My devotional reading yesterday was from 2 Corinthians 8, and verse 21 just about leaped off the page at me. Paul is talking about responsible stewardship and doing the right thing with the money they've been entrusted with, and he says,
"But we want to do what pleases the Lord and what people think is right."
Exactly. I want a house that makes sense for our ministry - the ministry I feel we are called to not only personally, but as a church as well. And I want it to make sense to everyone.
I admit, there is a part of me that feels it is wrong to move out of the parsonage. I have to say, I selfishly like walking to work; and I do feel part of my job is to kind of oversee the property (and I like doing that). But I also recognize some of that is just my own sentimental attachment to the place. I don't know of anyone else in the church who even thinks that. Certainly no one has said it to me/us.
But I also know that it makes sense for us to buy a house. We told the church when we came here that we wanted to eventually buy our own home - and they were good with that. It's a good time to buy - both because houses are relatively cheap, and interest rates are still low (though they're on their way back up). I also feel like we're being drawn to Fort Wayne as a way of broadening our ministry. I honestly believe we can have a bigger impact not living next to the church building; moving into a new neighborhood; meeting new people who are much more likely to approach us, or be approached by us, about spiritual matters when we're on their turf. And it seems our church is kinda sorta taking some baby steps towards starting some new ventures.
So why is it so hard? I don't know. Is it just because "...we want to do what pleases the Lord and what people think is right"... or is it something else?
We are still wrestling with the two houses on the south side (Waynedale), and just last night we heard that one of the previous houses we had been interested in is back on the market because the potential buyer's financing fell through. Ugh. We didn't really need that.
I don't really know that any of these three houses would be "wrong" for us; they're all nice homes - nothing fancy; pretty simple but nice places... But... I don't know what the "but" is.
I know we need to just sit down and write down all the pro's and con's of each house. But I still don't know if that will do any good. I get so emotionally motivated about these things. And I don't want to make a decision based on emotion. But I don't know if I can NOT make one based on emotion. If that even makes any sense. I think it comes down to wanting to do the right thing, and... well... again... I don't know what the "and" is.
Argh. I hate this. Seriously. I just can't even think. And I know there's not an answer that anyone can give me/us (so... take that as a cue to please not offer some 'easy' answer... because there's not one - and it's not your decision). I was just kind of hoping that writing this out might help. So far it hasn't.
But we want to do what pleases the Lord and what people think is right. So... Lord... help. Please.
Peace out; and in.