He says (p. 224), "'Objective forgiveness' refers to the elimination of the offense in the relationship, that is, it refers to *reconciliation.* The 'subjective' includes both a *disposition* to forgive and an *experience* of forgiving: release of anger, hatred, and resentment - ending the internal recycling of the offense." He then states, "Because a disciple of Jesus loves God and loves others, the disciple develops a disposition to forgive that is ready to release the negative emotions caused by offenses (subjective) but reconciliation is not always possible (objective)."

This makes great sense. Yes, we need to forgive - so we are not forever trapped in anger, hatred and resentment towards someone. But that doesn't mean we are necessarily to put ourselves right back into the situation with the person. Sometimes the best thing one can do is to actually LEAVE the situation. Perhaps the abused spouse leaving the husband; or telling someone who has deeply hurt you in the past to quit calling. However there is no blueprint that covers any and all issues. For instance, just because you've been abused doesn't necessarily mean you should never reconcile. It depends. And it may likely take a loooong time.

This was actually a good reminder for me today, as I am facing a situation where someone is currently seeking my forgiveness, and wants things to just "go back to normal," as they say. I believe I HAVE forgiven them, but I don't think it is in anyone's best interest that reconciliation take place - at least not yet. Mostly because the offense was against a group of people, and some in the group have not yet experienced subjective forgiveness even. It's complicated; but this was helpful.

At any rate, I hope this might be something that blesses your day today... At least more than knowing that I did, in fact, brush my teeth this morning. :)

Peace.