Fieldy. blue. down. fence.

Some random thoughts from a blue few days.

• Sunday afternoon I was waiting on Jane and Carrie in Barnes and Noble and read through a bit of Korn bassist, Fieldy's, new book "Got The Life." Apparently he is now the second member of Korn to become a born-again Christian, after Brian "Head" Welch did so a couple years ago. In the book Fieldy writes letters to the other members of the band. Interesting. I may have to buy it.
  
• I almost had a "moment" on Sunday morning while playing and singing. For some odd reason during the worship service there was a point where I actually remember thinking... "this is a moment in time." Things slowed down, and I really felt like I was doing what I was doing. So seldom does that happen. I don't remember if it was during "More Love, More Power" or "The Power of Your Love" that I actually felt like I was in a groove though. It's been a long time since that has happened. For oh-so-brief a moment life was grand.
• I can remember when I was younger wondering what it would be like to have played guitar for like 25 years or something. I've been playing for 30 years now. I still suck. I usually only play to pick out songs for Sunday, and then for Sunday worship. And several days a week I will pick it up to ease writers block. I almost always go through the same stuff. Dylan's "Knockin' On Heaven's Door", "Hold Me Jesus" by Rich Mullins, and Dylan's "Baby Let Me Follow You Down." Sometimes I do Neil Young's "Helpless." And lately I've been doin' John Prine's "Angel From Montgomery." Or... sometimes I'll do an E A B bluesy thing. Maybe start with Neil's "Vampire Blues" (I've been trying to come up with different lyrics), and go from there. It's so frustrating to still suck so bad after 30 years.
• Sunday night Carrie texted me that Eric Clapton's Crossroads special was on PBS. I caught a bit. I loved seeing Robbie Robertson, Buddy Guy, and Steve Winwood. Three very underrated musicians, I've always felt. I've always loved Robbie. And it was so good to get to see Stevie last summer, opening for Tom Petty. I would like to see him again. It made me want to get a Stratocaster. Of course, I preached that morning about learning to not have wants. Crap.
• I've been thinking about dreams lately. Not night dreams, but life dreams. I think one of mine has always been to play the blues. And I don't want to do it for crowds. I just want to see the colors. To play and understand music to the point that there is no more thinking about it. Where it just flows. Like walking down the hallway in the dark and knowing where everything is without being able to see it. But it will never happen. I don't have the knowledge of music. And what good would dreams be if they ever came true.
• Last night I took down the chain link fence in our back yard. No more need for it. Bogie is gone. I still miss him. Just can't shake it. Physically it was easy to take down. The posts came right out. But a motorcycle went by, and there was no barking. It made me sad. Then I thought about when I put the fence up. Marvin helped me do it. One of the best friends I've ever had. He was much older than me, more like my dad, but I miss him a lot. So, like a fool, I shed some tears while taking down the fence.
• Sometimes that's what life feels like.... putting up fences only to have to tear them down again. Playing and playing and playing, and still sucking after all these years.
• Yeah, this is just another sad song. Play it for yourself. Which is my favorite song, by the way. By a long-since-broken-up little band named Windjam from Sheffield, Illinois.