Every now and then I like to take a gander back through some of my old posts and see what I was thinking/doing oh-so-long ago. I actually used to write something worthwhile every now and then - especially things I would find in books I was reading at the time.
I used to read quite a bit, and I enjoyed it. Now... not so much. Sure, I'll grab a book now and then, but aside from a couple, I haven't finished a book in quite some time. Yes, I still read a little on blogs, Facebook and elsewhere, but I wouldn't say I'm a "reader" anymore.
It got me thinking one day... I saw a couple places where people posted "Recommended Reading Lists," and I started counting off the books I had read. Then I started thinking about needing/wanting to read more again. But, then, I started to wonder.... was I really better off when I was reading a lot? I mean, certainly I knew more.... But did it help? I don't know. I could probably argue both ways.
One thing I like about the church we are kinda sorta attending right now - they have this saying, "We're not a perfect example, but at least we're a living example." They have these things they call 'pilgrimages' where they invite other churches to come and see how they do the whole 3dm/missional sorta stuff. They admit up front that they struggle in a LOT of areas, but they're willing to offer what they do have for others to see/experience.
It struck me that this is basically all my blog is. I am not a perfect example of a follower of Jesus (or a person, for that matter), but at least I'm a living example. At least I'm willing to put my shit out there for people to see. You can criticize me if you like for being too open, or sharing too much, or... whatever...... But I am who I am, and I'm willing to live my life in front of you and God and everybody else (as much as you can do that through the interwebs).
So, that seems like a lot of stuff that just puked out through my fingers. I'll just stop there. I don't think I'm even going to re-read it. Life... hmm.
1 comment:
I wonder if some of these rituals you miss WANTING to do, as disciplined and cultural as they may have been, were traded for some peace of mind.
I mean, let's face it, you were super stressed [insert Kramer's hand flying away here] and needed some escape from it.
While reading, running, playing the guitar, etc are all excellent pursuits, they have fallen off naturally for some reason, and you kind of lament that because those things helped you when you needed help, maybe. But what if you just don't need that much help any more? It may be worse some day--as much as those mf's don't deserve it, I'm sure you'll even wrestle off that bear of betrayal and forgive those unworthy mf's (yeah, I know I said it twice, I'm not a Pastor).
So I think you're looking back at your old life, which, for you is as easy as scrolling down the screen, and romanticizing those things from a distance w/o seeing the burden you carried at the time. But some of that was self-medicating stress. Stress goes, so do they.
So, while I fully endorse endorphines... and dolphins... sorry. While I fully endorse running for it's health benefits, the fact that you gained some weight is actually, if you think about it, a GOOD thing! As Dennis Miller said: "the fat guy is the canary in the mineshaft of freedom." (although minDshaft is more fitting) Referring to how lean everyone is in a warzone, but chubby where it's safer. Now you can ELECT to lose it again.
Sorry Dan, you're just going to have to give up the stress, I know it's been there for a long time, but we're all doing something else now so get with the program.
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