Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Isaac and ricci's third anniversary

Today is son Isaac and his bride Ricci's 3rd wedding anniversary. I wrote about the whole wedding event HERE (complete with the awesome wedding video). That was such a great time.

They are still living in Atlanta where the boy is finishing up his Masters degree and working on getting into a PhD program. Ricci is still teaching at the same elementary/middle school she's been at. I would guess life is busy and good for them.

In reminiscing about their wedding day I am honestly a little torn. That was the summer I was forced to resign from my church, and we went through so many emotions as a family. It was also one of the best summers I'd ever had. At the time of the wedding specifically, I had just been released and declared healthy by my counselor, I was reading Bob Goff's book 'Love Does,' I was running regularly, and feeling really good physically and mentally. I also felt very free at the time. While it stung to be betrayed by so many friends, there was a sense of relief at not being the pastor-on-a-pedestal anymore.

However, in light of where I am today, this is not how I thought things would transpire. I did not expect to never pastor a church (or preach) again. I did not expect to be ignored and seemingly left for dead by so many former colleagues. I did not expect to find myself trapped in a dead-end job where I hated going to work most days.

I was just saying to Tom yesterday that I was feeling pretty humbled lately that I've not had one single person/church ask about my availability as a pastor. I don't know that I could do it, but I did at least think I'd be considered for some openings. And I've only had 1 person even ask me to do pulpit supply for them. I guess maybe I had a little higher view of myself than I should have. I guess maybe I was way worse than I'd ever thought. So I'm not feeling the best about myself right now.

Then I was reminded by Facebook this morning of something I posted in 2011. Apparently I said:
"What if we measured our successes not by the things we accomplished but by the kind of person we were?"
I think it's a good quote (and ideal), but it doesn't make me feel any better about myself. I'm not all that happy with the kind of person I've become (and apparently was). I didn't expect this to happen. So.... I dunno.

Anyway, there I go again, making this about me instead of who it should be about. So, today I pray that Isaac and Ricci are becoming the kind of people they hope to be. Successful not because of their achievements, but because of who they are.