Tuesday, September 01, 2015

A restorative marriage

I read Donald Miller's 'Scary Close' a week or so ago, and there were many things in it that I liked. One in particular was around p. 195 where he talked about writing out a vision statement for his marriage. I don't believe I've ever done such a thing, or really even thought about it, but Jane and I have possibly operated from such a mindset at different times in our lives. You know, we both wanted to accomplish something together - other than just being married.

This is what Don wrote about his vision for his marriage:
I wanted our marriage to be a restorative marriage, and I wrote down some core values Betsy and I could live by. I wrote down we'd be a couple that didn't do the math in our relationship, meaning we'd avoid the temptation to think about who owes the other what. I wrote down the goal of creating a home where people could come and be restored, and a place she and I could walk into and feel safe and comfortable - not just because of the furniture, but because we'd be intentional about restoring whatever the world had done to tear us down. I wrote that with the money we spent we'd always ask whether what we were buying would help us restore each other or restore other people. Everything in our marriage would be about restoration.

Damn, isn't that beautiful!? I love that, and would like to have a marriage like that too. Honestly, we have both been pretty beat up for far too long, and I want to see us move on. I don't know that we need to be just like Don and his wife, but I like the whole restoration idea. Good stuff.